Did I get details about Gowland completely wrong and/or give him a completely new personality I pulled out my ass? Yes. It's been a long time since I've played the games. I don't mind people pointing out inaccuracies in their reviews so I'll know better later.

Something was amiss in the Amusement Park.

The faceless workers gave her strange looks, giggling as she passed them on her way to the cotton candy machine. She bit her lip.

The cotton candy vender even smiled as she approached and gave her a knowing wink as she took the stick of pink cotton candy from his hand.

What was so amusing? Was she imagining it? Was-

The thoughts were disrupted by a hand on her shoulder. She took a bite from her cotton candy and turned to see Gowland behind her.

"You know this is a family-friendly Park, right?" he said.

"With rides that also serve as death machines?"

"Well…"

"And occasional casualties," she added dimly.

"No, that's just for fun!" He laughed, but his disposition turned serious again. "But, ah, I just wanted to make sure you understand that this is supposed to be a place for kids and adults. As in you need to watch what you do with Boris around here."

Eyes wide, mouth gaping, she stared at him. "What?"

"Talk travels. Can't expect it to do anything but. And you're sort of a superstar around here, so of course, everyone knows everything you do."

"But what am I doing?"

Gowland squinted at her, brows furrowing. "Don't be sarcastic."

"No! I mean it! What am I doing?" Her voice rose in frustration.

"You know I can't say it! It's not family-friendly!"

"What am I doing with Boris! ?" Her irritated voice rose in the air, causing quite a few of the surrounding park-goers to turn their heads in curiosity and look on.

"Now you're just going to compound your troubles if you yell that."

"I don't understand. You people-" Revelation hit her square between the eyes. "You think I'm doing…that…with Boris." Her voice became squeaky at the word. She couldn't even bring herself to say it. "No I'm not!"

"We have proof otherwise."

"No I'm not!" She screamed louder.

"It's okay, Alice. Enjoy yourself…just not in my Park." He patted her companionably on the back. "I don't recommend Vivaldi's place either or the Tower. But the Hatter just might not care because he's a useless man-whore." His face darkened, his mouth drawing into a frown.

"…but…we're not…really…."

"I wrote a song dedicated to that bastard. It's called ENEMY. I think it has rock influences with blues inspirations. You should hear it!" Before Alice could even let out a squeak of protest his instrument was slung onto his shoulder, the bow perched across its strings.

She paled, staring in utmost horror, knowing the sound that would come from his playing would be anything but real, honest-to-god must. Desperate, she attemped to plug her ears, but it did no good as his tuneless voice warbled, violin screeching like a beast having its entrails torn out.

She only caught parts of the song as she attempted to find a place where his noise did not reach.

"YOU ARE, ENEMY! YOU ARE MY HATED ENEMY! I AM ENEMY! NUMBER ONE RATED ENEMY! LALALALA! ALL AROUND THE WORLD ENEMY! LALA!"

As she managed to get away, she knew he was still singing and probably unaware that she had even left. Pushing her back against the wall, ears still ringing, she sighed.

Slowly she recollected her thoughts that Gowland's "music" had momentarily scattered. Together, her thoughts formed one word: Boris.

Why did everyone think she did those things with him? Couldn't a girl and guy hang out?

But she remembered back to her days in the real world, and even back to when she was in school. A bitter smile cracked on her face. Of course not. Girls and boys could never just be friends when people constantly wanted to push them together. If a girl and boy were close someone would always assume something was going on.

It was sort of a maddening thing to think about.

Falling in love with a her best guy friend? A cliché.

Falling in love with a guy she related to and cared about? Well…she'd consider it.

Thinking about Boris…why wouldn't her heart stop beating so rapidly? Why did her thoughts become a fuzzy jumble in her head, her feelings buzzing in her body. It was maddening, ridiculous, stupid, and yet she always felt so good talking to him.

Did she-?

Could she-?

Love him?

Oh my.

The oldest cliché in the book and she, Alice, had fallen right into it.

How pathetic. She buried her head into her knees. Boris was a flighty creature and sometimes impossible to understand. Yet she did, perhaps because she lived in this strange world. Wonderland made her think differently than she used to.

"Yo, Alice!" It was Boris, leaning against the wall beside her. How did he always find her so easily?

"Onee-san!" Two voices cried in unison before she the voices' owners wrapped their arms around her, and she didn't even have to get a clear look to know exactly who it was.

"Dee, Dum, hi," she said, still dazed.

"We had to avoid the old guy coming in! But it was worth it." Dum looked in the direction Gowland was, even though the man was far out of sight.

"Yeah, always worth it for you!" Dee snuggled her shoulder, making his words muffled into her sleeve.

She frowned. "Is he still angry about Blood?"

Boris shrugged. "Of course. Without making torturous noises and Blood-hate the old man would have nothing else to do besides sit in his rocker all day." He laughed at his own joke.

"Boris is going to teach us how to be manly!" Dee exclaimed.

"Really manly! And then you'll love us, Alice."

"Hey, no," Boris said. "I'm teaching you guys to be men so you'll find other chicks and leave Alice alone."

"That's no fun." The two pouted.

"Yeah, well, being a man isn't about fun." Boris crossed his arms. "It's about hard work."

This coming from the boy with a midriff and a pink boa, she thought.

"Is that why you sleep all day, Boris?" Alice said, sarcasm coloring her voice.

"I'm saving up energy!"

She rolled her eyes, laughing.

"Whatever. When do we get to pick up girls! ?" Dum looked more excited than he should.

"I want to pick up onee-san first!" A wicked gleam in the boy's eyes unsettled her.

"Guys…no. Nobody's picking me up."

Boris broke in much to her relief. "Exactly."

"Thank you-" she began.

"If anybody picks her up. It's me."

She was taken aback. "What? !"

"I claimed her. Like, you know how cats work. We claim things. And she's mine. So you two can just pack up and go home if she's what you want."

A bright blush rose on her face as she bit her lips. Oh my.

Dum tightened his hold on Alice. "You can't hog her!"

"Yeah, we'll be back, kitty cat, and claim her for ourselves."

Suddenly, Alice noticed they were holding axes, each one of the boy's still draping their free arms around her shoulders. The blades gleamed in the light. "Maybe we should kill him for her!"

"Dead kitties can't make claims!"

Metal chains clanged as Boris quickly drew his gun into his hand, holding it at level to the boys. He was smiling.

Does nobody take death seriously here? Wait, duh, of course they don't.

Twisting away from the twins, she stood up, furious. "You know how I feel about fighting, Boris!"

"They started it!"

"Then be the mature one and not continue it! They're just naïve children. How can they know better?"

Alice did not see the twin's high-fiving each other behind her back, but Boris did and he gritted his teeth.

"You guys are supposed to be friends," she continued. "Why battle over me?"

"Because hos before bros?" Boris said lamely.

"Well, new rule: No fighting over me. It's annoying."

The cat sighed, staring at the sky. "Fine. But you'll make me lose out on some really cool fights."

"I'm keeping you alive!" she retorted.

"Still, you're always on my case," Boris said. "Like, you always tell me to not go and do anything fun. I know you care about me…but I care about fun."

"Just because-I'm not even arguing this! You're being ridiculous!" She huffed, swirling around. He stared at her back.

"You'll be back when you're bored."

"Then I'll start scrap-booking to keep me entertained."

"That's not fair. Turn around. Look at me!" He attempted to move to her front, but she simply turned her back again.

"Not until you promise to listen to me."

The cat thought, face tilted to the side slightly. "Heh." She couldn't see the wicked curl stretching his lips. "I bet I can make you turn around."

The twins watched curiously.

"I bet not-" she began, but the words died into a squeak as his lips brushed the back of her neck. "I-I'm still not turning."

"Oh, Alice," he purred, teeth softly nibbling on the sensitive skin of her shoulder.

She shook nervously. "Boris!"

"Mmmm." The sound came from deep in his throat. His hand brushed her back, moving across her shoulders, towards her front and-

"You win!" she screamed, jumping away and turning to face him.

He laughed proudly. "Of course I did!"

The twins' eyes were wide. "Why didn't you finish?"

"Can we finish for you?"

"You kids! No!" Her sharp voice was shrill.

Hands on her burning cheeks, she moved towards Boris, getting right into his face. "You're a naughty cat, Boris!"

He grinned. "Will you make me pay for it later?"

She gave him a flat look. "Don't even, Boris. You three…go be men or something." She walked past them, moving a furious pace.

"Where are you going?"

She didn't even answer.

This is sort of crack-fic. Why else would Gowland break out in a Disturbed song? Oh, and those are real lyrics that Gowland sings because I just find it that damn amusing.

Actually, I don't know what the hell I'm doing with this story except pouring my miserable sense of humor into it. XD Me, not blindly stumble through a story? What, dawgs?