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The f word.

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We landed on the beach at the rendezvous Island where we had been camping and Sokka and Suki were there waiting for us. Actually they were multitasking - because they were making out as well as waiting. Apparently they'd moved camps yesterday and Sokka had come up here to wait for us yesterday arfternoon and today so that he could direct us to our new place. Sokka and Suki had found an abandoned beach house that would be a little more cosy for us to stay in. We all climbed on Appa together. Sokka asked how it had gone. I knew what he was really asking and I just said simply that I hadn't killed him. They both looked a little relieved.

We landed on a hill about five minutes flight away. There was beach with a small dock beneath us and a small bedraggled old house next to us. The roof was slightly falling in and it had an unloved and unlived-in look about it. I could hear Aang and Toph earthbending behind the house, but I couldn't see them.

I wanted to be alone suddenly.

I just wanted to have a few minutes to just think. I knew that in a few moments I'd have to deal with Aang, who would probably be a bit beside himself that I had gone despite his disapproval. Aang had a lot of time to think of more temple wisdom for me while I had been gone and I didn't know if I could face it right then. I just wanted to have a think and collect my thoughts. I told the others I was going to the beach and walked off towards the dock. I overheard Sokka say he was going to follow me, but Subject said to Suki and Sokka that he thought I just needed a little space at the moment.

I sat at the end of the dock for ages. Just thinking. I thought about my mother and how much I had loved her. I thought about Yon Rha and the rain. I made sure he'd never forget me or what he had done. I thought about how I had to take this trip if only so that I could face him and choose for myself. I thought a lot about making choices and dealing with the consequences of those choices. I thought about being ready to let some of this anger go. I thought about forgiveness and how some people don't deserve it.

But then I started thinking that there were other people who really do deserve my forgiveness. Some people are really quite caring and thoughtful underneath it all. Some people really listen to me when I speak and respect me even when I'm a crazy lady to them. Some people make me fell like I am the fun one out of the two of us. Some people will keep picking me moon peaches and helping me and making me smile and forcing me to like them and worry about them until I forgive them.

Maybe it's time.

I was thinking about Subject a lot.

-!-

The sun was setting by the time they came to get me. Appa flew overhead and I could see Subject and Aang in the saddle. Subject had obviously told him that I hadn't done it, but I don't think he gave much detail otherwise. Aang said he was proud of me for not doing it. I tried to make Aang understand how angry I had been and how hard it was not to do it. It took so much strength not to give into that dark anger. It was one of the hardest things I've ever done. I hoped Aang would understand.

But the first words out of his mouth were about forgiveness. Forgiveness for Yon Rha.

Pah!

He didn't understand at all. I would never forgive Yon Rha. I had shown him mercy and spared his pitiful life, but I did not forgive what he had done. Aang thinks forgiveness is crucial to the healing process. I think I can heal myself just fine without forgiving my mother's murderer. I shouldn't be asked to forgive that. I think I am getting to a place where I can start to let this anger go. But I can't forgive that. Aang shouldn't ask that of me. Subject is right. Some things are unforgivable. I didn't kill him, wasn't that enough for Aang?

I didn't want to get into a big conversation with Aang about forgiveness and anger and healing because it would most likely end with me angry and Aang needing healing.

I saw Subject standing a little bit behind Aang and I walked over to him. I had something I wanted to say to him. Well I had a lot I wanted to say to him. But I settled for the first thing. I told him I was ready to forgive him. Just to make it official and in case he hadn't figured it out already from the snotty crying cuddle and the deep and meaningful chats and the being friendly thing we'd been doing. Subject can be a bit dense about interpersonal relationships sometimes.

I know I've been a bit…err… hot and cold with him in the past. We'd have a friendly moment and then I'd get all angry about something and we'd be back to being antagonistic. But this time was different. I really wanted to be his friend after he'd been such a good friend to me and I just wanted to make sure he knew. He looked shy and hopeful.

Tui and La! There is not a force on earth powerful enough to stop me from hugging my Subject at that moment. I couldn't help it. I threw my arms around him and gave him a big hug. He put his arms around me and he felt warm and strong and nice. He smelled nice too. It was a nice-lets-be-friends-hug rather than a hysterical-crying-all-over-you-like-woah-hug. My Mum used to say good hugs were like boomerangs, only better, because you get them back straight away. This was a boomerang hug.

I wouldn't have minded hugging him a bit longer but Aang was watching. Aang likes to be included in hugs and if it went on for too long, it would have become a really awkward three way group hug. So I let Subject go and walked back to the house.

-!-

Dinner was interesting. Toph wanted to hear all about it. I had already told Sokka all about it and then I had to tell Suki all about it. I was a bit over telling people all about it by that stage actually. We three girls are sharing a room so I told her that I would tell her later. Everybody was telling me and Subject all the things they had gotten up to while we were away. And all the various adventures they had finding this old house.

Subject thinks it's a war cottage. It's not unheard of, in the firenation, for every single person in a family to be a casualty of war, especially if they were foot soliders. Subject thinks that this is likely because we are on a...poorer island right now and his grandfather brought in conscription laws for footsoldiers that affected the lower class. These families had houses, sturdy houses that were built to last, and their houses just get left, abandoned to the elements. That little tidbit put a bit of a downer on dinner. It strikes me as really sad. The family who lived here, they are all gone and this creaky house is all that's left. I hardly ever think about the firenation casualties of the war.

Aang, to my increasing irritation, has used the word forgivness with a look in my direction 27 times this evening. He has, in the last half hour, forgiven Sokka for a tasteless joke, forgiven Toph for taking the last vegetable dumpling even though there were still meaty ones left, forgiven Subject for missing firebending practice three days in a row and forgiven Suki for a sarcastic comment she made and Aang's lack of initiative when it comes to training without a teacher.

If I never hear the f word again…..

-!-

Okay. I am only going to write this once and then I will pretend it never happened.

Subject is kind of cool.

There, I wrote it.

I have been afflicted with that same condition that affects people who go on little holidays with Subject. I feel great affection for him and I don't quite know how that happened. I felt this affection especially strongly this even as we were doing the dishes.

It was just nice to be around Subject because he wasn't persistently asking me to tell him all about it or talking about forgiveness. I was scrubbing a pot quite vigorously and having a bit of a complain about the f word and Aang's insistence of using it, even when it doesn't quite fit into the sentence. Subject said he'd try have a talk to him tomorrow at firebending training.

And then he said quite seriously that despite what Aang said, he was glad I hadn't forgiven Yon Rha. It was nice to have someone affirm my decision, but Subject had the cheekiest glint in his eye. I asked him why he was so glad that I didn't forgive Yon Rha. Subject smiled and said that I had made him work so bloody hard for my forgiveness that if Yon Rha got forgiven for just crying over some vegetables in the rain, Subject would have been pissed off. I playfully splashed some water at him. He splashed back. We had a small splashing fight. I won.

Subject smiled genuinely at me and said that he'd been climbing fruit trees and rescuing people from prison and carrying me out of fountains- all for my forgiveness. It would cheapen the forgiveness if I just started giving it away.

I told him he was an idiot and he said if you say so your majesty and mock bowed in my direction. There may have been another splashing battle. I don't know who won this last one. But it ended with Subject giving me a soapy buddle crown and me chasing Subject round the kitchen trying to rub soapy bubbles in his hair in retaliation.

-!-

I have come to a decision. Well two decisions.

I'm going to stop stalking Subject… I mean Zuko. I'm probably going to need a hobby to fill in all this new free time I'll have now. However, I think it is for the best. Friends don't stalk friends after all. And Zuko is my friend. I don't really need to stalk him anyway because he's pretty trustworthy when it comes down to it.

I have also been thinking that as magnanimously as I have forgiven him this afternoon, I might need to ask for some forgiveness myself. I've been flicking back through this stalking journal…err record of observations, and I realize that I may have been a little too harsh to Zuko. I have been treating him a little err…crazily for this past little while. I haven't really been fair to him. And now I want to make it up to him.

I want to show him that I really do want to be his friend. Tomorrow I will head into town and buy him some of those disgusting baked flakes he loves so much. I cannot believe this is the second time Zuko has forced me to part with money for this terrible snack. But they are his favourite. They will be my peace offering for him and I hope he'll accept.

I am also going to buy a new book. I'm going to start a new journal in which I don't stalk Zuko or write obsessively about him, because that would be weird. I have gotten into the habit of writing things down. It helps me get my thoughts together. We are in the middle of making history here. I'd like people in the future to know everything we did and what we've accomplished. I should record everything that is happening for future history books and posterity etc. And maybe it would be good to keep writing if only for myself. Everything is happening so fast and I don't want to forget anything.

So this will be my last entry about stalking Subject.

I may have lost a Subject to stalk but I have gained a friend in Zuko.

I am quite fond of my new friend Zuko.

Idiot that he is.

-!-

The End

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But just for now ;)

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Lovely readers! You have reached the end! Congratulations! Thank you for sticking with me so far! All my lovely reviewers – you know I love you! you guys are fabulous! Thanks for sharing your thoughts and forgiving me some great ideas! Thanks for everything you guys and I hope I'll see your lovely reviews for Not Stalking Zuko. I've already started and I hope to have the next chapter up sometime tomorrow. ;)

In this chapter: Our two words were forgiveness and friendship. I think the some lovely reviewers guessed this! ten points you guys!

In that final scene at the dock. I thought it was great that Katara had taken the time to properly think things through. she is still processing everything that happened. I think she's in a better place to start letting some of her anger over her mother's murder go. I don't think she has to forgive Yon Rha to begin healing, but I do think she needs to let go of her anger. I also think Katara deep down, blames herself for what happened and that is part of the reason why she is so angry about it. She needs to forgive herself, not Yon Rha and accept that she couldn't change what happened that day.

However, when Aang mentions forgiveness in this scene I think I just wanted to reach through the screen and be like the mistake guy in scrubs and just pop up behind him and sing out miiiiiiiissstaaaake! Because really Aang, I know forgiveness is your thing, but there is a time and a place buddy. She didn't kill him but that doesn't mean she has to forgive him. I think Aang, who is very attached to the monks teachings, would try an subtly tell Katara of the merits of forgiveness and that is why he starts forgiving left right and centre.

I also wanted Katara to reflect on her relationship with Zuko. One thing that I like about them, in my imagination at least, is that around Zuko, Katara gets to feel like she is the fun one. She was really hurt when the others teased her about not being fun in the runaway and I think she quite likes being in the role of the fun one. YMMV. She realizes that she's been a bit err…erratic in her treatment of him and Zuko probably doesn't know where he stands with her. She hugs him/forgives him because she really wants him to understand that she means it this time. she does want to be friends.

Many of my lovely reviewers thought it would be a nice touch if Katara had to write the dreaded phrase! Katara was always going to end up thinking her subject was kind of cool.

When I watched the Southern Raiders, there's a small house in the background of the dock scene. What is that house? It doesn't look like the royal residence and I didn't want them just to appear on ember island anyway. because that is a whole chapter in itself in my next fic. Then I was struck by the idea of war cottages. I wanted to float the issue of the firenation casualties of war in an oblique way. I don't think the Gaang ever really think about the firenation casualties, understandably. But they must have suffered loses. I was toying around on avatar wiki (ohmygod that site ate my brain!) and it said that the firenation has conscription. So not everybody in the firenation is gung ho for the war. To my knowledge, conscription is normally brought in when there aren't enough willing volunteers. Judging from the way those generals were willing to sacrifice an entire division in the war meeting Zuko attends, I imagine life expectancy in the firenation army as a lowly foot solider would not be long.

When I lived in Ireland, I was surprised by how much of the landscape is dotted with what they call 'famine cottages'. These houses lasted long after the family that lived inside them perished from famine. They are the only thing that is left of that family and they just stand there all dilapidated and it was quite sad to see them. So I thought it would be a nice touch if the firenation has a similar phenomenon after 100 years of war.

Zuko and Katara really are friends at the end. I like there little playful splashing battles and I plan to include more I tell you! More! However I felt this would be a good place to end the 'Subject' part of Katara's journal and for her to start afresh. It just makes sense that Katara would try to cut back on her stalking, because she really does regard him as a friend now. However she may have relapses into following Zuko around in my next fic. She can't help it. Bless her cotton socks.

The lovely Kimberly T *waves at Kim* mentioned many reviews ago that Katara needs to apologize too. And it gave me the best idea for how many ways that apology could get endearingly awkward. She will get him fireflakes. He will be confused and awkwardness will abound! But you'll have to wait for the first entry of not stalking Zuko to read it! Sorry lovely kim!

Anybody remember what I wrote many chapters ago about favourite foods as an expression of feelings. Just saying.

Well that's it for Stalking Zuko! I sincerely hope you have a tleast as much fun reading it as I had writing it!

Til next time lovely readers!

Emletish out.