Pippin Catches a glimpse of Aragorn's well kept secret. One Shot. Rated T for mature material (self harm).
(I know I have two other stories going and I really ought to finish one of them before I start a new one but this kept popping into my head so I guess I have to write it out.)
The fellowship had been walking towards the Mines of Moria for several days now. Even though he was happy to be out of the snow, Pippin couldn't help shuddering every time he thought of what lay ahead.
"Stop worrying so much, you know Gandalf and Strider and the others wont let anything happen. Cheer up Pip." he constantly told himself.
They set up camp for the night near a small river. Sam immediately began preparing potato stew for dinner.
After they had eaten, each man, hobbit and dwarf began to prepare themselves for bed. Legolas set himself up by the fire, for he was the first watch, Aragorn disappeared behind the river bend to scout out their path for tomorrow and the hobbits began rolling out their sleeping clothes. Sam nudged Pippin with his toe "Mr. Pippin, can you be a good help to me and wash these dishes?" and pointed to the pile of dishes.
Grumbling, Pippin took the dishes and walked towards the river.
"I always do them. For just once I would like to see Legolas do them, or Frodo or Gimli but no its always "Mr. Pippin can you wash these dishes for me?" Do them yourself Samwise Gamgee! Im not your-"
But his thoughts were cut off by a bright something in the water that caught his eye. Pippin put down the pot he was rinsing and looked closer; it was blood. Though it only was a thin line, it still flowed with an intensity that indicated that whoever's or whatever's blood it was was injured badly. Immediately he felt a sense of panic rise up in him.
"Is someone hurt? Are there orcs? What do I do?" He thought to himself.
"If someone is hurt, I should help them." He said outloud, trying to calm himself for he wasnt one for brave deeds. Then he stood up stuffing the dish towels in his pocet, taking a large frying pan with him (just in case) and began to follow the stream upwards.
He had not gone more than twenty paces when he came across a peculiar site: Strider, kneeling on the bank of the river. He had both wrists submerged in the water, a thin line a blood was trailing from them. Strider's vanbraces, which he always wore, were put off to the side and next to them, was a small hunting knife. It blade was covered in dark, shiny blood.
Pippin quietly took two steps closer towards Strider to see exactly what was causing the ranger to bleed so profusely and gave an involuntary gasp of horror for what he saw chilled him to the bone. Up and down Strider's wrists were cuts. And somehow, deep down Pippin knew that they were no accident.
"Oh Mr. Strider, whatever happened to you to cause you so much pain?" He thought sadly, but he had not the courage to ask such a question out loud.
Strider remained where he was. Pippin slowly walked towards him, and when he was close enough, put a hand on the man's shoulder. Strider jumped with surprise, making the water splash. Pipping kneeled down next to him.
"Hello Mr. Strider." He said softly.
Strider would not look the little hobbit in the eye, for he was ashamed at what was written across both wrists. Each cut across his wrist represented his deepest darkest insecurities and failures. Ever since he had learned of his fate he had continuously feared and doubted himself. Eventually those doubts and fears had built up too much inside of him and he had resorted to the blade for release. He had kept it a secret, even from Elrond and his brothers, by hiding the scars under his vanbraces. No one ever knew, no ever suspected, until now. The hobbit sitting next to him had found him out. What would he say? Would he tell the others?
Fortunately, Pippin was not one to judge. He quietly reached into the river and pulled Aragorn's hands out, and dabbed them dry with his washing towel. As he did this, he saw not only the new cuts but also many scars that were scattered up and down the ranger's wrists.
He then took his last two handkerchiefs out of his other pocket and neatly wrapped them around the new cuts. Strider winced softly as the hobbit secured the handkerchiefs.
After he was done bandaging both wrists, Pippin looked at Strider's face. The man wouldn't even look at him, he was so ashamed. Pippin reached out and put his hand under Strider's chin, bringing his eyes to meet his.
"I don't know your whole story, Mr. Strider but from what I see I can tell you have been hurting. You are a great man, you do not deserve this."
Strider turned his head away from Pippin and looked down at his bandaged wrists.
"But I do." He whispered
"Why do you have so little faith in yourself? You have been nothing by valiant, brave and strong these past few weeks."
Strider sighed. "You will not understand."
"Try me." Pippin challenged.
Strider sighed again. He was so tired of hiding, so tired of pretending he was alright.
"You do not need to go into detail, Mr. Strider. I just want to understand so I can help." Pippin added, suddenly afraid that his words before had been too harsh. To his surprise, the man nodded and turned to face him. Their eyes met for a second but then Strider looked to the ground. Then Strider began to talk;
" When I was a child in Imladris-Rivendal I was often teased by the younger elf children. They called me clumsy, a bumbling human that could never be perfect. I was all alone. Their words of hate always lingered with me, like a cloak that I couldn't throw off. And then I learned of my true heritage. How could I, a man of so many faults be King? It became so unbearable, so heavy that one day I took my hunting knife to my wrist and cut it deep into my flesh. That was the beginning."
"Oh Mr. Strider" was all Pippin could say.
"Every time I felt doubt, every time something went wrong I would cut to relieve my pain and now I cannot seem to stop." Aragorn eyes yet again met Pippins with a pleading look. "I do not know what to do." he whispered softly, voice heavy with emotion. He leaned his head in and rested it on Pippin's shoulder.
Pipping put a reassuring hand on the man's back. "Its alright, Mr. Strider. Do not give up hope." He whispered. After a few minutes Strider leaned back into the sitting position. They sat there in silence for a little while, the only sounds were the from the river and the wind in the trees.
Pippin did not know what to say next. The man's tale had shaken him down to the very core. It made him sad to see such a strong person fall so easily at the fault of others. Mr. Strider needed his help, but he didn't know how to help him. Finally he sighed, and then said
"You are one of the strongest men I know, and I do not think that you are clumsy or bumbling or whatever else those elflings called you. And anyone who thinks that does not deserve to be your friend. I think you will make an excellent King. You have lead us this far without fault, and that is definitely something to be proud of."
Then Pippin took both of Strider's hands in his carefully, for he did not want to disturb the bandages on his wrists. He looked the man in the eye and said
"I am no good at coming up with clever solutions to problems, I am a simple creature. But Ill make you a promise, and in return you have to promise me something, alright?
Strider nodded shakily, and Pippin saw a tear fall from his eye.
"My promise to you is that I will try the hardest to make sure no more scars become a burden on those wrists. I will try my hardest to support you in any way possible. You have my faith until the very end, Mr. Strider. But only, if you promise that if you ever feel like you need to cut, to come talk to me. Don't do this to yourself anymore. We will figure out a solution that will not cause you any more harm. I will always be here for you, and so are the others. We are a fellowship. We will always watch out and take care of each other."
Strider nodded again, but remained silent. Pippin squeezed the ranger's hands that were still held in his.
"Do you promise?" he asked
Strider nodded and looked up, "Yes,my dear friend." and smiled slightly.
Pippin smiled back then handed Strider his van braces. Strider carefully put them on over the bandages.
"Please dont tell the others. In time, they shall know but it is too soon for me now." Strider requested.
"Your secret is safe with me" Pippin promised, smiling at his friend.
It was not until then that Pippin noticed how dark it had gotten.
"Oh my, I still have all those dishes to get to! Excuse me, Mr. Strider but if I dont get to them right away, Sam will have my head." He stood up, and patted the ranger's back.
Strider looked up at him and smiled. "Thank you, my friend."
-THE END-
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