Surprise and Love
Surprise (n.) - 1: a. an attack made without warning, b. a taking unawares; 2: something that surprises; 3: the state of being surprised: Astonishment
Love (n.) - 1: a (1). strong affection for another arising out of kinship or personal ties (2). attraction based on sexual desire: affection and tenderness felt by lovers (3). affection based on admiration, benevolence, or common interests; b. an assurance of love; 2: warm attachment, enthusiasm, or devotion; 3: a. the object of attachment, devotion, or admiration; b. a beloved person; 4: a. unselfish loyal and benevolent concern for the good of another, b. a person's adoration of God; 5: a god or personification of love; 6: an amorous episode: love affair; 7: the sexual embrace; 8: a score of zero (as in tennis)
I look down at the bundle in my arms and smile as I rock it gently. I still can hardly believe it's true, that this beautiful thing is mine. My eyes shift to the door when I hear it slowly open, nodding to my husband when he silently inquires if he can enter. I shift her in my arms smoothly so as not to wake her and breathe a contented sigh. I never understood what anyone meant when they talked of miracles, but I understand now. I brush back the single blonde curl on her forehead, memorizing the perfect softness of her skin as my fingers brush against her face. I have already heard the same question a dozen times from all of his friends: "How?"
I shrug a little even now as I think about it. I don't quite understand why Dr. Gero left certain "unnecessary" elements of my human body intact. He took my emotions yet left me with the ability to bear children. Either he wasn't finished with me or he was sick in a way I don't even want to begin to guess. It doesn't matter anyway. As much as I hate him, I am grateful that he let me have this one gift. Every time I hear a soft coo or look at her clear blue eyes I am overwhelmed by so many feelings at once I can hardly make sense of them. Some quickly disappear, but others last. Others are so much more than emotions. Yes, I know if I could I would feel unbound joy, but why bother missing it when I have feelings that run so much deeper? I have given up the desire to feel all that normal humans feel. I don't need to. I think, in a way, I am better off than humans.
I touch the palm of her tiny hand with the tip of my finger and my smile broadens when her little fingers wrap around mine. So small, weak, dependent. I am insatiably curious about this creature, this baby, my daughter. Her name is Marron. Krillin, at first, didn't like the name I chose, but then I explained it to him and he agreed: Yes, she has the same name as his first girlfriend (though spelled differently) as a reminder of our devotion to one another. Perhaps it would seem strange to others, but then wasn't it strange that he told me the story of Maron the night he asked me to marry him? He loved her once, but not enough to marry her, but he loved me enough to marry me, and he still loves me. The love he has for me is greater than the love he had for Maron, and I never want him to forget that. So our daughter is named after her. Because, I believe, without Krillin's history with her I may never have gotten him.
I lean back against the headboard and hold her close to my chest. Every breath she takes ignites this feeling all over again. Though it never fades, it still grows until I think it will consume me. It isn't a strange feeling to me, but it is different in a way I can't quite explain. I first began to feel it shortly after I married Krillin. I felt it for him, and it was a wonderful feeling that blossomed in my heart and flourished. It never dims with time and it seems to grow even stronger after quarrels. Now I have the same feeling for my daughter, though it isn't exactly the same. How can I put it into words? It is too deep, too pure for words. Humans have tried in vain to sum it up in a single term: love. Though I believe it to be grossly inadequate, a misnomer to the complexity of it, this is what I feel because of my family.
…
She sat on the bathroom floor hugging the toilet bowl. Strands of blonde hair stuck to her sweaty forehead, and for once she didn't bother to brush them back from her face. Miserable was the best word she could think of describe her current state. Never before had she ever been sick, not like this. How could an android get sick? She thought she was immune to any biological pathogen that affected humans. Not even able to recognize the sensation of nausea, she ended up regurgitating her whole breakfast on the floor of the living room. Krillin was downstairs cleaning it up as she groaned in discomfort, the sound echoing mockingly through the small room.
Her sickness came as a surprise, not only because she didn't realize what it was until it struck full-force, but because she didn't think it was even possible. The surprise was almost immediately quelled, but that didn't stop her from sensing it for that brief time. Her eyes widened as she wiped her mouth with her shirt sleeve. It was almost like fear, but not quite. Just…surprise. Shock. Astonishment. Of course there was no reason to believe the human part of her anatomy couldn't still be affected by normal illnesses, but she always considered herself above such maladies. After all, she was designed to be superhuman in almost every way physically.
Krillin jumped out of the chair he had been sitting in when he heard her retch. "Babe! Are you okay? Oh…" He grimaced a little but quickly hid it when he saw what happened.
"Now that is just disgusting," Oolong commented without even turning from the television.
"What the hell was that?" she muttered, more to herself than the others in the room.
"It's fine, hon," Krillin said as he took her arm and started guiding her to the stairs. "Why don't you go upstairs and rest? And if you feel sick again try to get to the bathroom before anything else, er, comes out. I'll get this cleaned up and then I'll come check on you, okay?"
The nausea hadn't subsided in the few minutes since then. If anything, it became worse. She knew how pathetic she had to look clinging to the toilet, but the cold porcelain felt good against her burning skin and the tile floor was equally soothing. She tried to hide her face when Krillin walked into the bathroom carrying a small glass of cold water. He set it on the floor next to her for her to drink while he took a washcloth from the cabinet and soaked it in cool water. Kneeling near her, he reached out and dabbed at her blotchy face with the cloth until he earned a quiet sigh of relief.
"I'm sorry," she murmured, her words almost lost as she turned away from him.
He held back a chuckle as he continued wiping the sweat from her face and neck. "Nothing to be sorry about, hon. Not like you could do anything about it. Sometimes it just…happens."
"To an android?" she scoffed.
"I guess so." He shrugged and picked up the untouched glass of water, pushing it into her hand to encourage her to drink. "How do you feel now?"
"Like hell." She finally took the water and took a short sip. She had barely swallowed when her stomach rebelled as she retched whatever contents remained in her stomach from the last time into the toilet. She cringed. This wasn't supposed to be happening. The flare of surprise fired again before the emotion-inhibitor extinguished it. She decided to fake it. "I don't know what's going on! I shouldn't be sick!"
"It's okay, really –"
"How do you know?" she cut him off. Her breathing quickened and she felt her heart beating faster. "What if only something really bad affects me? What if I've infected you?"
While she flushed the toilet, Krillin moved over to sit with his back leaning against the door. "I know you're a little surprised, babe, but I don't think it's anything to get excited about. Sometimes people get sick. It's no big deal."
"Maybe." She spat the bitter taste out of her mouth and stood up, wiping her hands on her jeans. "But maybe you should get me a doctor appointment or something."
"What doctor?" he asked. "I don't know any doctors that would know how to treat an android."
She opened her mouth to fire off a snide retort, but she was left with her mouth hanging open. Surprise again? It passed and she rolled her eyes. "Maybe no medical doctors, but what about your friend Bulma or her father?"
"I didn't even think of them," he admitted as he, too, stood up. "Right, I'll go call Bulma. Are you sure you're okay? Do you need me to get you anything?"
"I'll be fine." She waved her hand dismissively. "I'm going to go lie down."
Nodding, he opened the door and left the bathroom to go downstairs to make the call. She watched his receding form as he descended the steps and, despite the lingering nausea and growing headache, smiled. She finally pushed her hair back behind her ear as she opened the door to their bedroom and went inside, immediately collapsing on the bed and burying her face in the pillow. Not for the first time she was reminded of how fortunate she was to have such a kind, considerate husband. Her heart swelled with love as she recalled his concern and the loving way he took care of her in such a simple manner.
She was still new to the feeling of love, having only really felt it for a few weeks. A little over two months, actually. But it had become familiar as it was almost constant and it seemed richer and more vibrant every day. It was more than the culmination of gratitude, security, and contentment. It was the most real, complete feeling she had and she couldn't imagine anything greater. That was why she was surprised – yes, she felt surprise often these days – that it was always growing. She didn't think there was much room for growth, but it consistently proved her wrong. But in this case, she didn't mind being wrong. It was fulfilling and marvelous and intoxicating.
Momentarily broken out of her thoughts by another vicious wave of nausea, she groaned again and sat up in bed, holding her head in her hands, not yet sure if she needed to run to the bathroom or if the danger would pass. After a few seconds it subsided, so she lay down again, this time on her back so she could stare up at the ceiling, watching the morning light dancing through the lacy curtains. It was mesmerizing enough that she was taken unawares when their door opened and Krillin hurried in. Startled, she jumped to her feet, heart racing. But the surprise fled and she was left standing in a defensive fighting stance with no feeling of being threatened. Coughing, she straightened and tucked her hair behind her ear.
"Did you talk to her?" she asked nonchalantly.
"Yeah, she said she has time to see you this afternoon." He smiled and sat on the edge of the bed. "She almost sounded like a real doctor. But I think if anyone can figure out what's wrong with you, even if it is some kind of normal sickness, she can."
She sat down next to him and rested her head on his shoulder. He raised his hand and started stroking her sweat-soaked hair, breathing soft words of comfort to his wife. She closed her eyes and gave herself over to his consolation. Within minutes she fell asleep though she hadn't felt very tired. She was wrapped in his love and for a time her ailment was eased and all but forgotten.
With a yawn she woke up from her nap, glancing at the clock on the nightstand and jolting fully awake when she saw that it was after noon. Kicking off the blanket she didn't remember pulling over herself, she clambered out of bed and rushed out of the bedroom to find her husband. He should have been with her. Why was she so shocked when he wasn't? Either way, it made her want to find him right away. She came to a sudden stop at the foot of the stairs when she saw him setting the table in the kitchen.
He looked through the kitchen door when he heard her soft steps coming down the stairs. "Hey, babe! Feeling better?"
She forced a small smile and nodded as she crossed the living room and came into the kitchen. Oolong and Roshi were already seated at the table, but she promptly ignored them as she took her own seat as far from them as she could get without leaving the room. She watched as Krillin carried a steaming pot of soup to the table and set it down, then started ladling it out into bowls.
"Soup?" she asked, raising an eyebrow.
Krillin blushed lightly. "Yeah. I thought maybe it would help you feel better."
Both golden eyebrows arched up. A flash of surprise dashed through her mind. "You made soup for me?" It wasn't like it should surprise her. It wasn't the first time he cooked with her preferences in mind. Still, it was touching – and a tad shocking – that he would take the trouble to prepare soup because she wasn't feeling well that morning. The surprise was gone, but she was still able to feel as the love that constantly burned in her chest felt like it was exploding. This soup, such a simple meal and a simple gesture, was a token of his love. It was beautiful.
"We need to get going soon if we're going to make it to West City this afternoon," he mentioned as he finished filling his own bowl with soup.
She shrugged. "I'm not sure I need to go. I feel fine now."
He shook his head. "It would be better to make sure you're not still sick. If you are, I want you to get treated for it so it'll go away faster."
Smiling, she started eating her soup. Leave it to him to think about her first. He didn't even seem to care that she might be contagious and he might get sick as well. But then, wasn't she the same way? She didn't honestly want to go to see any doctor about an illness she may or may not have, but she, too, wanted a treatment if she was sick so she wouldn't spread it to her beloved husband.
It was mid-afternoon when their plane touched down in the back yard of the Capsule Corporation compound. She insisted they go without it, but he wanted to take it in case she started not feeling well again. When they got out of the plane, they saw Bulma waiting for them at the back door waving them inside.
"Hey, guys," she said once they reached the door. "So tell me what's wrong."
Krillin nodded reassuringly to his wife when she cast him an uncertain glance. Swallowing, she told Bulma, "This morning I got sick. I threw up a couple times, but I felt better this afternoon after taking a nap."
"Hm." Bulma led them to the infirmary wing of the compound and showed them into a small room with sterile white walls, one window overlooking the tennis courts, and an examination table. She indicated her patient should sit on the table while she washed her hands at the sink. "You haven't felt sick before today?"
"No."
"And you felt better after this morning," Bulma stated as she pulled on gloves and picked up a thermometer. She went over to the exam table and stuck it in her blonde patient's mouth. "I actually don't know what your regular temperature is. Do you know?"
Krillin spoke for his wife since she currently had a thermometer stuck under her tongue. "I think it's pretty much the same as a human." His wife confirmed this with a single, curt nod.
Bulma took the thermometer out and read it aloud, "It says 98.8, which may be normal for you. If it's a fever, it's not too high, anyway." Frowning, she appraised her patient; she had an idea of what was going on, but there was only one way to be sure. She went back to the counter and picked up a small plastic cup and handed it to the other woman. "Here. I need you to pee in this cup. There's a bathroom two doors to the left."
Pale blue eyes widened. "You want me to what?"
Bulma giggled a little as she pulled her gloves off. "Look, I think I know what's 'wrong' with you, but I need to be sure. And the only way to know is to test a urine sample. So go on, I don't have all day."
Krillin flinched under the patient's glare. "It'll be fine, babe."
She grunted as she slid off the examination table and left the room, the cup nearly crumpled in her hand. She grumbled to herself the whole way to the restroom, turning the cup over in her hand as she paced back and forth in the confining room. How absurd! Urinating in a cup. For what? Didn't she have the right to know? With a sigh, she decided to go along with it. If Krillin said it would be fine, she knew she would be fine. No harm done. Humiliation, yes. But she would get over it. She barely felt it anyway.
Bulma and Krillin were chatting amiably when she came back into the room holding the cup filled a third of the way with urine. She was extremely grateful in that moment that she couldn't feel emotion much at all as she handed it over to her so-called doctor.
"Thanks," Bulma said. She set the cup on the table and pulled some small device out of a drawer and stuck it in the cup. "I know this isn't how it's usually done, but it worked for me, so…"
"What worked?" Krillin asked nervously.
Bulma held up her finger as she pulled the device out of the cup and held it up. Grinning, she turned around and held it out for her blonde patient to see first. "It's just as I thought."
One blonde brow rose. "What does it mean?"
"It means you're pregnant. Congratulations!"
If the surprise had lasted any longer, she would have fallen off the examination table. Even as short-lived as it was, it left her heart hammering in her chest and she felt like she couldn't breathe. She silently mouthed words, unable to get her voice to work for a minute. Krillin wasn't much better, gaping like a dead fish on the other side of the room, his eyes glued to the device still held in Bulma's outstretched hand.
"P-pregnant?" she finally squeaked.
Bulma nodded enthusiastically as she threw the pregnancy test in the biohazard container. She went to the sink and washed her hand, all the while blabbering happily about the joys of motherhood and how she had been really surprised when she found out she was pregnant with Trunks. The married couple in the room exchanged glances, one still in shock, the other recovered but acting out the astonishment she should have felt.
"Oh." She swooned a little, raising her hand to her forehead.
"I'm no obstetrician, but your baby's probably due in June," Bulma said. "If you want a better estimate I can refer you to my doctor. He was great and he's seen some weird things, like a half-saiyan, half-human baby, for one. I'm sure he can work with an android as long as you have all the right parts, which you apparently do."
"Great," Krillin said as if in a daze. "That would be great, Bulma."
Chuckling, Bulma went over and hugged her friend. "You're going to be a great dad, buddy." Letting him go, she turned and hugged her patient, taking the blonde by surprise once again. "And I'm so happy for you. I really am. I know it's kind of scary right now, but you'll see what I mean when I say it's the greatest thing to ever have happen. And seriously, you need to go to a doctor regularly, especially since you might have complications because of your…uh, your modifications."
She wasn't scared, and she wasn't even surprised anymore. Her hand gravitated toward her belly seemingly on its own accord as she looked down, wondering how a new person could grow inside. She turned her calm gaze to her husband and shook her head when she saw he still hadn't recovered from the initial shock. She agreed with Bulma as she watched him finally take a deep breath, then grin broadly; he was going to be a great father just as he was a great husband. Love was all the man had to give anyone, and more to his family than anyone else. And she reciprocated that love. She hopped off the exam table and embraced him, kissing his forehead.
She was filled to the brim with love for her husband, the father of her child. He had already given her so much: a home, feelings, humanity, stability, love. But now he had given her something even greater, something unbelievable. A child. She was going to be a mother. If she had been surprised to find she could be sick despite being an android, it was even more surprising to learn that she – an android – could bear a child. Bulma was right, though. She would need to take extra caution in her pregnancy. There was no telling what complication could arise due to the 'modifications' Dr. Gero made to her body.
The mere thought of anything happening to her unborn child made her heart stop, giving her a horrible heavy feeling in her chest. She couldn't allow anything to happen to her child! She would sooner die than let anything harm him or her. She rubbed her belly gently, fondly. That was the moment her love for her child took root. She didn't know if it would be a boy or a girl, didn't know if it would be healthy or not, didn't know anything about her baby. Not yet. But she felt her heart bursting with a love so great it made every other feeling she ever experienced pale in comparison. It was almost greater than her love for Krillin. Almost. She inhaled deeply, confused when she felt tears pricking her eyes. Tears of joy? Impossible, she didn't feel joy. But she did feel love. An indescribable, overpowering love. They were tears of love, pouring from a well of feeling so deep she could never reach the bottom, a well that would never run dry.
The couple left Capsule Corporation shortly after, making sure to get the contact information for Bulma's doctor before going home. Krillin chattered incessantly, thrilled and scared and still shocked all at the same time. He wanted to tell all of his friends right away, wanted to start decorating her old bedroom as a nursery, wanted to let the whole world know he was going to be a father. She was more relaxed, choosing to sit quietly listening to him, a contented smile on her lips and her hands resting protectively on her belly. She was surrounded by his love, and she knew their baby would be too. And that only made her love him even more. Love. It was so strange and so powerful. It could bring an android to tears and shred her calculating rationality in an instant. She would do anything for its sake. It was the one feeling she needed that truly restored her sense of humanity. She was empowered by the strongest force in the universe.
As they flew home, she watched her husband from the corner of her eye. What would her life be without him? She couldn't begin to imagine, and she didn't want to try. Her bottom lip trembled as hot tears stung her eyes again. Ridiculous! But so right. A single tear fell, the tiny drop trickling down her cheek and dripping from her chin, landing on the back of her hand. She had everything now. The man she wanted to stay with her was going to be with her forever, and together they were starting a new life together, creating a new life built on their love.
…
I feel tears building in my eyes as I gaze at my beautiful baby daughter. I cannot look at her without feeling love for her growing, building, taking control of me. Only a year ago I could not have said what it meant to feel love. I had no concept of what love is. But now, now it is the only thing I need, the only feeling I crave. It is maddening, but it is so perfect in its purity. I am filled with the need to protect her, to care for her, shower her with affection and adoration every moment of her life.
Next to me, my husband moves closer, touching her cheek with the back of his hand, stroking her with a tenderness even I have never seen before. I can tell he feels it too. This love. Slowly, carefully, I hand her over to him and he lovingly wraps his arms around her to hold her against his chest. She coos in her sleep and reaches her hand out, balling his shirt in her tiny fist. Why is it that everything she does makes my love for her so much stronger? I can't stop smiling when I see her. I can't think of anything but how much I love her. She's perfect. I know every parent says the same thing about their children, but it's true. Marron is perfect.
He rocks her slowly, lulling her into a deeper sleep until her little mouth forms an 'o' as the last ounce of tension leaves her. She looks like an angel sleeping in his arms. I lean over and kiss his cheek. He turns to face me and I kiss him on the lips this time. Softly, tenderly, lovingly. I know we won't have a happily-ever-after like in the fairy tales, and I know that even with our mutual love we will have rough patches in the future. I know that Marron will not always love us in return, but I know that no matter what she does we will never stop loving her. She is our world now, our everything. Before I was married, I never knew how satisfying it could be to give everything I have to another as the ultimate act of love. But now it is all I want to do, every day. Give myself to them. Love them.
I rest my head on his shoulder and put my arm around his waist. I feel so tired and so comfortable. And here, with my family, sleep comes easily. I listen to her soft breathing and feel his warmth against me, and I feel blanketed in their love. The last thing I am aware of before drifting into sleep is the burning love pulsing through my body, the feeling that completes me. I feel whole, as if my human half has finally been melded with my android half. Grateful, secure, content, full of love, I am bursting with life.
A/N: I was considering adding another chapter after this, but it would have given the story a sad ending and I kind of like the feel-good ending here. So, there it is, a short story about Krillin and Eighteen's strange relationship. Hope you enjoyed. As always, review!
Beta'd by lilpumpkingirl