This chapter skips from character to character a lot. I hope you don't get confused, but look! It's a longish one:)

Usual disclaimers apply. Enjoy!

"Cloud, we meet again," Leon muttered coldly, a manic glint in his eyes.

Cloud simply unsheathed First Tsurugi and adopted a ninja pose. He was very silent, not letting any emotion show on his face.

A chilling evil laugh escaped from Leon's throat as he slowly brought his gunblade from his back.

But something was off...

Just as the brooding hero and the maniacal gunblade wielder were about to go at it, a mysterious voice called out, "Is that a chainsaw!?"

Yes, in fact, Leon's gunblade had been modified to include a chainsaw. So now it could technically be called a chaingunbladesaw.

Cloud looked unimpressed by the new weapon. "Please, mine splits into six parts."

"Kinky."

"I know." Cloud gave Leon a serious look, daring him to object. "Now, let's get this started."

"Hells yeah," Leon said and threw his gunblade/chainsaw thing off to the side. Boyfriend by Justin Bieber came on over the speakers that never were. It was a mystery as to how the speakers got there in the first place but since the speakers never were, technically, they never existed. Now, let's move on and ignore the fact the World that Never Was and everything on it was an epic paradox.

"Chillin' by the fire while we eatin' fondue," Leon's rapping was similar to the howls of a cat in pain, just a tad bit toned down. "I don't know about me but I know about you. So say hello to falsetto in three, two, swag."

As Leon erupted into the chorus, he started dancing. As in the type of dancing that made you simply wanted to gouge your eyeballs out and boil them. In bleach.

The music abruptly stopped and Cloud gave the gunblade...er, gunblade/chainsaw wielder another unimpressed look, but really, deep inside, Cloud thought that was the best dancing he had ever seen.

But Cloud was better and he knew it. So when Stand Up by One Direction came on, he danced with complete confidence.

Demyx walked out with his arms crossed once the music had ended. "Okay guys, that was good but it wasn't...bazam! You know what I mean..." He sighed and scratched the back of his neck. "It just needs to be a bit more...bazam!"

Leon and Cloud gave Demyx dry looks.

"So you're saying..." Leon started.

"That we need more..." Cloud continued.

"Bazam!" Demyx finished.

Leon and Cloud exchanged a look. They started advancing upon Demyx, weapons raised.

"Wow. Chill guys," Demyx's voice cracked. He started backing up, his palms out in front of his chest. "I meant no offense. You were just lacking bazam! Wait. Guys. Stop." Demyx was backed up into the corner. "Guys!"

"Oh my Kingdom Hearts. You're so amazing," Roxas whispered. His breath hitched. "You're going to take responsibility and help her through her pregnancy. You convinced your parents to pay for everything."

Thirty minutes later...

Roxas through his keyblade at the TV screen. It bounced off harmlessly. "You're such a selfish jerk! You just wanted to send her away and make her sign that contract so you wouldn't have to deal with the consequences and your perfect reputation would still be intact! I don't care how pretty you are, I hate you now."

Later...

"You're such a great person. I know you're going to be an awesome mother. He should be forever in your debt. You deserved to throw his name out there and ruin that rep of his!"

"Roxas..." Zexion said as he walked in the room via portal.

Roxas yelped and impaled the TV with his keyblade. "What do you want?!" he asked, his voice pitched.

Zexion regarded the TV with little interest. It was just a typical Roxas according to him. "I've found out who Becky is."

Roxas sat up straight. This would be even more interesting than what was going to happen in the next episode. Was Becky an old lover? An illegitimate child? Maybe a long-lost sibling...

"She's his chakram."

"What?" Roxas's voice broke. "That's seriously anti-climatic!"

"And stupid," Zexion muttered.

"It's so boring!" Roxas pouted. "I'm going to watch some more of my show." He turned to Zexion. "Get out?"

"Why?" Zexion asked, arching an eyebrow.

"Because I want to watch my show!"

Zexion pointed to the broken TV. The keyblade disappeared and the cracks spread further. A few seconds later, it was a mess of parts on the floor.

"Um..."

"You could always watch TV in the Gray area," Zexion suggested.

"But...but I."

"No one will be surprised when they find out that you watch cheesy teen dramas. I think you'll be safe. Luxord might even sit down with you..." Zexion mused.

Roxas's head snapped up. "How do you know about that?"

"I know everything," Zexion said in a mysterious tone before he disappeared in a flash of lighting.

"Damn Schemer..." Roxas muttered. He sighed. He didn't really want to deal with the ridicule from the other members...So, he'd read his novel.

Roxas smiled and fished under his pillow for his book. It took quite a while. Roxas stored many things under his pillow, some even considered it magical.

Axel ran to the kitchen, taking a final leap to the freezer. He threw the door opened and tore through the contents of the compartment. Pot pie, ice, pot pie, pot pie, more pot pie, a family sized pot pie, mini pot pies. Axel paused to consider who had the pot pie obsession but gave up soon and returned to his epic search of the freezer. Corn, chicken, beef, broccoli, pot pie, pork, ham, pot pie, and an unidentifiable substance in a freezer bag that closely resembled vomit.

Axel swore so colorfully that a sailor would be offended. A lightbulb could be seen lighting above his head, then it blew a fuse and caught on fire. Poor lightbulb. Axel ran down the hall and crashed through the door to Roxas's room.

Roxas himself was sitting on his bed with a dog-eared book in hand. He yelped and hid the worn book under his pillow, "What are you doing here, Axel!"

"Ice cream, Roxas, ice cream! Tell me you have it, please!" Axel cried and sunk to his knees. His body shook with silent tremors, "I haven't had any fresh sea salt ice cream in days and I can't take it anymore. Xemnes won't let me portal to Twilight Town, I've tried thousands of times. Someone ate the last bar I was saving here, I'll kill that bitch." His eyes darkened momentarily.

Roxas had gone on guard the moment Axel mentioned sea salt ice cream, "Does this have anything to do with that kid you stole ice cream from?"

Axel rolled his eyes, "The kid's a wimp, she took it to hard."

"Then her mother smacked you with her purse and made a big scene," he snickered. "You were screaming for mercy on the pavement. What's with you and stealing ice cream from three-year olds anyway?" Roxas asked, then his face twisted in disgust, "Wait, don't tell me, I have a feeling I don't want to know."

"She was taunting me! That little child was in on the conspiracy!"

"You think the world is conspiring against you." Roxas stated dryly.

"They're all out to get me, Roxy. Only you and a handful of other people are loyal." His head jerked to face Roxas, red spikes slicing the air, "Unless...you're in on this to, Roxas."

Roxas arched an eyebrow, "And what would I gain from conspiring against you, Axel?"

Axel narrowed his eyes in thought, slipping into a part of his mind he scarcely ventured. "You would gain my extensive collection of water bottle labels."

"...Um, okay," Roxas was starting to look freaked out. "Just wondering, are you going to be leaving soon?" he asked, his fingers reaching toward the battered novel under his pillow.

Axel smirked, "No. Wha'cha readin', Roxy?"

Roxas blushed and avoided his eyes, "Nothing."

Axel grinned wickedly and reached under Roxas's pillow, "So you won't mind if I look under here?"

Roxas smacked his hand away, "Go away, and when did I start allowing you to call me Roxy anyway?"

Axel chuckled as he thumbed through the paperback.

Roxas's jaw dropped, "How did you get that?"

"I'm freakin' talented, Rox," Axel boasted.

"Gah, nicknames, they're painful." Roxas groaned.

"Holy crap, are you seriously reading Wuthering Heights, Roxas?" Axel laughed. "Zexion will love to hear about this!" Axel ran out of the room with the book in hand.

Roxas stood up, "Hey, Axel, get back here now! I want my book!"

"Sea salt ice cream, Roxy, it's all about the ice cream!" Axel yelled back, his voice echoing in the hallway.

Roxas scowled and opened the freezer in the closet he kept his ice cream in. It was empty except for a few pot pies (what the heck?), Roxas barely remembered eating the last bar on a ice cream binge just a couple of days ago. "Nooo! I want my corner, but Axel is getting away!"

He was suddenly grabbed from behind. A hand covered his mouth and his arms were tied behind him. A dark portal opened up and consumed him.

"Demyx! What happened to your face?" Axel frowned. "Did you run into a door again, because you really can't keep doing that."

Demyx groaned, his voice was muffled due to his swollen face. "Clou' an Leon beat me uhh." He held a frozen pot pie up to his black and blue face.

Axel snorted. "What did you possibly do?"

"I told them they din't have enough vazam!"

"Ah," Axel nodded in understanding, he understood Demyx's slurred speech. "That's the problem. You don't tell Leon/Squall Leonhart and Cloud Strife that they don't have enough bazam! They both starred in their own video game, they think they're all that."

"But'h they're so oldth!"

"I know! Like, twentieth century."

A gunshot rang out. Axel and Demyx froze. They slowly turned to stare at the bullet hole in the wall.

"They heard us..." Axel breathed, he turned on his heel and flashed down the hall.

Demyx let out a high-pitched squeal and dropped the partially thawed pot pie. He turned and ran into a dark portal, yelling, "Runth! Runth away!"

Xigbar stepped in and picked up the pot pie with a wicked grin on his face. "That'll teach 'em," he proclaimed proudly, shouldering his arrow gun and sauntering away.

"Riku! Why'd you tie him up?"

"Because he was being difficult."

"You didn't give him any warning, did you?"

"..."

"Thought so."

"It was...dangerous territory, Sora."

Roxas groaned and shifted. His feet and arms were bound to a chair. "Is there a bag over my head?" he asked in annoyance.

The cloth was lifted and Roxas looked around. Sora was waving and smiling stupidly while Riku glared at him with his arms crossed. "What's going on here?"

Sora vaulted across the room and squeezed Roxas in a way that you would choke a heartless. "Because I missed you!"

Riku rolled his eyes. "I'm going to go skin something for dinner. Flay it alive...watch it writhe..."

"Be careful!" Sora chirped, he had moved to stroking Roxas's hair while the said blond fumed.

"I'll wear a hair net," Riku assured with a nod before stalking out of the room, the Soul Eater appearing in his hand.

"What do you want Sora?" Roxas choked. "Can you untie me?"

"Oh yeah!" Sora summoned his keyblade and carelessly hacked away at Roxas's bounds.

Roxas flinched. "Don't cut my hands off!"

"Why? They're one of your worst features," Riku growled as he came in with two skinned animals strung up on a stick.

"What is that?" Roxas asked, distracted from inspecting his hands for any signs of imperfection, because Roxas was beautiful and he knew it. Countless people had told him...wait. No, make that one. It was Axel who had said that in a bout of temporary insanity.

"Squirrels."

"Where are we, in the middle of a forest?"

Sora and Riku started laughing. "No, silly! Those are island squirrels, we're on Destiny Islands."

Roxas's eyes widened. "No...no. No, no, no, nonono!" He lept up from the chair but fell because his ankles were still bound. "Get me out of here! I'm to young to face these terrors!"

Riku blinked and looked up at Sora. "If he breaks anything..." He took a violent chunk out of one of the squirrels, still raw.

Roxas was struggling with his bonds and crying on the floor. "Don't let them take me! Please!"

to be continued...

just kidding, i'm still here...

"Demyx, I think you can come out now. They're gone."

"No! I'm s'noth comin' uut." Demyx yelled from inside the spear of water. His voice came out even more garbled with the additional water muffling his voice.

Axel sighed and ran his hand through his spiked hair. "Whatever. I need to go find Roxy."

"Are you goin' ta tell hm yu burned'th his book?"

"I did not burn it! It's only singed." Axel held up the blackened book as 'evidence'. "I just want ice cream and to squish the blond demon child in a hug. He's so precious when he screams."

Demyx eyed Axel carefully and disappeared before Axel could turn back to him.

"Oh. He's gone." Axel sighed again. "If I don't get any ice cream soon, I'll be spilling all my secrets...I must find the short one..."

Twenty minutes later, Axel burst into Xemnas's office. "Xemnas! I must find...oh, it's the short one!"

Zexion shot Axel a glare. "Excuse me?"

"Axel." Xemnas sighed and looked down at his desk miserably. "Take a seat, you and Zexion can take care of this together."

Zexion began to protest, but decided against it last minute. He wanted to be on Xemnas's good side...

Axel sat in the chair next to Zexion and put his feet on the edge of Xemnas's desk. Xemnas's eye twitched but he said nothing. He took a breath and paused for the suspense of the moment before blurting out, "Roxas was kidnapped."

A chorus of gasps filled the air. Xemnas, Zexion, and Axel looked around to see who was there. The room was empty except for the three of them.

"Who was he kidnapped by? Was it that giant pink bunny I saw lurking around the entrance?" Axel asked.

He received blank stares. Xemnas cleared his throat and shuffled a stack of papers on his desk. "Um...no. It was actually a figure clad in black. He stepped out of a portal and grabbed Roxas before taking him back into the portal. We have no way to trace where he is now."

"He used a dark portal?" Zexion inquired.

"Yes. Do you know who he is?"

"I have a hunch."

"Good. You both have the mission of finding and retrieving Roxas. His captors need to be identified, and if possible, brought back alive."

"Are you telling me that we can kill them?" Axel asked with a maniacal grin stretching his face.

Xemnes gulped and covered it with a cough. "Only if completely necessary. Now...LEAVE!"

Axel and Zexion raced out of the room. "Damn! Why does he do that to me!?" Zexion moaned.

"Do what, Zexy?" Axel asked as he slung an arm over Zexion's shoulder.

"Make me consort with idiots," he hissed as he ducked under Axel's arm. "Follow me so we can get this finished quickly."

A dark portal opened up and Axel followed him inside. When they came out, Axel asked, "Are we on Destiny Islands?" He turned around. "Zexion...Zexion?"

Axel sighed. "Damn, I probably said something strange. I really need sea salt ice cream." A bright blue object caught his attention in the distance. "There it is!"

Zexion allowed himself to laugh evilly as he stepped through the portal into Hollow Bastion. Axel would never find him now, and he would find Roxas and receive all the credit from the Superior!

There was also another reason Zexion wanted to be alone...

"Kitty..." Zexion murmured dreamily as the shadow bounded into his arms. He stroked the heartless idly as he walked around Hollow Bastion.

The world was strangely quiet. All the shops were closed and no one could be spotted in the street. Zexion suddenly had the feeling that he was the only person there.

He marched up to Merlin's house and was frozen in place by the note on the door.

It read: Not in now! We're at Destiny Islands if any assistance is needed!

Down below in a different script was: If you're looking for a good time call Squall at... But Zexion ignored that part. Because he was a professional and professionals didn't feel the need to write Squall Leonhart's number down just for the sake of having Squall Leonhart's number.

Zexion just committed it to memory. He didn't write it down, so it was still professional.

Then he realized that...AXEL WAS IN DESTINY ISLANDS AND WAS GOING TO TAKE CREDIT FOR FINDING ROXAS!

Yeah, this is going to be a two parter. Did you love it? Did you hate it? Do you want me to write something in? If so, review!

And thanks to my reviewers on the last chapter...Schemer of Oblivion, Lincolnthearcher, Regardless1604, and StarlightBreaker. I'd give you guys my soul if I had one...