The author says: Hello and thanks for reading my story!

I have to say a few words regarding this story. I had the idea to write the same story only with different pairings. So there is a boyxboy version of the story 'He had no idea' with the pairing SasuNaruSasu and a boyxgirl version with the pairing SasuFemNaru. You are now reading the yaoi version. If you want to check out the other version, too, please see my profile. There's also a disclaimer, concerning this story.

Have fun reading ;)

I don't own Naruto.

12/02/2011: I corrected some mistakes in this and also wanted to say that the first three chapters of this story are a bit angsty... But then there's also a lot of Action/Adventure, some poor attempts at Humour and of course Friendship and, eventually, Romance. The plot is not following canon, except for some major events. Such as Sasuke's defection. But other than that, it's different from the Manga/Anime.

'He had no idea'

Chapter 1

He wondered how he'd take it when he said goodbye

Thought he might do some cryin', lose some sleep at night

But he had no idea, when he hit the road

That without him in his life, he'd let himself go

- 'She'd let herself go' by George Strait (slightly altered version)

The first thing he noticed when he came to, was the tell-tale smell of disinfectant mixed with the typical metallic smell of blood. Too often had he smelled the typical fragrance of his own blood, to not recognize it now. His eyes were still closed. Carefully he felt inside, assessing his own body, searching for broken bones, torn flesh or any other sign of severe injuries. There was a hollow pain in his chest; a dull, pulsating ache, making his breathing laboured. His right hand shot up and clenched the thin fabric covering his chest; probably a hospital gown. His fist pressed firmly against his breast bone, just above his heart, willing the feeling to go away. His handsome face contorted in evident pain. Full lips were pressed into a thin, hard line, teeth gritting together; eyes shut fiercely, to the point that wrinkles formed at the corners of them; the fingers of his left hand gripping the sheets forcefully, knuckles turning white.

An unintentional sob worked itself up his throat, choking him. A pitiful moan escaped his lips, making him wince, as he realized it was his own voice. The boy allowed himself a moment of pain, when the feeling in his chest spread throughout his body; numbing his arms, his fingers, reaching his legs, numbing every toe. The feeling took over, until he felt wetness on his scarred cheeks.

Writhing in pain on the uncomfortable hospital mattress, he tried to relax, forcing himself to push the pain back into his chest, confining it, making sure it wouldn't consume him. After all he was used to this feeling.

Slowly, his breathing became less strained. The wrinkles on his face softened.

The boy hesitantly opened his eyes, blinking against the bright light. Rays of sunlight were illuminating the white hospital room. He turned his head towards the windows, facing the sun. It had been raining the last time he had been outside.

His memories came back to him now, overwhelming him for a moment. He gasped as he realized it all had been real, too real. The feeling in his chest intensified. The clenched fist over his heart tightened. No, he pleaded silently, Sasuke!

He must have whispered the name of his formerly best friend aloud, because he heard feet shuffling at the end of his bed. His head turned sharply away from the window, now facing the people standing in his room. That he had not sensed them earlier was proof enough of his inner distress. Warily, he pushed himself into a sitting position, regarding the people in front of him with his ocean blue eyes.

"Naruto?" Tsunade addressed him softly. The Godaime Hokage had worry written all over her usually slightly grumpy face. "Do you remember what happened?"

Next to the Hokage stood Naruto's sensei, Hatake Kakashi. His one visible eye was focused on his charge for once, instead of his ever-present orange porn book. The mask on his face made it hard for people to read the lazy jounin, but Naruto could tell that he was worried as well.

The sound of his hoarse voice shocked him, when he answered. "I do remember, obaa-chan." He swallowed, his throat was dry. "Everything," he added bitterly.

Naruto and Sasuke were facing each other in the Valley of the End. They had been fighting for some time already and the landscape had taken severe damage; as had both of their chakra supplies. Both were bleeding from several wounds and their energy was depleting steadily. Sasuke was in his cursed-seal form. Naruto had been disappointed when he saw him using the evil power Orochimaru had given him. The words that left the raven's mouth made him cringe.

"Why are you doing this, Sasuke? Please, just come back to Konoha with me – come home with me!" Naruto's voice cried out to him; he sounded a little shaky. The use of the Kyuubi's chakra was affecting him greatly. Never before had he used the demon's chakra to this extent – and now he was willingly doing so. But he would do everything in his power to save the Uchiha.

Sasuke's eyes were a blazing red from the activated Sharingan. The markings of the cursed seal were moving over his body. Naruto hoped that the other would soon reach his limit. This fight was taking its toll on him, he didn't know how much longer he would last. I can't fail here, he thought determinedly. I have to bring him home... or else...

Sasuke gave a mocking nod. His arms spread in a gesture of incredulity. "Why I am doing this? You're seriously asking me this, Naruto? This once again proves what a dobe you really are, dobe!"

Naruto gave no reaction to the usual insult. Sasuke's red eyes focused on the blond.

"You are like poison," the raven forced out. "Your smiles are like stabs in my chest, Naruto! You slowly poisoned me with your cheery attitude and those blue eyes of yours! I know what I have to do! The only bond I can ever have is the bond of hatred with my brother, it's the only way to avenge my clan! But you..." the boy spat snidely, "you wormed your way into my heart! I felt my resolve weakening and all because of you! You made me believe that the bond we have is all I need to be strong! But you're wrong, Naruto. There's only space for one bond and you always knew of my ambition! You purposefully led me astray from my path-"

"Hatred doesn't make you strong, Sasu-" Naruto interrupted him.

"I need to kill my brother, Naruto, and you will not stop me now! It's the only way and therefore I have to kill you! I must sever our bond. You have become my closest friend, Naruto. You are my weakness, my only weakness. You hinder me from gaining true power."

"Your only weakness is your hatred, Sasuke! Please, don't leave me! What is it that I have to do to make you to stay?" his voice pleaded. His mind was unable to accept Sasuke's harsh words. Kill him? He needed to find a way to make him stay. Naruto never wanted to fight him in the first place.

The blond's too-blue eyes were mocking Sasuke, glistening with unshed tears.

Naruto felt the situation slipping out of his hands with every word the raven spoke.

The Uchiha snorted. "Dobe, that's easy. All you have to do, is die." He was regarding him coolly. "You and your stupid belief in the power of bonds. What is it you are fighting for?"

"How can you want to kill me, you said it yourself. I'm your closest friend! I-"

"Answer my question, dobe! What is it, you are fighting for?" he harshly cut him off.

"You know what I'm fighting for, Sasuke. Keeping my precious people save, it's what makes one truly strong!"

"-then why aren't you able to defeat me, dobe? This is ridiculous! How is this supposed to help me kill my brother? You are my only precious person, Naruto. Why am I not strong, then? This bond is useless! All it does is holding me back! You are holding me back! You are a liability, dobe!"

The blond's tears were running freely now. "Sasuke, please don't do this! Don't leave me!"

"Look at yourself now, dobe! You sound like that weakling Sakura! You're pathetic, you disgust me!" Sasuke's snarl was deeply hurting his feelings.

He had been the only one to ever acknowledge him. Without him, Naruto would still be lonely. If Sasuke left him, he would be lonely again. There would be no one to ease the pain created by the hatred of the villagers. No one he could turn to for help, if he wasn't getting a new jutsu down. His silent presence over the years had comforted him whenever the hollow pain in his chest tried to overwhelm him.

He remembered the first six years of his life only too well; the time before he had known Sasuke. These six years had been filled with solitude and despair. A six-year-old child could only take so much. He had been close to the point of mentally breaking, when he had been enrolled in the academy. Sure, he had made some friends; Kiba, Shikamaru and Chouji. But to none of them had he developed the kind of deep heartfelt bond he and Sasuke shared. He wouldn't accept this! He just needed to explain himself!

"I'll be alone again, if you leave me! I don't want to be alone again, please-" he tried.

"Alone? I've been alone as well, dobe."

"Sasuke, I knew you were always alone. I… I used to be glad I found you, someone like me. I was... happy. From first glance, I wanted to know you… But… it wasn't that simple. You could do anything. You were always so popular with all your fangirls and the people praising you as the last Uchiha." He stopped to sigh.

"We're different, you and I. I was frustrated when you hardly reacted to my attempts of becoming your friend and I decided you were my rival! I had to beat you… especially what with everyone calling me a loser, a dobe." He winced slightly at his own words.

"Then they threw us together in cell number seven, and I couldn't be more happy. Stubborn as I was… I never let on what I really felt. Truth was, I wanted to be just like you. You were my idol. And so… hearing that you wanted to fight me too, during the chunin exams… I was never happier." A small smile proved his words to be nothing but the truth.

"With those words, for the first time… you acknowledged I was good. And… yes, without even trading blows… without saying a word, I knew right then and there… we were friends. You don't show it openly, but I know... the small gestures, they mean so much to me. You have no idea, what they mean to me! It's not insignificant to me, you're… my closest friend. And yet… here you are, intend on killing me. So I don't know what to believe any more. Did you ever mean what you said, the way you acted towards me when no one was looking?" His blue eyes dared him to deny it.

"Do you mean it when you say I'm your closest friend? Or am I deluding myself? That would make me so stupid, Sasuke... You're probably right. After all, I'm just the stupid dobe everyone thinks I am... you think I am." (1)

The addressed raven could only stare at the crying boy in front of him. His Sharingan had unknowingly deactivated somewhere during the speech. He was used to Naruto talking a lot, but never had his words touched him like that.

He felt his chest tighten. Warmth was slowly spreading throughout his body. What is this feeling? he wondered. Why are his words affecting me like this? Hesitantly he took a step closer to the boy he called his closest friend. Deep down he felt the urge to... to hug him and comfort him?

His head snapped to focus on Naruto's face and eyes. Sasuke could see hope sparkling in them. Is he hoping his little talk convinced me? He stopped dead in his steps.

Realization hit him. "You're doing it again!" Sasuke pointed at the blond accusingly.

Confusion crossed over Naruto's face. He had hoped he would come to him now and tell him that he was sorry and that he'd come back with him. How naïve. "I didn't do anythi-"

"The hell you didn't!" His sharingan activated anew in his anger. "Those feelings you create-" he hit his own chest with a clenched fist, "-they make me forget! They make me think I need you!" He shook his head in disbelief and anger. "I even thought about comforting you!"

"I won't give you the chance to influence me again! I don't know how you do it, but you won't replace my hatred with this warm feeling!" He was yelling once again.

Sasuke's face contorted in rage. He drew on the power of the cursed seal. Naruto watched in horror as the raven's pale skin turned grey. Hand-like wings sprouted from between his shoulder blades, ripping his blue shirt. His hair grew and took on a bluish-grey colour.

Naruto's eyes widened when he felt the immense increase in Sasuke's chakra. So this is Orochimaru's power, huh, he marvelled. He had only one way to counter this power. He needed to draw on the Nine-tails's chakra – again. But he'd do anything to stop Sasuke. The Uchiha was intending to kill him, Naruto couldn't hesitate now.

The blond felt deep inside himself, silently ordering the Kyuubi to lend him his chakra, his power. Immediately, he felt the evil power surge through him. Apparently the fox had also realized the seriousness of the situation and was practically throwing his chakra at him. Overwhelmed by power and the evil intent of the fox, he staggered for a second.

The red chakra manifested. Now it was Sasuke's turn to stare. Although Naruto had used the evil chakra in their fight before, the power leaking from him was twice – maybe even thrice – as powerful as before.

What is this chakra? Sasuke took in the younger boy's changing appearance. The whisker marks on his cheeks deepened and widened, his already pretty sharp canines became more pointed. His fingernails lengthened to claws. But what shocked him most was the change of the eyes Sasuke secretly loved so much. Blue bled to a deep crimson and his pupils became slitted. The sunny blond suddenly looked feral.

Sasuke shrugged off his silent amazement and gathered his chakra. Blue lightning formed in his right hand, creating the sound of thousand birds – Chidori.

Naruto quickly formed a shadow clone. Together they formed a blue spiralling sphere – Rasengan.

The shadow clone dispelled.

Naruto focused on Sasuke. His slitted eyes were hard now. The time for talking was over. He had failed to persuade him with words. He obviously had to defeat him and drag him back to Konoha.

Sasuke charged and jumped. Naruto followed. Their attacks clashed.

All Naruto remembered was the building energy. And then – blackness.

Naruto didn't know how long it took for him to regain consciousness, but the heavy rain woke him up. Immediately, he gasped. Breathing was unnaturally hard. It felt like not enough air was reaching his lungs. Greedily drawing on air, he choked as blood filled his mouth. Coughs shook his body. Only then did he feel the pain.

Pain of a kind he had never felt before. A hand reached up to his chest, intending to claw at the fabric, to pull away anything that might constrict his chest – but grabbed nothing.

There was a hole in his chest. A hole. Sasuke's chidori had pierced his thorax only a hair's breadth over his heart.

He really tried to kill me, he thought. The unmeasurable pain in his chest became too much to bear. Deep inside himself, something shattered as the realization of Sasuke's betrayal fully reached his mind.

He willingly gave in to the blackness that swallowed him again.

Next thing Naruto remembered was coming out of the ER. By the time Kakashi had reached him and brought him back to Konoha, the Kyuubi had almost completely healed his wounds. Tsunade still insisted on performing surgery on him, though. After waking up, he had delivered his report in a monotone. No emotion had crossed his face. Tsunade had finally decided to give him a tranquillizer. He had just come to mere moments ago.

"Naruto?" Kakashi's gentle question brought him back to reality. The two adults had seen the anguish on Naruto's face, while he obviously recalled the events responsible for his current condition.

He shrugged the memory off with an effort. A lump built in his throat. He swallowed. It wouldn't go away. He tried to concentrate on something else. "How long have I been out?"

"Three days," Tsunade answered him. Her eyes were still fixed on his small form in the hospital bed. "Your wounds have healed, but for some unknown reason I couldn't heal the scar over your heart," Tsunade went on. "It almost felt as if Kyuubi was messing with it. I wonder why he didn't heal it himself, though." She put two fingers under her chin in her usual thinking pose.

Naruto paused at this information. Why was Kyuubi messing with his healing? Normally the demon would heal him completely. Maybe it was meant as a punishment, because he had used a huge amount of his chakra?

He shook his head again, there were more important things he had to deal with. Sasuke, the name crossed his mind unbiddenly. The pain in his chest suddenly doubled. He gasped. His hand clawed at the poor hospital gown.

He really tried to kill me, his thoughts were racing. But he said I was his closest friend. How could he do this to me? He thought about his words.

/This bond is useless! All it does is holding me back! You are holding me back! You are a liability, dobe!/

Was it really his fault? Maybe if he hadn't tried to befriend Sasuke, he would've become stronger? He wouldn't have felt the need to leave Konoha. He would've stayed and become powerful. Naruto had slowed him down. His asking him for help had kept him from training. He shouldn't have bugged him with his problems. He had been selfish to think that he'd always help him. And he was so stupid. It had taken so much time. Sasuke always needed to explain things several times before he understood him. People always said he was a prodigy. He had held Sasuke back, Naruto realized.

/Look at yourself now, dobe! You're pathetic, you disgust me!/

He was weak, pathetic. He had not been strong enough to get him back. He had failed. I really am weak, huh, teme? he thought bitterly. I'm sorry, Sasuke. I can see it clearly now. This bond only helped me. I was too afraid of being alone that I forgot to ask if you actually wanted me to be your friend.

/You have become my closest friend, Naruto. You are my only precious person, Naruto./

Why would he say this then? Was it a lie?

/You are my weakness, my only weakness. You hinder me from gaining true power./

I hindered him. Maybe Sasuke had meant it; that he was his closest friend. But his words lost their meaning as soon as he had tried to kill him; as the chidori pierced his chest. But he had missed his heart... Sasuke never missed his aim. Did he reconsider? Maybe he was aiming for my heart, but changed his direction on purpose in the last second? he pondered, desperately searching for a way to minimize the extent of the raven's betrayal. But deep within himself, Naruto knew he was deluding himself. His best friend had put a chidori through his chest. He had aimed to kill him. To sever their bond.

And it was all his fault.

Naruto's breath accelerated. He was hyperventilating. The fist on his chest gripped the fabric even tighter, trying to ease the increasing pain in his thorax. His head felt funny, he needed more oxygen.

"He's having a panic attack!" Tsunade alerted Kakashi. Naruto was not even aware of their voices.

Tsunade ordered Kakashi to "Try calm him down!" while she raced out the door to get something to sedate the boy.

Naruto hardly felt his sensei's arms pulling him against his broad chest; how he patted his back and soothingly stroked his spiky hair. He faintly heard the whispered words of encouragement. Sobs were violently shaking his small body.

Kakashi winced as he heard the whispered words that left Naruto's mouth like a mantra. "He tried to kill me he tried to kill me he tried to kill me he..."

"Sh, Naruto, he won't kill you. I promise!" the grey haired jounin spoke softly into his charge's ear.

Kakashi didn't know whether it were his words of reassurance or rather the lack of oxygen that made the boy stop. But he quietly fell asleep, before Tsunade came back with the tranquillizer.

He already did kill me, were the boy's last thoughts before he passed out again.

In an underground lair, far away from Konoha, Sasuke sat on the bed of his cell of a room. Orochimaru had welcomed him personally and congratulated him for his decision. His training would begin in three days when his wounds had healed. The wounds, which the dobe had caused.

The raven ran a weary hand over his eyes. He was exhausted. If Kabuto hadn't reached him, he doubted that he had gotten to the lair on his own.

Naruto... he had been so strong. Sasuke had to silently admit it. The boy had surprised him. The red chakra that had leaked out of him had amazed him. He had had no idea that this kind of power was sleeping inside the blond. What is your secret, dobe?

After their attacks had clashed, Sasuke found himself kneeling above Naruto. Their foreheads almost touched. He couldn't hear his breathing. That was good, right? He wanted him dead! But why did his chest feel like it was on fire? The normally hollow ache of loneliness was raging in his chest. He had killed him! He should be happy! But what was this feeling? He had the inkling that he had felt it before... But when? He couldn't remember.

He tried to crawl closer to the blond. As if in slow motion, his headband with the Leaf insignia fell from him. His eyes caught the scratch that neatly cut the leaf in half. Unwillingly, he felt himself smirk. You actually did it, dobe. You scratched my forehead.

The smirk left his face as soon as the first drops of heavy rain hit his bruised skin. The rain reminded him of the time that had passed. He had to leave before back-up arrived!

But first he had to check on the dobe. His fingers were shaking terribly as he placed them on the side of his throat, above his carotid. He felt for the pulse, inwardly begging his fingers to give him a reassuring pulsation. But there was none.

I killed him. The ache in his chest exploded to new heights. He would have passed out then and there, if not for his sudden urge to get away from the corpse of his formerly best friend. He could no longer stay here. He had killed Naruto.

Sasuke remembered the feeling as his chidori had connected with Naruto's skin. Bony ribs gave in, breaking under the power of his attack. He had felt his hand gliding through the soft tissue of Naruto's lung. Again ribs and then – nothing. His hand had punched a hole in the smaller boy's thorax.

Sasuke forced himself out of the memory. Slowly, his racing thoughts calmed down. He didn't know why he had thought that the dobe was dead. But he had proof that he wasn't. His Mangekyou Sharingan had not activated. He hadn't killed Naruto.

The warm feeling that followed this realization, eased the pain in his chest a little. What was it? Relief... he understood. With that last thought, Sasuke fell back on his bed, asleep before his head even touched the pillow.

Sasuke had no idea that the pain in his chest was the same kind of pain, he had felt several years ago, when he had stumbled upon a scene he'd never forget. It was the night of the Uchiha massacre. Seeing his brother standing over his dead parents, comprehending that his beloved aniki had murdered everyone that was dear to him – from that day on there was a pain in his chest.

It became dull over the years, but still was his eternal companion. The boy had no idea that the only time his chest felt lighter and not as cramped, was when he was around a certain blond boy.

And he had no idea that the other boy felt the same. And although Sasuke now knew that he had not succeeded in killing him, he was probably lucky that he had no idea that his actions and his hateful words were the so-called tip of the iceberg. He had no idea that his words had brought Naruto closer to the edge of insanity as ever before. It was a tightrope walk. All it would need was the tiniest push, and he'd fall over the edge.

1) this is what Naruto actually said to Sasuke, I just modified it to fit the flow of the story. (Ch. 227 & 228)

Thanks for reading! I hope you liked it so far!

Please let me know what you think! Criticism is much appreciated, since this is my first story!

xXHaneliXx