Alfred's Tips to avoid sleeping on the couch

1. Never suggest that Arthur's cooking was better fit for dares on Fear Factor because stomaching a serving of toxic waste dump is much better than that couch.

2. Never kick Arthur off the bed before 7:00 in the morning (or anytime of the morning really) because you will guarantee your spot on the couch. (Literally, you can be the nicest mother fucker for the rest of the day, but you will sleep on that couch)

3. Never take him out drinking than leave him with Francis because you'll be dropped kicked onto said couch if you do.

4. Never (and I repeat NEVER) agree with anything Francis says in front of Arthur because that couch will be your best pal for the next week.

5. Never expect taking Arthur to a McDonalds for your anniversary dinner is a good idea, because you will not only be staying on the couch, you'll be staying on the couch…. At your friend's house.

6. Don't take Arthur to a reenactment of the Revolutionary War because not only will you have to deal with an emotional Arthur, YOU will force yourself to sleep on that lumpy piece of furniture.

7. Never think that kissing Arthur in front of his boss is a great idea of a romantic moment because you will not only get a long lecture from your boss, you will get an even longer one from Arthur. (All the while preparing the best position on the couch that won't completely leave your back bent out of shape in the morning)

8. Making suggestive jokes about Arthur's "Big Ben" won't get you anything but a spot on the couch and a rather painfully bruised eye.

9. Giving Arthur tampons and other womanly products as gifts for his birthday is a sure fire way to end up not just on the couch, but the couch will now be placed outside in the front yard. (And who actually likes having the sprinklers as a alarm clock?)

10. Insulting, mocking, or denying the existence of Arthur's fairies will only end with a pissed off Arthur, a few bruises, and no chance of sleeping on the bed that night.

11. Let's face it. Giving Arthur copies of Kiku's Doujinishi and suggesting trying something like what was in them will earn not only a slap, a punch, and a blushing pissed of British lover, but also no chance of getting any from said lover for a few weeks (which also includes your spot in the bed…..)

12. Suggesting Arthur and Tony should duke out their anger with eachother in a cage wrestling match (complete with live audience and cameras) will immediatly send you to your fate on the dreaded couch. (coughdeathtrapcough)

12. And finally… don't ever complain about the couch to Arthur because you will soon realize that couch is over 9,000 times better than the floor.

Added one! and I hope someone has noticed my "over 9,000 thousand" refrence at the end... if not saddness...

review are highly appreciated! (srry for typos! _)