Disclaimer: Characters do not belong to me, they most likely belong to Dick Wolf and/or NBC/Universal. I do this for free fun entertainment and therefore mean no harm.

A/N: This is the first fanfic I have ever even attempted to write, so feedback is more than welcome. This is also my first femslash, so sorry if it's awkward. The first few chapters are set up, so sorry if they're a little slow. Please enjoy!

Ghosts of the Past

Chapter 1

Olivia and Elliot walked out of the interrogation room and rounded the corner to see Cragen and ADA Alden behind the two-way mirror. "Okay, where the hell is Alex?" Olivia asked, slightly hostile. "You've been acting as our ADA for the past week and I haven't heard any reason why." Olivia thrust her hands into the pockets of her black fitted slacks, showing her irritation. She took a deep breath to calm herself, her maroon button-up shirt pulling tight across her torso.

"You were told that Cabot took some personal time, that's all you're getting from us. All we know. She should be back in another couple of weeks," Erica Alden said. Detective Benson had been on her case about Alex since she had shown up to take over responsibilities for their usual ADA. Alden herself had not been privy to why Alex had taken time off so suddenly, so she was incapable of passing on that knowledge to the squad of the 1-6.

Before another argument could break out, Captain Cragen shifted the conversation back to the case at hand. He may have also been curious as to why their ADA was missing in action, but it wasn't as if the squad could choose who presented their cases in court; that wasn't their decision no matter how good of a relationship they currently had with ADA Alexandra Cabot. The captain knew that his entire team missed the ice cold ADA that they all knew really cared about getting justice for the victims.

Once they had gone over what they knew about their current case and gotten ADA Alden to promise to get a judge to sign a search warrant for the suspected perp's apartment, Olivia pulled Elliot aside for a second. "Listen, I don't like that no one is telling us anything about Alex, so I'm going over to her apartment." It was as good a time as any to figure out what was up with Alex since they had just gotten a confession and were only getting the search warrant as the final nail in this guy's coffin.

Elliot saw the determination in Olivia's eyes and knew better than to argue with her, but needed to at least point something out. "You know, she might not even be home, Liv."

That thought had crossed her mind, but there was nowhere else she could think of to look for their missing ADA. "I know. But I have to try," Olivia said as she shrugged into her jacket and walked towards the door. If Alex wasn't home then Olivia would figure out somewhere else to go for information until she had the answers she wanted, the answers she needed.

Alex was too much of a workaholic to just take some impromptu time off for pleasure, so that only left disturbing reasons to flutter around in Olivia's brain. If Alex's whereabouts were completely unknown, the DA's office would have pulled the 1-6 in on the search for her, so at least Olivia was quite certain that Alex hadn't been kidnapped or was laying dead somewhere; a couple of thoughts which had run through her mind over and over again since Alex had not come to work at the beginning of the week.

It took Olivia almost twenty-five minutes to get to Alex's secure apartment complex by cab. She knew that the rest of the team would cover for her for as long as she was gone since everyone wanted to know what was going on with their ADA. They probably didn't want to know quite as badly as she did, but still, they were beyond just curious at this point.

The doorman of Alex's building opened the door for her and greeted her politely. Olivia stopped at the security desk to check in. "Hey, Sal," she said as she took the clipboard he handed her and signed in. All guests had to be accounted for in Alex's building and Olivia very much approved of the extra security. There were certainly ways to get around it, there always were, but that small extra assurance made Olivia feel better.

"Detective Benson," Sal said with an even mix of respect and lightheartedness. Olivia had only been over to Ms. Cabot's apartment a couple of times, but Alex always seemed to be softer somehow when she was accompanied by the brunette detective, which gave her Sal's immediate and unyielding stamp of approval. "Would you like me to call up and announce you, Detective?"

"She's definitely here?" Olivia asked, trying not to sound either surprised or relieved. But she certainly was relieved that Alex seemed to be at home and no longer counted among the missing.

"Yeah, she just came home earlier this afternoon actually," Sal said, beginning to wonder if the detective didn't know what was going on with Ms. Cabot.

"No, don't call up. I'll just head up and she can let me in." Olivia wondered where Alex had been, as the guard made it sound as if she had been gone for at least a few days. Well, Olivia figured she would just have to ask when she got up there.

Sal looked at Olivia curiously, internally debating whether to give her his master key or not. It was absolutely against protocol, but this woman was a detective with the NYPD; one that he knew personally and she was going to see someone he knew she was acquainted with. And while he didn't know Olivia that well, Sal would stake his life that the detective would never hurt the gorgeous attorney living in the penthouse. He stood and pulled his keys off his belt, selecting the correct one and holding it out to Olivia. "That's the master key. Alex is gonna have a hard time getting up to open the door, so just knock and let yourself in."

"What's up with Alex?" Olivia asked as she took the proffered keys. Some concern was laced through her voice, but she noted that Sal was more interested in the fact that she didn't seem to know what was going on with Alex than concerned for one of his favorite tenants, so she figured that it couldn't be anything too serious.

Sal just shrugged, not willing to give Olivia what she was fishing for if Alex hadn't already told her. Plus, he didn't actually know the whole story surrounding Alex's recent misfortune, so he wouldn't be able to give a decent explanation anyway.

"Thanks," Olivia said as she headed for the elevator and punched the number for the top floor. She wanted to question Sal more, but there was no good reason to when a more direct source was only an elevator ride away. Only the best for Alex, Olivia thought with a smile as she rode in the quiet elevator up to the penthouse, knowing she could never afford such a swanky apartment on her salary.

Olivia stood outside of Alex's door and took a deep breath, preparing to see the woman of her dreams in her own home. She loudly rapped on Alex's front door and waited until she heard rustling around inside before sliding the key into the lock and announcing herself. "Hey, Alex, it's Liv," she called out as she walked slowly into the apartment. Olivia wasn't all that comfortable with walking around Alex's apartment unsupervised; it felt too much like executing a search warrant sometimes.

Alex heard the knock on her door and groaned, taking the time to think about if it was worth the pain to get up and answer the door. She was readjusting herself on the sofa, getting ready to push herself into a standing position, when she heard the key in the lock and Olivia's voice call out to her. Like Olivia really needed to announce it was her, Alex immediately thought as a shiver of awareness passed through her at the first syllable out of the detective's mouth. Alex would know that woman's voice anywhere; she heard it echo through her mind all the time, in dreams and in waking.

It suddenly registered that Olivia was coming into her apartment, with or without her physically letting the brunette in. And although Alex would have done almost anything to get Olivia into her apartment for the past few years, now was not the ideal time. Panic ran coldly through Alex's veins when she realized what Olivia was going to see when they finally met face to face. This wasn't going to be pretty, especially with no way to soften the blow like Alex had been planning on doing.

Alex did not consider herself vain in most situations. Yes, she could pass off as pretty and her looks certainly didn't hurt her in her career or political aspirations, but she rarely thought about them. The only time she even found herself paying particular attention to her looks was when she knew she would be seeing Olivia, which was one of the reasons she was always so put together when she was working, there was always the possibility that she could run into Liv. And right now, Alex was certainly not looking her best, sitting in her pristine living room wearing a ratty, baggy royal blue t-shirt and cut off sweat pants that fell to just above her knees. Not looking her best at all, but it was comfortable.

In her current state, Alex would need at least ten minutes to make it to her bedroom to be able to hide from Olivia; to hide the damage that had been done to her body last weekend behind a door with a lock that Olivia couldn't get through. Unfortunately, it sounded as if Olivia was mere seconds away from exiting the entrance hall and getting an unobstructed view of Alex sitting uncomfortably on the sofa.

Alex closed her eyes and took as deep a breath as she could without doubling over in pain. She would just have to suck it up and trudge her way through the inquisition she knew was coming. Olivia's detective persona was not something that she often shook off and she couldn't help but ask a bunch of nosy questions even if it wasn't in the pursuit of her job.

The small smile gracing Olivia's face immediately dropped when she caught sight of Alex's face. "Jesus, Alex. What the hell happened to you?" She rushed over to Alex's side and reached out her hand to cup the attorney's face, but pulled back when she realized her touch would just hurt Alex. "Who did that to you?" Olivia almost whispered, not trusting herself to speak any louder without losing control.

Alex's right wrist was wrapped tightly so that it was left immobile. The upper section of her forearm that was visible between her wrist support and the sleeve of her t-shirt was covered with scabbed over scratches and multi-colored bruises. The right side of Alex's face was swollen and also bruised and she had a cut over her right eye that was stitched shut.

A soft chuckle escaped Alex's lips as she lifted her hand to gently grasp Olivia's, which was still hovering near her cheek. "There's no one's ass to kick, Liv. If anyone's to blame for this," she gestured to her wrist and face with her left hand, "it's me."

"What happened?" Olivia asked as she sat on the sofa to Alex's left.

"I went upstate last weekend to do some mountain biking with a couple of friends. I was about a hundred yards ahead of them on the trail when I took a sharp turn a little too fast. No big deal. It's not too difficult to go off trail, unless of course the side of the trail is an almost sheer hundred foot drop." Alex smiled sheepishly at Olivia. It was a crooked smile, as the right half of Alex's face wasn't exactly in perfect working order at the moment, but still adorable.

"So where were you these past few days?"

"Albany Medical Center. I got released first thing this morning and got a ride back to the city as soon as I got out," Alex said.

Olivia reached out and caressed the bruised side of Alex's face again, this time making contact. She knew that the visible injuries on Alex's body were not severe enough for a four day hospital stay. "What other injuries, Alex?" Olivia asked softly, not willing to just let it go.

She should have known Olivia would question her injuries. "Some bruised ribs… and a tree branch impaled my thigh on the way down the ravine." Alex had considered omitting that last injury, but Olivia would eventually find out about it and just get pissed at her later, so there was no reason to.

"Jesus, Alex."

"You said that already," the blonde said playfully.

When Olivia looked at her with steely eyes, Alex took a deep breath and winced at the pain that radiated through her ribs. Sitting here with Liv had made Alex forget all about the injuries she had sustained over the weekend. It was always that way when she was around the dark featured detective; Alex forgot herself and relaxed her usual stoic persona.

"Are you okay?" Liv asked with concern. She removed her body from touching Alex at any site in case the contact was causing her more pain. Olivia didn't even let herself consider that her touch could be comforting to the beautiful attorney.

"Yeah. I just forgot about my ribs for a second there," Alex said. "Deep breathing isn't really as soothing right now as it used to be."

Alex felt the last few days start to weigh down on her. People thought that all there was to do in a hospital was lay around and get rest, but that just didn't happen. The beds were uncomfortable and it was difficult to grab consecutive hours of sleep with a nurse coming in every hour to check vitals and make sure the patient was okay. This was the first time since her mountain biking accident that Alex was in an environment where she could possibly get some restful sleep.

Olivia watched as Alex fell forward over the arm of the couch on her right as she dozed off once again; the third time in the last fifteen minutes. They had been watching television for the past twenty minutes since Alex had gotten tired of talking about her accident. Alex had let Olivia choose the channel when they had flicked through all the options and nothing had held her interest.

When Alex felt the pressure building on her sprained wrist, she jerked back into sudden aware consciousness. It took her less than a minute to drift off again, but this time Olivia gently gripped Alex by her upper arms and pulled her back to rest against the detective's side. Alex was too tired to fight the wonderful feeling being pressed against Olivia sparked within her.

Olivia smiled as she felt Alex snuggle into her. She was in the process of removing her arm from Alex's shoulder, but the attorney's whimper of disapproval stayed Olivia's hand. The contented sigh that escaped Alex sent an inappropriate shiver of pleasure through the detective's body. It was made sweeter by the fact that those noises were allowed out by Alex's primitive, unfiltered brain. Olivia could only wish those noises were directed at her and not just some anonymous comforting phantom.

While Alex slept, Olivia made a call to Elliot to let him know she wouldn't be back to the precinct that day. She kept her voice low so that she wouldn't wake Alex up, either by moving out from under the blonde or by talking too loud. The female detective gave Elliot a quick overview of why Alex had been out of work and he said he would come by when Alex was feeling better and had settled back into her apartment. Olivia may have been the most concerned about Alex, but she certainly was not the only one at the 1-6 to care about Alex.

Alex had been sleeping comfortably for a couple of hours when her apartment phone rang. She snuggled deeper into the comforting warmth beneath her and tried to ignore the incessant, annoying ringing. The attorney groaned in protest when the warmth below her cheek started to move, jostling her into a less comfortable position.

Olivia smiled down at the protesting attorney as she reached over Alex to pick up her phone. "Alex Cabot's apartment. How may I help you?" Olivia answered when it became obvious that Alex was just going to ignore the phone. It was absolutely adorable to Olivia that Alex just refused to wake up without protest, although it shouldn't have surprised her since the attorney was so stubborn in all other aspects of her life.

"Detective Benson? I have a nurse down here that says she was hired to assist Ms. Cabot with caring for her injuries. I'm just calling to confirm that there is such an appointment," Sal, the front door security guard, relayed.

"Um, let me just wake Alex up and ask her. Hang on one second," Olivia said before covering the mouthpiece with her hand and turning her attention to the resting attorney. "Alex, honey, is a nurse supposed to be stopping by to take of you?" Olivia asked softly. She didn't want to startle Alex awake if she could help it.

Beautiful blue eyes opened and focused on the soulful brown ones looking down on her. For a moment Alex got lost in those eyes that she had always thought were Olivia's most expressive feature, even when they were shuttering her emotions. The amount of expression Olivia let shine out of her eyes when she was working a case always told Alex a lot about it. And the amount of time Alex spent looking at Olivia contributed greatly to how well she could read the detective.

Alex was able to refocus on what was being asked of her and quickly searched her mind for the correct answer. "Yes. My mother said she would send someone over to help me clean up and redress my puncture wound," she said as she slowly pulled herself up into a sitting position once again.

"Yeah, send the nurse up," Olivia said into the phone before hanging up.

The detective got up off the couch and stretched now that she was free of Alex's weight, although she would admit to herself that she missed the contact. When she had flexed most of the kinks out of her muscles, Olivia glanced back down at Alex and noticed the uncomfortable look that had made its presence known on her face. "You don't like the idea of a stranger touching you, do you?" Olivia asked softly into the silence.

Alex looked up at Olivia in surprise. Not many people were privy to the knowledge that Olivia had just bluntly stated. Although Alex often did detest the nickname of ice princess, it did serve to physically isolate her from most people, which was to her liking. Of course the cold persona did nothing to help her when she wanted someone to get close to her, someone like Olivia. "No, I don't like being touched," Alex answered since she had been asked directly.

Olivia just nodded like it was confirmation of an already well-known fact; that confidence was undeniably sexy to Alex, if not occasionally abrading. She was silent for a few long moments before continuing, as if internally debating whether she should say more or just keep her thoughts to herself. "I could get instructions from the nurse and redress your wound myself, if that would make you more comfortable," the olive-skinned woman offered.

Alex desperately just wanted to say yes, but she wasn't sure if Olivia was completely aware of all the help the nurse was going to provide for her. The attorney swallowed hard before elaborating on the duties the nurse was expected to perform. "The nurse is also expected to help me shower. I can wash my body on my own, but it's impossible to properly wash my hair with a severely sprained dominant wrist," Alex explained in such a way as to give Olivia all the facts and therefore allow her to rescind her offer. Alex tried to give the facts as cleanly and clinically as possible since she was already embarrassed about having to discuss it at all, particularly with her current company.

Again, Olivia nodded slowly and thought carefully about what to say. "As long as it's just your hair you need help with, I think I can manage." She didn't mean to sound as if touching Alex was repulsive to her, but it was more a case of self preservation because Olivia just couldn't handle it if Alex was aware of how she felt. "The offer still stands, Alex," Olivia said while looking the blonde straight in the eyes.

"Thank you," Alex said as she looked away. It was stupid and irrational, but Alex was a little hurt by Olivia's words. Truthfully, she wanted Olivia to want her and the detective had just made it clear that no such feelings existed in her. Alex knew that her feelings weren't appropriate, but that hadn't stopped her from having them since a few months after she had first met Olivia.

The attorney had been in lust with the dark-haired detective from the moment she saw the woman in the squad room. It had surprised Alex, the intensity of the spark that had flown through her. Alex had never felt such an instant sexual attraction towards anyone, let alone another woman, and it had scared her. It may have scared her, but not nearly enough to get her to discount her feelings for the detective.

It didn't take long for Alex's feelings to change from intense lust to a tentative but undeniable love. The dedication Olivia showed towards her job and the compassion she showed the victims was unquestionable and endeared her to Alex. And the way she was with children in particular melted Alex's heart. It sometimes made Alex think of how good Olivia would be with her own children, and in her weakest moments how good Olivia would be with their children. That was a private fantasy that no other living being would ever have knowledge of.

Alex was pulled out of her reverie by a firm knocking on her door. She made a move to stand up, but sucked in a quick breath when the pain in her ribs radiated throughout her body. The attorney couldn't help but release a soft, pain-filled groan as she sat back down hard on the sofa. No sudden movements, Alex berated herself. She had to keep reminding herself that she wasn't one hundred percent right now.

Olivia winced at Alex's obvious show of pain, but didn't know what she could do to take it away. "I'll get the door," she said so Alex didn't have to try to get up again. She didn't like to see Alex hurt; it almost caused a physical pain to rise within her, too.

At the door was a smiling woman in her fifties. "Hello. My name is Debbie Raymond. I have an appointment with Alexandra Cabot." She introduced herself and held out her hand to Olivia.

"Olivia Benson," she said, shaking the nurse's firm hand. The nurse's brown eyes were friendly and kind and Olivia immediately like her.

"Where's the patient?" Debbie asked, certain before the introduction that the woman in front of her had too much pain-free movement to be the one she was hired to assist.

"Right here," Alex said from the end of the entrance hall. She walked towards the two women standing by her front door and they both saw the effort it took Alex to maintain her halting gait. "Alexandra Cabot," the attorney introduced herself as she stopped to stand beside the detective.

"Debbie Raymond," the caretaker said, forgoing a handshake when she saw the inflatable cast engulfing the blonde's right wrist. She did note the striking contrast the two women made standing next to each other; the blonde with pale skin that was undoubtedly luminescent when she hadn't just been in a hospital for four or five days and the brunette with healthy olive-toned skin.

"Please, come in," Alex said as she limped back into the living room ahead of her two guests, strongly favoring her injured right leg. She leaned her left hip against the couch to take the pressure off her currently lame leg. "Can I get you something to drink?" Alex asked, ever the consummate hostess.

"No, thank you."

Olivia smirked at the politeness of Alex. She could be a rabid beast in the courtroom, but in her personal life Alex had absolutely impeccable manners. It forever intrigued Olivia that Alex had those two contrasting personality traits tucked away inside of one creature and that they balanced each other so perfectly. And what a beautiful creature they inhabited, too.

Alex had asked the question out of habit, but it also allowed her to stall for time while she figured out how to tell the nurse that her services were not required, at least in the capacity that she was led to believe. The attorney was usually direct about such things, but she was finding the words difficult to form at the moment. Perhaps it was because she still wasn't certain that letting Olivia take over responsibility for tending her injuries was the best idea.

Olivia saw her ADA struggle with herself and decided to just take the decision away from Alex. "Would you mind giving me instructions on what care Alex is going to need? She would feel more comfortable if I were the one to assist her," Olivia explained.

Debbie watched as the dark featured woman situated herself next to her blonde would-be client in a protective stance. It wasn't overtly aggressive, but the message was clearly conveyed that Alex's comfort was of the utmost importance to Olivia right now. And as the nurse intently studied the woman, she doubted that Olivia was even aware of how protective she was acting. She was willing to bet that in any normal circumstance the blonde would bristle at being shielded, but Olivia was able to get around her self-protecting walls.

"Certainly," the friendly nurse replied as she set down her bag and started putting supplies on the coffee table in front of the couch. "You aren't squeamish are you? Because I was told Ms. Cabot had a pretty nasty puncture wound to the upper thigh."

"I can handle it. I've probably seen worse on the job," Olivia answered absently as she walked over to closer inspect the products being meticulously laid out on the table. When she saw Debbie glance up curiously at her, Olivia elaborated. "I'm a detective with the special victims unit."

The nurse nodded her understanding and proceeded with explaining the medical care needed for Alex's thigh wound. "Clean the wound gently with an alcohol swab. It's going to sting, but that's better than getting an infection. Let the excess alcohol evaporate off so that the area is completely dry before applying a liberal coat of this anti-bacterial ointment. Then place a gauze pad over the area and tape it in place. What you need to watch out for is any pus or other discharge coming from the wounds, as it might indicate infection. If that or heavy bleeding starts up again, you need to get her to a hospital."

Olivia listened intently and committed the instructions to memory. It was relatively straight forward and Olivia had no doubt she could follow through with the task. She just hoped nothing went wrong while Alex was under her care, like an infection cropping up. "Do I need to know anything else for her other injuries?" the detective inquired.

Debbie moved over to Alex and inspected the scrapes running across her face carefully. "These look to be healing just fine, but again, if there is any discharge it would be a good idea to see a doctor. As long as the wrist doesn't get any more swollen it should be fine. If you can't start using in about a week's time for small things, I would suggest getting it checked out. Do you have your ribs wrapped, dear?" she asked Alex.

When Alex shook her head no, Debbie finished her analysis. "The ribs may well take the longest time to heal completely. You can wrap them for minimal support if they become too bothersome, but there's not much else you can do. Restrict your movement for a week or two and then slowly rebuild your core muscles once the pain's gone away would be my advice," the nurse said as she gently prodded Alex's injured ribs for any particularly sore spots. She could feel the strength of Alex's torso already and predicted that the woman would make a relatively speedy recovery.

"Thank you," Alex said as the woman pulled her hands back and went to go pick up her bag. She left all of the medical supplies they would need on the table where she had laid them out and said good-bye.

Olivia walked the middle-aged nurse to the door and also thanked her for the instructions. She locked the door behind Debbie before heading back into the living room to Alex. Now she just needed to prepare herself for helping Alex with her shower.