Thank you everyone! Pressies to: murphy, who gets redvines as requested, Eclipsia Black, son (twice!) ChloefromMackMalls, Jenny123, justacoolharrypotternerd23, Forbidden Black Rose, MarauderGirl71

And, mountains of thanks to everyone who reviewed, favourited, alerted or a combination of these over the course of this story!
I, gypsy rosalie, hereby invite you all to an end-of-the-fic party, where there will be copious delicious snacks, music, celebration...and no, Umbridge is not invited. WHAT? PARTY? UMBRIDGE NOT INVITED? *scuffling sounds are heard*

*This fic is currently having technical difficulties, just adjusting...*

Attention, all fanfic readers. Dis Umbridge. De author of dis story is currently indisposed for some serious tough lovin', for breakin' one of mah three simple rules, and so, guess who gets to tell the story now? Me! Your Mama! Umbridge! And we gonna be proceedin' MAH WAY! We gonna be proceedin'...THE UMBRIDGE WAY!

So, what really happened was...dat Ralph- dat's mah lil pony boy, and me- Umbridge, we got dose Death Eaters. And we got 'em good. Den everyone said, dat Umbridge, she really is cool! And dey made me Headmaster o' Hogwarts again, and all da chil'rens loved me, and mah boyfwen Firenze and mah baby ponies applied to da Ministry for me to be made Minister for Magic, and den...

Oh, look, Umbridge, a cheesecake! No, no, everyone, that's not what happened at all! Now Umbridge is distracted, we can get on with what REALLY happened. Here goes.

Oh, and if you're not familiar with the guests in the story, feel free to skip the first chunk of this chapter and make your way to the more Umbridge-centric bits that follow.

'What did I miss? What did I miss?' No sooner had the Death Eaters vanished with the portkey, than Draco Malfoy came trotting up, Luna in tow.

'You!' Umbridge glared. 'Did you' Daddy send you?'

Draco looked a little confused.

'No, no,' Firenze said. 'Little D, I summoned you two to meet here, for I have some wondrous news- we foresaw last night that your rocketship shall arrive to take you to Mars- today!'

Draco gasped. Then he gaped.

Then he fainted.

'Oh dear,' Luna said. 'He's fallen under some sleeping spell. I suspect nargles…oh, look up there!'

Everyone gazed in total awe of the giant ship that was slowly beaming down. Firenze looked smug. Umbridge gathered all her children close to her, bit a part of her was wondering how heavy a ship like that really was, and how much effort it would take to lift it.

The group took a deep breath as the door to the ship opened in a cloud of steam.

'We're here to get the job done!' said a triumphant voice, and a strange, large, red insect-like creature leaped out, hand in hand with a blonde bimbo girl.

'Wow, is this really earth?' asked the insect.

'Oh, Bug,' the girl said, 'Now we're on earth, we can go shopping, and you can pay to buy me clothes!'

Luna was the first to speak. 'Are you professors from Pigfarts?'

'Professors? You mean, like, teachers? Ew!' the bimbo girl cried.

'February and I are starship rangers!' Bug said, puffing his chest out proudly, 'And we're here…'

'We'r here to collect the lucky son of a bitch, Draco Malfoy,' said a rather gruff-sounding Mexican voice. The fury in this voice rather startled Firenze and Luna, until the speaker emerged, and was revealed to be a rather short young woman who stood in a violent pose, dark hair standing on end.

'Where is de kid?' she demanded.

'He fainted,' Firenze replied.

The short, violent girl looked rather annoyed. She charged over to the unconscious elf-boy and kicked him.

'Wake up, chu lazy bastard! Chu gotta be TOUGH, chu hear?'

Draco opened his eyes.

'Holy cow!' the girl proceeded to swear a string of foreign words and jump back, staring at him. 'Where'd chu get my face from?'

'Now, now, Taz,'' came another surly voice, 'he's just havin' a little sleepy time…'

Tax groaned loudly. 'Up! Don't go all soft on me again! What happened to de strong son-of-a-bitch who killed dose giant insects with his heart?'

Little Draco, still reeling from the fainting experience and from being kicked, swaggered up to Taz.

'Excuse me, but that's the face of Malfoy you're wearing.'

Taz raised an eyebrow and considered punching him out, bit after studying her doppelganger, decided against it.

'Yeah, I know, is kinda freaky, but, I gotta admit, even though chu are a lil sissy boy, my face looks…kinda cute on you…'

Draco blushed, flattered. 'You really think so?'

Taz opened her mouth to answer but a shrill exclamation cut her off.

'Woah! Woah! Why's that kid look like Taz? What is this scary magic?' Up scuttled round to hide behind Taz, who shrugged his hands off her shoulders.

'Toughen up, Up! Chu never used to be afraid of a lil freakish DNA! The old Up laughed in de face of danger, and was never afraid of a challenge, like…like her!'

She pointed to Umbridge, who was busy trying to lift the starship, without much success. The wo-man turned and noted that she was being pointed at.

'WHO DISRESPECTING UMBRIDGE!' she stormed back across. 'You wanna die, weird lil Mohawk guurl?'

'I like her,' Taz said. 'She one tough bitch. Can we take her too?'

'Naw, let's just get outta here!' Up said, quaking at the sight of Umbridge, who he noticed looked uncannily like him. 'This place is givin' me the heebie-jeebies!'

Taz groaned again. 'Don't make me hit chu!'

Up began to apologise when a fist connected with his face, knocking him out.

'Got it!' Umbridge said.

Taz looked impressed. 'I like your spunk! Do you train?'

'Well,' Umbridge began, 'when I was a young young'un, mah Mama Umbridge said to me, Dolores, she said, Dolores Jane Umbridge, you put down dat cheesecake, and you get up off dat couch, guurl, get on up…and den I grabbed anything dat I could find, and I HOISTED it over mah HEAD….'

'Sounds like quite a workout,' Taz said, 'so what, you just pick things up, and…'

'Er, guys,' Bug cut in, 'I hate to interrupt, but I just got a call from the Overqueen- I need to get back to the Bug World right away, so we'll have to start off now.'

February looked forlornly at the credit card she had procured, and stuffed it back into her pocket before following Bug onto the ship.

'Okay, let's get de kids on board,' Tax said, 'we can drop 'em off on de way.'

Luna pranced onto the starship, followed by Draco, who slid up the platform.

'My dream is coming true,' he said, casting his eyes skywards. 'The reign of Malfoy is drawing n…'

'Yeah, yeah, get in,' Taz said impatiently, hauling him inside. The starship door began to close.

Up, still sprawled on the grass, opened his eyes as the hatch began to rise.

'Wait for me!' he cried, jumping onto the closing platform and scrambling inside the ship. 'Waaait!'

Umbridge took a step back towards Firenze as the ship proceeded to lift off, her blonde curls blowing in her face.

'Dat Taz,' she said to her centaur boyfriend, 'she's cool- like me.'

'Indeed,' Firenze said, putting his arm round her shoulders, 'although not nearly as strong.'

Umbridge looked immensely pleased with herself. 'I nearly hoisted dat spaceship over mah head too…'

'It is a special evening in the Cenchaur Tree Village,' Firenze said to his kinsmen, and to Umbridge, who had all three of her children asleep in her strong arms.

'First of all, we farewell the magnificent Little D, who traverses to Mars this night.'

The centaurs lifted their arms and waved to the tiny dot of the starship as it streaked across the sky.

'Second, it has been foreseen that within the next few weeks, Harry Potter shall be successful over the Dark Lord!'

Umbridge booed, but the sound was drowned out by the cheers of the centaurs.

'And lastly, appreciation of the fair Umbridge, who has given us the greatest gift of all- a new generation.' He indicated the babies Umbridge was holding. 'The first, perhaps, of many to come.'

The centaurs all applauded, and Umbridge blew them kisses.

'Hurhurhur, dur-dur-dur, thank youu, thank youu, thank…wait, what was dat about many more?'

Umbridge and Firenze smiled as they put the sleeping babies in their beds and headed out into the living room.

'Um, Pony?' Umbridge began, 'what was dat you said about many more chil'rens?'

'Well,' Firenze said, 'of course, when you bear us the next litter of hybrids…'

Umbridge looked horrified. 'Huh? What? Nooo! I'm not goin' through dat again! I don't want no more chil'rens! Three is enough!'

And with that she ran out of the house.

'I toldja,' cackled a voice, and the ghost of Mama Umbridge appeared on the sofa. 'Di'n I tell ya of you tol' her dat, dat'd put da fear back in her? Dat'll teach her to sass her Mama and eat cheesecake behind mah back…'

'I think she believed it,' Firenze said, concerned, and dashed out into the forest, leaving the old woman to vanish by herself.

'Fair Umbridge!' he called into the night. 'Come back! It was merely a joke!'

Or was it?

I'll let you decide…

And somewhere else far away, in the Felton Tree Village, there...

Where'd da cheesecake go? Oh, dat's right, I ate it all. Oh, mah Mama was right! I'm a chubby lil ****!

Oh dear, looks like Umbridge is back. We'd better end it there.

Well, thank you, everyone. Thank you all. I love you guys. I'll miss you all, but I'll see you all when we go back to witches and wizards and magical beasts, to goblins and ghosts and to magical feasts...

I have had ideas for new AVPM stories. If you would like me to tag the previews onto the end of this fic, so you can see what they'd be like and vote which I should do, please say so in your review. Thanks muchly. I feel rather sad Snape wasn't in this. Perhaps I'll do one on him later.

*Opens a pack of redvines and tosses them into the air* Catch, everyone! Redvines for all!

And, of course, I'll see you all at that end-of-fic party I was mentioning earlier...Hedwig will send you the invitations so we don't get gatecrashed by Umbridge...unless you want her there, that is...