Uploading this here as well as on my dA because I am an unsatisfied attention whore.

He wakes up in pain. Everything is okay.

He pulls himself out of his recuperacoon, allowing himself a smile. Three weeks. It's been three weeks since he last ate. He feels pride.

When he notices a flash of white in the room, he wipes the smile from him face. He does not want his lusus to see how pleased he is. Without any signs of disapproval, Aurthour hands him a towel, then hurries off. Once Equius is alone again, he begins to dry off while examining himself.

He sees more ribs today. They're much more obvious, poking out from behind the thick armor of muscles he's built up. He counts them with his fingertips, wiping the slime from the grooves between them. One, two, three, four, and if he presses he can feel more. And lower, his hips are pointy and prominent. His boxers barely fit him anymore.

Then Aurthour's back, and Equius stops abruptly. He digs through his closet for clothes to cover himself. But his lusus has already seen what his body is becoming. The centaur holds something out, offering it to his charge. It's a tray with a glass of milk.

Equius takes it, and when it shatters, he pretends to be angry. Aurthour, in turn, pretends not to have seen the way his arm flexes, fingers deliberately crushing the glass. He holds the tray in both hands, eyes flicking from Equius' hand to his face. The troll slides his glasses onto his nose, placing a barrier between them.

"Thank you Aurthour, now if you would please clean up this mess. I will be working in my lab."

The lusus obediently walks over to the puddle of milk, kneeling on his front legs to better reach the broken glass. He shoots a pleading look at the doorway, but Equius has already hurried out. Aurthour resumes cleaning and worrying.

Things are going well in the lab.

Equius gently tightens the clamp around a robotic wrist, satisfied when neither device breaks. In fact, nothing around his hive had broken lately (with the exception of a few glasses, for show). Even his teeth were looking better than usual; he hadn't given a robot the chance to punch them out. Most of said robots were lined up along the back wall, in full repair, on/off switches dusty. Equius only works now not because of necessity, but as a hobby.

While lost in thought, he accidentally applies too much torque and strips the screw he's been working on. "Oh, fiddlesticks," he hisses, fingers tightening around the screwdriver. When it doesn't dent, he is incredibly pleased, stripped screw forgotten. Yes, everything is okay.

A sound startles him out of his thoughts, and he turns to his abandoned laptop. It chimes again, a green light flashing on the screen. He sets down the screwdriver and walks over to read the messages popping up.

|PESTERLOG|

arsenicCatnip [AC] began trolling centaursTesticle [CT]

AC: :33 *ac scratches at the door to cts hive*

AC: :33 equius, are you there?

AC: :33 i feel like youre nefur on anymore!

AC: :33 you must be really busy with something impurrtant

AC: :33 more impurrtant than me!

CT: D- Hello Nepeta

AC: :33 oh!

CT: D- I must apologize for my e%tended absences

CT: D- As you guessed, I have been rather busy lately

AC: :33 with what?

CT: D- It is nothing you need to concern yourself with

AC: :33 aww come on, what is it? you can tell your meowrail!

CT: D- It is nothing of importance, and you needn't be worried

AC: :33 its my job to be worried! don't you n33d someone to pawcify you?

CT: D- I do not require pawcification

CT: D- Pacification

AC: :33 nonsense! youre still the same old grouchy equius and im still your palest of pawls!

CT: D- I am not grouchy

AC: :33 there must be a reason youre so happy lately! whats going on?

AC: :OO did you get a matesprit without telling me?

CT: D- No, and you will stop making such silly assumptions

CT: D- I am fine

AC: :(( thats why im worried! youre not suppawsed to be fine without me! thats why im here

CT: D- Nepeta

CT: D- While I hesitate to imagine what I would be like without you

CT: D- I assure you, I am capable of being happy sometimes

CT: D- We are still, and I will say this for your benefit, "meowrails"

AC: :33 okay then

AC: :33 just try to be on the computer more

AC: :33 or I will have to come there myself to find out what youre up to!

CT: D- I will make it a point to log on more often

AC: :33 thank you equius!

AC: :33

arsenicCatnip [AC] ceased trolling centaursTesticle [CT]

Equius isn't lying. Everything is okay. In fact, he reflects, things are much better than okay. Nepeta would come to realize that after a while.

Again, he's interrupted by a sound, but this one isn't coming from his laptop. This sound has become so familiar to him in the past three weeks that it borders on comforting. He closes his eyes and listens to his stomach growl, desperately asking for the food he's steadfastly been avoiding.

At first it was unpleasant, of course. After the first four days, he wasn't sure he'd be able to hold up. But he saw that his plan was working, in small amounts at a time. Stomach cramps meant progress. By the end of the second week, he had successfully drained a glass of milk for the first time in sweeps.

His pride was drowned out by the dawning horror that he had just consumed milk. The mantra from his younger years came back in a haunting tone: milk makes you STRONG.

He could not drink it anymore.

Presently, he helps himself to another cup of water. Water won't make him STRONG, but it will quiet his stomach and possibly make his skin less transparent. The backs of his hands are covered in crisscrossing blue lines, and Equius beings to sweat imagining what his eyes must look like.

Before Equius can return to the robot he's building, Aurthour walks in to stand between him and the desk. He delicately brushes aside robot pieces to make room to set a large covered tray. He turns to his charge and lifts the lid.

Aromas drift out, tantalizing and rich. There's meat, and vegetables, and spices Equius cant' name on the plate. His stomach makes an audible sound of longing, but the troll turns away.

"Thank you very much Aurthour, but I am not hungry at the moment," he lies. "I am actually quite busy and have no time to eat." He can't think of anything else to say, and makes the mistake of meeting Aurthour's eyes. The old centaur doesn't make a move to hide how hurt he is. If anything, he is guilt-tripping the troll.

"I'm sure you know how much I appreciate your concern, but it is really quite unnecessary."

Aurthour steps across the space between them, until the two are within arms-reach of each other. Slowly, gingerly, he takes the hem of Equius' shirt and pulls it upward. The troll freezes out of habit, not looking down even as the cool fingers trace his exposed ribcage.

When he meets Aurthour's eyes again, they are full of betrayal.

This is a punch to Equius' empty gut. Last time he had seen this expression on his lusus' face was when he had accidentally raised a hand to him. There had been bruises, but the centaur had forgiven him. Surely he could forgive him again, especially for something which was none of his business in the first place.

Equius nervously steps backward, pulling his shirt back down. When he tries to walk away, more physical contact causes him to stop in his tracks. Aurthour's hand squeezes his bicep, fingers digging down to bone. The skin is more blue than gray, and is only loosely attached to the sinew.

The normally silent lusus lets out a low knicker, trying to convey his worry. Equius pulls away more forcefully this time. "I do not require your concern, Aurthour. I am no longer a wiggler and can take care of myself." He turns and begins walking toward the door, doing his best to ignore the smell of the fresh meal beckoning to him.

Aurthour just stares after him, accepting the fact that his charge's body is eating itself. And the boy is letting it.