A/N: Yep, a songfic!!! Knowing me, I'm sure you guys already guessed who it's about!!!

~Crush~

|You know everything that I'm afraid of
You do everything I wish I did
Everybody wants you, everybody loves you|

It's weird, how she always seems to know me every fear. How she can see right through me. Except for one thing.

While so many saw me as a failure, she just saw me as a boy who screwed up, made mistakes and needed someone to lean on. She's everything I could never be. Smart, witty, talented in everything she does. Hell, everybody wants to know her, and she doesn't even know it. She's not superficial. She has important values and knows when to or when to not do something to help someone even if that person might hate at that moment. Because in the end, they're grateful. Like me.

|I know I should tell you how I fell
I wish everyone would disappear
Every time you call me, I'm too scared to be me
And I'm too shy to say|

It's hard. Hiding it from her. I'm afraid that people will not accept this. Or worse, that she would reject me.

Sometimes when she appears, I just want to be alone with her, so that I can tell her everything. But then again, when she talks to me, I freeze, I hide myself in a corner, I swallow my feelings and I pretend to be indifferent and casual, especially when she asks for advice. In reality, I can barely hold myself back from shaking.

|You know, I'm the one that you can talk to
And sometimes you tell me thing that I don't want to know
I just want to hold you
And you say exactly how you feel about her
And I wonder, could you ever think of me that way|

Sometimes, she just hangs out with me. Most of the time we don't talk much. I would play my guitar and sing and she would listen. Or she would read a story of hers out and I would lose myself in her voice. But there were moments when we confided in each other.

We would talk about school or work (or my lack of it), music, movie, books and all kind of other things… including our love lives. I always thought that she was one those girls that were unattainable. They were the one that were too good for most guys. Like me.

She told me she was in love. It started out as a crush, and before she knew it, she fell for that guy.

It hurt.

|Ooh, I wish I could tell somebody
But there's no one to talk to, nobody knows
I've got a crush on you
A crush on you, I got a crush|

To hear her talk about that man. Yet she's afraid of her feelings. She wants to forget them, because she knows she'll never be with him, even if he feels the same way. For God's sake, how could that guy not love her back? It was an impossible love, like she would tell me.

And it pains me. She wasn't happy… and that automatically meant that I wasn't happy neither.

It took her falling for someone for me to understand how I feel.

|You say everything that no one says
But I feel everything that you're afraid to feel
I will always want you, I will always love you|

I was in love with someone who loved another who would not love her back. I am in love with someone I could not love and she's in love with someone she isn't supposed to love.

I could not be the one to mend her heart. I could try, but I could never be the one to completely heal her.

I could never be the one to pick her up, hold her… and kiss her. Not the way I want to.

|Ooh, I got a crush on you
I hope you feel the way that I do
I get a rush
When I'm with you
Ooh, I've got a crush on you
A crush on you|

"Eli?" a sweet voice calls through the door. I get up and open the door.

|I've got a crush...|

"Hey Grace."

I love her.

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So… like it? How about a Grace songfic too? What do ya think?

-ViNguyen

written April 18, 2002