Nine Months Alone

Chapter One

Still Need You

Papa I know you're going to be upset
'Cause I was always your little girl
But you should know by now
I'm not a baby

You always taught me right from wrong
I need your help, daddy please be strong
I may be young at heart
But I know what I'm saying

The one you warned me all about
The one you said I could do without
We're in an awful mess, and I don't mean maybe - please…!

Papa don't preach, I'm in trouble deep
Papa don't preach, I've been losing sleep
But I made up my mind, I'm keeping my baby
I'm gonna keep my baby

- Papa Don't Preach - Madonna

Each step the azure warrior took to her leader made her spark ache heavier and heavier as she got closer to the Prime.

The long waged war between the Autobots and the Decepticons was over. Finally. After all the long eons. The burden and pain was a happy relief to be free of. Every Autobot, the original five and allies that soon added on from space, celebrated on their new home. Apart from the three young Earthlings, the humans who knew of them thus far graciously started to accept them after a mild rocky start when they first met them.

Out of the celebration and merriment, one was burdened with sorrow. And it lingered in the glow of Arcee's spark.

She had feelings for a mech. A mech that wasn't an Autobot. Despite the parallel factions that they belonged in, he surprisingly returned the feelings she harbored. They were blissful, wonderful days that she spent each moment when she was with him... Even though her worries and doubts were many, his reassurances were enough to sooth them from blazing, which got them to hold on to their romance a little longer. Then when she received the message that shattered through her spark... Tears would flow out of her optics every time she thought on it.

The Decepticons that survived were being lined up one by one as they disarmed themselves of their weapons off their person. It was a merciful action of the Autobots, rather have them all being hunt down and destroyed. With time and patience, the Decepticons would slowly come back to being Cybertronians, and the Autobots would too... And they would be one race again. But as long as the war took, it was going to be the same amount of time it was going to be to bring the species back as one.

Acree frantically looked upon the crowd of Decepticon mechs, hoping to find the one she was searching for. She kept on calling his name, but no answer seemed to call back to her. A lethargic blue frame was soon in front of her, and an optic and an eye patch stared at her.

"Breakdown...!"

An embrace soon wrapped the two of them together in metallic arms, a warm smile on the femme's face. Breakdown was a close friend of Knock Out, and he helped them many times to cover the couple's moonlighting outings. Without him, the romance between the two would be found out in two seconds flat and they wouldn't be standing here.

Just as they separated from each other, Arcee got to the point.

"Where's Knock Out? Is he still in the atmosphere, or is it taking longer for him to get here?"

"About that..." a disheartening look on his face soon appeared as it died off the quick reunion mood.

The joyful feelings she felt earlier drained out of her. No... it couldn't be. But the evidence was piercingly true once Breakdown took out a red flamed car door and drew it closer to Arcee.

She tried to hold back a soft sob before it came out. It was a trick. It was just something Breakdown found in a human garage. It couldn't have belonged to Knock Out...! It was just a sick joke Breakdown was playing to get a cheap laugh out of her, Knock Out was still alive!

"Megatron was starting to get the Dark Energon warriors from the other end of the Space Bridge, and Knock Out was apart of the crew who was in charge of that area..." began the Decepticon.

Was he speaking slightly faster, or did her mind just made everything fast forward in that moment?

"I was kind of around it, and Autobots were being killed; left, right and center. He must have thought of you, so before any more Dark warriors came through... he must have sacrificed himself for you, so you wouldn't lose any more partners. He did it for Earth and your human friends."

Warm tears flowed out of her optics as she grasp the door frame, and nothing could be done to make them stop pouring out. She tried harder to conceal her emotions, she tried everything. But at that moment, she didn't care if everyone knew she was in love with a Decepticon.

"Out of all the selfish, self-centered mechs in the universe, why..." she slowly began to sob quietly, in between letting her emotions run lose, yet still keeping them pend up.

She hugged onto the only piece of the one she loved. She held on to it as if it was all of him still attached to his whole being. It was as if she still felt him with her.

"Why did you have to do something so selfless? Why... Why? Knock Out... Knock Out...!"

"Arcee... The sun is about to set. Come. You are just in time."

Optimus Prime gestured a welcoming hand for Arcee to sit on the boulder next to him.

"Thanks..."

As the femme gazed out into the horizon, a sense of comfort washed over her as she took in the warm colors of the evening sky. Sunsets never cease to amaze Arcee, and that is what Earth had that Cybertron will never have. The organic landscape of the canyon, forest and the river... It was so different, yet awe inspiring and beautiful. She couldn't comprehend something so simple, so untouched would be so powerful and majestic.

It even gave herself an ounce of courage for what she was going to say to Optimus.

"Optimus..." She could feel Optimus's optics turn as she called for him. "About what happened earlier, I... I can't thank you enough for you understanding. I knew it was something that couldn't be possible, but I loved him too much for me to let go of him."

She deserved to be disbanded from the Autobots, but with Optimus's influences to calm the others down, she was lucky enough just to still be with the Autobots.

"Your feelings were genuine," began Optimus, reassurance and patience in his voice. "In fact, it could even inspire the tension that still is around between the Autobots and the Decepticons to go out a little further, even though the war is finally over after all this time."

A smile drew on her face. How her leader's patience astounded her. But with what she was going to say to him, did she deserve all that?

She continued on.

"I'm sure that the others may come to forgive me in time, especially after all that I've done, but, I... What happened between me and Knock Out and now that he's gone... Without what he did, we wouldn't be standing here and the war would still be going on. I... I know I can't bring him back. Not Cliffjumper, not Knock Out... I just miss him so much...!"

She could feel Optimus's arms around her frame as she was wrapped in a hug. Once she was done her fill of tears and cleaned herself up, she looked up into Optimus's optics.

The Autobot leader broke the silence.

"I've known you since the day you joined the Academy... You are one of my finest soliders. And it has been an honor serving with you."

A smile and tear drop was on her face. The praise she was receiving... With what she was going to say to him, did she deserve all that? Out of all the things that she had to tell Optimus, what she had to tell him was the hardest thing she ever told him. The thought of Knock Out not being around when it was the most important moment... She couldn't bring herself to finish the thought the first time she brought it up. And that he couldn't come back... He wasn't going to be around. She was glad Optimus was at her side all this time to support her after all that has happened. Will he still be at her side after what she was going to say?

She inhaled a breath and bravely looked into her leader's optics.

"I... I'm thirty cycles sparked. And Knock Out's the father."

Note*~

This is a prequel to the 'Gone' fanfic series, along with the other one shot 'Decepticon'. They're important for background info, so you kind of have to read them in order to get the story.

So, this is about how Arcee deals with Knock Out's death, being pregnant (so she's more prone into hormonal rage XD), and how she deals with the reaction of her friends and fellow Autobots. Since this is kind of a 'post Prime', I don't know if I should kill off any of the Autobots, so I'll sleep on it and gather more dust... But I might throw in some Decepticons that may live. Just cause of Knock Out and some... certain friends. :hinthintwinkwink:

Hope you'll enjoy the chaptered story of mine! :koff:RulerofFire:koff: Your fault (for making this a chaptered story):koff: (jk, fyi x3)

And 'Bolts and Brakes' readers, I am SOOOOOO sorry for not updating. Life groped me in the behind, and I've been so busy... And I still need to gather dust for the story plus a lot of the rest of my fics on the site. It's my summer project, so I'll definately get it done before the season's over. ^.^ :) :D

XOXO, lovelove!