Disclaimer: I do not own Jackie Chan Adventures

Betaed by: the reliable Zim'smostloylaservant

Chapter 5

A New Normal?

Viper looked into their room's dresser mirror and did not like what she saw. It was a human, certainly, but not her. Taller, and clearly Chinese. Frowning, Viper fingered the gold pedant etched with a dragon zodiac sign dangling around her neck by a cord.

"Couldn't you make it look like me?" Viper asked.

"Possibly, but you aren't the only one in here right now. Besides, you'll turn far more heads with those fine features," Fei said.

"That sounds a bit racist," Viper prodded.

"I am older than your prejudices, don't lay them on me. Besides, as a demon I am hardly bound to respect the fluxing nature of human morality. In my day, selling your daughter for a good measure of rice wasn't just legal, it could be seen as a wise action reflecting a responsible patriarch."

"She's not changing it, Viper. Just accept it," Jade pleaded. She wanted Viper on her side, she really did. But the thief was just not shutting up with the complaints! Jade was also along for the ride, but she wasn't making it more miserable, seemingly on purpose.

"Don't pout, Viper. You are lucky to be possessed by a demon of my caliber. You think some common haunt would be able to make a glamour pendant that withstands mirrors?" Fei said, taking over and giving the reflection an appreciative look. And making some adjustments with her hands.

"Stop that!" Viper snapped pulling their hands away.

"Why?" Fei demanded, exasperated, planting those same hands on their hips.

"That should go without saying," Viper fumed.

"Spoiled mammal," Fei grumbled, but turned away from the mirror. Pushing back a sleeve on the gown, she looked at the gold wristwatch she was wearing, "Well, time for lunch then. We can get some potent potions cooking."

"Hold on," Jade said, stopping them as Fei almost reached the door.

"What now? You want to add your pound of salt against my alluringness too?" Fei growled.

"No. I'd like to, but it's futile. And don't interrupt, Viper! Listen Fei, whatever, I am bored, Viper is, and I think you are. We've got a disguise now. So why not use it and do SOMETHING," Jade pleaded.

"These clothes would hardly blend in, even in Frisco," Viper pointed out.

"Hmm, so do something and my gown not being acceptable. It seems you want to go shopping," Fei declared, grinning like she was about to bite someone's head off.

"I was thinking something… Fun," Jade answered.

"It's better than being cooped up here," Viper sighed.

Later, Louis' All Sizes Lovely Emporium:

"So, girlfriend?" the portly owner said to Ratso as they waited outside the changing room.

"Oh, God no. It's crazy enough dealing with her as a boss," Ratso said, seated on a stool next to the changing room door.

"Mhm, first time anyone asked me if they could pay in gold," the tailor and store owner remarked, fiddling with the tape measure draped over his neck.

"Surprised you said yes."

"Poppa always told me, never refuse a customer just because they are difficult and never refuse a valid payment just because it's extra work. So, what's she do, exactly?" the man asked.

"I'd tell you, but then I'd have to kill ya," Ratso remarked, turning a page in the magazine he clearly wasn't reading.

"Ohh, very mysterious," the man grinned.

X X X

They emerged from the shop wearing a green Chinese dress with gold trimmings. Despite having checked it in the store's mirrors, Fei turned to look at her reflection in the storefront window, adjusting the gold-framed sunglasses she was wearing.

"Vain much," Jade snarked.

"She is a demon," Viper snarked in turn.

"You're both just jealous. And Viper is angry, and surprised, they had stuff in my size," Fei said, gesturing to her chest.

"I'm not," Ratso remarked from where he stood, holding the boxes and bags, "This place isn't just for size, it's for money. Lotta ladies probably get work done coming here."

"Well, I doubt their work is as good as mine. I made Viper's body into a real head-turner," Fei said, striking a pose and winking at a man who was glancing as he walked by through the reflection.

"…You know, I sometimes wonder how much less awkward it would be if we ended up with a dude dragon demon," Ratso remarked.

"Probably less awkward, but you wouldn't like the trip," Jade answered.

"Okay, I changed my mind. Let's get this thing back to the lab before the genius starts looking for a red light district or something," Viper groaned, their body sagging in despair. Only to perk back up as Fei took control, grinning slightly.

"Oh, is there-?"

"NO!" Jade and Viper yelled.

"…never ask how your life can get any weirder, buddy," Ratso said to a random guy walking by as his boss had a seeming angry conversation with herself to a casual observer.

X X X

When Shendu had possessed Jade's body, he made tea and probably was doing his level best to act like a good Chinese child based on what he knew. Hsi Wu had conned her good impersonating a kid, even introducing himself with a basic but well-delivered zinger against Drew. And apparently Xiao Fung had been quite able to play the role of prison inmate to try and smoothly break Shendu/Valmont out rather than risk being saddled with the quest himself. So, demons could shed the demony act, Jade knew.

Still, this was weird.

They had ditched Ratso, sending him back with Fei's spoils. Fei had asked questions on choices, but really only cared about her own opinions. For example, Fei was flatly opposed to pants, either finding them too scandalous or too concealing. She was not committing to either reason, but point was, no trousers in the lot. And all of it high end stuff — apparently she still saw herself as something of royalty, and that meant dressing above commoners.

So yeah, no pants and nothing plain or really normal. The best victory Viper and Jade had been able to claim was putting the stop to Fei considering an "exotic" western princess gown outfit. Ugh. Not that Jade felt good about supporting her argument by playing on a hunch that Fei saw China as "superior". But even not in her body, she wanted to draw the line somewhere.

And now, having gotten a new outfit and disguise well in place, the dreaded Jade Dragon seemed to simply be walking about town, displaying herself to the peasants. So yes, vanity was so in play with this demon. It made her a bit nostalgic for Shendu's take over the world "you can't stop me" brand of arrogance.

Trying to ignore her situation, Jade didn't notice where they had ended up until they passed a familiar grocery store.

Fei had taken them to Chinatown.

'I need to get to Jackie!' was her knee-jerk thought. But Jade quickly let it slide away — even if she could wrestle total control of the body for long enough, what could she do to convince her family to listen to her? She could claim knowledge of Jackie getting his scar and losing it to time travel, but would that be enough? Had that even happened for sure here? The Enforcers were more focused on other matters.

And of course, Shendu was set up to run interference right there in the shop. Fei could easily pull that trickster demon bit, too. And Viper was being so villainy this time…

'Okay then, time to be honest. If caught or in a situation of captive audience, it would be worth a try. But until then, it's more likely to see me sharing whatever happens to the Jade Dragon.'

So reluctantly, even bitterly, resolved, Jade only took the helm to ask a question.

"Why are we here? This is Chan turf," Jade said.

"While we are out, I decided some proper tea would be in order. Chinatown seems the best place," Fei answered, smirking. If the basketball player-sized woman talking to herself was drawing interest, people weren't showing it. Ah, the big city, gotta love it, Jade noted.

"So what, you're just going to pick at random? Lots of chintzy tourist places around here," Jade remarked. She had not been much for teahouses herself, but Uncle had regularly ranted about the quality or lack thereof whenever she ventured out for tea not homemade.

"Of course not. My superior sense of smell will guide me to the best tea, and then I shall drink it," Fei declared smugly.

"Don't you mean my sense of smell? And it's all pretty much hot leaf juice sometimes with spices, isn't it?" Viper remarked.

"…Be quiet," Fei growled.

"There's more to tea than that, Viper," Jade had to say. Because, well, there was. She might not value it like Uncle did, but still.

"…Coffee's better," Viper snapped, before going quiet.

Soon enough, Fei was inspecting storefronts, occasionally ducking her head into the stores themselves, but never properly entering. The demon was on the prowl, and didn't seem in a hurry, and while she tended to cut through pedestrians, possibly from her height, Jade noted her stepping aside to keep a group of children from brushing her.

A smile on her face, Fei Cui Huo actually looked like she was having fun.

"Ah ha!" Fei declared, swooping into a store.

It was a cramped store, but not untidy-looking. Maybe full was a better word than cramped. The air was pleasantly thick, with the smell of herbs, spices, and of course dominating the main aisle, containers of tea. Smiling at the sight, Fei looked it over before turning her attention to bundles of dried herbs arrayed atop the shelves.

"Good selection," Fei commented.

"Weren't you after a teahouse?" Jade asked.

"Changed my mind," Fei snapped, before returning to her inspection at a slow pace.

"Good evening, miss, are you looking for something?" asked the storeowner, a Chinese woman just edging into middle-aged, wearing a nice but not too nice outfit with an apron.

"Yes, your finest tea. And I will want to sample to ensure it is worthy of that title. And a selection of these herbs. Do you have any dried animals as well?"

The cascade of demands did not disturb the shopkeeper, who only smiled and nodded.

"No dried animals, but I can certainly point you in the right direction. But first, let's see to your tea. I have the finest selection for a true-"

"Aiyah, such lies!" an old man's voice tore through the scene.

"No way," Jade muttered, as Fei lost her grip to surprise. Stepping aside from the shopkeeper's glare, she turned to see none other than Uncle there, holding a tea tin.

"Finest selection? Uncle getting willies from your slander. Most overpriced selection!"

"You! Have you forgotten last time?!"

"Never! But two best shops closed due to vacation and sick children. So Uncle must stoooooop to dealing with charlatan who can't even prepare tea properly!"

"Bah, you merely stand solid with old men against a woman running her own shop!"

"Aiyah, tea has no gender and it means nothing to tea! You are greedy and shameless, with fancy store rather than fine product!"

"Ho! A fine storefront makes me lesser than you lot with your shoddy establishments? Trying to con hipsters into thinking rust and chipped paint equals authenticity?!"

"One more thing, tattered cup can hold fine drink, but a mediocrity in the fanciest of cups is still a disappointment!"

"…Get out! Miss, I- miss? You old goat! You scared off my customer, and she looked rich!"

"Ha, she must have seen truth of Uncle's words. One more thing-!"

X X X

"That guy just makes friends everywhere he goes, doesn't he?" Viper commented, as they made their way down the street.

"Of course it would be the wizard, the one who might sense our true nature," Fei griped.

"Enjoyed your little outing?" Tso Lan spoke up. The Jade Dragon paused, took a breath and turned to the storefront of a butcher shop. Jade thought it was bit off-putting to see those demonic faces hanging amidst the meat on display.

"My minions are working on the puzzle box." Fei said.

"And still you could be doing more useful things than this," Bai Tsa hissed.

"Just because you are denied the pleasures of the world, I hardly need to live like a monk."

"True, but it's our concern if you risk yourself as our agent to being caught," Xiao Fung said.

"Oh, and what will you do? You have no other options to threaten me with over petty grievances."

"It's not a threat, just a reminder. We can be watching even if we don't speak, and whether we reunite in the mortal realm or the Netherworld, our ire may determine how much you suffer."

"Indeed, remember your place. One way or the other, the days you could pretend to be a truly royal demon have passed, runt," Dai Gui stated.

They vanished then, and left Fei scowling at the glass.

"…We are heading back."

Uncle's Rare Finds:

Rosa delicately moved each item before spraying the vacated bit of shelf space and wiping it clean with a rag. Once each shelf was done, she ran a finger along the length and inspected it for a hint of gray. If she spotted any, she started over.

"You know it's just going to get dusty again," Shen remarked from where he was sweeping. Rosa frowned, looking at the job he was doing, fiddling with the brightly-colored bandanna she was wearing over her hair.

"How about you pay more attention to your own chores?" she countered. Shen shrugged, looking the antique shop over.

"No amount of cleaning will make this place appeal to a higher bracket than it does now. This is pointless. Though I suppose you need to take this serious as training for a future as a cleaning lady."

"I'm not going to be a cleaning lady!"

"Oh, going for maid then? Don't you need references for that?"

"I am going to be a fierce Luchadora, my name will be known far and wide!"

"Oh, my mistake, I was assuming you wanted a respectable career like cleaning up other people's messes."

"Grrrr," Rosa growled, rolling up her sleeves even more as her eyes narrowed at the smug Chinese boy.

He cocked an eyebrow, and her growl turned into an eep as a large hand gently came down on her head. El Toro let out a sigh.

"You need to keep that temper in check. He teases so bad because it works," he chastised, before shooing her out of the room with him.

"Heh," Shen said, resuming the sweeping only to find his broom meeting a familiar shoe.

"Cleaning lady, really Shen?" Jackie said, giving a minor glare to his nephew.

"Only because she takes it so seriously. She never relaxes; whether it's adventures or laundry, she acts as if it has to be perfect. And she constantly puts that performer on a higher level than you, Jackie."

"Firstly, you know I don't care about any ranking between me and El Toro. And secondly, you could do with a bit more enthusiasm yourself. I gather Rosa has had a tough life, so she wants to make the most of every opportunity," Jackie pointed out. Shen rolled his eyes.

"If it turns into some teary origin story, I might have to take a hiatus. Angst has no place in a cool adventure story."

"Since when do kids use the word hiatus?" Jackie asked.

"Internet," Shen answered.

X X X

When it came to poker, three heads would be better than one. Or they should be. It might have had something to do with how only one of the metaphorical three heads actually knew how to play the card game.

"So, what were those plans you had for my talismans?" Valmont asked, as he raked a pile of gold coins to his side of the table. He then swept them in to a plastic bin next to his chair where it clinked with the others in there.

"Grr, one more round," Fei declared, taking control.

"Really?" Viper asked as Ratso dealt out cards.

"Yeah, any devil's luck you were counting on seems to not be working, Jade," said Fei as Valmont watched them with an inscrutable face.

"Or perhaps when it comes to cards, the Dark Hand holds the flush over the devil's deuce," Valmont remarked.

"Don't get a big head, Valmont, just because you are good at one thing. Remember, I could end you more easily than I modified this body and seize your men and my gold."

"Quite, but you'd run it all into the ground in short order. As you well know. Besides, I doubt your dear family would be pleased at you undermining their cause all for the sake of wounded pride."

"Are you really so foolish as to push me?" Fei demanded.

"Who's pushing? You're free to walk away any time. I'm simply respecting you with my best game; to do otherwise would be an insult."

"Bah," Fei said, throwing down her cards and getting them up from the table.

X X X

Ahh, that wondrous state of relaxation between being awake and falling asleep. Utterly relaxed, barely aware, but able to appreciate just how comfy you felt with everything.

'Bliss,' Jade thought.

"BOSS!" Chow yelled, bursting in.

"Murder," one of the three said, sitting up from the bed and glaring at the shortest Enforcer.

"Uhhh? Box working. Good?" Chow managed, as his grip on words seemed to slip under the glare. The words were received and the tense shoulders drooped.

"Well, time for work then," Viper said, getting them out of bed and adjusting the robe they were wearing.

X X X

"Success," Shen Chan grinned as the most valuable, one of a kind urn replicated before his eyes. He stood on stool before the work bench where Uncle examined and cleaned certain items. Well, Shen had just added another use, replication! Talk about growing your assets, Shen thought with a smile.

This would prove he was wasted on petty cleaning chores. He could contribute in a far more dignified way to the family. Apprentice wizard had quite the fine ring to it. Definitely better than being a fake fighter.

Now he just needed to find a way to get out of school. Rosa's correspondence school might be useful, proof that you didn't need to go to school to get educated. Granted, he didn't want to be seen as following in her footsteps. And getting homeschooled by Jackie felt like it would be taking things from bad to worse somehow. Lessons by Uncle, ugh, that was just a big do not enter sign.

"El Toro, Uncle! The Dark Hand has been spotted in Tokyo!" Jackie called out of sight.

"Showtime," Shen grinned. Hopping down and running off he did not see the two urns glow and become three.

Meanwhile:

Lefevre gave the final count from her pushups with a grunt, before pushing herself up and off the rollout mat. Wiping some sweat from her brow, she walked over to the nightstand, where a tall glass of water was waiting for her.

She had been dialing her work out up a bit. This new realm meant she needed to be sharper than ever when dealing with unexpected situations.

Looking around at what she intended as her longterm hotel room, the PI almost wished she felt homesick for her flat back home. The truth was, she didn't. Homesickness was not something she'd ever suffered from over places; if anything, she missed positions more. Did that say something bad about her?

Teams had never been a good fit for her. To dispense with false modesty, she was too good. As a child at play, the games she liked were too complex for other children to bother with. And the ones they liked seemed stupid to her. In school, she had loathed group projects, where she either carried everything or was dragged down. She had a well-earned reputation as a teacher's pet and snitch in her school days. Both by the mutual dislike between her and her peers, and her good feelings toward the teachers who were so easy and reasonably pleased.

Sûreté culture was a natural path for her. Her family had been part of law enforcement since Napoleon III's days, and law enforcement struck a cord with her, punishing those who could not simply follow the rules, but more importantly showing them their acts of delinquency were nothing special and easily taken apart. She had little use for her coworkers, other than support and cleanup, and quickly proved that point was well-founded and not vanity. Her record for cases solved and perps wrangled had been spotless.

Until the Viper. The routine of tracking and arresting broken, with the thief leaving her hanging by her ankles from an oak tree in Avignon with nothing but a masked face to show for it. And the trail had gone cold from there. The priceless necklace gone, and the Viper still reigning as a master thief. Her superiors had eventually had to order her to give up a case that had gone cold.

That had ruined her, she could admit now. Her fall from grace had been her breakdown at being not only beaten but utterly outmatched. Truthfully, had strings not been pulled, she would likely have ended up in prison herself for the stunts she pulled. As it was, she had been kicked out of law enforcement in general and crawled into a PI position because she felt anything not related to her old career would be admitting failure again.

Viper getting captured by some archeologist across the Atlantic had meant nothing to her; not a thing. Not until she was hired to find a certain object and crossed paths with the man who did what she couldn't. Of course she recognized him then because it was only natural she learn whatever she could about him. Not that it mattered at all that a professional junk digger had done what one of the best officers of the law in history couldn't. Why would such a technicality matter? Ridiculous!

Lefevre stared at her flask, the polished stainless steel reflecting her face. This team wouldn't end well, either. She shouldn't have said yes. Should have just left with some memorable remark.

She took a nip of the brandy and pressed her hat further down on her head.

"This won't work."

But going it alone seemed a bad idea, with stakes like this. And she could handle it; there would be no doubt about that.

Her phone started ringing, and taking the time to grab a towel to dry her face, she went over to fish it out of her jacket which rested on the bed with yesterday's clothes.

"Yes? Tokyo, eh? There isn't a branch of her family tree labeled Godzilla, is there? …oh, just bring the boy, you know he'll just come along anyway. What good is school if the world becomes a demon-infested Mad Max or something? Well, I actually think that is very much the point!

"What are you going to do, leave a tip even when the restaurant is burning down? Perhaps wash your hands before leaving the bathroom as a goblin tries to steal your butt? Take the time to properly park while pursuing a kidnapper?

"Fine, not the time. I'll be there. But if the kid tags along anyway I will say I told you so."

She hung up and grabbed her jacket, frowning.

"How is someone with such skewed priorities such a badass?" she demanded of the empty room.

Tokyo:

"Well, the Japanese have certainly done well for themselves," Fei said, looking over the bustling Tokyo intersection.

"You're just lucky I was paying attention when the map and riddle appeared," Viper said.

Jade stayed quiet; she had simply lied in the Inner Room about the riddle being different. Good to know she could trick the demon like that.

"Pity V didn't join us, he'd probably be better at the riddle stuff."

"Unfortunately, he won the coin toss. Tohru, you're from here, anything in local lore about cherry blossoms?" Fei demanded.

"Just because I am Japanese, doesn't mean I am from Tokyo," Tohru said unhelpfully.

X X X

Jackie lowered the newspaper as the Dark Hand passed his position on the sidewalk, discussing their lack of direction. So they didn't know where the portal was? That was good. Still, he doubted the Jade Dragon would give up easily, so they needed to move quickly.

"Still have them in sight?" Jackie said into his walkie-talkie.

"Si, we have them," El Toro said.

"They don't know where they are going. Something about cherry trees."

"Well, I'm not seeing many cherry trees around here," the PI said.

"Just keep Shen in sight for now."

X X X

Shen would later be pleased to note that what happened wasn't his fault. The Dark Hand, it seemed, was unsure how to proceed and broke for lunch at a sushi place. Which Tohru seemed to dislike, as he simply stood guard by the door.

Apparently the Jade Dragon had discovered the "all you can eat" restaurant gimmick in here, and combined with deciding to practice elegant regal dining, was making good on it. As lunch gave way to early dinner, something was bound to break with the staking out heroes and equally bored villains.

As it so happened it would be Rosa, who apparently thought a Super Moose hat mask would let her sneak past Tohru. Rather the sumo villain saw through it, or just felt like harassing a kid, as he casually knocked the hat off, revealing a wide-eyed Rosa.

"MY COVER!" she screamed, before kicking Tohru in the shin.

At that point, it was "on", as they would say.

From there came El Toro, and then the Enforcers rushing out, and so it all began. Well, save for Jackie confronting a peeved but still seated Fei Cui Huo.

"Are you a criminal now, Chan?" the Jade Dragon asked him as the confused sushi chef ducked into the back.

"What?"

"It's all you can eat, and I paid for it. Stopping me from eating all I can would amount to stealing, wouldn't it?"

"…"

"Was that supposed to be a joke?"

'You refused to be my warlord for ethics sake, maybe you won't harass me to respect the rules of dining," the Jade Dragon offered. At which point her eyes flashed for a moment.

"He's lawful, not stupid." Another flash.

"Those go together quite often."

"Uhhh, are you alright?"

"Multiple head case, Chan."

"Not all of us are here of our free will."

"Hey, don't go playing the sympathy card, I have first dibs on that."

"I have been stuck with her longer than you have, Viper!" the tone of the voice changed slightly and Jackie noted the flash in her eyes. And Shen's talk on her behaving odd…

"Wait, there are three people in there? Viper?!" Jackie shouted.

"Yes, finally! That's it. These two wanted to body-jack you, but you have some charmed luck, and I ended up hosting the demons who not only won't leave but insist on fixing what isn't broken."

"This is getting awkward, never mind," the Jade Dragon said, taking a deep breath. Instinct saved Jackie as she breathed out powerfully, letting loose a smokescreen. Her fist whistled through the smoke, momentarily dispersing it where his head had been been. Then a knee caught him in the gut and he flew back.

Dazed, he watched a tail sweep over him. Apparently she had expected him to spring to his feet quicker. At which point it occurred to him she seemed to be pretty blinded by the smokescreen. As he wondered how to make use of that, the fire alarm went off and sprinklers activated.

He heard an uncertain step next to his head and twisted on the ground, grabbing the scaley leg under the robe and sending it up and over.

"Chan!" the demon cursed, smashing into a table.

This time, the tail hit him squarely, sending him out of the dispersing smoke and next to a door. The disguised demon stood up, drenched eyes flashing between colors.

"…Bye!" Jackie said to the growling monster, flinging the door open and dashing through it.

Separating them was a good strategy, he decided. If the others could capture one of the Enforcers, they could learn a lot, and keeping this demon away from the children could only be a good thing.

That being said, he did not expect to be confronted with a stairwell only leading up rather than a proper exit.

"Bad day, bad day, bad day!" Jackie practically chanted as he ran up the stairs, the possessed and transformed Viper on his heels. There wasn't anything at hand he could even use as a weapon. Reaching the first door, he pushed, only to find it labeled "Exit Only".

He dodged, and Fei Cui Huo dented as he ran up and to the next. And so it went.

"Does anyone actually use this thing?!" Jackie shouted, before reaching the fourth floor, which lacked the cursed sign. Practically knocking the door aside, he skidded into the hallway beyond to find a short but open space. The section was under construction, renovation or something. The walls were mostly removed, revealing wood structure and steel support beams running straight out to a large balcony.

And he noted a toolbox resting atop two saw horses.

"AHA!" The Jade Dragon said, bursting on the scene, only to squawk in surprise as a hammer flew through the air to hit her in the face.

"Sorry, Viper! I'm sure-" Jackie apologized, rifling through the toolbox.

"Sorry, nothing! I've already got your brat on my list, don't think I'm going to go easy on you just because we both hate this squatter!" Viper shouted.

"Squatter?!" the Jade Dragon protested.

The argument didn't seem to leave them any less able to fight as they rushed at Jackie as he pulled out a broad hacksaw that surprised him on how it had fit in the first place. Lifting it, he deflected the punch and used the rebound to whap her in the face with the metal. Not that it did anything.

"Not your best work, Jackie," the unknown voice snarked.

The demon lunged at him for a bear hug, and Jackie tossed the toolbox onto her foot.

"Gah!" his opponent cried out, and Jackie found himself barely dodging as she pivoted after him on her pinned foot. Without quite realizing what he was doing, Jackie grabbed onto her back, pinning her arms.

And, umm, contact with some other things. He resolved himself even as his face reddened.

"Big mistake, Chan. This body is tougher than yours; I'll just crush you between a rock and a hard place!" the Jade Dragon growled, and hurled herself backward.

Jackie and her glanced back to realize they had pretty much nothing between them and the balcony.

"Waaah!" they screamed together. Jackie pulled up his legs, wrapping them around the demon's stomach as she hit the railing, and knocked it clean away. Which stopped her teetering with her her heels on the edge, with no railing left in reach to grab.

"You tricked me!" Fei Cui Huo shouted.

"Sorry, this is my stop," Jackie said, disengaging and grabbing tightly on her neck as he first kicked her forward to get momentum then swung, his fingers closing over the cord of the medallion she was wearing and tearing it away as he jumped to safety and her balance disappeared. Landing on the balcony, Jackie let out a breath as the demon fell down the side of the building with a cry of rage.

Yeah, he wasn't betting that would kill her, so Viper should be fine enough. Though who was the other one in there? And why was he feeling… tingly, Jackie wondered, looking over the edge to see if the demon was somehow going to fly back up for another round.

X X X

They had taken time to train them all in the body. And say what you will about Fei, it was strong and flexible, though Viper credited that more to it being made from her strong base. So Jade was able to land them clean on their feet… only to realize that they were on a crowded sidewalk and their glamour pendant was still upstairs in Jackie's hand.

So, basketball player-sized dragon woman right there, drawing stares and already a camera flash or two.

Jade glared up at Jackie, because this was awkward and… where was Jackie, she thought, seeing a woman she didn't know looking down at them. Glancing around, thinking he might be down to continue the fight, made her aware of the press.

"Let me take over, mobs can be trouble if they get the press on you," Fei whispered.

"Wait," Jade said, getting an idea seeing a nerdy guy with a Dragon Sphere shirt looking at her with interest more than anything else.

"Lovely day, isn't it? But not as lovely as this work, is it? And just wait until you see the final product on TV!" Jade said, striking a pose.

She could practically feel the crowd relax, along with Fei's confusion. Of course, then came more pictures and questions. People were also loudly guessing what actress was under all that makeup.

'Okay, no riot, but this could still be trouble,' Jade realized as the crowd pressed in.

Then Ratso was there with sunglasses on, spreading his arms.

"Back it up, back it up! This ain't no official event, the lady has a schedule to keep. No spoilers at this time. T-man! Get us some space. Mr. Chow, transport if you please!" Ratso declared with an overblown authority as the Enforcers converged between her and the crowd like a security posse.

Jade was stunned by the good idea, enough that she gave Ratso a thumbs up when he glanced back.

Then Fei shoved her aside and started striking a pose with the body.

Shortly:

"What was that about?" Viper demanded.

They were sequestered back in the safehouse, Fei working on a pendant, etching the metal.

"It's been too long since I was treated with proper respect. I wasn't going to just let it pass by," Fei said, selecting another engraving tool and looking over the bronze disk she was using this time.

"You were practically signing autographs."

"I gave out blessings as well as curses to my subjects as I deemed fit in the old days! Humans never tired of asking for smiting as long as it was someone they hated. Or at least wanted the other human's stuff enough. Point is, I haven't been appreciated in far too long. This time I think I'll make Japan part of my empire. Who knew they had such good taste?"

"Yeah, they thought it was a costume," Jade reminded the Jade Dragon.

"Revering the image is the first step towards appreciating the actual being."

Another Hotel:

"The answer is river," Lefavre said, frowning as she looked at the paper she had swiped from Ratso.

"Are you sure? The riddle was probably not in English to start with," Jackie said, leaning over her shoulder.

"Well, if they are making the same mistake as us, it works out fine. Ideally we nab that box before any big bad demon comes calling," the PI shrugged, pushing the paper aside and unfolding a map of Tokyo.

They were in a hotel room, going over what clues they had after the Dark Hand somehow managed to give them the slip with a tall dragon lady in a major city. Uncle had once again commandeered the bathroom for magic. El Toro was standing awkwardly, trying to decide whether or not to intervene as Rosa chased Shen.

"Get back here, I want to see!" Rosa said, brandishing the glamour pendant.

"Never!" Shen said, ducking behind El Toro's chiseled legs and getting out a roundabout evasion.

"Jackie?" El Toro appealed.

"It's no big deal, I didn't even realize the glamour was on me. It's just an illusion," Jackie said, waving it off but smiling with his back to the pair; Shen could use a bit of humility, and Rosa having the upper hand for a bit might be good for him.

"Oh, you certainly sounded high-pitched when you stopped Looney Tunesing it and realized that was your reflection," Lefavre teased.

"Well, naturally, it's a surprise when you don't expect it," Jackie defended.

"Well, girl-you certainly pulled off khakis well. Do you suppose it's a straight flip, or the spell specifies "pretty Chinese woman"?"

"It's not really relevant in the slightest. And seeing as it didn't glamour you and Rosa into Chinese women, it must just be gender specific."

"So Viper's body was changed that much then? I actually feel sorry for that thief."

"…Being Chinese is making you feel sorry for her after being possessed and transformed into a horrifying demon woman didn't?" Jackie asked.

"Er, no. I mean I just had no idea who was under that magic before. Now that I know who it is, things just seem a bit more, real? I suppose."

"I suppose it does seem like excessive retribution for a thief," Jackie agreed.

"Si, should we consider her a hostage?" El Toro asked, as Rosa tackled Shen on top of the bed, holding the pendant's ribbon in her teeth as she tried to secure the pin.

"We'll need to feel out that situation. Viper is an immoral opportunist who has certainly left partners hanging out to dry, but being cooperative with something like this? I don't know," the Frenchwoman said.

"Haha!" Rosa exclaimed, as the pendant flashed and her match with Shen seemed to become a girl fight.

"Well, I suppose this means Jackie can't lecture me over not holding back now," Shen said, looking like a girl version of himself. He took a swing which made Rosa fall back, but she sprang back into it.

"It does change the voice. I guess the Jade Dragon didn't want that demonic echo effect and such."

Then Uncle burst out of the bathroom.

"Aiyah! Don't waste too much time contemplating vanity of demons! And one more thing, point of disguise is disguise, don't be surprised that it conceals things. And one more thing, children should save energy for forces of darkness. One more thing…"

X X X

"So, this is the place?" Viper asked, as they looked around the island.

The Dark Hand stood assembled in the shrine's courtyard, all on guard and ready for anything. Except for Ratso, who was helping himself to the contents of a nearby food stand, quietly grateful that this particular shrine was a tourist trap.

"Move the Box around, see how it reacts," Fei commanded to Tohru, who was holding the Pan'ku Box and standing a few feet behind her. He obeyed, and began slowly walking around the courtyard for several minutes, until it suddenly came to life. Glowing, it shot a beam of green light at a nearby archway, causing a portion of its surface to change into a keyhole shaped like the trigram currently projecting from the Box. Then, before anyone had even fully registered this, the Box shot out of Tohru's hands and inserted itself into that slot.

"You all might want to step back," Jade commented as the Box started to open. Seeing everyone only move a few steps, she rolled her eyes and added, "No, like, a lot further back."

Lots of the Demon Sorcerers were big, but Jade could admit it was easy to forget how well Po Kong lived up to her title as the Mountain Demon. Her gate was monumental, the green frame seeming like the gate of an overdone palace and the whirling orange magic of the portal itself like a storm barely held at bay by a forcefield.

Then the demon herself emerged.

"My sister returns," Fei said, resuming the lead.

"Must be her big sister," Ratso possibly joked. No one was laughing; she would guess they were shocked, confronted with the reality before them. Po Kong's sheer size broke all sorts of rules, Jade thought. And her form was easily disturbing, bloated yet hard, with oversized lips, pieces of rock or possibly bone jutting from her. Her little hairstyle somehow made it worse, a grotesque bit of refinement to a looming primal menace that felt like it would crush you at any moment.

"Greetings in the flesh, sister Po Kong. As promised, I have liberated you from your long imprisonment."

"So you are not entirely useless. Are these mortals the best offering you could gather? My hunger is truly great after ages having to make due with the void and stones."

Po Kong licked her lips, eyes narrowed in greed. Even Tohru stepped back with the other Enforcers.

"B-Boss lady?!" Finn stammered.

"Oh dear," Fei sighed. Then the door to the shrine burst open, revealing the J-Team at a glance.

"Aiyah?! Portal was outside!"

"Actually, that is my offering, dear sister! J-Team Combo Platter, enjoy!"

"Hmm, a taste of hero to whet my appetite. For once you satisfy, Jade Dragon," Po Kong laughed, turning her bulk to face the heroes.

"Well, retrieve the box and let's get on our way," Fei said, gesturing to where the box was still stuck.

"Huh, but the fight?" Ratso said, while Chow and Finn ran to grab the box. Fei smiled, watching the heroes scatter as Po Kong's swipe destroyed the doorway to whatever kind of temple that was.

"Our mission was to release a demon; it's her party now. My siblings can hardly chastise me for being diligently swift," Fei chuckled as the box was retrieved.

"Works for me. Contract work and not a jot more," Viper piped in.

"My master will be expecting a reward for our part in this," Tohru demanded. Fei slipped back in control and gave the man an annoyed look.

"Better by far you delay any requests until Po Kong's hunger has been sated. After such a long fast from her favorites, it might have been years before she was agreeable to hear Valmont out. Fortunately, the local humans have unwittingly assembled such a feast even she should be more than satisfied in short order."

She punctuated her point by sweeping the sight of Tokyo beyond the river. Tohru's eyes widened.

"Tokyo? But…"

"Yikes, this place is going to look like a Godzilla movie soon enough. But with lipstick or something," Ratso winced.

"More reason to make tracks like boss lady says. In those movies, the human villain tends to get stepped on or something," Finn said.

"Yeah, amscray on the double," Chow agreed as the team started to walk off. Save for Tohru, whose mouth opened slightly, looking at Tokyo and shifting to look at Po Kong as she destroyed the temple and cackled about devouring her opponents.

"Mother… oh, mother," Tohru whispered. He flinched when a hand touched his shoulder.

"T?" Jade said. Then flinched as he brushed her hand off with a slap and scowled at her. Face every inch the thug.

"I must… take care of something before leaving Tokyo. Leave if you wish."

"Kaiju, huh? Never cared for the genre, but I know how it goes. What'd ya say, Viper. Want to get out of the deep water?" Lefavre said, stepping out of the shadows to confront the two of them.

Viper surged to the front.

"You. Finally found a team pathetic enough to take someone like you in, did you?"

The PI scowled but only adjusted her hat, meeting the altered woman's gaze.

"I couldn't recognize you in that form. Funny, considering I joined up to chase you."

"You do that so much, I'd almost think you had a crush."

"Ha! Save the schoolyard jabs. Besides, I'm actually finding myself agreeing with the old wizard. Seeing this, our little game of cops and robbers just seems as petty as the term implies, doesn't it? So how about it? Maybe you can't control that body totally, but help us bring the Jade Dragon in and we'll do everything to get her out and you back to normal."

"And what about my record?"

"I can't ignore that, but helping save the world would look good for you-"

"As if a wizard of this age of declined magic could unweave my craft!" Fei snapped, "Viper, she's offering your betrayal of a demon out to release other demons as a plea bargain? Would any court even accept that?! And besides, I have rewarded Valmont for services. You need more than freedom? Wealth, a kingdom? I guarantee I can beat whatever they offer."

"…Well, put that way."

"Viper! This isn't a feud over nifty magic! These monsters will tear down the world as we know it!"

"Well, the world as we know it never gave me a reason to give a crap beyond doing right for number one! Even the kids today are self-righteous little brats! Also, you have your own problem!"

"OH, IS THIS ONE FAIR GAME?!"

"A special treat!" Viper called out as Po Kong snatched up the PI. Viper stumbled a moment in the body as the demon lifted Lefavre to her mouth, cackling thunderously. But she set her lips and straightened up.

"Well, that's that, eh big guy? Guess our bad guy cards now have capital letters," she commented.

"Don't let it bother you, Viper, human morality has always been ridiculously fluid. Give it one, two generations tops, and you will be hailed a hero for pretty much the same things the humans today will denounce you as a monster for. I speak from experience," Fei assured Viper as they turned and walked away.

Tohru followed but stopped at the gateway, watching just long enough for a flood of oil to cascade from the partially-wrecked temple, letting Chan and El Toro build up speed and topple the massive demon. The quake at her fall finally spurred him to action, following the others.

But he didn't truly feel like he could breathe until he heard a demonic scream pierce the night and glimpse a great green gate as they rowed across the river.

Uncle's Rare Finds:

"What do you mean, I'm still not apprentice material?!" Shen demanded. Uncle was looking over a stack of leather-bound books, sorting them into three piles. Without turning from his task, he reached down and smacked Shen.

"Nephew's spell went verrryyy wrong! Nearly destroyed shop! And one more thing! Nephew making good use of mistake not make up for not understanding mistake in first place! One more thing, cast spell without supervision against Uncle's express instruction! One more thing, apprentice must heed instruction! And one more thing, a good student must be willing to admit he did wrong, not just come up with parade of excuuusses!"

"But if I hadn't used the spell to make all that oil from the concession stand, we wouldn't have been able to use my idea to topple Po Kong!" Shen objected. Rosa cuffed him on the shoulder, frowning.

"Your idea? I said we needed to get her off her feet!" Rosa objected. Shen wheeled, smacking her hand away.

"No, you said 'if only we could get her off her feet'. That wasn't an idea, I turned it into an idea!"

"There they go again," Jackie sighed.

San Francisco Waterfront:

"Well, that much ado to accomplish nothing. Though I can't say I'm upset at having an overgrown glutton of a demon stamped 'return to sender'," Valmont remarked, looking out over the bay with the warehouse at his back.

"Indeed. These portals… perhaps we should extract ourselves from this?" Tohru said, ever the vigilant shadow to Valmont.

"It's not your place to comment on policy, Tohru, only to see it carried out. Though you may have a point. Fortunately, with Jackie Chan running interference, there's a good chance we won't see most, maybe even any of those vile creatures, running amok. Though it may be to our advantage for some to slip through," Valmont noted.

"Master?"

"With such threats running around causing bedlam out of a blockbuster movie, Jackie Chan, Section 13, possibly even Interpol and the governments would be too preoccupied to give much attention to the likes of the Dark Hand. Yes, along with the decent chance this portal hunt could give us the chance to reclaim more talismans… And it's not like we're feeling much of pinch with the Jade Dragon paying us. No, as odious as that might be, we could gain quite a bit from all this."

"…" Tohru watched Valmont walk off with a bit of a spring in his step. Having weighed the calamity against potential profit, the crime lord's conscience was as clear as it had ever been trafficking people or having rivals literally hung up to die.

That was to be expected, Tohru supposed, even as his fellow Enforcers made light with petty wagers over cards in near earshot of an ancient Demon Sorcerer. This was the Dark Hand, what else would it make of men?

X X X

"You treacherous worm!" Po Kong roared from her place among the other floating faces in the mirror.

"Treachery? You wound me, sister. Your lack of trust cuts deeper than my sorrow over the brevity of your freedom," Fei answered with an overacting tone. If they could, Viper and Jade would have glanced over at her.

"Care to explain?" Tchang Zu growled.

"I simply made haste to ensure the Pan'ku Box would not be lost and could begin attending to the next portal. Surely you agree that seeing the group liberated is of the utmost importance?"

Po Kong growled deeply, but the others seemed at least somewhat satisfied with the answer. Jade supposed it made sense — she didn't think the Demon Sorcerers really cared at all about each other. They might be more civil with some of their siblings than others, but they cared more about their own chance at freedom than anyone else losing theirs.

Yeah, Shendu and Fei were both pretty typical in deciding to try and take the world for themselves, Jade reminded herself.

"Well, it can't be said we should rely on our little sister beyond the necessity," Tso Lan remarked, "Once we are free, we are responsible for seeing our ambitions fulfilled. Unless, of course, anyone else would like too take up her quest? Surely a full-fledged mighty Demon Sorcerer would be able to see the quest fulfilled."

That got them to really shut up.

"As ever the detached font of wisdom looking down on the pettiness of others, brother Tso," Fei complimented.

"Indeed. But it seems to me that your quest would also benefit from seeing this J-Team destroyed sooner rather than later. We do not want them to become successors to the Immortals, after all."

Bai Tsa spoke up next, "So, sister, we will offer you a reprieve to strengthen yourself for our cause. But only for so long."

"I will not need long. To strengthen my hand, I need only regain what is rightfully ours."

"Ah, the Demon Archive. Your little pet project," Tso Lan remarked.

"If it still exists, I will be able to find it, and I doubt it could be destroyed, as it is warded against destruction by any good magic or those touched by it."

'The Demon Archive? Oh boy, Shendu is going to be getting his mojo back,' Jade thought with worry, imagining the disguised Shendu getting all blue and evil. She had no wish to see a repeat of that disaster as a spectator.

Hmm, but it could also let Big Mean and Scaly get enough rope to hang himself, exposing his true nature to Jackie and the rest. Not a perfect plan, as his downfall would not mean they would believe her, but a step in the right direction. So, as Fei got rid of her family conference call, Jade decided finding the book and getting it into Jackie's hands would be for the best. If need be, she could destroy the book herself to stop Shendu and justify it as mutual interest to the Jade Dragon.

Though she really wished Viper was not being so "villainy"; the cracked pedestal was starting to downright split in this wrong reality.

For the moment, she had to prep herself for the regular three-way argument on what to eat. Three minds, one mouth, not a good combo.

X X X

"WAAAH!" Jackie yelled, stepping back from the shop's front door.

"Aiyah!" Uncle yelled, nearly falling from the chair behind the counter. Bare seconds passed before El Toro burst from the back wearing his pajamas and mask, Rosa practically running into him.

"What?" Shen said, from the top of the stairs.

Tohru filled the doorway, ducking under the top. Standing to his full height in the shop, he looked them over with a tight look on his face. He raised his hands, clenching them into fists, and putting them together.

"Chan, I am turning myself in. That monster has to to be stopped, for all our sakes," the chief Enforcer declared, closing his eyes.

Author's Note:

And we are back it seems. I blame Po Kong for this taking so long. Never got a good grip on her as a character, or a good feel for her fight and in the end; so as sadly seems to be the case for this story I decided to minimize and bypass as best I could to get on with the story. It seems more productive to focus on the trio and the J-team than letting DSers hold things up.

So with that in mind maybe the next chapter will come sooner? Hard to say.

Anyway to address a reviewer the whole breast thing, it is meant to be creepy and awkward. While I like TF in stories it should not be taken too lightly, and Fei altering Vipers body against her will is not something that should just be handwaved off.

Well I think that's all.

Long days and pleasant nights to you all.