I am so sorry that this has taken so long. Honestly I've had the majority done for months, but couldn't bring myself to finish it or publish it. In the middle of writing such a chapter, it became too painful to continue for a long time. I've had several serious personal crisis since the new year, and am still trying to adjust in my new situations. Thank you for your continued patience. I'll try to live up to your expectations, and promise that I wont leave this story unfinished so long as I am able to write. Sorry for the shortness of this chapter. I'll make it up to you later.

Chapter 3

Tortuga was as disgusting as ever. Men everywhere were chasing after loose women, fighting, indulging in strong drink and showing the foulest side of human nature. James Norrington sat in the midst of it all and didn't bat an eyelash. It was no worse than anything he'd seen every day for the past few months since he'd come to be there. Perhaps the most alarming thing was that he actually didn't mind it all so much anymore.

James was drunk. More drunk than he had been in a long time, which was saying something seeing as how he spent the grand majority of his days staring at the bottom of a bottle. He heard someone giggling close by and then nearly fell out of his seat when Desiree bumped into him. She was wearing far too much makeup as normal, and her dress was even more gaudy and frilly than the ones of the past week. All together she looked like a cheap whore. Which she happened to be.

"Oh James! It's good to see you as always. I must say, it's nice to have some regular company around." She clutched at his arm and pressed her ample bosom against him. James was not swayed by her attempts at seduction and continued with his drink.

"Desiree, as I've told you time and again, it was a moment of weakness. It will never happen again. Now be off with you." He pulled his arm free of her grasp with a sharp tug. Desiree scowled and clenched her fists into the fabric of her skirt.

"Oh, and those other girls aren't one time mistakes? I've seen you with Veronica at least three times!" She spat her words out in anger. James didn't look her way and spoke with a nonchalant tone.

"It's none of your business who I associate with. And as I chose to spend my time with people of a more gentle nature, you clearly don't qualify." Desiree's mouth fell open and she glared at the former Commodore, clearly affronted.

"Well I never! Just what are you insinuating James Norrington?" James seemed to sigh and finally turned to look at Desiree.

"You, Desiree, are no lady." As Desiree stormed off James turned back to the bar and gave a half sigh. He was certainly no Gentleman. Not anymore.

One year previously

James stared out the window into the beautiful blue sky. It was a lovely day, absolutely stunning, and perfect for sailing. It was time to be off. He'd given Jack the head start he'd promised; a gift for helping to rescue his fiancée. No, that wasn't right. Former fiancée. No, that wasn't exactly true either. Former promised. That worked. James groaned and let his pounding head fall into his hands. He wasn't a drinking man, but had spent the last day or so locked in his room with only a bottle for company. He was tempted to drink the hangover into submission but knew his men needed him as alert as possible for their departure; their confident and strong Commodore. James knew that he kept his emotions hidden from those around him, but he wasn't the cold emotionless man everyone believed him to be. Whether she believed it or not, he truly loved Elizabeth. If he didn't than he'd never have given his permission for Will to take her. The only things that mattered to James were the sea and Elizabeth's happiness. She was happy with Will.

James stood and walked to the window, hands clasped behind him. Elizabeth knew little about proper courtship and betrothals, but James wasn't going to let that stand in the way of what would make her happy. Even at the expense of his own happiness.

There was a knock on the door and James sighed. Of course he couldn't have these last moments to himself. Someone always demanded his attention. "Come in." He called, not turning to see his guest. He heard the door open and close behind him quietly and then there was a curious moments pause.

"James?" The quiet whisper caused his blood to freeze in his veins. No, surely God wouldn't be so cruel as to inflict this upon him. "James?" came the voice again and he closed his eyes in response. He didn't have the strength to deal with this now. A hand gently touched his sleeve and James forced himself to turn and face his tormenter. Elizabeth looked as beautiful as ever, gazing with concerned eyes into his own. "James? Are you alright?"

"I am well Miss Swann. To what do I owe the pleasure of your visit?" James distanced himself from the young lady and tried to not show the pain that was eating at the hole in his chest. He had enough experience putting on his professional face to know that he appeared calm and collected.

Elizabeth clasped her hands in front of her and looked down at the floor. "I wanted to come and… I… don't know what to say." She stuttered. Norrington looked at her with eyes that betrayed nothing and waited. " I wanted to thank you. For everything." Elizabeth looked up and his heart stilled for a moment. She looked so earnest. "Thank you, for saving me and Will. And for being such a good friend. And for allowing me to…"

"Think nothing of it Miss Swann." He interrupted. He didn't want to hear the words out loud. "You are welcome. I am glad you are safe and happy." As he looked at Elizabeth he realized how very young she was. Except for her recent incident with the pirates she had very little experience with the real world. She'd been cradled her entire life and given whatever she wanted. Everything was taken care of for her. She hadn't even been interested or involved in the formal arrangements of their engagement. While she hadn't accepted his proposal until they were at sea, they'd actually been betrothed long before then. The formal paperwork and agreement had been settled between him and Governor Swann week prior to his proposal. He'd never thought she'd refuse, and believed she would be happy with the arrangement. James knew asking her was polite, and felt she would appreciate the gesture. However, it was actually her father's decision that mattered. They'd been formally engaged for two weeks before his promotion. James had wished to wait until he was Commodore until he joined hands with Elizabeth. She knew none of this. She felt a simple exchange of words was all it took to make an engagement for a lady like her. Thus he played along with her belief and didn't allow her to be burdened by the facts. James doubted that Turner even knew the proper course of action and thus being silent allowed the young lovers to be together in happiness.

Elizabeth stepped closer to him, pulling him out of his thoughts. "James, I know we've been friends for a long time and honestly hope I haven't jeopardized that with my actions. Your friendship means the world to me." Norrington pulled back again, giving him the distance he so desperately needed.

"Miss Swann, you have nothing to fear. I will always be your friend." He turned and walked to the window. "Now, I do apologize but I'm afraid I must make the final preparations for my departure."

"Yes. Of course." He heard her quiet response. Then she approached him again. "James, I…please look at me." He sighed and turned to find her standing much closer than he'd believed. With the window there was nowhere to escape and he began to feel the throbbing in his head worsen as his blood raced. Unbelievably Elizabeth stepped closer. They were far closer than was proper for their situation. James stared at her, confused. "I…be careful James. Don't do anything dangerous. Please… I…." Suddenly her arms were wrapped tightly around his waist and her face buried in his chest. James stood frozen, shocked and confused. Then, slowly he carefully wrapped his arms around her and lowered his head to rest on hers. He knew this was not proper and he should push her away, but as always, she affected him so. He just wanted to feel this before he left.

"Elizabeth…" He whispered, breathing in her scent. After a moment she pulled away and moved to the door.

"I'm sorry. I just…I didn't want you to think…James…I, I do care for you." And with that she quickly left. James stood, staring at the door in complete shock. A sharp pain ripped through his chest and he leaned against his desk with his eyes closed. The empty feeling that had plagued him the past two days was gone and replaced by a burning ache; so similar to being run through with a sword that James was tempted to look for the offending weapon. It was so much easier to believe she didn't care. He thumped his fist against the desk in frustration and pain. It was not right that she had this control over him. Glancing over at his cabinet, he decided his crew would have to get along that morning with a smashed captain.

"Lost in thought again Captain?" A voice pierced James' memories and brought him back to the dirty and dingy bar he sat in. Blinking he turned to see the lovely Veronica smiling at him sadly.

"Veronica. Pull up a stool and join the fallen." Despite what Desiree thought, he and Veronica were friends. They had been together, but that was only once. Veronica had a little more decorum than many of the whores that were easily found throughout the port. She tended to dress more conservatively, for a whore at least, and her makeup was never as gaudy as the other girls. Her light brown hair was kept pulled out of her face, and her soft blue eyes shone with kindness. She was often in demand for the slightly more respectable types, wanting to imagine they had a soft spoken lady for the night. James still wasn't exactly sure how Veronica had come to be in such a place when she had the presence of one with a higher upbringing. She always turned the conversation in James' way. In Veronica James had found a friend and confidant. She was the only one in Tortuga who knew why he was now a mess of a man instead of a proud Commodore. Also, she was the only one to get a small smile out of James in months. She allowed him to feel a little bit like himself again. The only problem was that James did not wish to feel like himself at the moment. If fact he was rather trying to forget who he was. Still Veronica was his friend and one does not turn their back on a friend. He winced at that thought. 'One should not turn their back on a friend' He amended.

"So what has your head in such a gloom that you haven't been sober since Sunday?" Veronica asked, motioning the bar tender for a drink.

"She's married, Veronica. Bleeding married." He slammed the bottle onto the counter. "Got married on a Sunday, just like her Mother. Her Father walking her down the aisle, just as he hoped. And joining hands with that confounded blacksmith, just like she wanted." His nails were drawing blood in his palms, but James couldn't bring himself to care. "It should have been me there, Veronica. It was supposed to be me." Veronica gently laid a hand on his arm.

"I'm sorry James. I'm so sorry you have to go through this. I know it hurts." James turned his head towards her, brow furrowed still in anger.

"Really. You know?" He laughed harshly. "What would a girl like you know of having your life ripped out from below you by the one person you trusted to share it with? You've never been in a place to have such a thing." Veronica recoiled from him, breathing in sharply. James instantly felt horrible at what he'd said. "I'm so sorry. I don't know why I said that. I know nothing of you life or what you've gone through. Please forgive me."

Veronica gave a small smile and settled back into her seat, taking the bottle that had just been placed in front of her. "Of course James. I forgive you." She took a long swig and set the bottle down again, but still clutched it in her hands, staring at it. "I wasn't always a whore. I was married once. Still am perhaps." She lifted her eyes towards the ceiling and sighed. "Unless he's dead."

James didn't know what to say. He was dumbstruck in horror for his friend, and kicked himself for dumping his sorrow onto her. "Oh Veronica. I'm…"

"Don't say sorry. Don't say that James." She interrupted with an edge to her voice, then gave a laugh that lacked any humor. "I've heard that too much and it does no good. I don't want pity. I should have known better. It is my fault I am here now." She lifted the bottle to her lips again and James noticed her hands were shaking slightly. "I haven't told anyone but the Madam of The Scarlett House this James. Not sure how to go about it." She paused and closed her eyes, letting out a sigh. "I suppose it started when I was 18."

"I had just turned 18 and was sent to my Aunt's house to stay for a time. She was to teach me more about becoming a lady and the responsibilities of a wife. I had never been away from home, away from my family and was excited for the adventure of it all. I became friends with the local girls and enjoyed myself immensely. But then I met him. David Alejandros Portas. He was exotic to me; I'd never met someone who was Spanish before. The girls warned me of him. Said he was a ladies' man and would take advantage of any girl who would let him. Said he was a sailor and that he'd ruined girls in other towns before. But he was so charming and had the most intoxicating voice I'd ever heard. When he sung I felt things I'd never felt before." Veronica bit her lip and glanced up at James. "I'd lived a very sheltered life you see." James nodded in understanding. "David told me he loved me and would give anything for me to be his. He proposed only a few weeks after meeting me, but I was so enthralled by him that I accepted. Drenched with love, I ignored my Aunt's protests and refusals to accept his offer for my hand. I grew impatient with my friends and family telling me that it was wrong. I only thought they were trying to stand in the way of my love for him."

Behind them a brawl had started and the noises of breaking glass and swearing sailors filled the air. A man fell against the bar beside Veronica with a knife in his shoulder. He pulled it out and lunged back into the fray with frightening enthusiasm. Veronica sighed and pulled James to a shadowy corner where they would not be bothered. When they were settled she continued.

"David and I ran away one night and sailed off to another port. We were married by the captain of the boat. He was an old shipmate of David's and laughed through the entire short ceremony. We ended up in a tiny village where David found work as a fisherman, and I became a cleaning woman for the people. I was not used to hard work. It was extremely hard and I cried every night, holding my battered hands and my fish smelling husband. It only took him two months till he was completely frustrated by my lack to skill and ability to adjust. It did not matter to him that I'd never lived this way before, that I was still very much a child. David said he loved me still, and I could tell he meant it. But that didn't prevent him from seeing other women. I caught him on three occasions with different girls he'd found somewhere. I don't know how many others there were. He said he didn't want to hurt me, but it was hard to resist the beautiful women around our village. The last time I found him and a red head in bed I just collapsed and sobbed, feeling overwhelmed and wishing I'd listened to my Aunt. David was stricken with guilt and he promised he'd stop fooling around and be faithful.

"We wanted a fresh start. So he packed up our things and told me we would find somewhere new to start over. I was so relieved and excited until we landed here. He told me that he was going to find another boat to take us somewhere better, and then disappeared for days. I finally went looking for David and found him leaving on a ship with another woman." Veronica closed her eyes and lowered her head. "He looked at me but didn't say anything. Just pulled the woman closer and stood there on the deck as the ship pulled away with the emptiest expression on his face. I heard her ask who I was and why I was staring at them and crying, but he didn't answer. She turned and left for elsewhere, but David stayed and leaned against the railing. He looked as if he would say something but then shrugged, put his hands in his pockets and gave me a sad look. We kept our eyes locked on each other till he was out of sight. I stood there on the dock long after the ship had disappeared. That was the last time I saw my husband."

James sat in frozen horror staring at his friend completely at a loss for words. Veronica turned and saw his expression. She smiled sadly and stroked his cheek. "I'm sure you can guess what happened next." She shrugged and finished her drink. "I've grown used to it I suppose. It's not the best life, but there are happy moments." Veronica gave James' arm a squeeze. "For instance, I have a good friend in you." James managed to give her a small smile. The two sat in silence, watching the bar fight late into the night.