Karkat waited.

The early morning light intensified as time passed, and softly the smell of smoke wafted through the atmosphere, taking tangible shape in the rays that beamed from the skylights overhead. He had his head propped in his hand, and was staring blankly at the TV, flopped in one of the leather sofas that framed the living room. John could be heard shuffling around, getting his keys and his books. He was preparing to head off to school, and nothing was gonna keep him, not even a heavy night of partying and drinking. To him it was all a part of the college experience, even if the party had been at his own house.

Sollux was in the couch opposite him, same bored expression with his eyes fixed on the TV. He had his arms crossed over his chest and his legs flopped. The channel was on some sort of cheesy daytime show aimed at women that was about human mothers preparing for multiple babies or some shit. To be honest they had no idea why they continued watching this garbage and didn't flip the channel. Human birth is disgusting.

John sauntered over, smiling a bit at the two before waving. "Ok guys, I'm out. I'll see you later." Karkat and Sollux waved absent-mindedly, before Karkat spoke up.

"Thanks for letting us crash here John. I'd send you a card that said that, but I'm pretty sure they don't make them accurate enough." John laughed, scratching his head.

"Its cool. You sure I can't talk you into letting me drive you guys home? Kinda bogus you have to walk all that way."

Karkat shook his head. "Nah, we'll make you late. I'm waiting on Sir Asshole to get tall dark and gruesome stoned so we can make it home without any slip ups. I don't think Dave really has a grasp on how much weed that guy smokes anyway. Or needs to at least."

John chuckled a bit, albeit with a slight nervous undertone. "Alright. Well I'll catch you guys later, then. Try not to get mugged or hit by a car on your way back, ok?" and he nodded a goodbye to Sollux as he passed through the front door. Sollux laughed lightly after the door closed, rubbing his eyes lightly. "Gamzee's a toker. I don't know why thats funny to me, but it is."

An episode and a half passed and the troll in question could be heard strolling behind Karkat's chair, the smell of pot clinging to the fibers of his shirt and the strands of his hair. His eyes were glazed over slightly and he coughed once or twice, before plopping on the armrest Karkat wasn't using. He finger combed through his hair roughly, and smiled a bit down at his best friend, clasping his hands neatly over his lap. Karkat rolled his eyes and looked up to him.

"You about ready?"

Gamzee gave two huge nods, bobbing his whole upper torso with the movement, and smacked his lips lightly before speaking. "You think we could make a swift drop at the grocery? I wanna get me some motherfuckin' soda and chicken. I got cotton mouth like a motherfucker." Karkat sighed and pushed himself up, Gamzee's hand coming around to rest on his back.

"I guess we could. Even though we just went grocery shopping the other day." He cut a stare at the highblood, as if he wanted him to figure out the real answer, which was a resounding 'no'. Gamzee grinned widely. "Word! I'll pick you up something too, if that is your current volition." Karkat threw up his arms in defeat and pushed himself up to stand the rest of the way. Sollux was chittering laughter in the corner which prompted a pillow to be thrown at him via Karkat.

-
The weather was brisk, getting chillier as the morning's light passed. There wasn't a cloud in the sky and the tree leaves had begun their descent from green to red and gold. The boys enjoyed their quiet walk, hands laced together softly. Karkat was a man who liked denying admitting things, and among those things would be the idea that he really loved these quiet moments with Gamzee. The moments where they were both lost in thought, but placed in a mutual comfortable silence.

The highblood gripped Karkat's hand tightly, and their eyes met through the corners of their vision. Gamzee flashed him a sopor-induced smile. Karkat allowed a small smirk, before squeezing his hand back. It was like that instant, they came to a mutual understanding that they were more than moirails. They had progressed in heated secrecy to a much more flushed quadrant. Karkat could feel his face heating slightly as he realized all of this in his quiet contemplation.

Gamzee faultered, his foot catching on a slightly uprooted square of sidewalk. He stumbled, but Karkat grabbed him by his arm quickly, and the bard took hold of him with a hint of desperation. He blinked a bit, looking up at the taller boy, eyes questioning. Gamzee's own eyes seemed distant. He checked over his own shoulder, a doubting expression over his features. Karkat looked over Gamzee's shoulder as well, not sure of what he was looking for. He took his hand and placed it on Gamzee's cheek, before pushing him so he would look ahead instead of behind him. Gamzee shook his head, and looked to Karkat, smiling again.

Karkat rolled his eyes, but continued walking. He'd chalk it up to the fact that Gamzee was always a bit outlandish and absent-minded.

Gamzee, on the other hand, kept shaking his head and subtly coughing at random intervals. Whenever he would cough, Karkat would just lean himself closer to Gamzee's frame, feeling compelled to do so even if the exact reason escaped him. He really hoped he could get Gamzee home soon.

If you were Gamzee, you knew what you saw.

.-

Though all the pleasantries of new love had emerged, Karkat could not forget the nightmare he had suffered that morning.

Something was different with him. He saw an unsettled stare washing over his features, and he remained quiet the entire afternoon. Through the silence a new sort of rage was born. The uncertainty. An ear piercing cloud of nothingness. Through the nothingness Karkat could have sworn he heard darker violences, unspoken screams.

Gamzee had sat at the table for some time, just staring at his fingers. Karkat slipped into the kitchen and prepared him a pan of slime, and set it before him. The bard drew his fingers back quickly, eyes widening before squinting. His chest rose and fell harshly, and his skin broke out into a small sweat. Karkat watched him. He watched him as if he were watching an asylum prisoner, wary eyes and knowing instincts. His whole self was on edge, though his instincts told him what to expect, there was no actual way of knowing anything.

If you were Gamzee you saw the hole. You saw the nothingness that all life came to be from and in the end returned to. You witnessed it in its darkest form, staring with those bright amber eyes and severed shadow bodies. You saw it beckon for you, calling you with a comforting and menacing voice. It promised freedom, respect, and peace for your troubled mind. All you could do was stare into its empty promises. You knew it was hell. There was no sugar coating what you actually saw. The colors swirled and desaturated and exploded all at once, and you were left with a feeling of doubt and a cold reminder that this was ultimately your fate. There is no place in heaven for murderous scum like you.

It didn't have to be. You're better than all of this. Better than anyone. You could own all of hell, and be its master. All you had to do was come to terms with who you really were, the coldest and bloodiest piece of trash that ever walked. You could be higher than trash. You could rise up and become the greatest nightmare this world had ever known.

And now this slime was back. This slime that had calmed these vicious thoughts and rotted his brain for so long, and it sat there in its pan looking harmless and promising. He couldn't accept empty promises anymore. He wouldnt. He could not afford to be betrayed again.

Gamzee closed his arms around his chest and trembled violently. It was cold, yet so unbearably hot. He trembled and chattered his teeth as he sweat, the sight causing Karkat's hair to stand at the back of his neck. His pupils dialated as he watched his matesprit suffer internally. There it was again, gripping him. That feeling of helplessness. He could only watch as Gamzee strained under silent stares and deaf screams. It killed him. He shook his head as he realized what was happening.

Gamzee let loose one of his arms to slap the slime away, before digging his nails into the wood of the table. The sudden movements caused Karkat to jump, and go rigid. The pan hit the door in its journey through the air and painted the walls a sickly neon hue. Gamzee shook his head and sobbed once before heaving a deep breath and grounding out.

"I'm not eating this shit anymore." He grit his teeth fiercely, not daring to look up at Karkat, who had wandered closer with steady, shaky steps. "I WON'T." The sudden roar shook the table, indigo blood spattering across its surface from the bleeding gums of the shattered troll. Karkat jolted backwards but took two steps forward.

"I'm not gonna make you eat it, ok?" He reached out slowly, trying to hang on to his wits. His dream flashed back into his mind, the sound of the subjugglator's breathing transpired from his memories to the heaving and broken Gamzee on the table. As much as it scared him, he could not stand back any further. He placed his hand on Gamzee's trembling arm and soothed him with quiet shooshing noises. Gamzee stared up at him through his hair and shook his head.

"I...need you Karkat." and when he sobbed it nearly shattered the mutant-blooded troll's heart into pieces. He was desperately trying to pull himself together and it wasn't working fast enough. He cut his gaze at him and shouted. "DON'T LEAVE ME."

And he sat there so ungodly still with his eyes so wide and focused and his mouth nailed shut and his paint was running with indigo salt water. His adam's apple bobbed slowly as he swallowed the mind shattering silence that remained. The statement remained in the realm that existed between request and demand, unable to pick a side.

Karkats tears fell from his eyes, almost as if they didn't exist at all. His pupils dialated and his jaw searched for words numbly. He could be anywhere but here. Anywhere calm, happy. Peaceful. He shook his head and replied quietly.

"...I won't. Ever. I promise." He was way too scared to say much else, but no matter how panicked he became, he would never fail anyone again. He had paid the price too many times for that to happen again.

After that one statement they stared at each other.

Karkat made the first move. He gripped Gamzee's arm and pulled it away from the table, watching thos capricious eyes dart from viewpoint to another. Seeing this, he mindlessly climbed into his lap and rested there under his chin, stroking Gamzee's cheeks with his fingertips and neck, washing down his collarbone and shoulders. The indigo calmed considerably, but sat there awkwardly for a moment, refusing to touch. He was just as badly shaken as Karkat was, and that brought the cancer some relief.

A few moments passed and Gamzee wrapped his arms around his matesprit, albeit possessively, but the effects were still soporing. His breathing slowed, and the heat no longer choked him, but instead welcomed him. He pulled Karkat from his neck and kissed him. The scarlet troll mindlessly kissd him back, expression full of tumultuous emotion.

He released his mate and Karkat sobbed a sigh against his neck, burying himself away in the warm, salty, platinum skin. He really did love these fucked up quiet moments with Gamzee, no matter what they entailed. Silently he admitted to the enveloping quiet

"I need you too."