Okay, it took me a while but here it is! The final act! Enjoy! (PS the ending won't be as funny if you haven't seen Inception...)

Act Four
Scene One
Romeo is on the floor of Friar Lawrence's cell, curled up in fetal position, sobbing uncontrollably.

FRIAR LAWRENCE
Good God man! Stand up! Thy tears are womanish!

ROMEO
(Sobs)
He's dead! He's dead! My true love is dead!

FRIAR LAWRENCE
Romeo, there are other fish in the sea. This is just proof that God doesn't want two men to get married. It was never meant to work out. Perhaps next time you can do it right, with a fine young woman.

Romeo leaps to his feet and draws a dagger, pointing it at his own chest.

ROMEO
Don't you dare speak of my marriage like that or I will not hesitate to let this dagger take me back to him!

FRIAR LAWRENCE
Alright. Alright. Calm down.

Friar Lawrence takes the dagger from Romeo.

FRIAR LAWRENCE
Cry to thy heart's content.

Romeo continues to cry. Friar Lawrence sighs and exits.

Scene Two
Mercutio is lying out in the Escalus vault. He sits up.

MERCUTIO
That rash idiot! He hath slain my ex-boyfriend! But that is not important. I must get to him ere he does something else stupid!

Mercutio gets up, kicks down the door to the vault, and runs out.

Scene Three
Mercutio runs into Friar Lawrence's cell. He pounds desperately on the door. Inside, Friar Lawrence goes to answer the door.

FRIAR LAWRENCE
Who knocks so loud?

MERCUTIO
Let me in!

FRIAR LAWRENCE
Who is it?

MERCUTIO
It's the bloody Queen of England! Who do you think it is? It's Mercutio!

Friar Lawrence opens the door. Mercutio goes in.

FRIAR LAWRENCE
I thought thou were dead!

MERCUTIO
And I still think thou art crazy. Where be my husband?

FRIAR LAWRENCE
He is in the backroom, sobbing like a little girl.

MERCUTIO
I should have guessed as much.

Mercutio walks quickly past Friar Lawrence and into the backroom. He lies down behind Romeo who is too busy sobbing to notice.

MERCUTIO
Boo!

Romeo turns around and screams.

ROMEO
Tis a ghost! Holy Father! Help! Call Ghostbusters!

MERCUTIO
No, no my love! Tis me! Tis not a ghost! I'm here. I'm alive.

ROMEO
I saw thee bleed out on the street!

MERCUTIO
T'was but fake blood. T'was but a movie prop!

ROMEO
But… I avenged you…

MERCUTIO
I know. You really messed that up now didn't you? Tybalt was simply trying to help us but you would not listen! But don't worry about it; what's done is done. No use crying over dead ex-boyfriends.

ROMEO
I—I thought I would never see you again! I—I love you!

MERCUTIO
I love you too.

They kiss.

MERCUTIO
Now get up, thy tears are womanish.

Mercutio pulls Romeo up off the floor and wipes away his tears.

FRIAR LAWRENCE
That's what I've been trying to tell him! But no one ever listens to me!

MERCUTIO
Hence, my fair Romeo, my love. Let us away. Thou shall be banished for killing Tybalt anyways and I am thought to be dead, so let us just run away together in the cover of night. My plan may work after all!

ROMEO
Oh yes, Mercutio! I shall go anywhere with thee! You are my world! My sun, my moon, my air, all I need.

MERCUTIO
As you are to me. Now hurry, let's go before the sun doth ruin our plans.

FRIAR LAWRENCE
Be careful mind you!

ROMEO
We will be. And please do tell good Benvolio that we are alright and what we have done. He deserves to know we are alive.

FRIAR LAWRENCE
Anon I will send a letter to him by way of a friar on a donkey. He will be sure to get it.

ROMEO
Thank you, Holy Father.

MERCUTIO
Come, love, the world awaits us!

Romeo and Mercutio clasp hands and run out of Friar Lawrence's and keep running out of Verona.

Scene Four
Romeo and Mercutio are walking through a sunny field in the middle of nowhere, holding hands.

MERCUTIO
If my calculations are correct, we should arrive in West Hollywood in a day, my love.

ROMEO
I care not if it takes one hundred days as long as I am with you!

They kiss.

ROMEO
Tell me your dream again.

MERCUTIO
Well, I was in the middle of the marketplace when suddenly I found that I wasn't wearing any pants—

ROMEO
No, not that dream! The one about the train.

MERCUTIO
As yes. That one. Very well, I dreamt a dream inside a dream inside a dream. I dreamt you and I were together, married, and we were waiting for a train. A train that will take us far away. We know where we hope this train will take us, but we don't know for sure. But it doesn't matter, because we'll be together.

ROMEO
I like that dream. I only wish I knew what a train was.

MERCUTIO
Me too. Come, our new life awaits us; let us skip off into the sun.

They lock arms, clasp hands, and skip off across the field. A train comes out of nowhere and runs them over, instantly killing them.

For never was a story of more woe than this of Romeo and his Mercutio.

You didn't think I was going to let them live, did you? ;P Oh well, at least they died a comedic death and they were together :)

Let me know what you think, please review! Thanks for reading! :D