TRIGGER WARNING: NEAR PANIC ATTACK AND DEPRESSIVE THOUGHTS

Behind Icy Walls

Chapter 4: I'm The What Now?

Kagome POV

This was so awkward. She had already had nine so-called customers visit her table and so far none of them had stayed for the full half hour they had booked. After about ten minutes of her doing nothing but sitting there, spine so tense you could support buildings with it, just staring at the women who sat in front of her, they all seemed to get really uncomfortable and run off saying they had forgotten some prior engagement of some kind. Kagome really didn't know what to do with herself. She wanted to help Haruhi, she really did, but she could barely talk to her family, let alone these strangers.

She let out a soft sigh.

She really was useless. She couldn't help anyone. Kagome felt the familiar fog of apathy beginning to set in. It was cold and she was almost ready to welcome it's numbing balm, if only to stop her feeling so awkward and useless, when she heard Haruhi talking behind her. She lifted her head to watch as Haruhi charmed yet more women into swooning over her and felt at least some of the fog lift. Haruhi was so adorable and amazing that she would never have any problems completing this job, even with Kagome weighing her down.

Looking back at her ornate, but glaringly empty table, Kagome gave another sigh before getting up out of her seat to get some tea. It wasn't like she was going to be receiving any more customers any time soon.

As she passed by Blonde And Loud's table she heard Stuck Up Bitch complaining about Idiot-King spending too much time with commoners. Kagome's eyes narrowed very slightly and she felt something start bubbling inside her, but she couldn't understand what it was.

Before she could do anything about it she heard Blond And Loud call out,

"Haruhi! Kagome! Come here for a moment!"

Immediately the bubbling inside her ceased, to be replaced with a faint sense of exasperation at being summoned like some kind of house pet. Shaking her head internally, she walked the few feet between her and Idiot-King's domain. At least Haruhi was here with her she thought, looking to the side at the confused woman stood next to her.

"Yes?" Haruhi asked.

Blonde And Loud wasn't being loud for once; instead he seemed to be acting… normal? Her brow furrowed ever so slightly. That was really weird. As he spoke she realised he was introducing them to Stuck Up Bitch. Kagome's eyes narrowed marginally as she took in the princess's haughty posture and she could see in her eyes that she looked on everyone she deemed less than her as repugnant - as though they were an infestation of particularly fat and slimy grubs. She remembered seeing a similar look on someone else, someone much worse, and she felt the bubbling inside her began to simmer once more.

Suddenly Blonde And Loud flung himself at Haruhi, screaming about how 'good' something she did was and Kagome was so surprised she nearly attacked him outright - it was only the fact she sensed no ill intent that stopped her. As it was she was too shocked to move even as Haruhi cried out for help. Luckily for them both Mori came to the rescue, scooping the panicked woman up and away from the blonde, who she was now sure was not only stupid but actually crazy, as though she weighed no more than a sheet of paper. She stared as she saw Mori's eyes widen in realisation and knew that he had grasped the truth at last, she was honestly surprised it took him this long.

However what Kagome didn't notice as she stared blankly at the spectacle before her was the red-haired woman's stare behind her growing darker and darker with each show of attention Tamaki showered on the disgruntled woman before her.

At the end of the day Kagome was so exhausted from trying to think of ways to not scare off her guests that even Haruhi's smile couldn't clear any of the gloomy clouds from her mind. She felt so useless. She knew her communication skills had deteriorated over her year of isolation but was she really so far from who she was before everything that had happened? She remembered a girl full of life and determination and strength, someone who always knew what to do and what to say to make someone feel better, someone kind. Who was she now? What would her friends think of her if they saw her now? What would they think?

She could feel herself slipping as she sat in the Host club changing room alone. She knew she shouldn't be thinking these things. Everything she had read online in preparation for coming here had told her to keep occupied so as to not slip back into another episode but it was hard. Haruhi had already left to go home, though Kagome mustn't have been looking very well because even getting her to do that took staring her down for a good few minutes. She sighed.

Being a host was exhausting.

Her ear twitched as she caught the sound of happy chatter and quiet footsteps making their way closer. She had thought everyone had left. Who in the world could that be? She tried to make herself look more presentable, sitting up slightly from her hunched position and attempting to look more lively, but, she thought as she took in her reflection in the dressing room vanity, the listless blue eyes, sharp apathetic features and the deep bags under her eyes where the makeup concealing them had rubbed off told her, she wasn't doing a great job of it.

The door to the room opened and Small and Confusing bounced in, chattering about how much fun he had had today, with Mori following behind with a small smile on his face.

'Gome-chan! We thought you had left!'

She didn't reply, only flinched away from him slightly when he bound towards her. He paused. A small frown replaced the normally blinding smile on his face, looking decidedly unnatural on someone normally so exuberant.

'Gome-chan..? You look tired.'

She sighed before turning to face him properly, a small twinge of self-loathing stabbing her at the distress she had caused him, and tried her best to appear her usual impassive self. To her dismay this only made the small frown deepen. He looked up at Mori with a serious expression on his face, for once looking his age, and they seemed to share some kind of unspoken conversation. Small and Confusing nodded before taking a breath and turning back to her with a smile even brighter than usual. He leapt towards her again and she braced herself for the contact only to find it unnecessary as he stopped just in front of where she was sitting and gently, more gently than she thought the small teen was capable of, took her hand and began ushering her to the door as though she were a frightened animal.

Her gaze flitted, slightly alarmed, towards Mori to try and figure out what was happening but she was only met with a calm expression and a gentle nod. Strangely enough it actually did help her relax a little. She remembered she was supposed to take deep breaths. So she did. She kept breathing and being gently, but forcefully, pulled along by Small and Confusing with Mori trailing close behind until they finally reached the gates of the school, where a black limo was waiting for them. At this point she finally decided that she needed to know what was happening and so stopped dead in her tracks and refused to move, jolting Small and Confusing slightly in the process. He looked back at her with large questioning eyes and she resisted the urge to just let him do whatever he wanted. She stared, and stared, and stared, unsure how to ask what hell was going on.

Luckily the blonde teen was proficient in reading silences after growing up with Mori and knew what she meant.

'I want to show you my house! It's really cool, isn't it Mori? You'll just love it and plus all the rooms have really comfy beds and there's lots of fun games and cute toys to play with! You'll come, wont you Gome-chan? Pleeeeeaase?' He talked so fast Kagome almost lost track of what he was saying, but by the end her eyes were so wide with surprise she thought they might pop out. He wanted her to spend time at his house!? She whipped her head around to face Mori and he gave her that same gentle nod, but this time with a tiny hint of a smile at the corners of his mouth.

She was too stunned to do anything in protest as Small and Confusing started pulling her to the car once more.

It wasn't until later, when she was ensconced in a mountain of blankets and stuffed animals, the taste of extremely expensive strawberry sponge cake filling her mouth, being coerced into yet another game of 'Help Bun-Bun save the magical kingdom of the Cake King from the evil cookie demons', which mostly ended in a terrible massacre as the cookie demons were all devoured (and sometimes the Cake King too but shhhhh), that she realised she hadn't ended up having another episode after all.

Staring down at the stuffed bear in her hands she realised what Small and Con- no- what Honey and Mori had done for her.

Her lips trembled as they lifted ever so slightly on the one side.

Kagome was sitting awkwardly with another group of unfortunate girls when it happened. To be honest she had to say she felt bad for the younger women sat across from her. They had paid to see her as a host and all they got was her staring awkwardly anywhere but at them. She wondered if she could get Tall, Dark and Trying to be Scary to give them a refund… She doubted it.

Really it's not like they were bad people, or even unfriendly people, she was just really terrible at this. Maybe she could go back to being an errand "boy" and help Haruhi that way. Just as she was trying to scheme a way to quit without burdening Haruhi, she noticed something odd at the girl's table.

Was that..? Stuck Up Bitch! What was she doing on Haruhi's table? And alone at that… Her eyes narrowed in suspicion and she began moving to get up when her attention was brought back to her own guests.

'Kagome-Senpai? Are you okay?'

She cursed internally. She had to stay and entertain her guests, even if she was terrible at it, but she needed to get Haruhi away from that bitch. Who knew what she could be planning?

Just as she made the decision to leave there was a sudden scream and a thunderous clatter from the very table she was worried about. She jumped to her feet, mind spinning with thoughts of demons and blood. But how could they be here? Had they followed her? She looked around frantically, hurrying to get closer to Haruhi whilst trying to keep her mind clear so she could take out any threats. It was only when she was just a few meters away that she had calmed enough to take in what was actually happening. And what she saw made that uncomfortable heat in her stomach, that seemed to only arise when that bitch was involved, shoot up from a simmer to a writhing molten burn.

That-That witch was daring to accuse Haruhi of something so vulgar! How dare she! Kagome was frozen in place, forcibly locking her joints in place so as not to rip the worm's head from her shoulders. Her long suppressed instincts were roaring at her to avenge this slight against the first friend she'd had in what felt like forever. She never thought she would feel so glad to see the Idiot King when he turned up, but his stupidity might help in lessen her anger before she did something she really hoped she'd regret.

Only what he said only made her angrier. Throwing her bag in the pond! When had this happened? Why hadn't Haruhi told her? She should have been there!

When the Worm began to run past her after her Tamaki-sama's harsh words she couldn't help herself. She needed to do something with this, this rage inside her or she'd burn from the inside out.

With what little control she still possessed she managed to not do anything more than bruise the girl when she grabbed her shoulder.

'You.' Her voice was gruff and strained from holding back her anger, hissed through clenched teeth and chillingly cold. She realized absently in the back of her mind that her voice had somehow managed to carry across the whole room despite the frenzied muttering that had broken out after the club's very public dressing-down of the Princess. She couldn't bring herself to care.

'How dare you.' Kagome lifted her head to meet the shocked girl's eyes and saw them widen in terror, whites showing like the wild frightened eyes of a cornered horse. She could only imagine how she looked. She had been reliably told in the past that, particularly after the change, her rage was truly terrifying. Looking down on this scum, she had never been more glad of that fact.

'You are never to speak to Haruhi again, ever. And if I find that you have been treating any others in this fashion, do not think that any amount of money or prestige will protect you.' Her eyes bored into the other girls for a few more moments before she relaxed her grip on her shoulder. 'Remember, nobody hurts my friends.' She felt her face twist slightly in a sneer before she finally turned away from the shell-shocked girl and quickly marched over to an equally shocked Haruhi.

Looking over the girl's dishevelled appearance she felt a hot knife of guilt plunge itself deep into her heart. She could have prevented this if she had been more attentive, if she had been better. Kagome reached down and plucked the girl from the ground easily and just held on for a second. At least this time the one she failed would be okay.

'I'm sorry. Wasn't there. Sorry.'

Haruhi's face just twisted in confusion and she sighed and leaned down to rub her forehead on Haruhi's scalp, like a cat. Haruhi was here, it was fine, everything was fine.

What Kagome had failed to register was the stunned gaping the rest of the room was doing as pink flowers and blossoms seemed to float around the two newest hosts. Kagome, the silent, scary, intimidating Kagome who scared away all of her customers just by looking at them, looked almost… cute. Slowly the guests began whispering amongst themselves, small hearts floating around them.

'Did you see the way he looked talking to Princess Ayanokoji? It sent chills down my spine. He was scary but so cool~'

'He was staring at Haruhi earlier and he looked really worried! He must really care about her. I want him to look at me like that!'

'The way he touched Haruhi! Kyaa! I WANT TO GET NUZZLED TOO!'

Kagome began to pat Haruhi down and fuss over her, trying to make sure she was okay, whilst the other girl squirmed and tried to get away, completely oblivious of the chaos that was just beginning to get started behind her.

Kagome looked up as the Idiot King stumbled back into the main dressing area after saying he would bring some towels for Haruhi. Though, Kagome thought as she remembered the look on his face as he banished her, maybe he wasn't quite as big an idiot as she thought.

'Ha-Haru-Haruhi is is a g-girl!?' He managed to get out before collapsing dramatically onto a nearby sofa.

She stared at him with a deadpan look on her face. She stands corrected. He truly is the Idiot king.

A few minutes later Haruhi emerged from the dressing room wearing the puffy yellow dress and pink bow that made up the Ouran High School female uniform.

'Well isn't this an interesting development' she heard Tall, Dark and Trying to be Scary remark and she scoffed slightly, as if he didn't know from the beginning. It appeared he heard her because he turned and smirked in her direction to which she just rolled her eyes. He didn't scare her.

Turning her attention back to what was happening she noticed the Idiot King had begun to turn practically the same colour as those roses he insisted on placing everywhere. She glared at him slightly - if he tried to make a move on Haruhi, she'd kill him. Idiot King was nowhere near good enough for her.

Why was this happening? She didn't understand! Yesterday they couldn't leave her presence quick enough and now this!

She was currently surrounded by a group of sighing lovesick girls who apparently found everything she did worthy of some kind of squeal or exclamation. She turned her head away to try and catch Haruhi's eye and plead for an out but apparently even that caused them to make sounds that made her eardrums want to burst!

'He looked at him again!'

'Look at me like that!'

'He's so hot,' Started one,

'And yet so cold!' squealed the rest of them.

What was happening?!

Kagome: The Hot and Cold host

Hey guys! It's me, Silver! I know it's been a while, i'm not dead I promise ^^' I'm really sorry that it took so long to get this posted but I was re-taking my A-levels, then after I really needed a break from writing and by the time I felt like writing again I was moving into uni ^^''' Anyway! Here's the new chapter guys! I promise i'm gonna try and update at least once a month from now on, but I can't guarantee anything because uni's keeping me pretty busy!

I really hope you like the chapter! Please leave constructive reviews if you can! I love reading your reviews, they make me so happy! I try to reply to as many as possible if not all of them :D

Hopefully see you next month!