Disclaimer: I do not own Code Geass nor do I claim that I do. This was written solely for my own entertainment, and serves no other purpose.

Warning(s) for this chapter: strong language, violence, blood, a bit of gore

Notes:

1. First of all, a grand round of applause for Persephone1 for offering to beta this chapter for me! That is so kind and awesome of her, and I'm absolutely stocked about it!
2. I also want to thank Muckraker for everything that she has done for me up until this chapter. I will always be grateful for that.
3. I kind of fell over and couldn't get up again. But I'm better now.
4. Drew a cover for this story. I might replace it later, but for now it'll do. A link to a bigger version is in my profile.
5. I flip-flopped on this for a long time, but eventually decided against ending on a cliffhanger. As a result, this chapter is long.

Blank Slate

Chapter 6 (October, 27th, 2013)

A cacophony of cuckoo cuckoo wakes him up. Suzaku stares up at an unfamiliar ceiling, feeling disoriented and trying to blink the sleep out of his eyes. The cuckoo clocks in the foyer. Lelouch let me crash at his place, he remembers with a wordless grumble, and rubs his face until the noise subsides. He hasn't slept well.

His transition to wakefulness is not nearly as smooth as it was yesterday, and he takes his time to lounge under the unfamiliar blanket, looking at the room in a different light now that the sunshine spills in. It's a nice room, appearing more lived-in than your standard guestroom with little knick-knacks everywhere and alphabetized books stacked on a neat bookshelf. All in all, Suzaku already feels at home here. That's a first, he thinks, and marvels at the fact that it took a stranger's house to give him that impression. It's basically everything he wished his old home had been. Only the address is wrong.

He shakes his head, not wanting to dwell on that any longer.

Yesterday was an emotional rollercoaster, and Suzaku allows himself to laze around for a few minutes and relive the events before his inner eye. Despite trying to, he hasn't been able to stop worrying about Lelouch, wondering about where he had to go on that impromptu night trip and whether everything went according to plan, especially considering he flat-out refused to let Suzaku accompany him.

Suzaku also couldn't stop thinking about the things that transpired before he left. They might not have left on the best of notes, but that shouldn't negate all the progress they have made.

Lingering in bed won't give him answers though, so he smoothes the bed sheets, and folds the blanket before trudging over to the bathroom. He emerges from it feeling fresher, but no more rested.

The sound of clicking and tinkering drifts over from the kitchen along with Lelouch's voice, and Suzaku breathes a sigh of relief, making his way towards the noise. At least his worries that something could have happened to Lelouch were completely unfounded. He hopes that Lelouch got at least some amount of sleep, and…

Suzaku stops.

Time slows. Standing still, muscles coiled, he looks around in bewilderment.

What…?

Any and all semblance of his prior tranquility is gone, and he crosses his arms over his chest— a visceral reaction— feeling goose bumps. All instinct, his eyes flicker around as he stands there in the hallway, only going by this unspoken promise in the air:

Something's wrong.

It's debilitating, some sort of palsy, but even as his heart is beating wildly and all his inner alarm bells are going off, he sees nothing but a harmless, normal hallway. It can't be because it looks different in the morning, now devoid of artificial light that gave it a paltry look yesterday. It's white-walled and bright, filled with pictures of people he has never seen. For a moment, he looks for Lelouch in them, but isn't surprised when can't find him among the unfamiliar faces. A vase sits like a tiny king on a small pedestal. A row of windows and closed doors point towards the kitchen, the path framed by potted plants.

Nothing lurks behind the windows. No shadows flit from corner to corner. Everything is as it should be— the hallway neither expanded to allow this sort of echo in his ears, making his every breath reverberate, nor did it shrink to justify the sudden sense of claustrophobia.

Nevertheless, he can't shake off the feeling of wrongness, and once more tries to look for the normalcy. When he holds his breath, he can hear the cuckoo clocks ticking in the foyer along with Lelouch's muffled voice. When he inclines his head, he can feel the sun rays reaching through one of the windows. It doesn't help.

This is ridiculous. Here he is in this nice house after making not negligible progress with his boyfriend, but instead of having a nice and relaxed morning, he stands here and gets freaked out over his own senses, counting shadows and mapping out escape routes. If anyone really is watching him, they are probably shaking their head by now.

Fed up and running out of patience with himself, he takes a step forward, only to stop again. This time not by reflexes, but by what he sees: one door is open, revealing a bedroom and— like a mirage swaying in the air— a person therein.

She sees him, too.

Oh, he thinks in befuddlement. Were you there all along? How had he neither seen the open door nor the woman sitting on the bed? Either he's losing his mind or he isn't as awake as he thought.

But before he can relax completely, an epiphany hits him. It isn't accompanied by a musical cue or any such fanfare, but it might as well have.

You, he thinks in a pinpoint moment of clarity. A puzzle piece thought lost snaps into place.

I know you.

As though in a trance, driven now with a sense of understanding and nascent excitement, he walks towards her. The woman watches him, unmoving.

I know you, he thinks again. And he knows exactly who she is, even if he can't attach a name to her face. He can hear Lelouch in the kitchen, but Suzaku ignores him for the time being, going towards this newfound silver lining. This is where his every answer lies.

When he crosses the threshold—

His head bangs against the door. Flinching in pain, he almost topples over, but manages to catch himself in time. He checks his hands for blood, finds none, and then looks up again in disorientation. A closed door looms before him.

What? But I saw her through the… what? Hesitant now because he has no idea what just happened, but still resolute despite the pain, he begins to open it.

And she's there, sitting on a bed, all languid with yellow eyes and neon green hair. She holds a slice of pizza aloft, frozen in the motion of eating it. If there's a particular emotion on her face, Suzaku cannot read it. He approaches her, undeterred because this is it, this is what he had wanted to wake up to when he had opened his eyes to a white hospital ceiling: clarity, reason, a key to regain it all.

You are the poison from the container, he thinks. Rising in a mushroom cloud and scattering.

He was ready to breathe it all in, and pressed his gas mask against someone else's face. Pushed him to the ground, let him have the filtered air while Suzaku watched the poison gas billow and spread. He was fine with breathing it all in. Because he had found an old friend. Because he was not afraid to die.

"You…" he begins, ready to tell her all of this, share this moment of discovery, but trails off when he realizes all the words he wants to say have no meaning.

It's gone.

Whatever was in his head a few seconds ago, it isn't anymore. As if waking up from a long dream, he blinks owlishly at her, fishing for knowledge that isn't there. You are the poison, he thinks again, but this time it doesn't feel as axiomatic or sensible as it did before. The thoughts themselves are there, but they became improbable and mystifying in the span of a few seconds, none weave a coherent or even a plausible story anymore. It's all slipping through his fingers.

As for her, she still watches him with a slice of pizza between her hands and mouth, and waits for him to sort himself out, indulging their awkward mutual staring with patience. She's a stranger again.

"Uh…" His mouth opens only to close again. As she's watching him like that, he can't help but think of a snake, maybe biding her time. Maybe waiting for him to make the first mistake.

One piece of salami falls onto the white linen. She chews once, twice, and then her features slacken to look annoyed. "Are you lost, little boy?"

No, I know where I am. I know where the kitchen is.

Always, though I might have known once.

I was, but I'm working on it.

"I'm a guest," he ends up saying because that strikes him as the most logical answer. This is all very surreal, and he would try to be friendlier, but he's still battling with his own head. I know her, right? I was so sure a moment ago.

"No," she tells him, head shaking. "You have a different role. You are never just a guest."

He frowns, bemused more than ever. "Do I know you?" he asks, because that is a question that seems more than fitting. He can't place her, and he's sure that Lelouch would have mentioned it if there was anyone else staying with them. "Are you the owner of this house?"

She stares at him, incredulous, looking as confused as Suzaku feels.

"I'm sorry. I have amnesia. I forgot everything," he adds, because that's something he should have mentioned right from the start. And they have met, haven't they? How else would Suzaku know that she's... the poison from the container? Did that ever make sense?

"But he already used…" she says, cutting through his train of thought. Her forehead begins to crease. "Are you sure you're welcome here?"

Lost, not just by this whole experience, but also by the way this conversation is going, he begins to fidget. Why wouldn't I be welcome?

Then, in a burst of angry and loud noise, he hears Lelouch's voice from the kitchen. Something clatters to the floor in a sharp sound that echoes through the whole house. Suzaku whirls around on reflex, but can't see anything beyond this room. He turns back to the woman.

It's then that he sees her for the first time, really sees her— she's half naked.

Flushing, because he truly hadn't noticed, and she's only wearing an oversized t-shirt that does a poor job of covering anything, he backs away towards the door. "Sorry! I didn't… " I didn't notice. I haven't woken up properly yet. Something is wrong with my head.

Almost stumbling over his own feet in his haste, he exits the room before she can do much more than raise one eyebrow. The door shuts with a click— it had been open all this time. It had to have been open. I walked into a wall or something— and he stands alone in the hallway again, heart racing, confused and embarrassed.

What was that?

Did I remember something?

Feeling helpless, he looks around himself, but the oppressing discomfort he felt earlier is gone. The hallway is innocuous again, filled with pictures of smiling strangers. Suzaku looks at the wallpaper around him one last time to find some semblance of logic or sense. He lost it somewhere.

At last he gives up, and rubs his aching forehead with his eyes closed. I didn't remember anything, he decides. I was still half asleep, and I imagined what I wanted to be true. I was so out of it, I didn't even notice that woman.

His head is empty. There's no revelation lurking in its depths. Nor can he say with any conviction that he was ever onto something. Now that it has passed without leaving any traces, it seems like a fever dream, a particularly bad case of wonky brain chemicals. Can you sleepwalk with both eyes wide open?

He shakes his head, and tries to ignore the disappointment and how he feels deprived of the chance to regain a part of his former life. After all, he only has himself to blame for chasing the tail end of some make-believe hope.

As he backs away from the door and makes his way towards the kitchen, he stops as an entirely different thought hits him: wasn't that Lelouch's bedroom?

After that break with reality, he makes his way towards the sounds from the kitchen, nursing his headache and checking thrice that he doesn't walk into another door.

A phone lies face down on the ground when Suzaku steps into the kitchen. Lelouch towers above it, looking like he's deciding whether to stomp on it for good measure. His clothes are rumpled and, if Suzaku doesn't misremember, they are the same from yesterday.

"Good… morning?" Suzaku greets him.

Lelouch doesn't return the greeting, and instead throws a glare at Suzaku, teeth flashing. "If it weren't for—" He breaks off, and his gaze drops back to the phone on the ground.

Alarmed, Suzaku takes a step towards him. "Did something happen?"

In response Lelouch gives a despondent half-shrug, and heaves a deep sigh before gesticulating towards the ground. "I threw it," he says in lieu of an actual explanation. "Don't worry about it." When he bends to pick it up again, Suzaku can see cracks in the shape of a spider web on its screen. The phone still seems to work though, and casts a bluish glow on Lelouch's face.

Suzaku looks at him in worry. "Are you okay?"

"Yes." The answer comes out in a hiss.

Suzaku has seen flashes of his temper before, but he thinks not even yesterday when he talked with Kallen was Lelouch this angry. As though he's circling a cornered animal, Suzaku moves slowly, never taking his eyes off of him, and sits down on one of the wooden chairs. "What happened?"

Lelouch sets the cracked phone aside in favor of rubbing the bridge of his nose. The stress and exhaustion practically radiate off of him. "I need to think."

What in the world happened? Something with the Black Knights? "Can I help in any way?" I can't do anything if you don't tell me what's wrong.

"Talk about something else. I need to make up my mind about something before I can tell you."

"Uh," Suzaku begins, but feels wholly unprepared to begin idle chatter. He feels like he's reeling from it, first that strange encounter with the woman and now Lelouch's topsy-turvy demeanor. Whatever he expected to wake up to after the kiss yesterday, this certainly wasn't it.

Lelouch gives an angry sigh at his phone, but he seems calmer now, and sinks into himself rather than brim with another wave of anger. "Nevermind. Do you want something for breakfast?"

Suzaku is already halfway out of his chair. "I can get something myself."

"I'm the host. Sit down." Lelouch insists, and the tone of his voice leaves no room for discussion.

Suzaku slumps back down. He watches in silence as Lelouch rummages through the drawers, finding his way around in this unfamiliar kitchen, and looking at the cutlery with invested interest. Two forks and a knife seem to have failed his inspection as he moves to rinse them under the faucet.

Suzaku feels himself hesitant and cautious where to tread. What topic would be safe? "I didn't sleep that well," he starts for a lack of better ideas.

"Was the bed too soft?" Lelouch asks the cutlery.

"I was worried about you."

"Unnecessarily."

Suzaku looks at his hands, and tries not to take Lelouch's aloofness personally. It's almost as though the entirety of yesterday hadn't happened. What a strange, surreal morning this has been so far. Strange to the point that Suzaku would say that it's all a dream, but he already ran into a door to rob him of that illusion. And to be fair, his whole life has been pretty surreal life so far.

Maybe talking about that strange woman will distract Lelouch from whatever is bothering him. That woman is a mystery that Suzaku doesn't want to leave unsolved, and besides, he can't think of anything else to fill the silence with. Maybe they can even have a proper, less awkward introduction, and afterwards they can focus on whatever brought Lelouch close to destroying his phone.

"Why was there a half naked woman on your bed?" Suzaku asks, and regrets his choice of words at once. He didn't mean to make it sound accusing when there's most likely a harmless explanation to it all.

For a brief moment Lelouch looks up in confusion. "You met CC? I didn't know she had returned already. If she said something strange to you, simply ignore it." He shakes his head, and then turns back to his cupboards. "I don't have anything here to make a proper Japanese breakfast. Would you like some cereal? If you say no, I won't be able to offer anything else," he continues, not even tangentially answering Suzaku's question.

Did he dodge that question on purpose? Suzaku tries not to frown. "I'll… I'll take whatever. Don't change the subject."

"We had a subject?"Lelouch looks at him quizzically.

"Is she the owner of this house?"

Lelouch gives a sudden snort, and shakes his head. "Oh, no. That would be the day… I think she likes the role as the annoying freeloader way too much for that. Don't worry about her. She's a bit strange."

"Is she your friend?" She didn't look like she was related to him.

"You could say that." The phone vibrates then and Lelouch makes a grab for it, looking with rapt attention at its display.

Any other time, Suzaku would give him his space, but as it is now, he's starting to get unsettled. "Okay, but what was she doing half naked and eating pizza on your bed?" he asks again.

"I told her to stop doing that. She'll leave crumbs everywhere," Lelouch says absentmindedly, and types something into his phone. "She has a few odd quirks such as sleeping in my bed. And borrowing my credit card. She takes some getting used to before you realize she is a good person at the core."

Suzaku stares at him in absolute incredulity. Did he just— "She sleeps in your bed!?" I must have misheard him or something.

Lelouch looks up from his phone, finally noticing how the conversation is derailing. "Don't jump to conclusions. Nothing is going on between us."

Suzaku tries to see the logic in that, but fails. "But you let her sleep in your bed? Right next to you?" I thought… I thought that was my spot.

Lelouch sighs. "Look, she is not someone that I can easily get rid of. And I don't let her sleep in my bed. She simply decided that this is how it's going to be, and I've long since stopped trying to argue with her." As if that magically resolved everything, he puts down his phone, and gets out two bowls before filling them with cereal. "Don't tell her I told you this, but she gets lonely. Beyond that, it means nothing to either of us."

Calm down, Suzaku thinks, but it does little to rein in his mounting confusion. "That's it? Everyone is fine with that arrangement? She just sleeps in your bed with you."

"I told you nothing is going on between us," Lelouch says, looking annoyed.

What does that even mean? Emotionally? And what about that oversized t-shirt she was wearing? Was that Lelouch's?

This stands in stark contrast to what has transpired yesterday and in fact to everything that has happened between them so far. Yesterday, Lelouch had looked almost flummoxed when Suzaku asked whether their relationship is serious, but today there is a half naked woman lying in his bed. It doesn't help that Lelouch apparently didn't plan on telling him.

It all points to one conclusion.

"Are we… are we having some kind of open relationship?" Suzaku asks, honestly confused.

He knows he hit a nerve when Lelouch recoils like he has been slapped. "What? We most definitely do not have that kind of relationship!"

Suzaku feels like stomping his foot. "Then you're… cheating on me?"

For a moment Lelouch looks horrified. "What? Cheating? I'm not cheating on you!"

Suzaku still doesn't understand. The whole situation is starting to turn ugly. "But what is she to you?"

Lelouch purses his lips. "An accomplice."

A tense silence falls between them.

Then, cautious, because Suzaku can't quite believe he's going there, he opens his mouth. "If you let women sleep in your bed, can I let women sleep in mine, too?"

Shock spreads over Lelouch's face before his expression turns furious, teeth flashing. "You will not— for the last time, CC is not involved with me in any romantic or sexual way! You and I are having a monogamous relationship, which CC has nothing to do with! I am not cheating on you and you will not cheat on me!" he snaps, and in a rare display of immaturity, he slides the bowl of cereal across the table with enough force to spill milk everywhere.

Some milk splatters on Suzaku's hands, but that is all it reaches. Lelouch meets his gaze head-on, silent and defiant. Some milk flows over the edge of the table, creating a staccato drip drip against the quiet.

It's an impasse.

Suzaku breaks eye contact, and looks at the soggy cereal in his bowl, at the mess across the table, at the sudden space between them. There are more things that he wants to say, and it's all too easy to ride another wave of anger, but he also knows some battles are not worth fighting when the only outcome is ruins and smoke. "Was I okay with it before?" he asks, defeated.

At that, Lelouch crumbles too, falling bonelessly into his chair. "I apologize. I'm not myself right now." He takes a deep breath. "I didn't think it would be that much of a problem. It won't happen again. With CC, that is. I'll talk to her in a minute."

Suzaku nods, but can't quite bring himself to look up.

"Things have gotten worse over the night," Lelouch adds. "I'm under a lot of stress at the moment."

"It's fine. I understand. Just talk to her."

"I will."

They both ignore the spilled milk on the table.

"Was I okay with it before?" Suzaku asks again because that question hasn't been answered.

"It's nothing sexual," Lelouch reiterates.

Suzaku bites on his tongue, but acquiesces. As long as it stops. He stirs his cereal in a little circular motion, pointlessly. Could he be so gay that sleeping next to her doesn't affect him at all? Lelouch certainly seemed nonchalant about the whole situation, and if it really was all platonic and chaste, then Suzaku has no reason to continue racking his brain over it.

Would the same be true for me? Being apathetic about sleeping next to a woman? He frowns, unable to picture it in his head.

"Suzaku, look at me," Lelouch says, and nudges one of Suzaku's legs with his. "Are we okay?"

It's not a question with a difficult decision attached to it. "We are," he answers, and means it.

"Good." Lelouch clears his throat. "The overnight mission from yesterday went well."

"That's good."

"It's today I'm worried about."

It seems Lelouch is finally ready to tell him what has bothered him this entire morning. "Today? Is something happening?"

Lelouch pauses in thought, and then leans forward. "Do you have a gun?"

The non sequitur completely blindsides him. "What?"

"I'm asking if you own gun. We are short on resources, and every spare asset will be valuable. You probably won't even need to use it, but I'd rather be prepared. So, do you have one?"

What's going on? "Yes…?"

"Bring that with you. We'll meet at the hideout in a few hours. Can you manage that?"

"Are we…?" Suzaku trails off, not entirely sure what he's asking.

"Yes." And the strain and tension Lelouch carries gain a new meaning:

"We're going to rescue Nunnally today."

Suzaku returns to his apartment soon after, leaving Lelouch to wipe away the milk and fret some more over his phone. They both need their mental preparation in solitary.

The first thing Suzaku does is deposit his newly acquired book, trading its position with that of the gun. This way, the bookshelf gains something of value besides its stack of impersonal books, and Suzaku gets another pass at making peace with the weapon he's holding. He handles it more carefully this time, aiming it at nothing, simply trying to regain the ease he had felt upon first handling it. However, spending a day away from it did nothing for his peace of mind, nor did any of his inner courage resurface.

But it does not matter that it's still cold and heavy in his hands. He'll tout it for today, not for himself, but to secure the safety of a girl who has nothing to do with any of this. Moreover, he's certain that the gun will not be the star of the day— where he goes, he will fight steel with steel rather than lead with flesh.

He doesn't stay long. Sitting uselessly in his apartment does nothing but stave off the inevitable, giving fodder for second thoughts and cowardice, so he decides to leave for the hideout early. The gun bumps into his hip with every step he takes, but it does not impede his stride.

Few people are at the hideout when Suzaku arrives.

Disconcerted, he wanders around the storehouse for some hints of the fabled army, some evidence that the meager attendance on Friday was just a fluke, but counts no more than a dozen people. From the few people that are there, it's undeniable how tense everyone is, and as a result Suzaku feels less enmity— not enmity, maybe, but certainly distrust— from them than before. Some even greet him. Despite that positive side effect, Suzaku does not feel comforted.

Zero arrives soon after, and struts around his base, appearing calm and in control with no allusion of his earlier distress. He acknowledges Suzaku with a nod, before walking towards a small cluster of people. When Suzaku moves to join them, Zero holds up his hand. "You'll need a different briefing."

Why? Suzaku thinks in confusion, but doesn't ask. Obedient, he watches from the sidelines and awaits his turn.

After what feels like hours, Zero approaches him, carrying a map and the signature mask of the Black Knights. "You will have the most important role of everyone," he tells Suzaku, and presses the mask into his hands. "You will be the one to escort Nunnally out of there. I trust you with that role."

Suzaku almost drops the mask in shock. "Me? Seriously? Wouldn't you rather have someone else do it?" Someone who doesn't suffer from amnesia. In a way, he's flattered that Zero would put so much trust in him, but Suzaku can't get past the enormity of what is expected of him, this new burden. By all logic, someone else should stand in the front lines while Suzaku tries to get reacquainted with his skills and works his way into the fold again.

"I said I trust you with that role. Don't make me repeat myself."

But I haven't even piloted a real Knightmare yet! "Do I get to do a test run at least?" Suzaku asks, more than a little unsettled.

"We don't have time for that. I trust that your skill level hasn't changed. Kallen will accompany you so everything should be fine."

A tight knot forms in Suzaku's stomach. "But—"

"Suzaku, I don't have time to overhaul my entire strategy!" Zero snaps. "Accept my decision and listen."

"Okay! I'm sorry!" The last thing Suzaku wants is another row with him.

With a long-suffering sigh, Zero unfolds the map, which turns out to be a blueprint of an airship. Thin white outlines form the skeleton of the airship in the vague shape of a bird with two cannons instead of wings. Its insides are lattice-like, a plethora of squares. It's giant. Suzaku's eyes sweep over the notes in the margins, and spots at least two conference rooms and multiple recreational rooms. A tiny Knightmare is depicted next to it as though the ship's massiveness wasn't already evident.

Suzaku's stomach knots further.

"Here," Zero says and points to a big room on the map. "This is where they're holding Nunnally right now. It's heavily guarded, but it's a room that you can easily enter with a Knightmare. This is point A."

Suzaku frowns at where he's pointing. "How do you know she's there?"

Zero makes a dismissive wave with his hand, and simply mutters, "I have my sources." His finger moves along the map towards a tangle of small rooms enclosed by a dotted line. "This is where they might move her once they're under attack. It's a bunker. It'll withstand explosions and any attack we can throw at it. It's designed specifically so you can't get past it in a Knightmare. If they move her there, you'll need to exit your Knightmare and retrieve her on foot." He pauses to let that information sink in. "This is point B."

It's getting worse and worse. Suzaku looks at Lelouch's finger that still rests on the cluster of rectangles. "Let's hope she'll stay at point A, then."

"Yes, let's." Zero folds the blueprint. "We will ambush the airship once it lands. We will get Nunnally out and that will be it. I'll give you your uniform and then we're ready to set out."

How in the world are we going to pull this off? Heavily guarded, probably swarming with hostile Knightmares, the airship's a floating fortress. Against it stand a handful of Black Knights— one of which who has no idea of what he is doing. Who, for some reason, has the most important role of them all. And if they really move Nunnally into that bunker, he will have to play the intrepid hero and shoot everything in his way, and hope that in a distal corner of his brain he still knows how to do it.

And hadn't Suzaku's condition for joining the Black Knights been that he wouldn't have to kill anyone? Where did that promise go?

Suzaku's hands start to shake around the mask. "Zero," he says, and using that word in conjunction with Lelouch feels alien on his tongue. "How many are we?"

There's a moment of uncomfortable silence before Zero reacts. "This mission is voluntary. Everyone who is here is so out of their own conviction." It's not what he asked, but it's an answer in and of itself.

Suzaku exhales a shaky breath, and surveys once more the deplorable offering that's supposed to be the world's most dangerous terrorist group. "Are you sure we can do this?"

Instantly, he knows that this was the wrong question to ask. Zero's shoulders square, and the atmosphere changes. "Do you believe in Zero? Do you believe that I can change the world?"

Oh, please don't go there, Suzaku thinks, but the question is floating in the air, and now he's pressed for an answer. "I…" He casts around for help or maybe a distraction, but finds none. "I thought your army was bigger."

For a few seconds, the form before him doesn't react. But then Zero grabs his wrist with a sudden angry movement. Uh oh. Suzaku nearly stumbles over his feet as Zero drags him away into a dark corner of the storehouse.

He gets shoved against a wall. It's not a hard shove, but it jostles him, and the headache from this morning comes back with a vengeance. Zero ignores his wince, and leans in close, almost butting Suzaku on the head with the mask. His next words come in a whisper, sharp and aggressive. "We are the only hope Japan has. If I can't drill that through the skull of my own men, I won't be able to accomplish anything. If you want to desert me—"

"I don't!" Suzaku protests. "But this is ridiculous! We're barely ten people."

"If you cannot stand beside me—" He breaks off with a frustrated growl. "We already went through this! You already pledged your allegiance to me. You could not have chosen a worse time to get second thoughts. What do you even want me to do? Blow off this whole mission? Abandon my sister?"

"Of course not! But this is practically a suicide mission, and you promised me that—"

"Suzaku", he says, cutting him off at once with his scathing tone. It's not explosive, but a cold, calculating anger. Somehow it's worse. "Are you with me or are you against me?"

Suzaku looks helplessly at the opaque glass before him. "I'm with you."

"Then put on your mask and stop wasting my time."

Flinching, Suzaku ducks away from the grip and the mask's blue glare. He bites his lip, and presses his own mask against his chest. What was I trying to accomplish, anyway? He should have never tried to push Lelouch at a time like this.

And really, what did he expect? Suzaku has given his word. Suzaku is aware of what he's doing here and what is expected of him. Becoming a Black Knight was as much a moral decision as it was a decision on whether he wanted to stand on yet another battlefield, showing courage while wearing a different color. If the fine print expected him to be braver than expected, then it's his own fault for not squinting hard enough.

He will shoulder through this. For Lelouch, for Nunnally, and for himself. He will prove that he can be counted on no matter how dire the circumstances. And if Lelouch wants him to be bold and reckless and slightly suicidal for one day, he will do it. Not only that, but for once in this new life, he wants to do something right. Something he can be proud of—

Provided he lives long enough to remember the tale.

But before he can make his way back and start building on that internal promise, Zero grabs his arm. Suzaku curbs the reflex to jump away— cowering against more scolding— and yields to the grip.

One hand holds him there, suspended in motion, the other hand fumbles with Zero's mask until it comes off. Lelouch stares back at him, beleaguered: bags under his eyes, hair tousled, face sallow. It might be amplified by the dim light, but he looks worse now than a few hours ago and worse still than when he had feared Suzaku would reject both him and the Black Knights.

Desperate, Suzaku thinks, mouth dry. This has been hiding under a mask all this time.

Lelouch's voice is strained. "I want you here. I need you here. Can you understand that?"

The thin fingers tremble where they wrap around his arm. We are in this together, Suzaku thinks, and wonders why he needed yet another reminder. Torn between wanting to give Lelouch a hug and closing the gap between their faces in a caricature of reassurance, he settles for a feeble "yes".

"Don't forget that." Lelouch's hand lingers on his arm for a few more seconds before he withdraws and puts on his mask.

When Zero turns, he is back to his usual panache— tall and proud and immovable.

The mask gives the world a bluish tinge. It's subtle enough to not limit Suzaku's vision, but both it and the unfamiliar weight on the bridge of his nose will take some getting used to. The uniform itself is fine, black and silver, complete with that silly hat. He wears it like a badge, his proof that— despite everything— he belongs here.

It's a bit tight at his shoulders, though. He's in the middle of fiddling with it and almost popping a seam when he hears someone clear their throat behind him.

Kallen stands there, demure for once and looking at the floor with her arms crossed. Despite that, his first instinct is to bolt and get away before he makes her angry again. But instead of following his gut feeling, Suzaku stands his ground, and takes off his mask. Even though she said that they are friends, he can't help but think that this either wasn't or isn't the case anymore. So far, she has only shown hostility and distrust towards him, so should she notice him fidget, she really can't blame him. Whatever her reason for approaching him, he won't be the one to break the silence.

Kallen clears her throat again, looking as reluctant to be in this situation as Suzaku is. "The Knightmare you'll be piloting is in that transporter over there." She points to a vehicle shrouded in shadows.

"Oh, okay. Thanks." Is that all you're going to say to me?

She grimaces as though privy to his thoughts, and tries once more. "I didn't mean anything of what I said yesterday."

As far as apologies go, she could have done better, but Suzaku doesn't mind meeting her halfway. "Look, I'm sorry that we kept our relationship a secret, but…" He trails off when she shakes her head vehemently.

"That's not it. That has nothing to do with it."

"Then, has it to do with this whole…" He can't find the right words, but she manages to catch his drift anyway.

"I don't care who you're dating. That you're gay or whatever."

Now he's confused. "What's your problem with me then?"

She sighs in frustration, and looks off into the distance where Zero talks to another member of the Black Knights. They're arguing about something, with Zero repeatedly pointing to his blueprint. So many people to convince, Suzaku thinks, and regrets ever trying to oppose him.

"I will be honest with you," Kallen says, and he turns back to her. "I was against involving you again. Lelouch shouldn't have revealed himself to you."

Both her sincerity and what she says stun him. "Why?"

She fixes him with an intense stare. "You aren't in this like everybody else. You don't believe in a revolution. You are only here because of Lelouch. I don't know what he did or what he promised that was enough for you to join, but because of that you are not one of us, and I doubt you ever will be."

'Not one of us.' It mirrors his own thoughts, but hearing someone else echo these words somehow exacerbates it.

"I'm not here just because of Lelouch," he says in indignation.

She huffs, and sends him a dubious look. "Really? If it had been anyone else but your boyfriend to ask you to join the Black Knights, would you still have done it?"

He can't meet her eyes at that.

She sighs again. "That's why I was against it. It would have been better for your own sake, even. You would have been a lot happier if Lelouch had never told you that he's Zero. Am I right?"

This, he can counter. "But then I'd be with the military and would have to fight you guys for real. You would have been my enemies. I could have hurt or even killed you." He shakes his head. "And what if I had needed to capture Zero? What if I had succeeded? I would have found out that Zero was my boyfriend all along."

"That would have been a shock," she mumbles.

What an understatement. "Well, I'm glad Lelouch has told me who he is. And who I am. Anyway, I'm here and that's all that should matter."

She looks unsatisfied, or maybe conflicted. "And you'll fight on our side?"

Why is that even a question? "Of course. What do you think I've been doing up until now? I've always been fighting on your side."

A frown appears on her forehead, but she offers no answer.

While she does seem to have his best interests in mind, strange as her way of showing it may be, it's not for her to decide what Suzaku does with his life. Maybe he can put it into terms that are more agreeable with her. "Lelouch said that I'm a skilled pilot. Or that I wasone,at the very least. And it looks like the Black Knights aren't doing so hot at the moment. Would you rather have one pilot less?"

Again, Kallen is silent, but they both know what her answer is, rhetoric as his question was. After a couple of seconds, she makes a vague motion towards the room, looking frustrated. "So this is what you want?"

"Being with the Black Knights? Well, I guess. If I had got to choose how my life turned out, this wouldn't have been my first pick, but it's a lot better than what I thought it would be like when I first woke up in the hospital." To make it abundantly clear, he adds, "I still have a few problems with accepting some things that the Black Knights do, but Lelouch asked me if I wanted to join him again and I accepted. That was my choice and I'm not taking it back."

"Are you happy with him?" She looks thoughtful as she asks this, as though she doesn't really want an answer to that question.

"Well, I'm…" He hesitates because he's thinking of a way to articulate Lelouch's pivot-like position in his life. Or if, in fact, he should tell her this much. But maybe then she'll realize the extent of his fealty— maybe not to the Black Knights, but to Lelouch. "To be honest, he's probably the best part of my life right now."

Her reaction is delayed, but once her mouth twitches and she averts her eyes, he knows that this answer, this sad little truth, made a difference. "I see," she mumbles, seeming not to address him.

Before she turns away, he sees pity on her face.

At last, he meets the Knightmare he will be piloting.

It looks naked. Even as it's crouched in a transporter, half obscured by shadows, it cannot quite hide its unfinished state. Pistons and wires peek out from under the metal armor, giving it an undignified appearance. It reminds Suzaku of pictures of old locomotives where all the machinery is visible before technology advanced and tried to cover their innards.

But as much as it pings him as "different", it does not visibly distinguish itself from the other Knightmares assembled here. It must be on purpose— if he's the one to carry Nunnally, he cannot stick out. Hide a tree in the forest, hide a person in a crowd. Try to hide a black sheep among its flock.

Kallen's Knightmare is the exception in the room. Bright red with a slick design that commands respect even in its hunched over position. Suzaku can't help but feel slightly jealous.

"It's wonderful that you're back again," a voice says from behind him.

When he turns around, he sees a woman in a lab coat. She stands out: not only because she doesn't wear black, but also because she throws him a genial smile. Ried had smiled at him too, but this time Suzaku doesn't get any sleazy vibes, moreover, this is probably the warmest greeting he has received yet.

It's not difficult to match her smile. "Thank you."

She gives him a long and overt appraisal. "I'm Rakshata. I developed the Knightmare you'll be piloting." She taps the metallic leg of the Knightmare with her pipe.

Rakshata, he thinks, recognizing that name from the uncomfortable conversation yesterday. "Nice to meet you again," he says, and feels like that wasn't the most appropriate thing he could have said.

Her smile does not waver however, and instead it takes on an amused glint. "This Knightmare here is kind of special. The cockpit needed a few modifications to accommodate our little damsel in distress, and as a result, it will probably feel really cramped in there. But that's not the only change I had to make. This Knightmare has a hover function. You won't be able to fly or float, but it'll cushion you should you fall."

"A hover function? That's unusual."

"Zero specifically asked for it. On short notice, too." She takes a long drag from her pipe, and then blows the smoke away from him. "Everything will function normally for battle, but I didn't have enough time to iron out a few kinks here and there. A few minor functions won't work."

"That's perfectly all right." He takes another look now that he's talking directly its creator. "Is it mine?"

Her expression turns confused. "Hm?"

I guess not. "Have I piloted it before?"

She eases back into a smile. "Does it matter?"

He scratches his cheek, bashful. "I suppose not…" he says, and then looks over to Kallen's Knightmare. "I just thought I had a personal Knightmare. Like Q1."

She gives him a pleasant laugh. "You have the Lancelot. What more could you possibly want?"

He lowers his gaze, feeling young and stupid next to her despite her friendliness.

"Speaking of which," she continues. "You wouldn't happen to have a manual for the Lancelot? I'd be very interested in taking a closer look at it."

Suzaku opens his mouth to answer "I have two, actually" but stops himself. Do I really want to betray Lloyd and Cécile like that? But aren't they technically my enemies?

By all accounts, there is no reason to withhold it from her when it could actively help the Black Knights. But Lloyd and Cécile had been so nice to him…

Suzaku clears his throat. "Possibly? If I have one, I'll have to find it in my apartment first." The fact that she's asking in the first place means that I must not have given her one before. For now, he'll buy himself some time to make up his mind.

She gives him a wide smile. "That would be really nice." With that, she hands him a key and a code card, and then turns to go. "Good luck."

Feeling better after this positive encounter, Suzaku turns back to the huddling Knightmare. As he inserts the key, his earpiece starts to make a sizzling sound.

"Can you hear me?" Zero's voice asks him against a hint of white noise.

"You sound even more like a robot over the intercom."

"A 'loud and clearly' would be nice."

"Sorry. I can hear you just fine." Suzaku probably shouldn't joke when Zero is this wired up.

"Good. Your codename will be 'N1' from here on."

Suzaku frowns. "'N1'? Why that letter?"

"Because 'K' already stands for the king," Zero answers, not elaborating any further. "Get in the Knightmare and stay put. The drive will be long. I won't be directly involved in the fight, but I will give you directions every step along the way."

Any other time Suzaku would have reassured him that everything was going to be okay, but at this point they are both beyond appreciating empty placations. "Roger that."

"You won't disappoint me," Zero says, and ends the connection before Suzaku can retort.

The drive is long and tedious, accompanied by the constant rumble of the transporter, and interspersed only by the occasional turn of the vehicle. Suzaku endures it in total darkness, alone save for his thoughts and his gun. Neither provides any comfort though, and he blearily stares ahead, seeing nothing, following elusive shapes in the eigengrau around him.

Unlike his first foray into a Knightmare's cockpit, this time he is not bothered by the cramped space. Instead, he feels a weird sense of comfort, a belonging. It is familiar already: trading patience for the promise of feeling powerful and weightless and free. Despite the many caveats involving the mission and its urgency, this is something he can cling to.

It's a while before the shaking of the transporter dies down, and the waiting game enters its final phase. The door of the transporter opens, and the faint light of the setting sun spills into the cockpit. A smooth expanse of meadow with a hint of forest around the edges lies before him.

Static appears in Suzaku's ears. "In about half an hour," Zero tells him. "Watch the sky."

Here? Where is it going to land? Nevermind an airport, there's not even an airstrip here as far as Suzaku can tell. What reason does it have to land here?

Despite his incredulity, they seem to be at the right spot as the Black Knights leave their transporter, and look for a place to better start their ambush. Soon Knightmares peek out from behind the bushes and trees, metallic giants huddling in the thicket. Suzaku joins them, and tries not to feel like a sitting duck as he waits and stares at the sky.

He spots it then: a bright dot against the darkness, like a firefly that is being chased by the night sky itself. As the airship wanders across the firmament, its engines becoming audible, quiet still, but rising in volume. Suzaku follows it on his monitors, and watches as the vague silhouette gains volume and detail.

"Wait," Zero tells them as the airship approaches the meadow. Wind starts to flatten the grass around them.

But despite its drawing nearer, there is no sign of it preparing to land.

What if it simply flies by? As far as Suzaku can tell, none of their Knightmare could follow, and if it indeed soars over their heads, Zero hasn't said a word about a backup plan.

But in that moment Suzaku sees it— it dips. It's a miniscule movement, and it makes him wonder if he only sees it because he wants to see it, but then the airship does it again, steeper this time. Suzaku's hands fly to his controls, not pressing anything, but mapping out the movements he will make in a minute or two.

It starts to descend steadily.

There is a murmur of gasps and relieved whispering coming from the intercom, but Suzaku barely hears them, and lets his Knightmare grip the rifle gun in its hands tighter.

"Wait until I give the signal," Zero says.

As the airship approaches its makeshift landing spot, it starts to wobble. It slants dangerously to the side in what appears to be accidental lateral movement, and then almost zigzags towards the ground.

"What in the world is it doing?" someone asks as the airship makes a motion as though it plans to rotate around its axis.

It gives another shake, almost burying one of its canons into the ground, but it pulls through, and lands safely. The end result stands aslant on the field.

Suzaku holds his breath.

"Now!"

Lights flare up around him as the Knightmare's engine roars up. Suzaku breaks through the thicket, jumping forth rather than stepping.

Different, he thinks as the Knightmare runs across the meadow towards the airship. What felt like second nature to him in the simulator feels different here. The controls are relatively smooth, the handling is fine, but it feels off to him for a different reason: his hands fly over buttons that aren't there. He surprises himself, and sits here dumbstruck, trying to unlearn a reflex. There's more routine and ingrained habit left in him than he ever thought possible, and he tries to get used to it fast as he has no time to learn the machine's intricacies. Even while only sprinting, his Knightmare rattles with movements it isn't meant to perform. Suzaku's muscle memory is used to a different beast, and this inferior machine groans under the strain.

Nevertheless, there's a thrill to it. Even in this cobbled-together frame he's feeling the rush of adrenaline. Just like in the simulation, but better because he knows this is real. This time his steps leave footprints on the ground.

Against all of his expectations, climbing on top of the airship turns out to be a non issue. There are no signs of resistance yet, and as Suzaku stands on the ship's metal plating, he watches as one by one the rest of the Black Knights follow his lead. It looks like ants crawling onto much bigger prey that has already given up.

It's eerie. If they hadn't witnessed it land, Suzaku could swear they're standing on a ghost ship.

"Could it be a trap?" Kallen asks over the intercom, echoing Suzaku's own unease. She flanks him with her Knightmare, and for once, he's reassured by her presence.

"No," Zero answers her. "They're simply unprepared. Continue with the attack."

Except there isn't anything to attack. Suzaku boots up the blueprint of the airship on one of his monitors, and turns towards his target point.

A siren starts to blare then, followed by the first signs of hostile Knightmares. A clang of metal resounds like a starting signal.

One Sutherland approaches them, but before Suzaku can do more than point his rifle gun at it, Kallen's Knightmare surges forward, silver claw outstretched. She tears through it easily, leaving behind nothing but smoke and chunks of metal.

"N1, leave most of the fighting to Q1," Zero says. "Her Guren is vastly superior to your machine."

I noticed, Suzaku thinks, and sidesteps the remnants of the broken Knightmare.

But despite the still droning siren, little resistance springs forth. When Suzaku takes a moment to look around himself, he sees nothing but overwhelmed and outnumbered enemies. There are few hostile Knightmares moving on his monitors as well, and no sign of reinforcements. By all accounts, the Black Knights are trouncing them.

"They're scattered and uncoordinated," Kallen says over the intercom as she runs behind Suzaku.

"Like a bunch of headless chicken." Zero gives a sinister-sounding laugh. "Our luck."

"You knew," Kallen accuses him. "You knew exactly that this would happen and planned for everything. They didn't intend to land here. What did you do?"

"Focus on your job, Q1. I don't hear any exploding enemies."

This is why, Suzaku thinks in a cocktail of awe and disbelief. This is why people follow Zero. He has no idea how Zero did it, but as a result, this quasi suicide mission somehow turned into a cakewalk. On a certain level, he knew that Zero had earned his position as the leader of the Black Knights, and Rivalz had told him before that Lelouch is a genius, but now Suzaku fully believes it.

A hiss comes from the intercom. "N1, Q1, they are moving her to point B," Zero tells them.

Well, shit. Suzaku makes a movement akin to a U-turn, and then gives himself a short mental pep talk. He has hoped it wouldn't come to this, but it was part of the deal, and there is no turning back now. He briefly touches the gun at his side to check that it's still there.

In no time, they reach their destination: a small door surrounded by a wall of thick steel.

"This is it." Zero says. Suzaku knows what he means— this is where he leaves his Knightmare and continues on foot. "There's a long corridor behind that door," Zero continues. "Move straight ahead, and then you'll get to the room where they're holding her."

"Okay," Suzaku says, and opens the hatch of his Knightmare.

"Q1, make sure he still has a Knightmare when he returns."

Kallen makes a garbled sound over the intercom. "He's going in alone!?"

"Yes. I want you to stay on the battlefield," Zero says. "I want N1 to retrieve her."

She makes another incredulous noise. "What if it's crawling with enemies in there? At least have someone go with him so he doesn't just die five steps in!"

"Q1," he says, and the impatience is clear in his voice. "Do not question my authority again. And don't underestimate N1."

Suzaku does not need further prompting, and stands up from his seat. "It's fine. I can do it," he says to both to them and to himself. If Zero has that much faith in him, then Suzaku will not doubt his judgment. He checks his gun to see if it's fully loaded, and then crawls out of his Knightmare.

"Was that your plan from the beginning?" he hears Kallen asks, but no answer is forthcoming, and his earpiece falls silent.

The steel door is unlocked. Gun drawn, Suzaku walks in.

Not one step into the hallway, he recoils.

The stench— almost a physical presence in its intensity— stops him like a slap to the face. He recognizes the smell viscerally, in fact could never mistake the pungent copper smell for anything else, so after his eyes readjust to the bright light, he sees what his olfactory senses already forecast: the entire hall is filled with corpses. Pools of dark blood mix with the carpentry. The dark red creeps over the floor like a shadow, framing the tangle of limbs and uniforms. Guns litter the floor like confetti.

Carefully, very carefully, Suzaku sidesteps the corpses, but can do nothing to evade the copious amounts of blood on the floor, still fresh and flowing. It's sticky where he treads, and he tries his best to ignore it as he puts one foot before the other until he stands in-between the death and the vacant stares.

Head shots. Most of them were killed with a precise shot to the head, many at point blank. He sees wide-eyed shock in most of the faces that aren't caved in. In a stark contrast, a few others are frozen in a perpetual grin.

It's quiet here, and Suzaku has a sense of déjà vu, finding himself alone in a hallway again, and feeling like he fell down yet another rabbit hole. Only this time it's worse because he knows it's not just in his head. It's real this time, a monster of a different caliber with a different set of teeth. This time blood is flowing between his shoes.

Suzaku shudders. What in the world happened here? Who did this? Did someone of the Black Knights leave their Knightmare as well? But Zero would have told him. Moreover, not many people are involved in this mission, and if someone made a solo trip into the airship, Suzaku would have noticed.

It couldn't be one of them.

But whoever it was, they're headed for Nunnally as well. Red shoe imprints lead the way towards a door at the end of the hallway.

This might not be a rescue mission anyone, Suzaku realizes. It might have turned into a corpse retrieval.

Heart beating hard against his ribcage, he all but sprints across the hallway, dodging limbs and bodies in a twisted version of parkour. Hesitation is no longer an issue. The urgency gives him strength, makes him callous, and he steps over and on the corpses with no care or deference. His principal concern narrows down to getting to Nunnally before anyone else does and not slipping on the blood.

He stands at the other end of the hallway in a matter of seconds. When he moves to open the door, the gun is steady in his grip.

A diminutive figure sits in the middle of the room. She is clutching at her wheelchair, looking scared, but alive and unharmed. She is easy to recognize; Suzaku has seen the seven year younger version of her in a photo, and except for growing her hair out, her appearance hasn't changed at all.

Suzaku releases the breath he wasn't aware he had been holding, and then stops dead in his tracks.

One man stands a few feet next to her, gun in hand. He slowly turns around to Suzaku, and gives a toothy smile.

Suzaku's heart leaps into his throat, but his reaction is not delayed. He aims at the man's head, index finger resting on the trigger and ready to curl. His mouth falls open, a "Freeze!" on his tongue, but the plea doesn't make it over his lips.

The man does not heed the silent warning, and instead raises his arm in slow motion.

Suzaku's finger feels numb over the trigger. Don't. Please don't make me.

But instead of pointing the gun towards Suzaku or Nunnally, the man levers the gun at his own head.

What…?

The man's finger moves.

Like a marionette pulled by its strings, he makes a jerky half-jump sideways before he flops over. His body spasms once upon hitting the floor, and for a second the man's limbs loll to gravity's whim, but then all movement ceases. Blood pours out from the man's hole at his temple, contributing to the red carpet. The grin stays frozen on his features.

Oh, Suzaku thinks, and tries to work through the fog that has settled over his mind. Oh.

He dimly realizes that he's aiming his gun at a corpse. The steel is warm in his hands, and bemused, Suzaku holds the gun close to inspect it, but it does not look any different— its muzzle is free of soot and its barrel is still full of bullets. The only warmth it gained came from between his palms.

His gaze turns to his hands, covered in gloves. He can't see anything on them, black as they are, so he removes one to reveal the hand underneath. It looks normal, flesh colored with fingernails all blunt and short-trimmed and unhelpful. But without blood; it did not quite reach that far.

I did not fire the gun, Suzaku thinks, feeling faint and distant in his own head.

But is he sure? His memories have betrayed him before, after all. Maybe he's sleepwalking again, seeing poison gas and open doors.

He lowers his gaze until he stares at his shoes. Blood hides well on black, he thinks, comforted, detached. It's invisible there.

A loud noise outside startles him, breaking him out of his reverie. It is followed by a rumble, and a slight tilt of the floor: the airship is moving.

Rescue her, Suzaku reminds himself. That's right. I have to rescue her. Shaking his head, he puts the glove back on, and turns to face Nunnally.

Even from a distance, Suzaku can see that she is trembling. When he takes a step towards her, her head whirls in his direction. When he clears his throat, she flinches, and gives a little gasp before— even with her eyes closed— looking directly at him. "Suzaku?"

Suzaku flinches in turn at hearing his name, and stops in shock.

Nunnally doesn't give him time to collect his thoughts before she, akin to a small child who wants to be picked up, holds out her arms towards him. "Suzaku!" She wiggles on her wheelchair, reaching out and trying to bridge the gap between them. It's when she nearly falls out of her wheelchair that he unfreezes and rushes towards her.

Dropping to one knee, he catches her. She feels light and frail in his arms as he clings to him, hugging rather than holding onto him. Thin fingers clutch at his shoulders.

It's an awkward embrace. A dead man is lying only a few feet away, and Suzaku is still holding his gun. On top of that, it feels inappropriate to hug her this tightly when she isn't to him what he is to her. He's hugging a stranger, embracing a concept rather than a treasured person.

It must have shown.

"Suzaku?" She sounds unsure now, belying her earlier confidence when he was halfway across the room.

He gives her shoulders a squeeze, whether in reassurance or apology he's not sure. "Don't worry, I'll get you out of here."

For a moment he considers picking her up and carrying her through the hallway, but that would render him unable to draw his gun, so instead he helps her back into her wheelchair. As he steers her around the dead man, Suzaku takes another look at him to make sure that, yes, the man is still holding the gun, and the hole that used to be his temple is rimmed with black powder. All the while he is grinning, and plunging all his secrets into nescience.

Forget about it for now. Get her out of here first.

No one comes to intercept them as he wheels her across the hallway. The droning of machines grows louder, and the ground begins to shake. Suzaku accelerates his steps.

When they reach the part of the floor that is stacked with corpses, Suzaku has to push stray limbs out of the way before the wheelchair can pass. The pungent smell dominates the air, the wheelchair gives a jolt when it rolls over a wayward hand, and some blood seeps into the hem of Nunnally's dress, but she keeps silent throughout it all.

They leave the hallway, and Suzaku opens the door to the battlefield. A gust of wind meets them as well as Guren who picks them up and holds them out towards Suzaku's Knightmare. After giving Kallen a wave of his hand, Suzaku picks Nunnally up and carries her into the cockpit.

He puts her in the makeshift emergency chair that Ratshaka built in. At least she gets a safety belt, he thinks as he fastens it. She makes this difficult as she doesn't completely let go of him. When he draws back, she still doesn't let go of his shoulder.

"Is big brother well?" Her hand travels down to his sleeve.

"He's fine. You'll see him again soon enough." he answers as he sits down.

It's now very cramped in the small cockpit, and he'll have to watch not to accidentally hit her while piloting. There's little distance between them with her sitting directly behind him, and still she doesn't let go of him, her hand moving further down until she touches his own hand. Her fingers twitch, moving along his gloved fingers in fleeting motions. "How are you? Are you alright?" When Suzaku turns around to look her in the face, her forehead is creased in wrinkles.

Did you witness what just happened? Did you hear where the shot came from?

He pulls his hand out of her loose grip. "I'm fine," he quickly says, and activates the speaker on his earpiece. "I got her!"

Zero gives a sound of relief. "Out. Now!"

Nunnally gasps at the sound of the distorted voice. "Was that…?"

"I'll explain everything later."

The Knightmare surges forward.

The battleground is as deserted as Suzaku left it but the background scenery changed: gone is the meadow under them. The airship is flying, and the vast ocean stretches under them, a black and roiling mass.

Suzaku stops at the edge of the airship. How do we get out of here?

When he turns around, looking for an answer in the morning sky, he sees that it's speckled with black dots. They are far away still, but it doesn't need much imagination to guess at what they are.

"They have reinforcements!" someone says over the intercom. "We have to get out of here!"

"Jump down," Zero tells them.

"What?" Suzaku ask in perplexion.

"Jump down from the airship."

"Into the sea!?"

"Yes. Drop down into the water and dive. That's an order. Don't forget the floating system."

Did you plan for this as well?

Suzaku jumps.

There's a moment of feeling weightless before the Knightmare enters into freefall. He counts to four before he dares to activate the floating system. The engine sputters, then the cockpit rattles as it kicks in, letting loose smoke and a loud noise. Their fall slows.

But before he can get used to their new speed, the Knightmare breaks the surface of the water. After the impact, they descend smoothly into the depths. The view turns dark. Only the light from buttons and graphs illuminate the cramped space, and he hears nothing but the faint hum of the engine around him. It vibrates softly where he sits.

The tranquility doesn't last long. A sound disturbs the near silence— a drip drip that has nothing to do with spilled milk.

Horrified, Suzaku turns to look into the darkness, and tries to figure out where the sound is coming from. He finds a spot where the faint light from the console gets reflected: a black miniature waterfall flows through nooks and crannies. When he looks around, he sees a few more.

Not waterproof, he thinks in disbelief.

"Suzaku?"

Nunnally can hear this. It's obvious what it is and he cannot lie it away.

Suzaku grinds his teeth, and activates his earpiece. "Zero?" White noise meets his ears. It clicks away.

"Suzaku? What is happening?"

"Give me a moment," he tells her and tries once more. "Zero?" Again, he receives no answer.

Swearing under his breath, he fiddles with the controls, but accomplishes nothing except for making the Knightmare row through the water uselessly. When he activates the floating system once more, a burst of bubbles rushes past the cockpit, breaking the black monotony of his view, but besides gaining a little altitude, it accomplishes nothing before the engine makes a garbled noise and dies.

The controls fall out of Suzaku's hands.

He speaks into the ear-piece once more before jamming on the emergency ejection button, hoping that he hasn't waited too long and that the pressure isn't too great. Even if it works, he has no idea if they will float upwards, but when the alternative is sitting in this deathtrap, he'll take that risk.

The button comes off and falls into the water. A tangle of unconnected wires is left in its wake.

'A few minor functions won't work.' Of course. With a deep sigh, Suzaku gives up. The cold water reaches his ankles. At least the blood is coming off.

The metal groans around him, and Suzaku imagines that the walls are coming towards them. Except he's not sure it's his imagination. For a moment he contemplates which would be the better death: drowning or getting crushed from the pressure. The latter will definitively be quicker, but that decision is not up to him.

"Will we be rescued?" Nunnally asks, sounding strangely calm.

"Zero will save us," he reassures her. Zero must have had accounted for this considering how resolute he gave that order, but Suzaku is not sure what miracle Zero will pull out of his sleeve this time. The water now reaches his calves, and he grimaces at the uncomfortable feeling. Thankfully, Nunnally has an elevated seat and so far shares none of his discomfort. She'll have a few more dry minutes.

"I'm happy you came to rescue me," she tells him.

"Hm," he says, distracted as he pulls his legs away from the ice-cold water.

"How did you get Zero to help you? Did you two call it a truce?"

"Something like that," he mumbles.

"I'm glad you're here," she says.

He fidgets in his wet seat.

"Suzaku?"

"I'm sorry, but…"

Her hand is on his shoulder suddenly, making him jump. He cranes his neck to look at her, but she's nearly invisible in the dark. Only a white-rimmed silhouette hints at her position.

With startling accuracy she grabs his hand, and peels the glove off. Suzaku is too stunned to stop her or to draw his hand back before she interlaces their fingers. Her hand is cool to the touch, not unlike her brother's.

Her fingers are frail and small in his own, gripping with just enough pressure to keep him there, but not trapping him, only sharing warmth. It's a farce of a peaceful moment. All the while water continues to fill the room.

She untangles their fingers after a while, but does not draw back. Instead, both of her hands wander over his, tracing the shape of his fingers and the furrows on his palm as though she's trying to look for something. As though she feels that something got lost along the way.

She whispers, "What happened to you?"

"I'm sorry," he apologizes, both because it seems appropriate and because he can hear the helpless confusion in her voice. "I lost all of my memories."

He hears an intake of breath, and in the next moment, her fingers bump against his mask. She traces its shape before she gently removes it, and deposits it on her lap. Her fingers are on his face now, and he closes his eyes as she traces his cheeks, his mouth, his nose, his eye sockets. Suzaku holds still, feeling awkward, but not awkward enough to draw his face back. He allows her this ritual. In fact, he did something similar when he woke up in the hospital and found a stranger's face in the mirror.

"You're still the same," she says, sounding wondrous and relieved.

"Yeah," he tries to reassure her, but his voice is shaking as he does.

Another sound joins the tinkle of water then. A low, droning noise like engines or turbines.

A beam of light fills the small space, and Suzaku shields his eyes with his arm, blinking against the brightness. The light sprouts from a dark mass behind it.

'We also have a submarine,' Zero had said. I had completely forgotten.

It's difficult to see against the blinding light, but he catches the moment as the hatch of the submarine— formed like the maw of a giant shark— closes around them.

When his Knightmare opens, artificial light floods in. Stretching, Suzaku gets out of the pilot seat with lethargic movements now that all his adrenaline is depleted. The seawater licks at his calf, but it has been reduced to nothing more than a minor annoyance, flowing out of the cockpit in small streams.

It's over.

"Nunnally!" a muffled voice yells from outside. Zero's silhouette appears against the light for a brief moment before he jumps down into the shallow water. "Nunnally," he repeats, voice close this time.

Nunnally's head whips around in the direction of the voice. Her mouth opens without any sound coming out, and her hands clutch at Suzaku's mask in her lap.

Zero gives a relieved sigh, body swaying with the exhalation. He catches himself though, and turns to Suzaku with an almost exuberant motion, grabbing him by both shoulders and leaning in very close. Zero's mask lightly bumps against his forehead.

"You did well" he whispers, and the warmth in his voice carries over even through the mask. Then, completing the energetic movement, he turns the grip into a tight embrace.

I didn't do anything, Suzaku thinks, and forgets to hug back. He killed himself.

Suzaku's gun hadn't been fired. The smoke rose from a different weapon.

But it does not quite matter that Suzaku never pulled the trigger— the result is a dead man on the ground all the same. The red imprints left on the ground are his, and with every step he took he had to trample on a corpse.

So where did that gallant promise to not contribute to the bloodshed go? Up in smoke and red across the floor.

It goes unsaid.

When Zero pulls back, he turns to his sister, still brimming with excitement. "Nunnally," he says with a tinny echo. The tone itself is gentle, imploring.

Mouth still formed in a silent 'o', Nunnally gives a little shake of her head, but that is the extent of her reaction. She does not greet him. Her hands do not reach out.

Hesitant now and much less confident, Zero walks up to her, and takes one of her hands into his. Nunnally actually flinches on contact, and holds up the mask as a makeshift shield. She lowers it again in an instant, but her reaction hangs like a grave verdict in the air.

"I…" Zero starts, but doesn't finish.

Nunnally continues to stare at the empty space in Zero's general direction.

She didn't know, Suzaku thinks, remembering Lelouch's words, and at once feels violently inadequate to be here. He turns, and climbs out of the Knightmare before he can witness more than he already has.

The air of the submarine tastes salty, and Suzaku clutches at his soggy uniform, feeling cold and not at all triumphant after a successful mission. I have school now, he thinks, and rubs his eyes.

Muffled laughter echoes along the steel walls of the submarine, but he has no mind to join the festive mood. Instead he makes a berth around the noise, and trudges through the corridors in a mockery of a lone, directionless victory lap. Gray walls give way to more gray walls, but the scenery itself doesn't matter— there's no hint of red carpets anywhere, and the smell that permeates the air has nothing to do with dead bodies. It's fine if he wanders in circles here.

After finding more cul-de-sac than paths, and wondering whether he killed someone today or not, he comes across Kallen.

As he walks by, she gives him a tiny little nod.

End of chapter 6