A/N: Another perspective flip piece. I just discovered that burying Takano under truckloads of angst could be quite cathartic.

Roller coaster

"What the hell is going on?" Yokozawa did not waste a second to start the interrogation as soon as the two of them were alone.

That was something Masamune would like to know himself. Everything happened so fast. As soon as the mad rush of passions was over, he felt tired. Empty. Lost. A denial that nothing had happened instinctively rose on his lips but he stopped, knowing that his friend would not buy it anyway. Besides, he had had enough with lies tonight.

But the truth was unbearable.

He felt Yokozawa's worried gaze fixed on him. He heard the sound of a bag full of cans being put down, of footsteps heading towards him. He raised his hand on time to stop Yokozawa from checking his temperature. Masamune hated himself to be this pathetic. Summoning all his will to see his friend eye-to-eye, he said "I'm fine".

"Then what with that face?" Yokozawa's voice softened a little. "You've just worked with Onodera, right? Did he do something?"

"No!" Masamune burst out. The question reminded him of how... bad the situation between Ritsu and him could look. The last thing he wanted was Yokozawa came to the wrong conclusion and went after Ritsu. He knew too well what a mama bear his friend could be to those the guy cared about. "It was not his fault! It was..." He faltered and averted his eyes. What had happened was not something he would feel good to say about himself.

He could sense that Yokozawa's eyes narrowed in suspicion. If he did not tell the truth soon, it would just get worse. He took a deep breath to regain his courage. Yokozawa never hid his contempt for lack of temperance and self-control.

"I found out that we used to date in highschool. I... I was out of my mind for a moment and..." Masamune flinched when his friend's face darkened. "Anyway, Onodera did not do anything. It's all my fault, so leave him alone!"

"How about you? Are you really OK?" Yokozawa's expression did not change but Masamune was relieved to see that at least his friend did not pursue the matter with Ritsu further.

"Well, yeah, I'm fine. Look, it's nearly 3am, why don't you go home already?" Now that the misunderstanding was taken care of, Masamune just wanted Yokozawa to go away. He was dying to mend what he had broken earlier. How, he did not know, but there was no way he could not do it in the presence of a third person.

Yokozawa, on the other hand, stubbornly disregarded Masamune's request to be alone as usual. "Don't kid me. You aren't fine at all. If you want, I'll stay over tonight."

Masamune felt his temper rising. His friend could be such an annoying mother hen sometimes! Normally he would chuckle at the thought and make a joke to tick his friend off. Tonight however, he just pushed Yokozawa towards the door. "Enough! I said I'm fine! I'm not a kid anymore! Now just go!". The surprised and then hurt expression on Yokozawa's face told him he had crossed the line somewhere but he was too impatient to stop. After all, it was not like tonight had not already been messed up.

Masamune collapsed right on the doorway as soon as his friend was gone. With the second emotional outburst over, the tiredness returned. What was going on? First Ritsu, then Yokozawa, it seemed that he could do nothing right tonight. Gathering all his will and wits to figure out what could be a solution, he recalled that earlier he had told Ritsu he would call. His hand reached for the cellphone in the pocket but then stopped midway.

How should he face Ritsu? What should he say? What would Ritsu say to him? Which hateful words would be directed at him? Or worse, would he have to hear the tears in the voice of the one he loved? He was terrified to face the consequences. It had been a while since he lashed out with all his might that way and he no longer had that me-against-the-world rebellious attitude to back him up.

But it was no use sitting here agonizing but doing nothing. Masamune decisively picked up the cellphone and dialed Ritsu's number, his mouth getting drier and stomach clenching tighter with each round of dialing tone...

The moment he dreaded never came.

After ten minutes of repeated calling to no avail, he knew he was definitely going to be ignored. Ritsu did not want to have anything to do with him anymore. The younger man did not even care enough to hear his apology. Silence was more powerful a rejection than any loud angry word.

It hurt.

For a moment, Masamune thought of knocking on Ritsu's door but he dared not. His call being ignored was a flaring sign that he was unwelcome. He was too tired anyway and he knew he would not be able to get his courage up yet another time tonight.

Giving in to the demands of his exhausted body, Masamune flopped down on the bed and curled up like a child. Alone in the quiet darkness, he felt the cut of what he had done more acutely than ever. Regret. Contempt for his own lack of self-control.

And loneliness. Unbearable loneliness. He was used to being alone. He had friends and colleagues but he was always by himself at home. His territory belonged to him and him alone. He always liked that but Ritsu's presence here had stirred up desires he was not even aware he had.

Not that his wishes would ever come true after tonight. What had he done? His mind unwillingly flashed back the moment when he let his instinctive drives take over. When had his love turned into anger? The desperate need to get the stubborn Ritsu to admit the love for him turned into a spiteful wrestle for dominance?

Being in love again was scary. He was made to see how ugly he could be. Yet at the same time he could not suppress his feelings for Ritsu. His highschool love. His lost treasure. The missing part of his life that he had not known about until he tasted that sweetness again.

What had he done?

Masamune buried his face in the pillow. Enough. Now he just wanted to sleep.

The following days passed by in a daze where only experience and his conscience could help Masamune function as usual. He did not see Ritsu eye-to-eye and the latter did not once look at him. They were never alone with each other. Their communication was out of utmost professional necessity and was as terse as possible. Everyone else in the team seemed to pick up on the tension as Masamune could feel sideway glances directed at him. Yokozawa too once or twice tried to talk to him but he wilfully ignored his friend. He knew he should not let this situation last any longer but he was afraid another confrontation with Ritsu would just upset the balance further, something he could not afford since they were heading into the critical period of the cycle. He would straighten things out with his ex-boyfriend after the busy time over.

That might or might not have something to do with his stubborn wish to delay the ultimate rejection from Ritsu, to pretend that he had not messed up his chance. But he did not want to think too deep into that.

It was just his accursed luck that there must be a catch somewhere in his mutual avoidance with Ritsu and things must go downhill despite his best intentions. Chaos ensued when Mutou, the featured mangaka of the month, could not deliver the manuscripts on time. Kisa freaked out. Yokozawa immediately arrived to demand an explanation. He must have shouted once or twice, not that he would remember. And Ritsu...

"Please give me half a day! I'll go to Hokkaido right now. I'll be back at 9. I'll negotiate with the printer myself!"

What a naive solution that only a newcomer would come up! Determination was welcome but unfounded enthusiasm was not. Nothing could be done now except to drop the author. Masamune could sympathize with Ritsu's mindset as he too once thought the same way but the decision needed to be made quickly. Even if he had not realized that himself, Yokozawa's presence here reminded him about his responsibilities.

But then Ritsu threw down his gauntlet, so to speak, and vowed to bring the manuscript back. The whole office was confounded by that reckless declaration.

Masamune kept his silence amidst the circus. The plan was too risky and depended on so many things they could not control, but it could succeed. The probability was very small but it was there. If it was really Fate's intention to screw Masamune up completely in this cycle, the manuscript would not arrive on time. The work of the whole team would be affected. He would fail as editor-in-chief. His career would be at risk.

And if Fate wanted to screw him up, he would never have Ritsu back no matter what he tried.

But it was Ritsu. Masamune knew from experience that his ex-boyfriend would do anything to stay true to his words. Also it was probably just his wild and biased hope but Ritsu would never harm him.

So indeed, why not take the gamble? His rational side was screaming at him but his instinct told him it would turn out OK. Somehow it felt fair to through the manuscript let Ritsu decide what would happen to him.

The department alternated between gloom and panic while Yokozawa voiced his dissatisfaction but Masamune felt strangely calm. How he could be so, he did not know. It was either the confidence of someone who had the best cards or the certainty of a prisoner on the way to the scaffold. He was prepared to take whatever this wild solution brought.

He suddenly realized he got part of what he had been wishing for after that night. Ritsu had looked at him again.

Looked like Fate did not want to screw Masamune up that much after all. The manuscript arrived in the nick of time and with lots of apologies to the people involved, their magazine's issue of that month finally got printed. The icing on the cake was that Ritsu and he finally had a talk without wariness and tension. Not that he would do something so insane anytime soon but Masamune grudgingly had some gratitude for the mess because in a twisted way, it had bridged him to his ex. What bonded them was still only work but at least they took the subway home together without fuss.

Masamune's heart skipped a beat when Ritsu's sleepy head fell on his shoulder. He let out a sigh. It could not be helped. The younger man had just been through a hard day.

Why could this simple gesture get his hope back so fast? What was his current stand with Ritsu? How would things go after today?

But it sure felt nice to be on a quiet near-empty subway car after a long day at work with the person he loved sleeping beside him, entrusting everything to him. It would turn out alright, he thought.

END