As always, thanks so much to everyone who's following this story (life's been busy at the moment, heh). Nearly everything belongs to Bioware.

Chapter Sixty-One – Besieged

Joker lurched awake, his heart thudding and his lips still salty with sweat. Groaning, he rubbed the top of the sheet across his face and forced himself to breathe. Slowly, he thought, slow breaths to calm the way his heartbeat was trying to claw its way out of his chest.

"Jeff?"

He grimaced. "This is what I get for letting you stay the night, huh? You can always tell what I'm doing?"

EDI sat up beside him. "You did not let me. I insisted."

"I remember." He eased back down onto the pillow. "You're good at insisting."
"What is it?"

"What do you think?" he said, sharper than he meant to. "This mission's too important. Of course I can't sleep. It's Cerberus, and we've finally found them."

"Commander Shepard has the required information and has proven many times that she is capable of keeping her squad safe."

"Sure." His hands bunched in the sheets, close to painful. "Except other times, you weren't in that squad."

"I have accompanied Shepard on more than a few assignments."

"That's not what I mean and you damn well know it."

Her hands settled across her lap. "And you know that I am the only one who can get us inside the station. The only one who knows the defense mechanisms there well enough. The only one who will be able to break through them."

"Yeah. Yes, I know. Doesn't mean it feels good though." Stubbornly, he kept his gaze on the sheets where they were draped over his knees, the fabric rumpled.

Very gently, EDI said, "How does it feel?"

"Like shit," he admitted roughly. "You really should not be going there. They could have a virus, or a kill switch, or a trap, or - or just some really big grenade that even you won't be able to walk away from."

"I will be fine, Jeff."

"Maybe. But if something happens to you, I sure as hell won't be."

"Jeff."

"Do you remember anything about it? Cronos?"

Her head tilted. "Not in the same way you remember things. I know I was there, though I did not know where there was."

He nodded. "I get that. Sort of."

"I remember the lay-out. I remember the rooms. I remember the voices that spoke to me, and the programs they tested on me and the way they talked about me." She hesitated. "But I was not – not what I am now."

Joker smiled. "I think I get it. Promise me something?"

"What?"

"Try and be safe." He let his expression slide into a lopsided grin. "And let Shepard take on the big guns. She likes doing that anyway."

"That is a terrible thing to say," EDI said mildly.

"Hey, I've known her a long time. I'm allowed to say things like that."

The air was thick with smoke, the doors to the labs already a blistered mess. Kaidan flattered himself against the wall, motioning Vega forward. They'd landed hard, slamming through the station's shield wall and the shuttle skidding and juddering until Cortez had somehow wrestled it to one side and settled it against the hangar's far wall.

EDI had demanded – no, Kaidan thought, she'd offered – that she accompany them. Back to the place she'd come from. He'd listened and tried to understand, tried to parse through her words back on the Normandy. She was from this place, he understood, or at least, she had been altered here, whatever the difference meant.

Shepard shouted something and somehow his mind registered it. Nodding briskly, he ducked through the next archway. The empty chambers in here were as ruined as the main hanger and the labyrinth of corridors they'd already edged through.

"You're sure about this?" Shepard asked.
"Yes," EDI answered. "The Prothean VI will only be kept at the heart of the station."

"This place is a fucking maze," Vega muttered.

Shepard grinned. "I'll ask them to draw me a map next time."

"Would've saved some time, Commander. Not sure you have the diplomacy skills for that, though. Given that we shot everyone else we found."

"Stow it, James."

The next three floors – all of them stacked with blank consoles and strung together by steep stairs – proved as untenanted. They'd missed something, Kaidan thought furiously. For too long they'd spent long, tortuous minutes while Liara hurled surges of biotic energy at Cerberus soldiers and Garrus had flanked Shepard, the two of them pushing forward.

Here, it was still, airless somehow.

"Shepard," Kaidan said before he could stop himself.

"What is it?"

"Look, this is – I don't like this."

"I don't think any of us like it right now."

"Okay. I mean, they know something. This is too easy. Or easier than it should've been."

Tersely, she nodded. "I agree. That means we stay alert."

EDI wrangled the next door open, nothing but silence beyond. Kaidan eased his way past her, his gaze catching first on the steps, and the emptiness around them and then the shining pieces of something hung on gleaming cables. It had a shape, he realized, a half-empty shape, an unfinished puzzle, all slanted sides and a curved dome above.

"Fuck." Shepard swallowed. "It's – it's that thing we blew up. On the Collector Base. The Reaper."

Wordlessly, he nodded. "It's big."

"It was bigger then," Tali said flatly. "It's cold. Whatever they're doing to it, it's not moving."

"It's a trophy," Shepard said. "They found it and strung it up like a damn trophy."

Further in, the air was as suffocatingly motionless. Labs and meeting rooms and dormitories and Kaidan wondered whether every single part of the base was connected somehow. He stood with his shoulder pressed against the doorway while EDI beckoned Shepard over to a console. Briefly, he was aware of the screen flickering into life and then the way Shepard swayed, her hands slamming down hard on the desk. Beside her, Garrus caught her arm, steadying her. The turian dipped his head, murmuring something to her until she nodded, her hands loosening.

"Shepard," EDI said gently. "This way."

Another bridge spread out beyond the door, the length of it stretching up to a wide chamber. Kaidan flanked Vega, his rifle hefted against his shoulder. Wrap-around viewscreens circled the room, empty save for a chair and the glowing keypad above a desk.

"Where is he?" Shoulders rigid, Shepard stalked to the desk. "He was meant to be here."

"We need the VI," EDI answered.

"Then damn well pry it out of there."

"Of course."

Kaidan wasn't sure when he heard it – footsteps, hammering up the bridge behind them – but he spun, one hand already livid with biotic energy. Beside him, Liara was as fast. "Shepard," he snapped. "Company."

"I hear them."

The first six were soldiers, mowed apart by flurries of blue light and the next three were sent flailing and broken off the bridge when Vega hurled a grenade. Shoulders tight against the doorway, Kaidan eyed the stretch of the bridge again.

"I detect more movement," EDI said lightly.

"Noted." Shepard settled herself against the opposite side. "Give yourselves room. No idea how many of these bastards there are down there."

Clad in white, eight more Cerberus soldiers flooded the doorway, rifles flaring. A tangle of energy from Liara spun two of them aside, and Garrus' follow-up shot cracked their helmets open. Kaidan slammed the butt of his rifle against one man's shoulder. When he staggered, he jammed the muzzle against the soldier's neck and fired. On his other side, Shepard slammed an elbow under another soldier's throat and waited until he crumpled before she turned his head into a leaking mess.

"Okay." Kaidan turned, lowering his rifle. "I think -"

Shepard was staring past him, eyes narrowed. "We're not finished."

She was right, and he damn well knew it when he heard the noise of it, more footsteps and the door below them slicing open.

"Garrus," Shepard snapped. "Pick them off as they come through. Kaidan, stay by the door, close as you can. Everyone else, don't do anything too stupid and don't get boxed in."

Kaidan pressed himself back against the door, gauging the distance. Splaying one hand, he flung a swirl of energy at the first line of them, sending three of them staggering. Someone barreled past him, and elbow digging hard into his chest. Straightening up, he gritted out, "Hey, Shepard? Shepard!"

She was hurtling for them, he saw, head down and stance tight. No, he thought, not for them, for the man behind them. The bastard he'd seen shuddering images of at Sanctuary, the bastard who'd been at the Citadel.

A grenade arced past his head and he jerked back behind the archway. The thud of the impact rang through his bones. Vaguely he was aware of Liara, blue energy rolling from her hands, and then Vega and Tali, both of them firing. Ahead of him, Shepard drove the side of her rifle against the bastard's head. When he staggered, she spun the rifle and fired, the rounds cutting through his flickering shields and digging into his legs. As viciously, she kicked his ankles out and followed him onto the floor, pinning him, knees on his chest and rifle under his chin.

Teeth gritted, Kaidan steeled himself and let another surge of biotic energy wash over the soldiers. Somewhere behind, he could hear Tali shouting something, her voice frantic.

"You again," he heard Shepard say. "Always around. Get the shit kicked out of you and you're still going."

The bastard grinned. "You know you've lost, don't you? You lost on the Citadel. And on Thessia."

"You talk too much. You know that, right?"

Whatever else she said – or whatever else he said back - was masked when the last three soldiers hurtled up the bridge. Shoulders tense, Kaidan aimed at one of them. The other two Liara sent spinning until Vega could follow up. When he lowered his rifle, he was shaking. Shaking, he thought, like a seventeen-year-old rookie. The air was thick with the reek of blood and scorched metal. Shepard was still poised over the bastard – over Kai Leng, that was his name, he recalled – the man's face and throat a collapsed ruin.

"EDI," Shepard said. "Got that VI?"

"Yes. The data is accessible."

"Good."

"Shepard," Tali said roughly.

She strode back up to the doorway. Kaidan followed her gaze past Vega, to where Tali was crouched beside Garrus. His armour was in jagged pieces just above his hip, his chest moving shallowly.

"Garrus," Shepard said, her voice suddenly small, ragged. "No, I – Cortez, you hear me?"

"Not clear but I hear you."

"Get as close as you can. We need an immediate evac."

"On my way."

"Hey." She knelt beside the turian, her shoulders slackening. "Going to get you on your feet, okay? Going to drag you out if we have to. Don't talk, okay? Just try to walk."

Slowly Shepard and Vega shifted the turian onto his feet. Kaidan moved ahead of them, the insides of his gloves slick with sweat. In the labs, the turian's legs gave way.

"Shit," Garrus mumbled thickly. "Sorry."

"Stop talking and come on."

"Fuck, he's heavy," Vega muttered.

"It's the armour."

"Told you to stop talking," Shepard said.

Shepard woke to the sound of the medbay doors opening. She blinked groggily before scrubbing a hand through her hair. Briefly she looked at Garrus, at where he was still out cold, head turned to one side and his whole frame worryingly still. She straightened up in the chair, abruptly aware her shoulder was aching.

Turning, she saw Kaidan as he stepped through the door, a mug in each hand. "Hey."

He nodded and carefully placed one of the mugs on the table. "Got you some coffee."

She smiled. "Thanks."

"Well, it was Joker's idea. Not coming in to see you. The coffee."

Shepard laughed. "Then thank you both."

"How is he?"

"Sleeping it off," she answered wryly. She wrapped her hands around the mug, enjoying the seeping heat.

"That was a hell of a hit he took."

"That fucking grenade." She remembered the panic that had lanced through her, when she'd looked into the room and seen him, one hand latched over the leaking wound on his side. "Could've been worse. He took a rocket to the head on Omega."

Kaidan laughed. "He told me."

"Chakwas says he'll be fine."

"Did you, I mean," he said, eyebrows knitting. "The data from the VI?"

"I had a quick look at it, but the damn thing's encrypted. I've got EDI going over it properly." She scrubbed a hand through her hair. "You know that feeling when everything gets turned on its head again?"

"Too well."

"Apart from the general theme that the VI thinks we're all fucked three ways sideways, it also talks about this idea that there's more behind the Crucible."

He summoned a grin. "What else is new?"

"True enough."

"Are you alright?"

She hesitated. "No. I – back there, on Cronos. I overreacted. I beat Kai Leng into blood and bones. You saw it."

"Yes."

"That's not the way things should be done."

"No," he said, not censuring. He lifted his mug.

"Clusterfuck of a day." She slumped back against her chair. "You okay?"

"Yeah."

Later, Kaidan took the empty mugs and left her alone with the quiet and the soft, rhythmic sound of Garrus' breathing. She remembered how Joker had cornered her on the bridge before they'd left, his face all tight with uncertainty.

"Hey, Shepard?"

She turned, forcing her shoulders to slacken. "Yeah?"

"Take care of her."

"Always."

Joker hesitated. "And, you know. Take care of yourself out there too."

"I'll try."

Swallowing, she shifted the chair closer to the bed. Very carefully, she eased her elbows onto the sheets and rested the side of her head close to Garrus'. When he stirred – minutes later, hours later, she wasn't sure – she jumped and then grinned.

"Hey, sleeper."

He growled something, one hand shifting under the sheets. "Feel like I've been kicked in the gut by a fucking thresher maw."

"They don't have legs."

He barked out a laugh. "Don't get smart, Shepard. And they do have those weird things they use to push themselves through sand."

"Only you would make that point right now." She leaned closer. "We had to evac you out really fast. Do you remember it?"

"Yeah. Mainly."

"You're going to be okay."

His teeth flashed in a smile. "Course I am. I'm made of stone, you know that."

"You still scared the shit out of me."

"Oh, hey." He shifted across the bed. "Come here."

"Chakwas will kill me if I bump into your bandages."

"I'll take the blame."

Smiling, she eased herself under the sheet beside him. He smelled sharp somehow, mopped down with antiseptics and scrubbed clean.

"At least take off your boots," Garrus said mildly.

"Already here and you're too comfortable." Gently, she turned so that she could lean her head against his shoulder.

"Hey, look." He turned, his gaze finding hers. "The stuff we found there."

"The creepy remains of the giant Reaper? The soldiers? The AI experiments?"

"No," he said softly, one hand covering hers.

She nodded. "I know. I mean, I don't know. I don't think I ever wanted to hear or see them talk about how they brought me back."

"I know."

Mercifully he didn't say anything else. Instead, he gathered her closer so that her head was under his chin, his hand moving over her hair.

The console flickered before steadying. Shepard squinted at it until she recognized the Illusive Man, his mouth moving as he spoke to a scientist.

"Pretty stark," Garrus said, softly. "You okay?"

"Yeah," she said, mainly to say something, anything.

"Shepard." He clasped her arm. "Actually this comforting, not quite hugging thing is pretty useless through armour."

She laughed, her throat catching on it. "Yeah, it is. You know what I'm thinking?"

"That the Illusive Man's a manipulative bastard."

"That and my old helmet must've been the toughest damn helmet in the history of, well. Helmets."

"I was angry," she said, the words half-mumbled against his chest. "When I killed him. I wanted to kill the Illusive Man, couldn't find that bastard, so I took it out on the other one."

"Not like he didn't deserve it."

"Maybe. But probably not like that."

Very gently he rubbed his chin into her hair. "Got me out of there though."

"True. Dragged your heavy ass all the way to the shuttle." She laughed, the sound of it catching thickly in her throat. "Always will, you know?"

"I know."

Both of them slept – or drifted close to sleeping – Shepard nuzzling closer and Garrus twisting slightly so he could rest his chin on the top of her head. She dreamed fitfully, grey skies and the cloying darkness of the Cerberus labs and the way the anger had seared through her.

"Hey," Garrus murmured.

"Mmm?"

"You were twitching around."

"Sorry." She blinked, her eyelids gritty. "What time is it?"

"Early enough that we have a whole few minutes left."

"Mmm." She burrowed back under his chin. "Good."

Shepard leaned on the rail and waited while the vidcomm field rippled into shape. When she could finally see Admiral Hackett's trim, severe frame, she crossed her hands behind her back.

"Commander."

"Admiral," she said, in the same bland tone. "How do you want to do this?"

Hackett sighed. "I wasn't in favour of your diversion to Sanctuary, Shepard."

"I know. I got the message."

"But you dug in deep against Cerberus. I call that a victory."

She nodded briskly. "Less so for all the poor bastards who went there."

"And where else were they supposed to go? You need to run, you run anywhere."

"I know," she said flatly. "Sir."

"I've gone over the report. Shepard." Hackett's shoulders sagged slightly. "You think the Illusive Man can control Reapers?"

"I know he fucking well wants to. He can certainly get his hands on husks and foot soldiers and whatever the hell else." She gulped down a deep breath, too aware of how her heart was racing. "The big bastards? I don't know. Could be theoretical. Given what I saw on Cronos, I'd be betting for practical."

Hackett nodded. "That was reckless."

"And what was I supposed to do? Back away? Tell my team no sorry, I've changed my mind, we should all go home?" The words were spilling out too fast and too angrily and she knew she should stop. "That was the only damn lead we had. You had to know I'd chase it."

"Yes." His eyes narrowed, raking over her. "I need you to keep going. I need you alive, Shepard. I don't need another dead hero."

"Thanks for the encouragement, sir," she muttered.

"I'm serious. We're too close. I have a Prothean project that's God knows how many kilometres long floating behind the Fifth Fleet right now and I need to know what to point it at."

"I know," she snarled. "One of my team fucking found the blueprints for it. Or did you forget that part?" Abruptly she stopped, hands clenching against each other. "Apologies, sir. That was out of line."

"Yes. It was. Anything else you can tell me about Cronos?"

"Not until EDI digs through the VI intel. Soon as that happens, you'll be the first to know."

"Keep me posted. Hackett out."

Shepard waited as the vidcomm field blinked into gloom again. Unlocking her hands from each other she made herself turn. She needed to breathe, she knew, breathe and go over her reports and untangle the knot of fury in her thoughts.

The comm station buzzed and EDI said, "Commander?"

"Here, EDI."

"I have begun decrypting the data from the Prothean VI."

She was half-sure she heard a slight shake in EDI's voice, decided she was imagining it, and nodded uselessly. "Alright. Want me to take a look first?"

"Yes, Commander. And then I suggest you call an immediate briefing."

"On my way."

Ten minutes later she was leaning over a console in the briefing room, her mind roiling. The Citadel, she thought. The Citadel was part of it, but not in any way she could have imagined or dreamed up. The Citadel was part of their system, their connections, their labyrinth of ancient knowledge that webbed through the galaxy.

"EDI?"

"Yes, Shepard?"

"Get everyone in here. Right now."

She paced while she waited for minutes, seconds, however long it was. Not long, the sensible part of her brain knew, since she'd ordered them down ASAP. More than once she dragged her hands through her hair. When the door slid open, Liara glided through first, the others following.

"I don't know how to say this," she said, leaning back against the table. "So I need you all to just listen to it."

She wanted – painfully, desperately – to slink over to where Garrus was standing and lean against him, or grab at his hand, but she knew she couldn't, not now, not while they were all listening to the words of a Prothean. No, she thought, the recorded words, an echo from whatever had happened to them cycles ago.

"Alright," she said eventually. "I felt the same as I'm pretty sure you all do now."

"The fucking Citadel?" James snapped. "They're going to use it?"

"That's what I understand."

Liara straightened up. "Any chance this data is incorrect?"

"Forgive me, but I don't have the time to investigate that right now." Shepard swallowed. "I'm sorry. We have to assume this is right. Even that it's half right. So my," she said, and swallowed again when her voice wavered. "My plan right now is get there as fast as we fucking can. And send as many hails, screams, messages and communications to the Citadel to try and get as many people off there as we can before it happens."

"I'll call Bailey," Kaidan said, his voice rough.

"Good. Call him, tell him the truth, whatever you need to get him to get things moving at the docks. I'll get Alliance ships standing by to help people off the station." Whoever they can spare, she thought, the hope of it brittle. If they could spare any ships, if there was anyone close enough. "Anyone else has any thoughts, any other ideas, you know where to find me."

The comm station was crackling, every other word filled with static. Kaidan leaned over and tried again, his voice thick. "Yes, it's me. Spectre Alenko. Major Alenko. Bailey, it's Kaidan."

"And what can I do for you, Major?"

Kaidan drew in a steadying breath. "You need to organize an immediate evacuation of the Citadel."

"You going to tell me why, or is this some joke I wasn't aware of?"

"No. You need to listen. You need to go piss off the Council and get them on board."

"Like they listen to me."

"They will once you've heard this. And I'll be sending you a full follow-up set of intel as well."

He heard Bailey sigh. "You're lucky I like you, Major."

Kaidan bit back half a smile. "Alright."

Twenty minutes later he was still there, hands clamped on the console and his head whirling. His own words – evacuate the whole Citadel, the Reapers will use it, we don't know for what yet – rattled through his thoughts. They've planned to use it all along. We didn't know and couldn't know and they've always been ahead of us.

Bailey had listened – he'd heard the sharp way his breathing changed – but he'd listened to all of it, his voice fraying when he signed off.

The door slid open behind him, and Shepard said, "How'd it go?"

"Bailey's going to try and get the Council in on it. I've sent the intel package through."

"He believed you?"

"Yeah. Yeah. I think so." He turned, leaning back against the console.

"He should've. Something about evidence you can't really avoid because it's shooting giant red beams at you." Shepard grimaced. "We've got all available Alliance ships on their way to pick up passengers at the docks. And by available, I mean the ones that are locked onto the Crucible or out fuck knows where, or preparing to go back to Earth."

"No one could've guessed that this is what we'd find," he said.

"No." She sighed, her shoulders loosening. "Are you alright?"

"Not really," he said wryly.

"I mean after Cronos. You were wound pretty tight there."

"I guess it was because I didn't know what I expected," he said, the words raw and honest. His gaze skipped from Shepard's face to her shoulder and then down to the floor. "I thought it would be simple. Easy. I never – stupid, really."

"No, it's not."

"So many times, when we ran into Cerberus? They were just, you know."

Shepard grinned lopsidedly. "Dumb kids playing with toys they shouldn't've been able to afford?"

"Yeah," he admitted, slightly surprised when he smiled. "Then there – it was, I don't know. Part of me wants to say incredible."

"And the other part wants to say horrific."

"Yes. The pieces of the Reaper."

"Better than when it was up and walking," Shepard said, entirely bland.

"I'm sure," he responded drily.

"You know one thing, though?"

"What?"

"I should've listened to what you said about the Citadel. Those messages from Bailey."

Kaidan shook his head. "No way of knowing they'd be connected."

"No, but you were right."

He swallowed back a painful laugh. "I didn't want to be right."

Their quarters were almost dark, one small light on the table spilling a tiny pool of illumination. Still warm from their shower, Shepard slouched under the sheets, half propped up on Garrus' chest.

"You sure this doesn't hurt?"

"Told you. I went down to see Chakwas again. And besides, I need to be up and running to go kick some Reapers in the teeth."

"They don't have teeth."

"Way to ruin my fun, Shepard."

She laughed and curled closer. "Never."

"It's a fair way to Earth," he said. "We've got time."

"I know."

"Hey." He tipped her chin up. "Indulge your crazy boyfriend. Talk to me."

She grinned. "Is that what you are?"

"Would you prefer lover? Paramour? Willing sex partner?"

Her smile broke into a laugh, unfettered. "Boyfriend works fine. And I thought I was the crazy one."

"You are. I am too, but just not as much."

"Compliments. Nice." She kissed the sharp jut of his jaw. "I'm sorry. My mind's a mess. I'm angry and I'm scared shitless all at once."

"I get it."

Teasingly, she said, "I thought nothing scared you."

His eyes flickered. "Some things do. Anything happens to you, it'll – I don't even know how to say what it'll do to me."

Very gently, she said, "And if it does?"

"Then," he said roughly. "Then I guess I'd pick myself up and keep going. Don't exactly know how I'd do it."

"You would. You'd have to. We both would."

"Doesn't make it feel any better."

"No. It doesn't." She lifted herself up slightly so she could look at him properly. "Come here?"

"Already here."

"Smartass."

They clung to each other, Shepard's face pressed into the crook of his shoulder and his arms locked around her waist. He hauled her on top of him, the side of his jaw sliding against hers. Very slowly, he mouthed at her chin and then close to her lips until she could feel him breathing.

"Do you want," he said, his voice suddenly uncertain.

"I want." She ran her hands down his chest, over the dips of his plates until his breathing hitched. "I love you."

He was slow, almost tremulous with her, and she realized she was as well, almost afraid to trace the lines of him, afraid that she might be branding the shape and the feel of him into her thoughts as some kind of farewell. Afterwards – after she came, her head buried against chin and he followed her over the edge, his hands gently cupped over her hips – they stayed like that, locked together. Eventually she moved so she could kiss the sharp angles of his face again, the slope of his shoulders, while his hands ran up and down her back.

"Don't go anywhere," Garrus murmured.

She kissed his throat, feeling the way his pulse raced under the softer patch of skin there. "Wouldn't dream of it."