Chapter Five.

Going through the paperwork on his desk Jack glanced up to see Ianto in front of him, his face was red and blotchy as if he had been crying.

"I'm sorry to bother you Sir, I know I promised to keep out of your way…," he said hesitantly not sure how Jack was going to react.

"What's happened?" Jack asked wondering what could have occurred to upset the normally stoic young man.

"I've just heard my Aunt Lily has died," Ianto said looking down at his shoes as he fought back tears.

"I'm very sorry to hear that," Jack said standing and giving Ianto his complete attention as he tried to remember if Ianto had ever mentioned her to him. "Was this expected, had she been ill?" Jack asked not sure how much to say in case he exposed how little he knew about Ianto's family.

"No one's sure. She collapsed while she out shopping. They rushed her to…." Ianto stopped as he took a sharp breath. "She died in the ambulance," he said, composing himself. Jack attempted to lay his hand on his arm but Ianto stepped away.

"This is awkward, I realise that this is short notice but I need four days off," Ianto said awkwardly looking up.

"Of course, take as much time as you need," Jack replied instantly.

"I only need four days. The trouble is I have to go now. My Aunt was my only living relative so there is no one else. I need to take care of things, arrange for her funeral, pack up her house, settle her affairs that sort of thing," Ianto tried to explain.

"Do you need some support, I could come with you?" Jack offered.

"I appreciate the offer, but I've asked Tosh and she said she would come up on the day of the funeral. And to be honest I need someone who will actually turn up," Ianto told him bluntly. He saw Jack flinch.

"Let me know and I'll make sure Tosh is free," Jack told him, smarting from Ianto's reply. "Who's coming with you today? Jack asked seeing how shaken Ianto appeared.

"I've a friend here who's in the force; Andy. He's picking me up shortly, he'll drive me up as he was the one to call and tell me," Ianto told him.

"Look after yourself. If you need more time off or you need anything just call me," Jack said, and Ianto left his office. He closed his eyes as he realised this incident had brought into sharp relief how little he knew about Ianto. Only living relative...he had hardly mentioned his family. What a mess, he thought. Tosh followed in as Ianto left.

"You've spoken to Ianto," she said gearing herself up for a fight. "I know it's not much notice but I need to take a day off sometime next week," Tosh told him her tone indicating she was not going to accept a refusal.

"It's okay," Jack told her. He saw her surprised reaction.

"But I thought Gwen had asked for time off next week, and with Ianto being gone we going to be shorthanded," she told him.

"Oh I forgot about that," Jack told her, recalling Gwen had asked for leave.

"I don't know what Ianto told you but they were very close. She brought him up after his parents were killed when he was ten. He tried to see her as much as possible but with his job here and everything, and now she's died suddenly..." she raced on trying to make her case.

"We'll cope, take as much time as you need," he told her gently.

"Really?" she replied.

"I'm not that callous," Jack snapped back.

"Well you didn't care when you overrode his leave when he had arranged to take her out to celebrate her birthday, earlier in the year," she retorted.

"He never said what the leave was for," Jack told her as he looked at her distressed.

"That may be, but she was like his mother. He knew she wasn't well and he's been trying to visit but you know how things have been," she told him.

"If you can let me know which day Tosh, that would be great," Jack told her sadly confirming his agreement.

"Thank you, I know how much Ianto will appreciate some support," Tosh said surprised Jack had acquiesced so quickly.

"How was the funeral" Jack asked as he joined Tosh by her desk.

"Very sad. Ianto put a brave face on like he always does but it was a hard day," Tosh told him. "I think he appreciated that I could join him so he wasn't on his own," she added as they now saw Ianto enter the Hub carrying a small holdall bag with handles and a centre zip.

"How are you Ianto?" Jack asked him kindly as he passed.

"I'm okay, the funeral was the worst part. I only have a few things left to do, sign a few documents, get her house up ready for sale that sort of thing. I'll just make a round of coffees and be out of your way," he added as he headed for the kitchen placing the bag down carefully.

Shaking his head sadly Jack went back to his office and closed the door. A couple of hours later Jack headed down to the archives. As he approached he heard a scampering scuffling noise. When he turned the corner, Ianto was standing by his desk zipping up the bag he had been carrying earlier.

"Can I help you sir?" Ianto asked.

"I just wanted to see how you were?" Jack asked after several awkward moments passed.

"I'm fine, I guess it comes under as good as can be expected," Ianto told him.

"I didn't know about your Aunt," Jack confessed.

"Well I didn't really tell you about her. I wasn't sure you'd be interested," Ianto told him. "I mean you never told me anything about your family. I figured I wasn't the person you wanted to share yourself with," Ianto replied.

"Why didn't you tell me about her birthday?" Jack asked him outright.

"No point Jack, as you said at the time, I had to think of the team. You couldn't show favouritism and couldn't be seen giving me priority over the others and that as a Torchwood operative I was obligated to be called out," Ianto struggled on.

"It would have helped if you had told me. I would never have called you in had I known," Jack told him cringing inwardly as he recalled the conversation.

"Doesn't matter Jack, I mean how could I expect you to understand? I mean you never showed any indication that family matters to you, oh …" Ianto stopped as he became distressed.

"I've upset you," Jack said stating the obvious.

"I suddenly realised it was only my family you weren't interested in. I mean you ask the others about their families all the time." He took a deep breath. "What did you come down her for?" he added looking at him angrily.

"I came to say I was sorry Ianto you should have told me," Jack replied.

"Would it have made any difference?" Ianto asked him.

"Of course it would!" Jack told him indignantly.

"I don't believe you, because you've managed to postpone and override every leave I've booked since you came back. I imagine it never crossed your mind it could be important considering I never book leave for anything other than something vital. " He let out a deep sigh. "At the time I was so worn down with it all I thought there was no point in telling you because you wouldn't have given a damn about anything that was important to me," he said glaring at him.

"You should have told me Ianto," Jack raised his voice.

"Okay let me ask you something. Did you ever occur to you to ask me why I needed the time off?" Ianto asked him.

"That's not the point Ianto, I not psychic," Jack retorted.

"I think the one thing we can all agree on is you are not psychic," Ianto snarked.

"I came down here to say I was sorry," Jack told him.

"Sorry that I got to disappoint a much loved Aunt or sorry you feel guilty about it?" Ianto said furiously. "Because I don't want your apology Jack. You gave me all the justifications at the time along with a promise you would make it up to me then."

"Then let me make this up to you," Jack offered desperately wanting to find any way to do just that.

"What, like a meal or a weekend away?" Ianto retorted.

"Okay," Jack replied.

"I'm afraid my aunts dead now, any enjoyment she might have had for such a gesture has passed," Ianto snapped back as he saw Jack colour. "Now get out of my archives," Ianto shouted as a noise that sounded suspiciously like a bark appeared to come from the bag.

"Was that a bark I heard?" Jack said as the bag moved. He heard another muffled bark. "What is in the bag?" Jack asked.

Ianto looked horribly embarrassed. He unzipped the bag and the head of a tiny tea cup Yorkshire terrier popped out, complete with pink ribbon on the top of its head. "Meet 'Spud' short for Spudelicious," Ianto said picking her up. She proceeded to lick his face with great enthusiasm.

"It's a dog," Jack said, raising his eyebrows. "A tiny dog." The small animal quivered with the delight of the attention she was receiving.

"I didn't know what else to do. She won't let me leave her on her own. If I do she just cries. If she can just stay for today I'll try and find somewhere she can go," Ianto asked almost pleading. "It's just she was my Aunt's dog and she's been pining. I called up the doggy day care place but there are no places at the moment."

"Are you expecting that I would ask you to get rid of her?" Jack interrupted him, thinking this was the most adorable sight as Spud looked in his direction her whole body wiggling with excitement.

"Well I mean it's not like pets are allowed and I'm not in a position to ask for any favours," Ianto told him.

"I'm not sure what hurts me the most Ianto, the fact you couldn't just come and ask so you felt you had to smuggle her in or that you believe I would say no," he told him honestly.

"So she can stay?" Ianto said looking at him holding on the retort he felt come onto his lips. "I'll try my best to find someone to take her."

"Ianto, if she needs to come in with you, it's fine for as long as necessary," Jack told him.

"I promise she will be no bother, you won't even know she's here," Ianto said as he put her down and she started to sniff Jack's boot then bounded away looked back and bounced back with the delight only a puppy can show.

"I'm serious about the meal and the weekend away," Jack told him as they watched Spud race around.

"No point in me going away somewhere on my own. When you first suggested the idea I wanted to go away with you even if it was just a conference because I took it as some kind of evidence you wanted to move what we had beyond shagging, but then you took Gwen." He took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "As for the meal why don't you save it and arrange to take everyone out for a nice meal sometime later in the year, say around Christmas, then make it an annual event to say thank you to everyone for a job well done," Ianto suggested.

"I could set something up as a good bye," Jack offered.

"I'd rather not to be quite honest. I don't think I could handle a big fuss. Tosh and Owen are helping me move so I'll say my good bye to them then," he told Jack who looked like he had shrunk in on himself.

"I understand," Jack said as he turned away and headed back to his office. Closing the door to his office he flicked on the CCTV and sat back as he watched Ianto working in the archives. As Spud raced around, Ianto sat at his desk and burst into tears. Jack gulped, this was terrible, every day brought some new information of how much he had let him down and he felt so powerless to do anything.

His thoughts on the roof came to him. When he had stood there he had felt so conflicted between who he wanted. It was too late now to recognise that his wanting Gwen was an excuse for not making any form of commitment, as a way of protecting himself from getting hurt. He was sure Ianto still had some feelings for him but his actions has shown the man how little true regard he held for him and he felt ashamed of himself. Ianto has asked for so little, what had it been a meal and a weekend away.

He cringed as he recalled Gwen's jubilation on her return, as she had told everyone who was within earshot describing every detail, of the important people she had rubbed shoulders with or the evening out including dinner and dancing. As he looked back now he realised he would rather have had Ianto by his side and on his arm with his quiet supportive presence instead of the overbearing sycophantic Gwen. No wonder Ianto wanted to get as far away from here as he could.

What had Tosh said? Taking him out for a coffee would have done it. He couldn't even offer that now without it looking like it was contrived. He leaned forward and turned off the CCTV monitor. What was the point of torturing himself anymore? Ianto was leaving, he would try and make that as easy as possible. He could at least keep one promise he had made.

Jack stood as Ianto entered his office for the last time. They stood awkwardly for a few moments.

"I've handed in my security pass, gun and signed myself out," Ianto told him.

"I'm going to miss you," Jack said as he pulled Ianto into a hug. He lingered a little in the knowledge this was going to be his last physical contact with him.

"You know I'm going to miss this place too," Ianto said as they pulled back. "I feel like I spent a life time down here."

"If things don't work out at Torchwood Two there will always be place for you here," Jack told him.

"Thanks," Ianto added.

"Look I know we're not parting on the best of terms but I wanted to give you something," Jack told him as he opened his desk and brought out a small jeweller's box. "Don't open it here," Jack asked him as Ianto took the gift.

"Thanks," Ianto repeated not sure what to say.

"I got something for Spud as well," he told him as he handed over a small wrapped package. Ianto smiled as he opened it up and saw it was three doggy jumpers.

"It's cold where you're going and she's so tiny I thought this would keep her warm on all those early morning walks you take her on," Jack told him smiling warmly.

"She does love her morning walkies," Ianto said smiling. "I never saw myself as a dog person. But you know what? It's so nice having someone to come home to in the evenings. I guess I never realised how lonely I was. To her I'm the most important person in her life. It doesn't matter if I'm in a bad mood she's always so pleased to see me, so it's wonderful she's there," he expounded.

"Well I'm going to miss her too," Jack said honestly grateful that the small animal had made it possible for him and Ianto to have something to talk about over the past weeks that was neutral. Spud had been his excuse for spending as much time he could with Ianto, taking her a small snack or offering to take her round the Hub with him or just playing with her. She had even been the cause of them working together in a small way. Myfanwy had shown her immediate interest by circling around, then swooping down and almost snatching her. Her rescue had been the cause of a genuine moment of caring which for Jack had brought into sharp relief exactly what he was losing.

"I better go," Ianto said "Thanks for the gifts." He left the office. Taking a final look around he left by the main Hub door.

Watching his retreating back Jack leaned over and pulled out a bottle of scotch and a single glass. Pouring a measure he turned on the CCTV to watch as Ianto packed his car with the spare suit he kept in the Hub and got in.

Sitting in his car Ianto opened the box. He was not sure what Jack had given him; in truth he was not expecting anything. To his surprise he saw it was a gold fob watch and chain, an antique by the looks of it. He smiled; it would go perfectly with any of his suits. He opened it up and the read the inscription. Caught by surprise by its sentiment he felt tears run down his face. Wiping his face dry he took a deep breath and reminded himself of why he was leaving.

'Easier said than done if you didn't love the man so much,' he told himself. He felt his heart ache at the realisation that Jack had never been his or ever would be. His heart belonged to another, no matter what Jack had done over the past few weeks or this small parting gift, no matter how touching, was going to change that. Placing the watch in the case he put his keys in the ignition. Starting up his car he drove out of the Torchwood garage without a backward glance.

End of Part One.

Continued in

Actions speak louder than words: Part Two. Restitution.