Thompson's Troubles

A Short Story By:

Beryl Bloodstone

Summary: Cock-blocking: when possible chances of having sex with a woman are intercepted. Poor Thompson is witness to the constant war between his brothers, Canterbury and Timber.

Disclaimer: The events that will transpire are intended to entertain you, the reader. If you feel that these events are highly unlikely or purely stupid, it's because it is meant to be. Hence why the genre is humor. In other words, don't be trollin'.

Timber, Thompson, and Canterbury weren't your regular siblings. They were triplets and being that as it may, they often had their glaring differences. Let's start with certain personality traits, shall we? Timber-the oldest by two minutes-was highly competitive and a troublemaker. He would easily instigate a fight with someone he didn't like just for the sake of punching their faces in. As for what he looks for in a girl, he loves them large-breasted and filled out.

The middle triplet, Thompson, was a sweet boy. He hated violence, but wasn't afraid to resort to it if he's threatened. You could call him a gentleman, however, he tends to have his devious moments when he spots a girl he likes. He's constantly a mediator to his brothers' unending squabbling, an expert at calming them down before a serious fight breaks out.

Last but not least, the baby triplet was Canterbury. This one had problems. To Thompson's dismay, this one would fight a baby if it looked at him wrong. Just as pugnacious as Timber, Canterbury would find any excuse to confront anybody and will go for blood if you give him reason to. This didn't help the middle child one bit, seeing as the firstborn egged him on plenty of times to his amusement.

And so we can finally get on to the reason why this fanfiction is called "Thompson's Troubles." To begin, let's set up the mood.

The triplets lived in an apartment with their aunt, who is, at the moment, not important since she is still a pointless OC filler character who has just been born in the authoress's mind, underdeveloped without soul or personality. The apartment is well-kept and clean, very inviting to anyone who happened to visit. One can imagine the girls our competing two triplets bring here in hopes of "scoring" and gaining bragging rights.

Thompson wanted no part of this sort of competition, only remaining witness to his brothers' foolishness, which can be identified as Cock-blocking. To those of you unfamiliar to the term (and didn't care to fully examine the summary), Cock-blocking is when a male's chance of getting intimate with a woman is either interrupted or intercepted, usually prevented by another male after the same woman.

Now, allow me to tell how things went…

For the last few days, Canterbury and Timber has been causing havoc around the apartment, often terrifying girls they entertain with their horrible attempts at ruining each other's happiness. Thompson was forced to keep score, sitting idly by and listening as one brother plotted against the other in an idea more nefarious than the last.

As of right now, the middle child was watching from the kitchen as Timber wooed a girl he's had his eye on ever since she walked past him in the hallway.

"You know, you're really cute, Hanna," he said to a certain part of her anatomy, but not her face. She covered her chest with her folded arms and blushed, diverting Timber's perverted gaze.

"Thanks," she bitterly replied. "Is that takeout coming soon? I'm hungry."

As if on cue, the doorbell rang and Thompson went to answer the door. It opened to reveal a suspicious-looking teenager, holding an equally suspicious black bag. The claret-haired boy knew it was someone he was familiar with, gesturing for the boy to come in.

"Here's your order," the delivery boy announced, placing the bag on the table in front of the unsuspecting two. Hanna didn't hesitate to check what was in the bag, shoving in her hand blindly. The look on her face clearly explained that there was something wrong and indeed, there was. She pulled up a latex body suit, specifically made to her size, then dumping the entire bag to reveal chains, gags, and a whip.

"What the fuck is this, Timber!" she demanded, pure disgust in her tone.

"I-I don't know!" he answered, obviously flustered.

"Sir, you ordered this. I can confirm it," the delivery boy said, reaching around in his pockets for proof. Hanna slapped Timber and left the apartment in fury, slamming the door. He stopped searching, pulling off his disguise and laughing hard. It was Canterbury.

"You prick!" exclaimed the red-cheeked boy.

"Cock-blockin', bitch!"

"Canterbury: 5. Timber: 4," Thompson clarified, listing off the current scores.

It wasn't even the next day before Timber started to design his revenge. He had to make arrangements and some calls, but it was all worth it. The firstborn joined it on the observation as Canterbury was heatedly making out with his girlfriend of the week on the couch. They were both trying to claw the other's clothes off until the girl requested to go to his bedroom. Canterbury was all too eager to oblige, not aware of the "surprise" waiting in store.

You see, when the couple stumbled in the room and didn't bother to turn on the lights, they didn't see the red-headed transsexual sitting in the bed. So once they felt another presence in their passion, Canterbury finally decided to put on the light and screamed at the bed intruder. Timber ran into the room and took a picture, automatically posting it on his Facebook.

"Cock-blockin', bitch!" he crowed, laughing triumphantly as he went to brag about his latest success.

"Canterbury: 5 Timber: 5. Whoever breaks the tie gets a peace offering from the loser," Thompson informed.

-The Next Day-

Timber managed to convince Hanna to come back, promising her that the previous day's antics wouldn't happen again. He was dressed sharply, prepared to be at her beck and call so when she asked for a meal (fatty), he took the time to show off his skills. Because he considered himself as a ladies' man, the charmer brushed up on abilities he guessed ladies liked in a man. One of those involved cooking.

I guess it's safe to say that we ladies don't like cannibalism, either.

Sometime during the preparation of the meal, something that just didn't belong on the platter found its way under the cover. Timber was totally unawares and he was about to find out the hard way as he hoped to fancily present the dish to Hanna.

"All right, my lady. Here's your meal-"

"AHHH!"

A long-haired human head was on the platter, horribly gored and expression frozen in horror. Hanna jumped out of her seat, nearly tripping over herself to escape the terrifying sight. After a few moments of silence, the head began laughing, removing the face that actually was a mask. The face behind it was Canterbury, red from the joy he felt at Timber's silent reaction.

"Done shitting yourself, Tim? Cock-blockin', bitch!" he rejoiced, removing himself from under the table. "What's the score, Tom?"

"Canterbury: 6, Timber: 5," answered the bored triplet.

"That does it, then. Now, you have to kiss my ass, but make sure to put on some lip gloss first," boasted the winner.

Timber sighed. "All right, what do you want?"

"Surprise me."

He shouldn't have said that.

Timber returned to the apartment with a very special surprise. He regarded himself as a good brother because he knew what Canterbury loved, well, idolized. You see, what he didn't share with anyone outside of his brothers was that he absolutely loved Lady Gaga so Timber got her, after much discussions with his "connections."

"Canterbury! Here's your surprise," he called.

"It's about time-oh, my God," the number one little monster squeaked, stopping himself from having an accident.

"Hey, Canterbury," greeted Lady Gaga. "I hear you're a big fan."

"Uh, yeah. I am," he replied, pulling Timber aside. "Dude, is that really Lady Gaga?"

"Only the best to make it up to my lil' bro," Timber expressed, sincere.

"You're awesome! Time to get my poker face on."

"Yeah," Timber chuckled as he watched his brother show "Lady Gaga" around. "There's gonna be some poking, alright."

Twenty minutes passed and Canterbury came out of his room, naked and screaming, as Timber observed calmly.

"You bastard! You said she was really Lady Gaga!" he complained.

"I guess I forgot to add 'impersonator' to that. Sorry, mate. But guess what?" Timber cheerily delivered.

"What?"

"It's still cock-blockin', bitch! Tom, what's the-Tom?"

Thompson was suddenly nowhere to be found. The two remaining triplets went searching for the middle child, looking high and low. There was no sign of him anywhere so they called his cellphone.

"Thompson, where did you go?"

"You need to get out of the apartment, now!"

"Why?"

"There's a serial killer that's been disguising himself as Lady Gaga."

"WHAT!"

All of a sudden, everything went black.

Timber and Canterbury found themselves bound and gagged in a bed. When they really opened their eyes, they discovered that the clothes they were wearing were replaced. Sexy lingerie was put on them, bringing them to the conclusion that they were in some very deep shit.

"Timber?"

"Yeah, Canterbury?"

"Before our asses get ruptured, I wanna tell you something."

"Yeah?"

"I don't want us to fight anymore."

A short moment of silence passed between them before Timber spoke up.

"I don't, either."

Footsteps were heard in the hallway, each one bringing them closer to their impending doom. The door slowly creaked open.

"Making amends, are we?" the strangely familiar voice taunted. The inappropriately dressed triplets looked at each other.

"Cousin Alois?"

"I've been found out! Now, I'm guess gonna have to kill you."

"Oh, God, not only was I about to sleep with a guy, I was close to committing incest!" Canterbury crowed miserably.

"Hey, I'm not that bad of a lay! Trust me, you would've liked it. Now…who wants to die first?"

"We don' wanna die!"

"Why?"

"That's enough, Alois. I think they've learnt their lesson."

Thompson interrupted the whole scene, a plain expression on his face as he turned on the lights in the room.

"Thompson!" they chorused, incredulous.

"Yeah, I was tired of you guys so I had to stoop to your level. So I hope that every time you guys want to start something, you'll look back at the video and consider it," explained the middle child, walking out of the room then halted himself. "Oh yeah, considering what was about to happen, guess what?"

"What?"

"Ass-blockin', bitches!" cheered Thompson, throwing a peace sign and leaving the room. The two never cock-blocked again after that. Then again, they might not do against each other anymore…

A/N: How'd you like it? Anyway, the following is important so PLEASE READ!

Dear Readers,

Hi, Beryl here. I haven't died on you guys; I just felt that I wasn't giving one-hundred percent on Responsibilities and I didn't want you guys to feel cheated. So I've gotten myself a beta-reader and her name is mochalulu! She's been a great help! So I've been working (slaving) and made some changes...I won't tell you what changed. Okay, let's just say that everything is slightly better than it was.

I just hope that you're awesome enough to go back and read everything since every chapter I've posted is bumped up two chapters, given that I wrote two new ones in the beginning. Everything after will be familiar, it's just that they'll be some changes to it. Thanks and sorry for the inconvenience! You know I love you guys and I'm dedicated to give you what you deserve!

In the meantime, tell me how enjoyed this!