Written for Harry Potter Canon Fest at LiveJournal.

Chapter I features James/Lily. Chapter II features Remus/Tonks. Chapter III features Harry/Ginny

(i)

It will be okay in the end...

James Potter hates being afraid. Hates it more than he hated studying for exams, more than he hates cleaning the bathroom, and possibly even more than he hates Severus Snape. He's devoted much energy over the years to conquering his fears. Now, he likes to think that he's above them, that they aren't worth his time.

It's not as though James is a stranger to the feeling of fear. He's been in danger often enough. Hell, he's even been within seconds of his life on numerous occasions. The racing heart and paralyzing grip are familiar to him. He knows what it's like to be so afraid that he can hardly think, or even breathe.

But each of those times, there was always a lighter undertone. Always the promise that there would be laughter later, celebration. Fear could be ignored, pushed to the back of the mind and out of the way. And so, even in the face of danger, James Potter was never reallyafraid.

He's seen werewolves transform, dodged deadly curses in battle, and ran from Filch more times than he ever wanted to. But nothing –none of it– compares to the complete and utter panic that overwhelms him now. There's no prospect of laughter or celebration – only cold terror and blind panic. And there's nothing he can do to stop it.

The Fidelius Charm is James' last resort. His family'slast resort. Nothing else has worked; the Death Eaters keep finding them. Everything rides on Sirius' idea to use Peter.

Really, James would rather be the Secret Keeper himself. He feels so cowardly pawning off the duty to his friends. Heshould be the one risking his life for Lily and Harry. But if he were to be the Secret Keeper, he would not be protected, and so Lily had adamantly refused.

It's not that he doesn't trust his friends. He does. He trusts Sirius as surely as he loves Lily. And he
trusts Peter, too. Maybe not as fiercely as he trusts Sirius – the man who is more an extension of James than merely a friend – but with a calmer certainty. Peter has never given James any reason to doubt him.

But James' fear isn't rooted in doubt and impure trust. If it were, then he would be able to do something about it. He could change Secret Keeper, take Dumbledore up on his offer – something that would ensure his family's safety beyond the doubt of anyone.

And so, here he is now, holding Harry tightly against his chest. Sirius stands by the couch at the far end of the room, arms crossed and staring intently as Lily moves her wand in intricate patterns over herself, Harry, James, and Peter. She's doing her part in keeping them safe – casting the Fidelius Charm. They could've had Dumbledore do it, but then he would know they chose Peter. And secrecy is pivotal to the plan. Besides, there's nobody that James would rather have cast the charm than Lily.

As he feels the warm rippling of the charm transfer responsibility for the Potter family to Peter, James is overwhelmed by the sense of helplessness. The warmth of the charm does nothing to melt the frozen feeling in his chest and stomach. James squeezes Harry closer, even though the he is squirming to get away.

"It's okay, Harry," James whispers into the child's black mess of hair, trying to calm both his son and himself. "Shh... it will be over soon."

When Harry stops squirming and looks up at James with his big, green eyes, so trusting even though he doesn't – can't– understand what's happening, James wants to cry. Because none of this is fair.

Later that night, after Sirius and Peter have left, James and Lily sit on the couch in the living room in front of the fire. Harry is sleeping in Lily's arms, peaceful as ever, and James wants to pretend that this is a happier night at a happier time.

"James?" Lily's whisper cuts through the heavy silence.

"Yes, love?" James replies, trying to keep his voice steady.

"What happens if-"

"Don't," James interrupts her. He doesn't want her to say it, doesn't want to hearher say it. They've done all they can. He knows it, and he knows she knows it. And there's nothing left to do but wait.

"It will be okay," James says, echoing the words he spoke Harry just hours earlier. And even if he doesn't quite believe it, even if they are empty words to offer empty assurances, her small nod reassures him.

Lily exhales slowly as she leans into James and repeats back to him, "It will be okay."

Thoughts?