Pain is Bitter

Chapter 18 [My Power, My Pleasure, My Pain]

AN 1: My favorite song in this entire universe, 'Kiss From A Rose' by Seal, I haven't listened to it for 3 years. 3 years without your favorite song. Can you imagine? Well I just listened to it. Honestly, I don't like Seal's music that much, but that song…it's indescribably amazingly good. It's so brilliant, like you just ate a chunk of heaven and it's sliding down your throat and go listen to it right now! That song is paradise. If you do not listen to it immediately, I'll cry. There are not enough positive adjectives in this word to describe how that song makes me feel. I could rant about that song for hours. It's f***ing brilliantly amazingly brilliant. GO. LISTEN. TO. 'KISS. FROM. A. ROSE.' BY. SEAL. NOW. It's like an orgasm of the ears and the heart. Its like eating chocolate times infinity. It's like sunshine and warm wind and July rain and moonlight all at the same time. It's like… a kiss from a rose. Go, listen, die of ecstasy. It goes with this chapter. It goes with this chapter. This is the final chapter, it should be perfect. I don't want you to read it without this song. Go get the song, now. Don't come back until you've got it. Do NOT read this without it. Are you convinced? GO!

AN 2: This is the *sniffle* end of the *whimper* story *sob*. The end of an era for me. I can't believe it's actually finished. I am exceedingly proud of myself for finishing it successfully. Ha, in your face Julia! I'd like to give my thanks to:

Icy Stormz- it's been so cool that we've been there for each other every step of the way with Forced Love and PiB (our babies!). Now that I'm done, I have lots more time to torment you about finishing FL! You must be jumping for joy! Somehow you managed to review PiB 19 times (!), that's more chapters than I have! Your constant support and wit has been a pillar of encouragement for me, and even more so because we're both Canadian! I'm giving you the Mary Poppins bag as a thank-you gift. P.S. Rilamism is something me and my kooky brain invented… with some help from Moomoo…

G*Ness- Like Icy Stormz, you've been a constant all though the fic. Without you guys, I probably would've given up on it. You're extra-long extra-funny reviews have always been my favorite, and they cheer me to no end. You HAVE to finish 'To Realize When It's Too Dark: Draco's Account' before I come lynch you with a large mob of angry people! Cringe in fear! Honestly though, the best reviewer on ff.net, I'm sure, and I love you to pieces for it! I hope everyone has a reviewer like G*Ness!

porkypop and allee kat- You guys are something I can count on, and I'm always happy to aim to please you!

Sucker For Romance, Cassondra, steele, kat and Christina- always praising, always complimenting, always encouraging… you guys are too great!

ChibiFuu Malfoy (love that name!), kristatwen, firecat, Chevira Lowe, Junsui Chikyuu, Angel of Shadows and Antation- Most of you came in later in the story, and have reviewed consistently since. The sparring and tomfoolery has been a laugh, your reviews have always lifted my spirits a great deal!

Moon-Walker (monkey), Mione G, Howler, Just Chasing Dreams, IlUvDrAcOmAlFoY, and lolo- Thanks a mill for your lovely reviews and encouragement, ever inspiring.

All the people who only reviewed once- I thank you all too, but if I hadda tried to put you all in, this thank-you would've gone on for more than 2 pages!

The people at home: Heather, my monkey of joy! Julia, the only reviewer that never reviewed at all! Mum and Dad, the ones who let me hog the computer and pay for the internet! Su and Michaela, my super wonderful encouraging sisters whom I love to pieces! Jody, Su's boyfriend and a great advice giver (especially when you're crying and in a different country and on a pay phone)! And of course, Pepi Thomas the Third, for being cute and cuddly, and Moomoo, for killing my enemies on command, and reviving them if the need arose (Ex. Cops coming!)! Lol. Love you all.

Now that I've thanked you all properly, I don't think I'm going to do the usual individual thing. I think your questions were answered in this chapter anyway. I hope this chapter is everything it should be, a grand finale to die for, much perfection included. I actually re-read this one before I posted it (!). Check back for the sequel, should be out soon. I hope within a few days, though I'm not promising anything. So, here begins the ends…

Last Time:

"Thank you." Hermione whispered into the nothingness that she knew awaited her. "I'm coming soon." She assured it… 'As soon as I see Draco.' She added to herself. Then she shut her eyes and succumbed to sleep, to sleep perchance to dream… the sweetest thing in the world…

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Draco kicked at another stone. All his fault…all his fault…all his fault… the words echoed over and over in his head. He couldn't find her, he had to find her… he had to find her and it was all his fault…

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Robert poked his head into the stone room and cleared his throat. Hermione smiled at him wanly, got off the floor and walked over to the altar, climbing atop it and lying on her back, staring dully at the ceiling.

'Lalalalala… everything's fine and this doesn't hurt, lalalalala' She thought as her hands held onto the sides of the table and the knife bit into the flesh between her breasts. Her teeth clenched and a tear slid down her cheek. 'It doesn't hurt, it doesn't hurt…'

Finally he was pressing the white silk onto her chest and making the print. He held it up to the light, and Hermione had to admit it was exquisite… in a sick, twisted way. Robert smiled softly, a glint in his eye, and stood up from his stool, dropping the scalpel with a clang and not even noticing as he marveled at his own handiwork.

"Rilam! " He whispered to himself as he walked out the door. "Sleep, Titania, you have well pleased Rilam." He said to Hermione who was sitting watching him. He didn't look up from the silk sheet once, but he did remember to shut and lock the door behind him. Hermione ran a finger between her breasts and stared at the blood on it. Slowly, as though transfixed, she brought it closer to her face, so close that it touched her lips. Her tongue reached out and she licked the blood of her finger. It tasted metallic, salty, and bitter… pain is bitter. Hermione transferred another droplet from her torso onto her finger, and then tilted her head back, the finger hanging over her mouth, waiting until the blood dropped into it and then swallowing it greedily. Hermione closed her eyes and licked her lips, smiling slightly. Tastes good. She continued slowly drinking her own blood this way. I want to be covered in it…I want to be soaked in it…she thought savagely. Her Father looked in and Hermione hid her bloody finger behind her back. He narrowed his eyes and stalked towards her. He stood in front of her for a moment and they stared at each other. Then, as quickly as Charmian, he had reached behind her back and grabbed her hand, pulling it out and into the light.

"Blood." He hissed, looking at her finger, her lips and the smear on her formerly neat chest. Hermione tried to pull her hand away, but he held fast. "This blood is for Rilam, not for you. Do not touch it again." He said threateningly, then turned to leave. On an impulse, he turned around. There was another brief staring contest before he raised the scalpel, then brought it down across her face, slashing her cheekbone viciously. Hermione cried out and her hand flew to her cheek.

"SH." He snapped. Hermione immediately quieted and stopped moving. Robert smiled. "Good girl, Titania. Do not forget who possesses you…" He said before walking out of the room. Just before he reached the entrance, he said without turning around. "Rilam." The door slammed behind him and Hermione could hear his laughter. She took her hand away from her cheek; it was covered in blood. She smiled and licked at it as she walked over to the stone and picked it up, loving seeing her blood stained on the smooth surface. She walked over to the small window.

"No bars… almost too easy." She said, smiling. And with that she smashed the glass.

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Robert watched the rain falling in silence. It was nice, and it made a soft pitter-patter sound. It sounded nice. It would feel nice. It was warm and good. Rilam sent it to him. July rain is nice. Rilam is nice.

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Draco threw a rock at a squirrel. It chattered at him angrily and ran away. Draco smiled absently. He wondered where Mario was. He wondered where Lucius and Narcissa were. He wondered where Dumbledore was. He wondered where Ron was. He wondered where Harry was. He wondered where Ginny was. He wondered where Snape was. He wondered where McGonagall was. He wondered where Stephen was. He wondered where Mr. Milligan was. He did not wonder where Hermione was. He would not wonder where Hermione is…

For more than 25 minutes at one agonizing time.

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Hermione didn't bother to take the shards of glass from around the window's edge off. She hauled herself through, delighting in the feel of the sharp glass gouging deeply into her arms and legs. When she had pulled herself through she lay on the grass, catching her breath, plucking idly at the grass. Pluck, throw. Pluck, throw. She smiled happily, in the way a small child does when he gets an ice cream, then stood up and walked towards the forest. She dawdled along through the forest, stopping to pick up a pinecone she saw in the shadows. The moon was full and brilliant, lighting her way sufficiently. She continued in this way until she heard a twig snap behind her. With it snapped her will. She dropped the pinecone she had been destroying and ran deeper into the forest, terrified. The shadows were deepening as she got further from the road, and Hermione was looking around frantically, trying to see her Father. Her feet, which were bare, were bloodied from twigs and rocks and she had a stitch when she finally stopped, bending over as she panted hard and held her side. The rain had stopped ages ago and Hermione drank some water that had been caught in a leaf. She closed her eyes in acknowledgement of her certain punishment when her Father came out of hiding.

"Daddy…" She whispered. "Daddy?" She said a little louder. "Daddy?" She called. She opened her eyes and spun around, but she found not one flicker of movement. She had run for nothing. It had probably been an animal. She was lost for nothing, her feet were bloody and sore over nothing, she had a stitch over nothing…

Hermione sank to her hands and knees, and threw up. This is never going to end, is it?

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'This is never going to end, is it?' Thought Draco as he sat down in the middle of the road, picking idly at the bottom of his dirty jeans. He didn't know what to do anymore. He just couldn't go on, knowing he could be walking farther away from Hermione, or walking closer to her, he could be finding her any minute, alive… or dead. It was simply too much. He'd decided to sit here in the road until Mario came for him, whenever that was. Mario would either have her or they wouldn't. And he could contact someone prominent through fire, and they could look for her… her… corpse. He heard something rumble behind him, and as he was becoming accustomed to the muggle world, he stood up and hurried to the side of the road. There it was.

Williams' Warehouses Truck with Mario in it, waving at him, along with Mr. Milligan and Stephen stuffed in the middle. Draco waved at them as they pulled over and then ran up. Mr. Milligan smiled wanly and Mario didn't smile at all. Draco's heart fell.

"No sign?" He asked, knowing the answer.

"No.You?"

"Bloody hell." Draco said by way of response, kicking Nellie. Mario didn't comment. "Where's Mr. Granger?" Draco asked after a long silence.

"Draco… we, that is I," Mr. Milligan said, glancing at Mario, "Believe that Mr. Granger is the one who tortured Titania Granger to death, an the one who might be holding Hermione captive. Both of Hermione's parents were involved in a rare ancient religion called Rilamism, and very devout Rilamis have been known for brutal or violent ritualistic acts…I'm so sorry." The last part was a whisper, as Mr. Milligan looked away in shame, his grief evident in his eyes. Draco nodded stiffly, his fists clenching as he held them at his sides. This came as a complete shock to him, yet for some reason it wasn't so shocking. Somewhere in his subconscious, he had always suspected Mr. Granger of something, maybe just pure unadulterated craziness or a little malice, or something more serious… but still, he had known there was something… different about Robert Granger. That glint in his eye… best not to dwell on it.

"Who the bloody hell are you anyway? Nobody told me." Draco said through clenched teeth, his anger against Mr. Granger, Mr. Milligan and even Titania, building up quickly.

"Dumbledore… I'm Dumbledore's brother. My real name is Ronan Dumbledore. He sent me to take care of Hermione…"

"Well you didn't do a very good fucking job did you?" Draco yelled, punching the side of the truck. Mr. Milligan… Ronan Dumbledore… looked down, tears flowing down his face. "Listen… I'm sorry… not your fault." Draco said awkwardly. Mario cleared his throat, sounding (fakely) cheerful.

"Well, why don't you climb in, Draco, and we can go home and have a good sleep and start out tomorrow first thing…" He said, smiling though it looked like it was painful.

"No… no, I'm going to stay out here… please just leave me here and come in the morning. " Draco said, looking away. He looked absolutely pitiful, broken, defeated. And when he added, "Just in case." It seemed like a lie. Mario's heart wrenched. He really had loved that bossy girl. He looked to Ronan for assurance, and Ronan nodded.

"Alright." He said, and Draco began to close the truck door.

"Wait!" Said a small voice from the truck. Stephen climbed over Ronan's lap and out of the blue, wrapped his arms around Draco tightly. Eventually, Draco returned the embrace. It was the last straw. Tears streamed down his face.

"You- you're just like… Her-Herm…your sister." He said with a whimper, unable to say her name as he buried his face in Stephen's shoulder.

"You are hers. You love her. She'll come." Stephen whispered in his ear before letting go of him as quickly as he had first hugged him and climbing back into his seat, shutting the door behind him. The truck drove off into the night and Draco stood in the road, bewildered.

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The truck stopped in front of the house and Ronan hopped out, staring at the dark house where he knew Robert Granger was.

"Why do you want to be left here?" Asked the boy… Mario.

"No reason. Just used to have a friend who lived here. I'll find my own way back to the Grangers, don't worry about coming back for me."

"Are you sure, it's awful dark and…creepy out here…"

"I'm sure." Said Ronan, smiling reassuringly. He waved at Stephen who smiled and Mario drove off into the night once more, looking back in the rearview mirror to find Ronan had disappeared. 'Weird." He thought before starting a conversation with Stephen.

Ronan watched the truck drive away from the shelter of the trees, then walked up to the abandoned house. "Here goes." He whispered to himself before pushing the creaky door open. The house was empty and dark, but from the moonlight streaming in through the windows, he could make out footprints in the thick layering of dust on the floor. He followed them, wand held at ready, down a few corridors and up the stairs, until they came to a stop in the middle of the hall. Ronan crouched down and found the outline of the trap door. He pushed on it and it swung open with an ominous creak. He froze, expecting Robert to come running at him any moment. When nothing happened, he sighed in relief and lowered his body into the hole in the floor, ignoring his claustrophobic fears. "Lumos" The light lit up the small room and he saw a small door cracked open slightly. He walked towards it apprehensively, but it swung open without noise or incident. He walked through the tunnel; he heard something in the distance… what was it? It was, it was…

Tchaikovsky? Piano Concerto No. 1 by Tchaikovsky? Faintly in the distance. But there was something else, behind it… the strains of exquisite classical were covering some sound full of pain and misery…

Sobbing. He could hear someone sobbing in the distance. Hermione! He had to get to her! Ronan ran down the tunnel, following the music and the anguished sobs until he came to a room with a stone door slightly ajar, light and sound creeping around the edges. He pulled it open and rushed in. The first thing his eyes fell on was…

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Hermione was laying a short distance from where she had retched; crying quietly as her eyes darted in and out of the shadows around her. What was out there? Every time there was a slight sound, she jumped. She rolled onto her back and stared at the stars through the canopy of the forest, sniffing and wiping her nose. Someone was looking for her…

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Robert Granger. Hunched over on the floor, crying like his heart was broken. Hermione was nowhere to be seen. There was blood everywhere and Ronan felt his anger rising. He stormed over to Robert and pulled him to his feet by the back of his monk's habit. Robert didn't protest, just whimpered and looked up at him with bloodshot eyes.

"Where's Hermione? Where is Hermione?" Ronan demanded. Robert only sniffed. His face was blotched and red from crying and there was blood on his hands. "Good God, you've done it, haven't you? You sick fucking bastard!" Ronan yelled, letting go of Robert and putting a hand over his face as tears fell down his worn cheeks. "You killed her like you killed Titania!" He said, looking accusingly at Robert.

"Titania. She-she escaped. She ran away from me! Her Daddy! Why did she do that, Ronan? Why did she do that? Why… I was nice and Rilam was happy and we were going to be happy…" Robert blubbered nonsensically. Ronan looked at him.

"D-daddy? It's Hermione… oh my bloody damn you're talking about Hermione aren't you? You didn't kill her, she escaped!" Ronan said, hope lighting his heart as his eyes darted around the room. The hope was fading as he surveyed it. There were the silk sheets with the blood patterns, and there was the glass, there was blood on the edges of it and running down the wall under it… she must've hauled herself right over it…goddamn. She must be in a state. "Stupefy." He said, pointing his wand at Robert, then apparating to Albus'. This man was going to Azkaban.

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Draco simply stood there in the road, looking to where he had last seen the truck, for ten minutes. That kid was something else… amazing. Like, like, Her-her…his old sister. "Fucking pussy." Draco whispered to himself. "Can't even fucking say your own fucking girlfriend's name!" He hated himself at this point, he really did. It was all his fault! If it wasn't for him, she wouldn't have… she, she Her-her

"HERMIONE! HERMIONE HERMIONE HERMIONE! HERMIONE! HERMIONE!" Draco yelled into the air. The rain began falling as though the sky was crying for Draco, first slowly and then it was pouring, that warm July rain that everyone loves…

"HERMIONE!" Draco yelled again, except this time it was less out of anger, it was more in despair… and anguish and pain…

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Hermione let the rain pour over her body, the white silk robe clinging to her damaged body. She closed her eyes and imagined someone was calling for her.

"Hermione! Hermione Hermione Hermione! Hermione! Hermione!" Called the voice. Gods it was nice to imagine you were wanted, you were needed, and someone was calling you home…

"Hermione!" Hermione's eyes opened. That wasn't… that was… it was… real. She climbed to her feet in a daze… walking towards where she had heard the cry… then she was running… it was Draco, she knew it somehow… She stopped running when she got to the edge of the forest, looking through the trees.

"Draco…" She whispered under her breath in wonderment. There he was, soaked and crying, standing in the middle of the road in the rain, his head tilted back, blonde hair lit up by the full moon like some kind of neon sign that read 'Here is your soulmate!' Hermione clapped a hand over her mouth as she felt herself begin to sob… oh God it was him… "Draco!" She yelled running toward him recklessly, forgetting everything she had ever known except for Draco in her hurry to get to him. He looked at her and she stopped dead. They stood there staring at each other. She could see Draco's lips moving, trying to form a word… some word, any word… She flung herself into his arms.

Draco was shocked. She had appeared, like some wraith of the night…

Flashback

Hermione went pale; so pale she was almost translucent. Draco was shaking his head, unable to speak, shocked that he could have said such a thing. He thought she looked like some sort of waif, so pale in her red pajama set, with her red-rimmed eyes and tear-stained face, so tiny and fragile, like anything could break her, like the wind could carry her away and toss her in it's currents forever. He held up his hands as though to put them on her shoulders, but she stumbled away, her mouth open, looking like she was in an incredible amount of pain, and she was, except for emotional instead of physical. Hermione had never felt so much pain in her entire life. Her heart was being broken, her lungs were being ripped apart, someone was beating a war song on her head like a drum. Her entire body was pulsating with this pain, this life sucking, this unbelievable pain. And she felt as though she could never escape it. With that Hermione collapsed on the ground.
End flashback

She was pale, her eyes were red-rimmed and her face was tearstained, so tiny and fragile, like anything could break her… her white silk robe was in bloody tatters around her, shredded by the glass… her body was covered in blood and scars, the gouges from the glass, leaves, dirt… everything imaginable. Her feet were bloody and bruised, her hair was a wet, dirty, matted mass and her eyes were haunted and distant, yet still… full of love. He felt like kissing her senseless… so he did.

I've been kissed by a rose on the grey.

At first she responded, but suddenly she pushed him away. Draco stumbled backwards, bewildered. Her eyes were full of longing yet her face was set in cold stone.

"Don't, Draco. I just wanted to-to… say…goodbye." She said, looking down at the ground. She gestured towards the forest… "I-I…"

"You're going to kill yourself." Draco stated. Hermione made brief eye contact with him in her surprise before she looked away and nodded. 'Fuck' she thought she heard him say under his breath. "Well I won't let you, you know." He said calmly, looking at her. Hermione turned her back on him and Draco's heart broke as he took in her tiny, broken and beaten form, shivering though he didn't know why.

"Why not?" She asked, and her voice was full of malice that he had never heard from the sweet voice of his Hermione before… his Hermione… HIS.

"Because you're mine. And I'm yours. And I love you. And soulmates always find each other. And because I can't live without you." He said. Hermione turned around and looked at him for a minute before she began crying. She shuddered and took a step towards him.

"Oh God… I was… Draco I'm…" He pulled her into his arms once again, embracing her tightly, warming her cold, weak body with his warm, strong one. "Sorry." She said into his ear.

"I know, Hermione." He whispered back to her. Her legs were beginning to give out, with the escape, the running and with relief. They sat down on the road and then lay down, until they were laying side by side on the road, right on the yellow line, holding hands and staring at each other. "Hermione, remember the night… when you got the news about your Mother, and I said…" Draco asked, swallowing.

"Yes."

"Remember, when you promised you'd do anything if I just let you down… I never called in that favor, you know." Draco said, looking at her for a reaction. Hermione just stared at him. "Well, I'd like to call it in…now."

"What do you want?" Hermione asked, totally bewildered. Draco swallowed again.

"I want to marry you, Hermione. More than anything in this world. We're soulmates." He said earnestly. Hermione's mouth fell open and she sat up, just staring down at him for ages.

"I… I…" She stuttered. And then she burst out laughing. Laughing and crying at the same time. She pulled her knees up to her chest and cried and laughed into them. Draco sat up… worried. "Oh God, you must think I'm crazy… but why? Why do we do all this? Go through all this pain? All this heartbreak? Why didn't you ask me that when we were 11 for God's sake?" She asked him. Draco looked away, mortified that she was turning him down…and she saw it.

"See? You think I'm turning you down and you're heartbroken… I'll marry you Draco, you son of a death eater, you arch enemy, you… you most wonderful man on this earth! Oh God I'll marry you!" She sad, laughing again.

"We do it all because isn't this worth it? God Hermione, when I saw you, it was like… everything, just everything in the world you can possibly imagine all rolled up into one. Love is pain, and pain is bitter. But love is worth pain, and love is worth bitterness." He said, and they lay down again, letting the rain wash over them, wash all the blood and the pain, and the bitterness and doubts and all the bad things away.

"You're my power, my pleasure, my pain, Hermione." Draco said into her hair. Hermione rolled onto her side to face him, smiling.

"You're my power, my pleasure, my pain, Draco." She said, leaning down to kiss him, and everything troublesome was gone with the warm July rain…

There used to be a greying tower alone on the sea
You, became the light on the dark side of me
Love remains, a drug that's the high and not the pill
But did you know that when it snows
My eyes become large
And the light that you shine can't be seen?

1-Baby, I compare you to a kiss from a rose on the grey
Ooh, the more I get of you, the stranger it feels yeah
Now that your rose is in bloom
A light hits the gloom on the grey

2-There is so much a man can tell you
So much he can say
You remain my power, my pleasure, my pain
Baby, To me, you're like a growing
Addiction that I can't deny
Won't you tell me, is that healthy, baby?
But did you know that when it snows
My eyes become large
And the light that you shine can't be seen?
(rpt 1)

I've been kissed by a rose on the grey
I've been kissed by a rose on the grey
and if I should fall, will it all go away?
(Rpt 2, 1)

Yes, I compare you a kiss from a rose...(rpt)