Lost and Found

May 6th, 2014; 10:34 PM

Before I forget, you remember how I mentioned something special about that monologue last chapter? A lot of you managed to figure out it was like a cameo from one of my other stories- most of you guessed the Rin from Merry-Go-Round. I don't think anyone realized that it was in fact every Rin from every one of my on-going stories. I'll show you.

'If you're so afraid of yourself, think of it this way:
At least you aren't 'crazy', wondering what is real and what was just a dream.'
That part was the Rin from The Girl in the Ward.
'At least you can decide who you love, free from worry of being found out and quieted.'
That was the Rin from Puppy Mill.
'At least you haven't betrayed him so painfully that he refuses to look at you, facing the burning colors himself.'
That was supposed to be the Rin from Dust in the Corner, although I confess it's a lot less clear.
'And at least... heh. At least your feelings aren't disgusting. Forbidden. Maybe to you, they are. But at least you didn't need to jump off a roof-top to finally make things better. Haha. Ha. Ha...'
The 'ha-ha' gave that one away. ;) That, as most of you guessed, was the Rin from Merry-Go-Round.

I really liked adding all my Rins in like that, it felt really special. ^^ Maybe I'll do it again someday.

June 29th, 2014; 12:39 AM

You may have noticed if you looked at the date from the previous entry, but it's been nearly two months since I've started this chapter. So why is it only half done (so far)? I'll tell you, though you must mind my language.

This chapter is an absolute BITCH.

I'm talking, like, as bitchy as my mother. Yeah. It's that bad.

I don't want to spoil too much, but there are mainly two, maybe three parts to this chapter. The most important ones have to do with Len first and then Gumi.

The one with Len, I had to redo about five times, because... ah, oh well, I'll risk spoiling a little just to tell you this: basically, Piko kept... um... making a mess of himself. In front of Len. o-o" No, it's not wrong of you to think perversely because it's exactly what you think it is. Yes. *shivers* THIS STORY IS RATED T, DAMNIT!
I had to redo it so many times because no matter what, Piko kept getting distracted and... *spurts* XD It wasn't even Len that got him so... hot and bothered. It was himself. That sounds completely narcissistic, but- nah, actually, it probably is narcissistic. Whatever, you'll see. Luckily, the final version, though still somewhat long, is a lot less... *spurts* Yeah. A lot less spurt. In fact, I think almost all of the dirtiness was removed. It almost makes me sad, because that actually was an interesting element... *spurts* Okay, minus the spurt.

Next, we've got that huge Gumi scene. ... So far, I've redone it twice, about to start on my third. I SUCK. SO BAD. I just can't get it right this time! I keep trying to get things to work and then the characters get distracted. Consider it like the tale of Little Red Riding Hood; I want Gumi to go straight to her Grandma's house but she keeps getting distracted by flowers and rabbits and unimportant things. By the time she starts to focus, she's strayed so far off the path that she's gotten lost, going round and round in circles. Yes, that is exactly how that scene has been turning out. It's like, let's say the final goal is that I want Gumi to adopt a cat. It starts out with, "Oh, that's a cute cat. I really love animals." Then the other person goes, "I'm more of a dog person." And then suddenly, we're no longer near the subject of adoption; we're far too engrossed in what kind of dog the Queen of England might have (wait, doesn't she breed beagles as a hobby?). Then suddenly Naty remembers the point and we return to, "No matter how cool dogs are, I still prefer cats. What kind of cat do you like?" "I'm more of a dog person." It's been happening all chapter, everyone gets so distracted! AAAAARRRGGGHHH! ENOUGH WITH THE DAMN CIRCLING AROUND! *Naty isn't one bit frustrated, nope, not at all*

Anyway, I apologize in advance if this chapter is lacking in quality. Believe me, I am slaving over it, trying my best to make this good, but I don't know, I'm starting to get tired of this. I'm probably going to end up taking scenes from the original Ch.24. In fact, I think I will, at least for the Gumi bit. Because, you know, it's pissing me off. ^^* Seriously though. I'm trying my best. And, actually, I have you guys to thank.
See, I was looking for something in the review section (I think it was a review that had something to do with the [still-impending] TGW bonus) and... well... wow. I've said this before and I'll say it again, but you guys really are amazing. I mean... I just had to stop and read them again. You're just all so nice to me that it's overwhelming. Sometimes, I feel like I might take you for granted, but... wow. Every time I check that reviews' section, I'm moved to tears. Really. You guys make my life.
If it weren't for you guys, I would have given up on this chapter a long time ago- hell, I probably would have given up this STORY a long time ago! It's thanks to you that I didn't decide to just write some crappy segment- I thought of all of you that really want to see a new chapter and that are hoping and expecting something really good, and, well... I just can't stand myself whenever I disappoint you. So really, thank you for always motivating me to do better, for praising me when I doubt myself, for giving me a slap of reality when my head gets too inflated. XD You guys really are amazing. I can't stop telling you how great you are.

Be proud of yourselves. This chapter is here thanks to you.

After all, I don't even make the story- the characters do it themselves. I'm just the girl that writes it all out.

So, for the umpteenth time, thank you. Wish me luck so that this time, the chapter turns out. ^^"

July 30th, 2014; 1:02 AM

It didn't turn out.

FUDGE-FREAKING-NUGGETS WHY CAN'T YOU KIDS JUST LISTEN TO ME ARRRGGGHH I HATE Y-

*cough* ... So. I tried to redo Piko's scene again. ... Yep. I think that's pretty self-explanatory. I think my level of frustration must be pretty obvious. Yep. *deep breaths* I thought to myself, you know what? This time, I'm just going to let him do what he wants. If it turns into a full-blown lemon, fine, whatever, at least the M will be out of my system. (If anything, I could post it as an M-rated oneshot~ =w= I'm sure you readers wouldn't mind, right?) ... What does he do? What exactly does the little brat do?! Nothing.

... NOTHING.

He acted like an innocent little schoolgirl. I had to actually PUSH him to flirt. He just completely REFUSED. I hate this kid. I hate him. Gosh damnit, I hate him, I hate him, I- *colourful burst of interesting language*

So... yep. I give up. It's staying like this.
Which is a shame, because I did want some dirtiness in it, not just to satisfy the fangirls (and Simon) but because it was also a really interesting look into Piko, but nope, SOMEBODY doesn't want to. Is it because I didn't let you spurt?!

Piko: *Spurts* ^^

... This... is T-rated. Just thought I'd remind you. (Even though I started it.)

So, those of you that read the original Ch.24 (before it was stealthily removed), you may find a few scenes familiar. This is because they weren't that bad and deserved to be included. ... And... because Gumi's scene went really badly again but the one in Ch.24 was actually pretty decent and I was just way too frustrated to spend another 5 months trying again so- *more colourful language*

Just read it. I'm just so done with this.

Chapter 25 - Honestly, In Complete Honesty

Len sighed for at least the hundreth time since she'd left. What was wrong with him? Why did he feel so sluggish? It was rhetorical, of course. He really didn't care for the answer.

'I could just come over after Rin's left.'

What had he agreed to? He was letting a prostitute into his home. For all he knew, he could be completely contaminated. After all, he did things like... that... to get money. He was probably coated with diseases, no matter what he said about regularly seeking healthcare.

At least, it was easier to think that way. Satisfying too. No matter what Piko said, well, Len was above him, so he'd be fine.

Ahh, no... It wasn't good to think like that. Sure, it made things easier to set himself above Piko, but it went against his morals. Len strongly believed in equality, no matter what. That should include even his enemies. It was easier to believe he was better, that Piko's opinions didn't matter, but it wasn't right.

Besides, Len knew Piko had reasons for his... decisions. Who was he to judge?

Ah, this was exhausting. Len really wished he'd just asked for Piko's number instead. Talking on the phone would have been much easier, right? But no, now Piko would be coming here in person to talk, free to do pretty much anything he so desired... Ugh. No way would he be getting a single yen from coming here. Len hoped that wasn't what he had in mind, or else... Well, he wouldn't hesitate to get a little more aggressive.

... Wait. How did Piko even know how to get here? He hadn't even asked for directions or anything, so did he just know them by heart? Did that mean he came here often? What was tha-?

The door. Someone knocked on the door.

Len practically jumped off the couch and ran to answer... only to cringe and wish he'd taken his time.

"Good evening!" Piko sang, waltzing in confidently. "Did you miss me?"

Leather, lots of leather. Fishnet stockings. Len wasn't sure that could be considered a shirt. Kami-sama, was that a collar?! And what was with that random blue eye?! "The bow isn't cute. Just take out the bow." Wait... what?

Piko laughed. "Of all the things you could say... I was expecting something a lot more colourful, like, oh, I don't know, 'Bitch get out of my house', 'Sluts aren't allowed through the door', maybe something like 'Piko, your ass is mine'..." His eyes widened. "Oops!" he teased. "Disregard that last one- That's what I thought when I walked in!" Cue an adorable little wink. Teehee~!

'... Shoot me.' "Please don't say things like that. Can't you be serious?"

"Oh, I'm always serious," Piko said seductively, taking a bold step forward. "I mean every dirty word I say~..." The glare on Len's face made him laugh. "Aw, you're adorable. I want to ruffle your hair, but you'd probably bite me!" Len thought only girls giggled. Huh. "Alright, I understand, I'll be abstinent for a few minutes. That's what you want, right?"

"Please." Good.

"... Maybe I should charge you. Do you know how difficult it is not to completely rape you right now?"

Oh kami. After hearing that, Len was tempted to grab his wallet- to ensure he'd be able to keep his virginity at least a little while longer.

"Um... That's illegal."

"So are your looks, sweet pea." Was that a... purr?

"I've never heard of any law like that."

Piko laughed. "I like you, kid, you're priceless!"

Len sighed. "Can't you just... please tell me what you wanted to tell me?" Maybe if he asked nicely...?

Piko suddenly gasped. Len was going to ask if he'd forgotten something when he suddenly whispered, "My gosh, you're adorable...!"

"I'm serious! Please?"

"Just stop talking already!" Piko made some sort of strange... squealing sound and giggled some more. "Can't I just take you home with me?"

Len didn't bother answering. He'd try and wait Piko out. Maybe Piko was like a child, high on energy but limited. Len would just have to wait for him to burn out.

"Is that a yes? That's a yes, right? I can take you home?"

He tried for a little longer but when he realized Len was ignoring him, Piko decided he might need a more... 'direct' approach.

"Oh, so this is your kink?" he teased. "Stay as still as you can, and so this way you aren't instigatin' nothin'! It's guilt-free, huh? You won't have to be lying when you tell people you 'didn't do a thing', right?"

Len refused to even listen.

"Sorry I didn't pick up on it sooner, then," Piko said, seduction seeping into his voice. He began to lean closer. "I can definitely pause my restraint for you... You can be my only exception!"

When Len felt a hand slide down his chest and looked up to see Piko's face just inches from his, he decided maybe being ignorant hadn't been such a great idea after all. He pushed back so quickly he nearly threw himself off of the couch. "What are you doing?!"

Piko suppressed his laughter, opting for a small smile. "Morning, Sleepin' Beauty."

Len sighed. He'd been outdone. "If you have nothing important to tell me, then I guess you can just leave," he said. He wasn't one to give up easily; now, to hope he'd take the bait...

"Len-kun!" Piko gasped. "So rude! You tsundere, why must ya push me 'way?" It was almost funny the way his accent always tended to come and go like an old habit. Sometimes it was stronger, other times it was harder to hear.

"I'm serious. Just leave."

For a moment, Piko's smile faltered. A few seconds later, it happened again. He seemed indecesive. Good.

"You're no fun..." he said quietly.

"I'm being serious. I didn't let you in for a friendly chat." For some strange reason, it semed like Piko... flinched when being told this.

"I know that..." His accent became heavier than ever. "'Know that. You don't give a shit 'bout these things..." Uh-oh. What was with these mood-swings? "No one evah does. 'Ah get it. Ya just want business..." Now it seemed like he was slurring his words on purpose. Was he under the influence of something? For some reason, while he was tempted to believe it, Len didn't think so. Perhaps he held too much trust in humanity, but Len wanted to think Piko wasn't into those things. "I'm right, right? All ya care 'bout is you, right?"

He wanted to protest- he wasn't selfish at all, was he? -but he didn't feel like offering the upper hand back to Piko. So instead he swallowed his pride and said, "I guess so."

"'Knew it. You no better than me..."

He wanted to insist he was, that he tried his best to always think of others first, but that wouldn't make Piko happy. So he nodded instead. "I... I guess not."

This seemed to please Piko. He nodded a few times and sighed. "I feel like shit." His accent had receded a bit.

That was great and all, but while he'd stopped the sexual harassment, this still wasn't what Len wanted to talk about. "Do you need an aspirin or something?"

"Nah... Don't need any drugs." A small smile tugged at his lips. "Even if they're not the bad kind."

And here Len couldn't help his curiosity. "Have you ever gotten into those? Drugs, I mean. I won't judge you."

Piko let out a breathy laugh. "You nosy kid." ... Maybe that was true. "Nah... I know ya think all street kids are the same, get into bad things, become bad things, but it's not like that. You're just too naive to know that." He smiled when he saw Len bristle a little. "It ain't an insult. It's a good thing. Keep that naivety."

And again, Piko's mood seemed to have quickly shifted as he quickly became more relax. It was strange and... minorly unsettling, to be honest.

"Although I have technically taken something, though it's not really the same." He sighed through his nose. "You know those 'date rape' drugs? The pills, you dissolve them in someone's drink?" Len had heard of them but had never really seen or talked about the issue anywhere outside of the school's assemblies. "Don't look at me like that, I'm no rapist. I'm a rape victim, remember?"

... Huh. It felt strange to think of Piko that way (especially considering his employment), but if what he'd said about his backstory was true, then... he really was a rape victim, huh?

"Anyway, those things are actually really easy to find. A lot of things are. In case you're wondering, there's no way I'll be telling you where they are, because while I'm sure you'll feel noble tipping off the police, you'll like it a lot less when you're at gunpoint." A small chuckle, as if it were actually supposed to be humorous. "I have some, but I've never actually used it on anybody- only me."

Len frowned. "On you? Why? To get more..." How to phrase it? "Clients?"

Piko shook his head, a crooked smile on his lips. "You're cute. Not how it works, kid. Just... sometimes, there'll be days when even I can't handle things. Sometimes I think I might not make it through the night. So I'll pop one in and then... well, it's kind of like skipping a day. I'll wake up somewhere and it'll be the next day and even though I'll feel like shit, it'll feel at least a bit better than before. ... Though my dick'll probably hurt like hell." Len didn't need to know that part. At all.

Okay, so they'd gotten seriously off-topic. "Um, so... What exactly was it that you wanted to tell me?" Piko looked confused. "On the phone? When Rin was still here? You told me you wanted to tell me a secret?

"A secret...?" Piko stared at him blankly for a few seconds before he let out a snort. "Oh, I know what you're talking about. S'not so much a secret as it is a favor." Len didn't like the sound of that. "I'm going to need you to keep Rin away from me for the next few days."

"... What?" Was he growing sick of her?

"See... I'm gonna be real sick. It might just be one day, but it could be two or three days. I just have to get it out of my system, then I have to make sure it doesn't happen again right away. Then I'll be fine. Yeah... for a while."

Len stared at him. "I... have no idea what you're talking about."

There was a strange dark look in Piko's eyes. "Isn't it kind of obvious?" He laughed bitterly. "I'm a sick kid, Len." He used his first name, without any honorifics. "I have problems a normal kid like you probably can't even imagine." He paused and suddenly he blinked a few times, as if just waking up. "Oh," he said.

"What is it?"

It took him a moment but eventually Piko managed a crooked smile. In a casual voice he said softly, "I'm losing it."

Something about the way he said it gave Len the shivers- his expression, maybe, or the tone of his voice. Either way, something felt... off. He wasn't sure how to decribe it. He wasn't necessarily scared nor disgusted, nor did he really feel very awkward. So... what was it exactly...? Ah, maybe. Yes, it was unsettling.

"Are you okay?" Len asked again.

"Not really." Piko leaned back in his chair and put his hands over his eyes. "... Sometimes I wonder if I'm breaking." Breaking?! Piko sighed. "Anyway, as I said before, I'll need you to keep Rin away. I don't care how you do it, tell her your parents have died, buy a trip to Hawaii, fuck her maybe-" A pause as he reconsidered. "Actually, no, you're not allowed to fuck her. If you do, I'll kill you, maybe."
Shouldn't that be Len's line? ... And why only maybe? Shouldn't he do it no matter what?
... Although considering he was talking about Len, perhaps Len should be grateful for that maybe...
Wait, what?! Len wasn't even thinking of doing anything like that! Ugh, Piko was messing with his mind again, this time without even meaning to!

"But... why do I need to keep her away?"

Piko gave him such a look then. "I literally just told you." He was getting a little grumpy now. "I'm gonna be sick."

"Well... How do you know you're going to be sick? Does that mean you've already got a cold?"

The look intensified. Finally, after determining the other boy was indeed not joking, Piko beckoned him over. "Come on, right here." Ugh, why?

... Oh. Piko could feel the warmth radiating off of Len. It was... nice. It'd been a long time since Piko had someone so near, so warm, so close and hot... It'd been at least five days. His head was starting to spin... N-No, not now again...!
Despite himself, Piko scooted closer to the other boy. He felt him tense, but he didn't really care all too much. He wasn't feeling... right.

"Give me your hand for a second." It was so laughable. Len may seem like a difficult, complicated person, yet he was as quick to trust people as his sister.

"What are yo- YEEK!" He pulled his hand back right away and stared at Piko with a horrified expression. It was oh-so laughable.

"Did that answer your question?"

"I-I- Wh-What did- Why would-" He shook his head, his eyes still wide and shocked. "What the hell?!"

"I figured it'd be easier to show you," Piko said simply. That, and he'd really wanted to see Len's reaction. It was as adorable as he'd expected it to be!

"What kind of-" He stopped himself and took a deep breath. Whatever. Getting flustered like this was just doing what Piko wanted him to. He couldn't be Piko's toy; he refused to be played with. He'd just pretend nothing had happened. "Whatever. I really don't get what that has to do with anything, which could be easily answered by actually using words, but I'm sure I wouldn't want to know anyway, so-"

"It's been too long."

"What?"

Piko was quiet for a while. It almost looked like he was sulking. "I'm sick. I can't go this long without it. I just can't. I'm stuck like this forever..."

Despite his dislike for Piko, Len couldn't help but feel guilty. He could again be manipulating him, but it seemed like Piko resented his 'condition'. Of course, it could all be an act, but if it wasn't...?

"I don't know why I'm like this, but I can't just... stop. So for the next few days, I'm gonna be punished for waitin' so long. Heh, not by my pimp, you - I don't have a pimp, stop looking at me like that! My body just can't take this 'abstinence' shit. Neither can my brain..." So that explained the mood swings. Huh...

It was then that Len thought, sex really is a scary thing, isn't it? It takes control of people, turns people against each other, greedily consumes emotions and promises.
What would Piko's life have been like if he hadn't been raped? He probably wouldn't be wandering around the streets of Tokyo with a 'For Sale' sign around his neck. He'd probably be a lot more normal, actually.
It made Len wonder, how much of this Piko here was the real Piko? Surely this obsession must have changed him drastically, so what part of this boy was the Piko from before? Was there any? Or had this boy been completely warped by his condition?

It was the first time Len thought that maybe Piko's actions weren't really his fault. If Len were in such a situation...

"Stop lookin' at me like that."

"Hm?"

Piko was curled up on his side with his head on the armrest, weakly glaring at him. "I liked it better when ya hated me. You're making me all depressed with yo' pity. Seriously, don't look at me like that. It makes me want to punch ya."

"Hm..." Len nodded slowly. "... Okay." He wouldn't want to be looked at that way either. So... he'd just look somewhere else.

"... Why do ya do things like that?"

Len forgot his new rule and glanced over, but Piko was hiding his face. "What do you mean?"

"Why ya gotta be so..." Piko searched for the word. "Nice?" He didn't seem to like the sound of it and squirmed a little.

"I don't get it."

"Aren't you supposed to hate me?"

Len blinked. Well... yeah, probably, but... "Do you want me to?" Piko didn't answer. "Should I hate you?"

"Yes." He still wouldn't look. "Shouldn't you?"

"I don't know." It didn't seem like this conversation was going anywhere, but... Strangely... "Do you hate me?"

"Can't."

Can't? "So... Do you want to hate me?"

"No."

Len dropped his hands to his sides. "Okay, then I don't get it."

But even if it made no sense to him, he'd still listen. He'd still try to understand. Because that was how Len was. It made Piko feel even worse about himself. "Why are you so nice to people? You're supposed to hate me. I'm supposed to be the bad guy."

The bad guy...? "Wait, so if I'm supposed to hate you, does that mean...?" Len's eyes widened a little. "Have you purposely been trying-...?"

"I dunno." He lifted his head a little but continued staring towards the door, almost as though he considered making a run for it. "I don't know at all. I'm going crazy. I don't even know anymore."

Len didn't know what to say.

"I don't know what to think about anything. I don't know why I do things or say things or why I exist or any of that shit. Things just happen. They just come out. I don't even know what I'm saying right now, but it's just... coming out. And I can't control it. That's why you have to keep Rin away from me for the next few days; because I can't control myself. I-..." He suddenly shivered and went quiet after that, as though coming to his senses.

"Piko?"

"Oh my god," he whispered, his accent heavy. "Fuck, fuck, fuck..."

"What? What is it?" Len reached over to try and see him better but stopped when he saw the boy move.

Piko finally turned. His expression was an odd mix of horror and exhaustion. He looked terrified for some reason, in a way that was even scaring Len. "F-Forget... everything I said." Oh, he looked like he was already starting to calm down, which was good. Len thought Piko would have a panic attack right then and there, but it seemed like he'd be alright. ... For now.

"Forget what you said?" Len blinked a few times. Which parts did he mean? How much was he supposed to forget? "... Okay." It wouldn't be so easy. Already a part of his brain was busy dissecting Piko's words, trying to figure out what he could have meant. It wouldn't be so easy to forget.

Piko's eyes softened. They were red around the edges and Len wondered if he'd been crying. Maybe that's why he hadn't wanted to show his face. "I really don't get you," he whispered.

Maybe it was strange, but with his hair ruffled from his distress and those eyes big and watery, Len couldn't help but think Piko actually did look cute. Not that he was reconsidering Piko's offer or anything, just... It was strange, but he seemed a lot less superficial looking this way. Maybe that's what it was; his real self was much more attractive than his fake persona, the contact and dog collar. Huh.

So what was it he'd been asking about earlier...? Oddly enough, while he agreed that he was 'supposed' to hate Piko, Len wanted to help him, as much as he could right now. And if answering Piko's question would help him in any way, then... "I don't really know why."

"What?" Piko's brows furrowed in confusion. It was cute.

"You asked me why I'm... 'nice'?" Len shrugged. "It's not like I try to be. I just... can't stand seeing people unhappy."

Piko sat back on the couch, an amazed expression on his face. "And that's what I don't get... Most people couldn't care less. They take and take and take whatever they want, just because it's easier. They don't care about the other people. I'm the same, if I want something, I'll take it, 'cause... I'm selfish. It's so much easier not to care."

Len thought about that and sighed, leaning back. "I don't know... I guess it would be easier. I could just let Rin do whatever she wants, kick you out of this room, and run off to find my mom on my own. It's probably be way easier. It'd definitely cost me less. It'd might even make things a little faster. But... it wouldn't make me really happy. Do you know what I mean?" Piko slowly nodded but Len didn't think he really understood. "Seeing Rin-chan smile automatically makes me happy- if she's smiling at me that is -and seeing her cry gets me upset too. So I could just kick you out without giving you a chance to say anything, but that would probably upset you, right? And knowing that, it'd upset me too. I guess I'm just... sensitive to the people around me."

For a few seconds, Piko just stared. "... Do you love her?"

Oh, he was talking about Rin again. Len knew he'd jump to that conclusion. "I've told you this already at least five times, I don't-"

"Be honest this time." ... Honest? Piko swallowed and lifted his chin, some of his usual arrogance seeping back. "I was honest with you (without meaning to, but still), so you have to be honest with me too."

Honesty? Honestly... Well... "I don't know."

Piko waited for a second part to his answer, an explanation of some kind. When he didn't get one, he sighed. "I guess that is a bit more honest than before..."

"Why do you want me to be with Rin so badly?" Len asked. It was something he'd been wondering for a while and this seemed like the only time Piko would ever answer seriously.

"... I don't know." Or not.

Len chuckled. "Serves me right, I guess."

To his surprise, Piko smiled back. "I should go," he said, and started pushing himself off the couch.

"Wait-" Len realized there was one other thing he urgently wanted to know. "What about you?"

"What about me?" This was interesting. Was he asking about...?

"Do you love her?"

So he was. Ha. And he dared say he didn't know. Piko took a few slow steps towards the door, stalling for the sheer dramatic thrill. "Am I allowed to say I don't know?" His voice became slightly higher-pitched as he tuned himself for tonight.

"You are not."

"Alright, then... Maybe a little." He winked at the cute younger boy. "Her brother isn't half-bad either, though."

So he was already reverting back to normal. Maybe it was too late to ask after all. Still... "Honestly?"

"Honestly?" he repeated. "Am I being honest? Hmm... Maybe a little, but I doubt it." He stared off aimlessly, a mysterious smile on his face. "Nowadays, I just take what I can get. I don't dare become greedy." He looked back at Len and cocked his head. "Don't worry, I won't steal her from you. It's only a matter of time before I lose her. I don't want to speed it up more than I have to."

Honestly, in complete honesty.

If only Len knew just what he meant.

"Welcome to the night life!"

She felt uncomfortable. All the people around her seemed so much older than Gumi was, and as she scanned the room, she couldn't help but feel like the odd one out. And to think, the doorman hadn't even asked their age! Hadn't Kiyo-nii mentioned you had to be a certain age to get into clubs?

... Wait... Was this an illegal club?

"Don't look so shy, Gumi-san!" Rin seemed perfectly at home. "If you act shy, people will try to take advantage of you! You can't let that happen; it should be the other way around!" She spun and gestured at all. "Don't you just love it already? The lights, the music... it even feels like fun!"

No, no it did not. Gumi wanted nothing more than to leave, but... if she did...

"The dance floor is on that side and the bar is just up ahead." The music was so loud, Gumi could just barely hear her. "What do you want to drink? I'll get it for you!"

"I-It's okay, I'll go with you!" Gumi was quick to say. She definitely didn't want to be caught here alone... She didn't trust anyone around her. She didn't want to think of what they could do.

Rin paused for a moment and laughed. "Oh, I get it! You probably don't even know what to get in the first place! You're probably an alcoholic virgin!"

Well... There had been that make-believe champagne Kiyo had let her try, but Rin probably wouldn't consider that as 'real'.

The bar's counters were lit light blue, illuminating the different sized wine glasses on its shelves. Rin strode right up onto a black-cushioned swivel stool and leant as close as she could reach to the busy bartender, whispering something in his ear. He nodded in response and began fulfilling her request. Pleased, Rin glanced back at Gumi and waved her over. "Hey! Over here!"

As Gumi came and sat down, the bartender placed two drinks on the counter before her. Rin smiled sweetly. "Thank you, sir." He nodded in acknowledgement and busied himself with the next order. To Gumi she said, "I didn't mean for you to sit. If you sit right at the bar, you're bound to get slipped." Gumi wasn't sure what she meant but laughed nervously along with her.

She followed Rin to a small round table near the dance floor. It was a little embarrassing when she had to hop to get onto the stool, but she could handle such trivial things. Rin sipped her girlish drink and watched her companion carefully.

Gumi was obviously uncomfortable as she glanced around nervously, and in watching her, that sensation returned, that feeling that something was wrong. Something wasn't right. She was feeling nauseous again, but it wasn't just that; she felt guilty too! When she looked at Gumi and saw the innocence in her eyes being replaced by that fear, it made her feel bad enough to second-guess. 'Maybe it wasn't such a good idea to bring her here...' To drown out the unwanted emotions, she took a big sip of her drink, ignoring the straw. It burned at her throat as she swallowed and brought a certain fuzziness to her brain. Perfect. She felt better now.

"Rin...?" It was an uneasy whine. The green-haired puppy-dog in front of her watched nervously as her guide downed her drink. Was it right to drink so much alcohol? Ever so hesitantly she lifted her own straw to her lips and took a sip. Oh, no. She cringed and sputtered, a few drips dropping onto her yellow-layered dress.

"Mm... It's gettin' hotter." Usually that was a good sign but the feeling wasn't going away. It was the opposite, actually; her chest seemed to grow heavier every time she looked at the girl across from her. It... didn't feel good at all... 'Gosh,' she thought as she took another burning gulp, 'we've only just gotten here and I'm already getting so wasted...' Yet the guilt made her want more. She didn't like it; she had to numb herself.

Rin strode back to the bar.

Luka rolled over in her bed. It was eleven-thirty; she'd gone to bed at nine, yet hadn't managed even a wink of sleep. Her phone kept vibrating on her night-table.

"Buzz buzz!" A new text. "Buzz buzz!" And another. "Buzz buzz!" That made it fifty-nine. "Buzz buzz!" Sixty.

Luka sighed and opened it, even though she knew she wouldn't like what she saw.

To: Megurine Luka
From: Hatsune Miku

Subject: No Subject

'I'm not going to stop until you pick up.'

'I know you're there.'

'Don't ignore me.'

'I'm sick of being ignored.'

She'd probably keep sending messages all night and maybe all day tomorrow too. "Damn it," Luka muttered. "Why can't you just leave me alone?" She'd been trying her best to forget about that girl, but now, she was making it near impossible. It was so hard not to think of her when she missed her so much.

She finally gave up on sleep and grabbed her robe from the chair. Mikuo was probably still awake; he always was.
She strode out into the living room to check up on him. Sure enough, there he was bent over pages of unfinished manga, a small lamp his only light. "You have an office, you know. Don't you ever use it?"

A ghost of a smile appeared on his lips. He leant his head onto his desk, cushioning it with his arms. "Luka-san... still awake? I thought you went to bed a while ago."

"I can't sleep. Your cousin won't let me."

Mikuo looked up at her, examining her expression. "... Hm." He stretched. "What's she want?"

She looked a little guilty. "I'll admit I've been ignoring her since I got here... on purpose."

"On purpose? How come?"

She smiled sadly. "I think you know already."

"You like her. Is that it?"

She averted her eyes to the pale wall, her chest tightening. "I thought you'd figure it out..." A sigh. "She has a boyfriend."

"I hear. She reminds me every few days." He chuckled as he re-sharpened his pencil. "He good for her?"

"In my opinion?" He nodded. "Yes. Kaito-kun... He's kind. He's normal. One of my best friends, actually. He acts very laid-back but I know he can be serious when he needs to be. He isn't stupid either. He's just a happy person... That's all. But, still... he's probably better for her than I am, especially right now."

Mikuo nodded. "You'd still rather it be you though, right?"

She didn't answer.

"There's nothing wrong with liking her. I'm her cousin, not her brother, so it's not my job to examine every candidate, but I'd support you both."

"While I appreciate that, it's not exactly your support that I need..."

"Why don't you tell her?" Luka's gaze snapped up sharply at the suggestion. He paused to erase something in his sketching. "I know Miku-chan isn't against gay romance, so that's a start."

"Tons of straight people support gay rights, Mikuo!" Oh no, she couldn't confess to her...!

"Tons of gay people support gay rights too, you know." Well, no shit.

"You don't get it, Mikuo-san, if I admit to her my feelings and she rejects me-"

"Then you'll go back to being the bestest friends ever and you'll marry some other girl." He shrugged. "Worst that can happen is that she rejects you. Isn't it?"

"No, it's not!" Mikuo was surprised at how agitated she'd gotten. Her bangs stuck up funny from being mussed by her hands. "If she figures out how I feel, she'll feel uncomfortable near me. She'll always be checking my reaction, worrying I'll take things the wrong way, and things will get awkward. Next thing you know, it'll be her avoiding me."

"Oh, how the tables turn." He looked up shamefully. "Sorry... I'm being an ass. I'm just kind of tired... sorry." He yawned. "I'm still saying you should tell her how you feel, and even when I'm completely awake, my opinion won't change. I can't force you, but you're obviously not getting anywhere just feeling bad about yourself. Besides... she'll probably find out eventually anyway. Better now while she's uncertain than later when she's married."

She was silent for a minute or two, taking it all in. Finally, "Is there something I can help you with? Screen-tones, inking... anything?"

He grinned. "While I appreciate the offer, I'm only drafting right now. I don't need any assistants for this part, just imagination. If you really want to help though, I can let you read it over tomorrow. You can tell me what you think then."

She nodded and smiled. "I'll go make you a coffee then while I'm up."

"Tch." He shook his head. "You spoil me, Luka-san."

Gumi didn't know what to do.

While her own drink remained nearly untouched, Rin was on her fourth or fifth glass of... of whatever that was. She literally tilted from side-to-side as she sipped, a lazy grin on her face. "Mm... Don't you want yours, Gumi-chaaan?"

Gumi quickly shook her head. She felt scared with Rin in such a state. What if someone dangerous came over? Rin wouldn't be able to do anything. Gumi would be alone and completely vulnerable...

... Well, not completely. It was a good thing no one had checked her purse.

"Mm... Gumi-Bear, darlin'," Rin slurred, "don't you feel like dancin'?"

"U-Um..." Would Rin get angry if she said no?

With her drunken stupor, every face Rin looked at wore that poor innocent puppy look Gumi was so good at. It made her feel trapped, but dancing could possibly lift that feeling. She could close her eyes. Or... if not, then maybe another drink. "Gumi-Beeear...! Ain't ya gonna answer?"

"Y-You... You don't look too good, Rin." Rin's status was scaring her more and more. "Your face is really red... Do you want me to get you something? Ice, maybe?"

"Tch." Rin waved her hand in dismissal. "Geeee, Gummy-Bear, if ya don' wanna, you coulda just said so..."

"I... I wasn't lying..." She was on the brink of tears now. Oh, no! She couldn't cry, not now! "I..." She couldn't do this. She couldn't be here! She was like an injured lamb surrounded by well-fed lions. They weren't hungry in the least, yet she looked so delicious that, hey, maybe they could make room for a little more... She didn't want to wait here any longer, terrified those 'lions' would notice her and eat her. She couldn't do this anymore. She had to get out!

For a moment she hesitated; she wasn't alone here. Rin would still sit there, an equally lost black sheep, equally appetizing to the felines' eyes. She wasn't safe here. Someone could have very well slipped something into her drink while she was at the bar. She certainly wasn't alert enough to have been paying good attention! Had Rin been drugged?

"Gummy-Bear...?"

The green-haired girl flinched, guilt finding its way within her. "I'm sorry, Rin," she said, backing away slowly. "I'm sorry... but I can't be here. Please, don't get hurt, I..." She turned and ran.

Rin watched her go in disinterest. "Meh," she snorted. This pretty drink had a pretty pink umbrella sticking out of it. It was so pretty with its pretty little designs... Aw. Pretty. Soon, she lost interest in that too.

She grunted and glanced around the dark club. "Hm." There wasn't much to do. She didn't want to drink any more; her throat felt itchy now and her head ached. She wasn't completely drunk- already she was beginning to regain her senses, though it would probably take the night to get back to normal. She was just craving something interesting now, something to entertain her...

"I'm sorry!" Gumi slowed her pace to a walk. She was out now, and her fear was replaced with immense guilt. She'd left Rin within that pack of wolves when she was possibly drugged and extremely vulnerable. What if they did to her what had once been attempted unto Gumi?

She hesitated and considered going back but changed her mind. Rin could fend for herself... Couldn't she? ... No, not right now, she couldn't. But what could Gumi do? Rin surely wouldn't let herself be dragged out. She'd surely swear vengeance unto her if Gumi called Len. In the end, Gumi decided, there was nothing she could have done to help. It made her feel better and gave her enough reassurance to continue forward.

"Hey, no way, is that...?" She heard a familiar laugh, a laugh that sent shivers down her spine and made her freeze on the spot. "Hey, Gumi!"

Run. Run.

She couldn't move. She couldn't scream. She couldn't breathe.

"It is you, isn't it, Goo-goo?" Nee-san. "Ha! Were you just in there?" Not nee-san. "I didn't know my darling sister went out at night!" Anyone but nee-san...! "Hey... Hey! Where you going?!"

She hadn't even realized she'd begun running until she nearly ran into a brick wall. She veered last second and continued down an alley. It was stacked with garbage bags, boxes and unused bins. "NYAN!" She nearly fell over as a tri-colored alley cat hissed at her from one of the boxes.

She kept going, running, until... "N-No..." A dead end. A large overfilled garbage bin backed by a ten-foot wall. There was no why she could climb or jump that high. She turned back and surveyed the mouth of the alley. It was clear; she still had time to hide.

There was a small amount of room between the garbage bin and the wall. She quickly squished into the space, flattening herself as well as she could. It was cramped and she wouldn't be able to get out very easily, but it hid her well enough. Now she was at least slightly safer, maybe. She waited, listening for the sound of footsteps. Paper scraped against pavement. The alley cat reassured her mewling kittens. The beat of the club's music could be heard even from here. But there weren't any footsteps.

No, wait- there they were. Shoes - no, boots clopped against the ground, stepping slowly and hesitantly, as if disoriented.

"Hm," Rin hummed. It hurt her head to make noise like that but it was soothing for whatever strange reason.

So... she was out now.
She remembered her way home, too; she'd been here enough times with Sonika to remember. Rin hadn't seen her as she'd exited, though it hadn't been as though she was expecting her. Sonika was probably fooling around with Dell at the moment. Maybe it wasn't even Dell she was fooling around with. It didn't matter.

She shivered. "Ooh... cold." She hadn't brought a sweater or jacket. All she wore was a short-sleeved blouse and belt-held daisy-duke shorts. Thin lip-stain patterned leggings and black leather anklets she'd bought just recently clothed her too, but neither provided her legs with much warmth. Great. At least her pigtails kept the wind from howling in her ears.

She still felt dizzy but was adjusting with every second. Soon her head wouldn't be spinning quite as quickly and her feet wouldn't get so tangled, though there would still probably be a noticeable misbalance to her composure. "Mm..." Her senses were amplified with the influence of the alcohol and she felt her thoughts linger to her fellow traveler, most likely sleeping already in their room.

What was Len thinking right now? Was he dreaming of his sweet, innocent little Gumi-chan? Well, guess who suddenly wasn't innocent anymore? Ha... Ha! Take that! Len would see it now. He'd realize Gumi wasn't as pure as he'd thought and discover that bad girls were more fun, by far. And then... then...
Then what?

Gumi peeked out from behind her hiding spot. It'd been over fifteen minutes now and no one had even looked down her alley. Either Sonika was lingering near the club's entrance or she'd given up completely. Gumi hoped for the latter.

She forced herself out of her cramped hiding spot and took in a deep breath. Then, she thought of Rin. "... I'm sorry, Len," she whispered, "for being selfish." She knew Len cared for her, yet the feelings he felt for Gumi were nowhere near the feelings her felt for his ex-sister. Gumi knew that; Gumi had always known. And yet she'd completely disregarded that knowledge and left Rin to fend for herself. Abandoned her. In the end, she was no better than Sonika had been.

She fingered the weapon in her purse as reassurance then pulled back her hand. She needed to get home. She needed to be safe again.

In the end, she could only ever be a cowardly little lamb. Would she ever be able to stand up for herself?

As she carefully walked towards the mouth of the alley, she thought of a nursery rhyme her foster parents had taught her long ago:

'All the king's horses and all the king's men, couldn't put Humpty Dumpty together again...'

It struck home. She wasn't sure who or what the message applied to in her life, but it felt right. Right in a very wrong way. It was hard to explain...

"MROWR!" Lost in thought, the sound of that alley cat made Gumi jump back and, of course, trip over herself. The typical clumsiness of a heroine. Although... Gumi would never be good enough to be a heroine. She was just Gumi. Just Gumi, nothing special.

The cat stared at her, growling its warning. Behind her in a box (with a picture of an inflatable pool on its top), Gumi could just see the small heads of curious young kittens. It amazed her for some reason. To think that a cat would so willingly stand there protecting its young ones like that... That cat didn't seem afraid of getting hurt. She would do anything to protect her small kittens. Wasn't that amazing? How could she be so unafraid of pain? What was her secret? Could Gumi become the same way, somehow? And that stare... To think something as small as a cat could be so intimidating...

Without thinking, Gumi reached out her hand to pet it. The cat pounced. Thanks to good reflexes, only a single claw was able to pinch skin. It was very long but not very deep, though it was bleeding a little.

Still Gumi wasn't angry. She wasn't scared either. She sat there in amazement, thinking of how that cat had seen the threat and immediately reacted without hesitation. That motherly cat had all the qualities of a true soldier, and what Gumi wouldn't give to be one of those baby kittens, protected by such a caring mother...

She had to go home. Kiyo-onii was probably there already waiting for her, wondering where she was, worried sick, calling Big Al to organize some search group... Heh. She missed him.

She had to get home.

She stood back up, glanced one more time at the alley cat and made her way back up the alley.

Everything would be fine. Everything would be fine. Everything would be fine. The worst was past. No matter what, she'd be oka-

"Took you long enough."

No.

No way.

Sonika wouldn't wait that long for her.

She couldn't have- No, Sonika wasn't that patient, she-

"Don't just stand there. You wasted practically my whole night, Goo-goo."

Only Sonika called her Goo-goo. It was a stupid name that made her sound like a baby, which was probably why Sonika liked it so much; because Gumi didn't. Because Sonika would do anything to bother her little sister.

She'd do anything to make Goo-goo's life a living hell.

"Seriously, say sooomething... You're so boooring..."

She couldn't look. Run, run, kami-sama, why couldn't she run?!

"I figured you'd come out eventually... I mean, s'not like you can gooo anywheeere..." The way she slurred her words sounded like she'd already had a few drinks. How much was she planning to consume?! "I just wanna taaalk, see how you beeen... See, I thought you were dead looong time 'go. They told me Yukio found ya, figured there was no way you was gettin' through that... Were you so good to him that he let you go?" She laughed. "Now that, I gotta see."

Shut up. Just stop talking.

"Y'know, I'll bet you're actually pretty good. I mean, you're mah sister, 'fter aaall... You probably know all the tricks by instinct." She kept laughing. "N'fact, I'll bet I could start a business through you or something. Hey, d'you wanna be a teacher?" And she kept laughing. She was her own favorite comedian.

Gumi swallowed. She had to be brave, she couldn't be scared of Sonika. If Sonika knew she was scared, Sonika would have the upper hand, and... Gumi couldn't let Sonika have the upper hand. Never again.

Shaking, Gumi took a step forward. And then another one. She wasn't sure whether it got easier or harder each time.

She'd made it four paces when Sonika finally picked up on it. "Wait, are you tryin' ta leave? After I waited all this time for you? Heh, you bitch..."

Gumi heard the sound of rustled clothing and froze. She knew Sonika was standing and that in only a few seconds she'd be right up behind her, yet there was that fear there. She could run and maybe be gone, but then Sonika would only be angrier when she found her. And so she hesitated. By the time she finally took that next step, it was already too late.

"Come on, don't leave me again, yooou!" Gumi could feel her breath in her ear. "You already abandoned me once, don't do it again now that I've finally gotten you baaack~!"

"YOU'RE THE ONE THAT ABANDONED ME!"

It came out on its own, surprising them both. What... was that, exactly?

Finally Gumi was looking at her. Sonika looked the same as she always had, despite the makeup she wore. Even her hair, though slightly shorter, was worn in that same wild ponytail on the left side, always on the left. The right side didn't look as good, she'd always say. Her eyes, Akina's eyes, amber-coloured and mischievous yet so cunning, the way they flickered over Gumi's face and that smile that stretched across her lips...

It'd been such a long time.

"You've gotten sassy. I like it." She cocked her head, smirking the way she always used to. "No hard feelings, right?"

No hard feelings? No hard feelings?!

"Please leave me alone." Something felt strange inside of her. This cold metallic feeling... She didn't like it at all.

"Leave you alone? After I spent so much time looking for you? You're funny." Sonika was sobering up already. This was bad, so bad-

"Just let me go." Whose voice was these? The words felt like giant marbles rising out of her throat. She wanted to close her mouth and stop the hurt but she couldn't, she wasn't in control anymore, something else deep down was taking advantage of her, something bad, something hard, something she didn't like it, she didn't like this at all, cold and reckless, she didn't like this, she didn't like this-!

"Go where? To your cute little daddy's house?" A bubbling laugh. "It's a nice place, isn't it? Nice n' homey, but not really my kind o' decorating."

What?

"What's with that face?" Sonika teased. "Of course I went n' checked out where you lived. I mean, I thought you were dead, n' here you are, bright n' perky. 'Course I had to see how you were doin'! And then Papa came home."

Gumi didn't say anything. She waited, even though she didn't want to hear it.

"He acted like he didn't want me there but I saw the way he looked at me." Her smile, Gumi could see it from the corner of her eyes; it was evil. "Next thing I know, I'm bein' told Momma'll be back in an hour and to make it quick. And boy," she sighed, "he was quick alright..."

No. There was no way.

"You don't know where I live."

"I followed you, stupid. Not that hard to do." She was only joking. She had to be.

"Kiyo-nii wouldn't do that."

Sonika lifted a brow. "'Nii'? As in 'Nii-chan'? I guess he really isn't much older than you, but I thought you were bigger than five. Sheesh, Goo-goo, you're still such a baby..."

Shut up.

"You should know by now that all guys are like that. They can promise you everything, but in the end, they're only in it for the lay." She smiled. "Then again, us girls really aren't that different, are we?"

Shut up. Shut up!

"Oh kami... Goo-goo, don't tell me you don't know? Do you honestly think a man would really just take in some poor street-girl out of the kindness of his heart? Seriously? Nobody is really that nice; we just pretend to be. Haven't you noticed the way he looks at you? Hmm?"

... He didn't seem uncomfortable in the slightest when it came to her nudity. In fact, earlier when she'd been getting ready, he'd walked in on her dressing and... he hadn't even averted his eyes. He'd just walked in and talked to her like nothing was the matter.

Was it more than just comfort? Had there always been some ulterior motive?

"See? I knew you couldn't be that dumb. You're figuring it out, right?" She laughed. "Come to think of it... He did say your name a few times while I was doing him. He's probably already dreamed of having you. Maybe you should give him a treat, show him just what you can do. Give to him what you gave to Yukio, right?"

'If you need to talk about it, I'm here, okay? I can spare a few minutes. Do you want to tell me what's wrong?' His eyes, so sincere and yet filled with a certain innocence despite his age... So sweet and caring, this was the man who'd taken her in upon hearing she had nowhere else to go to. This was the man who fed her, schooled her, made her happy.
Kiyoteru was a man that cared about her. He didn't match the description Sonika was painting. To have even doubted him for a second... it felt like a betrayal. She'd make sure to scold herself severely. Now, though...

Sonika had tried to turn Gumi against the one person she loved most in the world. She'd lied yet again, and Gumi generally wasn't fond of liars.

"I've had enough of you."

"Oh?" Sonika grinned. "Aren't you bein' cute now. What'chya gonna do?"

"You lied. Kiyoteru-san would never sleep with someone like you because you're ugly, ugly!"

"I'd watch what you say. We're sisters, we look pretty similar."

"ON THE INSIDE!" Gumi shouted. She was losing it now. "You're ugly on the inside! You may think you're pretty, but the trash inside you seeps out and turns the outside an ugly colour too. And then someday, you're going to be old and wrinkled and you won't be pretty inside or out and nobody will even want to look at you anymore! N-No one will want t-to even look your way because... because..."

Sonika rolled her eyes. "You're stupid. Is that what you're scared of? Normal people don't like spiders or dogs or heights or somethin', you're afraid o' getting wrinkles?"

"No..." Deep breath. "I'm afraid of my insides turning as black as yours. I'm terrified."

Sonika snorted, a smirk toying her lips. "First of all, stupid, no one's 'insides' are any worse than the other. No matter how bad a person's been, you cut them open, only thing you see is red. 'Doesn't change. So, 'insides' don' matter. Don't spout weird spiritual shit, it's stupid."

... Just now... she sounded exactly like the Sonika from so long ago, always explaining why and how Gumi was so wrong.
Sonika used to be smart. She liked arguing about things like these. People used to say she'd become a lawyer. Even though it didn't make sense to her back then-

"Second of all, chances are, neither of us are gonna live that long anyway. We're cursed, I'm tellin' ya. Mum died young, I'm gonna die young, you're gonna die young, so you really don' need to worry about wrinkles or stupid shit like that."

Even though at her young age Gumi didn't understand those things, it... had made her so proud to hear people call her older sister intelligent...

"You're dead."

"Hm?"

"The old Sonika..." Carefully she slipped her hand into her purse. "The one I used to know when I was little... remember her?" Safe. "She died a while back, but for some reason her body is still moving. I'll take care of that."

"Oh, ha-ha," Sonika mocked. "No, really, you're funny. I love hearin' death threats, really, I just can't get 'nough of those. Mind if I ask you though, how 'xactly are you gonna 'take care of it'? With your cute little fists? Or are you gonna keep swinging your words around hoping that'll hurt?"

Very slowly, Gumi pulled her hand out of her purse, pointing a real loaded gun at her own flesh-and-blood sister.

"Oh, wow. Boy, am I scared now," Sonika said flatly. She yawned as though bored, but that glimmer in her eyes gave away how excited she really was. She loved surprises. Always had. "Alright, so you got a gun. That's great, good show. You won't shoot it, though."

Why? Why wasn't she scared?!

"You probably don't even know how to work it. Probably never held one in your life before."

Why wasn't she running?! Why was she just... just standing there?!

"Well? What'chya waitin' for?" She stood there tapping her foot impatiently. "You gonna shoot me or what?"

Run. Run.

"I ain't got all day to wait for some stupid li'l girl. Either do it or I'm leavin'. Or actually... Maybe Dell might like you. He's been good lately, deserves a nice treat..."

Shoot.

"Though you probably don't feel like a li'l girl anyway, ya little slut." Gumi hated that laugh. She hated it. So why couldn't she move...?!

Sonika waited another three seconds and sighed. "That's what I thought. Same ol' weakling kid, stupid li'l Gum-Gum, always such a stupid chicken... But what did I expect? And I thought you'd grown up a bit."

Die. DIE.

Finally she seemed to regain control of her body. She watched Sonika walk away and her grip tightened around the stupid gun in her hands. She was shaking so much her teeth chattered and she was so... so angry. A rage so powerful had charred her morality, her sanity, until what stood there was no longer Gumi. It was... something else entirely. A demon.

Die. Die. Die. Die. Die.

She felt it within her, the adrenaline so strong she felt she could jump off a building for the sheer thrill of it. It felt wrong but good, so good to finally be free and to finally be rid of this thing! She'd finally be rid of this monster, this... this-...!

Pow.

Sonika's eyes widened at the sound. Her mouth fell open in an 'oh'. She paused in her walk and waited a few seconds. ... No pain. Did death happen that quickly? She was still staring at the same brick wall. There wasn't any weird 'heavenly glow'. Was she a ghost already? She still felt things though, like the chill of nearing winter and the standing hairs on her ... no. She was alive. She was alive because the bullet had missed her. ... Or something like that.

Slowly she turned around, ready to duck if she heard any sort of sound. But she didn't hear any gun. All she heard were clumsy footsteps from a pair of people in the corner of her eye.

Green hair... and a flash of silver.

"Is that you?" she asked quietly, a small smirk on her lips. It probably was. Who else would be roaming such dangerous streets? Only the most desperate ever do. And boy, must he be desperate...

So she was right after all. Gumi only ever seemed to attract those kind of men. Maybe she secretly controlled them. Either way... this would be an interesting twist.

Honestly, she was glad she'd be able to see it.

"You can come out now, Rin," she sang, sauntering over to another dark dead end. Sure enough, the young blonde stood there with the funniest of expressions, as if she were honestly shocked. In fact, with such a face, Sonika wouldn't be surprised if the girl had peed herself. "Are you scared?"

She couldn't say anything. She couldn't do anything but reflect on what had just happened.

"Haha, you're so cute! Don't worry, a few drinks and you'll be right back to normal!"

'This was my fault.'

Honestly, it partially was, but not all; This is the inevitable. If not now, fate would have found a way to make it happen later.

Just like sooner or later, fate would have made me jump.

Without these inevitable events, progress can not be made. The only way to unlock level two is to first finish level one.

In the end, life is just a game, and it's time you figured out how to play.

Honestly, in complete honesty.

Roll your dice.

July 30th, 2014; 1:12 AM

...Yep. So.

Question of the Chapter: What the hell happened at that end there? I don't get it. I'm like, so confused, where the hell did Gumi go? Was Rin just watching the whole thing? Were there actually two people on Gumi's side? Like, what the hell. Oh yeah, and did Sonika actually meet Kiyoteru, and if she did, did...? *ahem* ... Did Kiyoteru really get lucky?

Heh. Heheheheh. Kiyo-nii, you dirty boy~! Well, a man's gotta do what a man's gotta do. ... Wait, what were you thinking? I was talking about eating. A man's gotta eat to survive. What did you think I was talking about...?

*okay-seriously-now*

So.

My updates have become fewer and fewer over this past year. Not only that, but it's become a lot more difficult for me not only to write, but also to focus on writing.

This chapter especially took me forever, as you already know. Why? Because I couldn't write. Before you try to diagnose me, this isn't Writer's Block. Writer's Block is far different and I'm extremely lucky to have only once run into that problem (with Merry-Go-Round). Writer's Block is like having a clogged toilet; when at some point the ideas would come so easily, you're suddenly met with a plugged tube. The ideas just stop flowing. I don't have Writer's Block because I still have ideas. While writing this, I was already thinking about what to write next chapter and et cetera. My problem was that I just couldn't get it to come out the way I wanted it to. Maybe I wasn't visualizing it enough. Usually I just start with some distant goal and let my characters work their ways towards it on their own. Improvising, basically. That didn't work so well this time. I'm hoping this was just a fluke. That, or maybe I'm just getting pickier about what I write, which is good. Still, when it feels like your A/Ns are written better than the actual story...? ^^"

That's what I'm afraid of. See, a possible reason why this may be is because my Author's Notes are not fiction. They are the manifest of my true emotions, my joy, my sorrow, my frustration. The actual story, on the other hand, is my imagination. I have to pretend to be angry versus remembering how I actually felt. And that, my friends, is a lot more difficult to do when you don't feel angry.

Gumi's scene, for example. I still don't like it, but I settled. It's good enough as it is, but I can't help but feel it could have been... angrier. More emotion. It felt too blank to me.

And that could be because I don't feel angry. In fact, lately, I've been happy, very happy. Happier than I've been in a long time. And no, it's not because of high school, I still hate it. =_= To be honest, the reason I'm in such a good mood is because of the people around me. I've made really good friends and I enjoy spending time with them- which also means less time to write. A lot of the time I could be using to write is admittedly spent talking to friends of mine. And while it is a good thing, it is also just as much of a bad thing. Ah, but... It's not like I really want to stop all that much...

Not only do I limit my own time because of this, but it's harder to write negative emotions. I've always said the best time to write is when you're depressed because when I feel like a terrible, ugly person, I can control those emotions and turn them into creative energy instead, pouring my heart and soul into these manifestations of my more interesting daydreams. On the other hand, when I'm happy, I don't need a creative outlet as much- I don't have many worries and I'm more interested in playing around with other, simpler things.

You know those 'happy pills'? Pills that doctors will prescribe to patients with depression or bi-polar disoder and stuff? I wish they made things like that, but with the opposite outcome: 'Unhappy pills'. 'Depresso-pop'. I'll bet angst writers around the world would benefit.

Hmm, now I'm craving bananas, oddly enough. Maybe because bananas are filled with endorphins, and those are in happy pills, sooo-
Enough, it's 1:30 AM. It's time for bed.

I hope you at least somewhat enjoyed this chapter! ^^"
Goodnight.
~Naty17

(1) 'Len hoped that wasn't what he had in mind, or else... Well, he wouldn't hesitate to get a little more aggressive.'
=w= I'm sorry. I have to say it. ... Len likes it rough. *dies laughing*

(2) '"I really don't get what that has to do with anything, which could be easily answered by actually using words, but I'm sure I wouldn't want to know anyway, so-"'
You were probably wondering. I don't blame you. There's probably a really long explanation for this (see the first A/N), some deep psychological reason for doing this and that, but really, all you and I both need to know is... well... It's exactly what you think it is. No no, don't second-guess yourself- what was the first thing you thought of when you read that part? Yep. That's exactly what it was. ^^ Just so you know, it could have been way worse, so... yep. Rated T for Toddlers and Turtles. Gotta keep it T, kids. For those damn Turtles.

(3) '"Alright, so you got a gun. You probably don't even know how to work it. Probably never held one in your life before."
Yet little does Sonika know...
Addressing the first time we meet Gumi (or, second time, actually), you may remember we found her at her own gunpoint and that she did indeed manage to shoot that gun. HOWEVER, please remember that gun is not the same as this one. That gun was probably at least semi-automatic while this one, being a cop's gun, definitely has security. If I remember well, to unlock a gun's safety thing, you have to pull the trigger all the way until it clicks, then release it, and when you pull it again, you'll shoot a bullet. Then again, I can't be sure, I've only once held a gun. It'd be worth researching, but... (By the way, in case you haven't already figured it out, Naty has no idea what she's talking about. These are mumbled excuses that are supposed to sound intelligent.)

Naty now has a Twitter page! :D Hooray! Please take a minute of your time to look up thewritingNaty and follow me for some fun~! ^^ Plus, it's a new easier way to pest me when my updates take too long. Hooray! (The link is also on my profile.)
ALSO, I will be asking (on Twitter) which story you'd like me to update next, so if you don't want to wait another two years for your favorite story to be updated, well... You know what to do. ;)
*shameless advertising - OVER*

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