A/N: The Twilight Saga is the sole property of Stephenie Meyer ©. (I didn't write the song, Mum did!)

"Since this is your first time playing baseball, Alice will give you a few pointers," Esme said. "Alice, you're up."

"For bat or to give Bella baseball pointers?" Alice trilled. "You know what I mean, dear."

"All righty then. Bella, make sure that you don't swing too hard when you're up to bat. We've had too many bats reduced to splinters," Alice said. "Next, make sure you don't hit the ball all the way out of the country. Two miles will be your limit.

"When you're catching, try to not catch the ball and fly into a tree the moment you catch it. It's like catching a meteor. Keep your feet on the ground, and you'll be fine."

Emmett poked his head into the room, and said, "Don't forget the song!"

Alice sighed, and said, "Unfortunately, for this pointers session, Emmett wrote a song about the wonders of baseball." She tried half-heartedly and failed spectacularly to force a smile. "Don't be too blown away by his amazing singing talent."

"I heard that," was the booming reply from the kitchen. "Maybe I'll do it into a megaphone, so the whole house can rejoice in my newfound talent."

Bella sighed, "Do I have to listen?"

"Of course, silly! Without the song, you'll lose at baseball!" Emmett insisted. Bella sighed reluctantly, "Fine."

Emmett grinned a most evil grin, and began to sing in his booming bass:

Take me out to the vamps' game

Humans are painfully slow

Let's go out to the meadow

Where baseballs fly fast o'er the ground

And the food, food, food for the home team

Consists of grizzly bear

For it's one, two, three nomads out

At the vamps' ball game!

"…"

"I knew it. She's speechless with shock!" Emmett said, pumping his fist in the air. "Utterly fantastic," Alice muttered, "you should get an award."

Bella rolled her eyes. It wasn't the best song in the world, but Alice had predicted that their team would win at baseball.