OH HELL, A SECOND CHAPTER? BLESS MY STARS!

People can actually die of Dysley-induced orgy-induced epilepsy, so if you have a record of heart problems I strongly advise against going any further.

CHAPTER 2 - Sexy And I Know It

Massive orgy session.

That is what I inflict upon the poor, defenseless citizens of Cocoon every time I show myself to them.

Which I am doing right now.

"Citizens of Cocoon," I said in a voice unheard of outside the orgasmic state, laced with pure sex. This is otherwise known as my normal voice. "I would just like to reassure you all, once more, that your lives are perfectly safe, for they are under my loving and passionate care―" I coughed rather throatily and sent at least 86% of the populace to sexual paradise― "and no Pulse l'Cie, creature, machine or even plant will harm you. I would also like to inform you of my personal denture cream brand's availability to the public. If you are poorly oriented, which I doubt many of you are, my denture cream brand is named Lick. That would be all for now, citizens."

I expect it to be flying off shelves now. Because, honestly, who in their right mind would resist the chance to discover what the interior of my mouth smells, feels, and tastes like?

No one.

Ah, I just realized something dreadful.

There are, as of now, no fireworks that depict my gorgeous and sinfully tempting face in Bodhum's fireworks display.

And it is happening, like, tomorrow.

I must hurry.

"Jihl," I called. Some people have gotten it into their minds that, because I call Jihl Nabaat by her first name, I am romantically involved with the girl. It is utterly ridiculous! If the mere act of informality indicates a history of copulation with someone, then surely by now I'd have chlamydia or have passed my gonorrhea on to some poor soul I call by their first name. Such as Yaag.

...

Oh.

"Yes, Primarch?" Jihl replied after turning off the broadcast. She should really consider a job in the acting industry; her portrayal of a stressed, boss-hating employee who is not constantly ridden by sexually-induced epilepsy is rather flawless.

"Who is the head of the Guardian Corps unit in Bodhum?"

"Lieutenant Amodar, sir."

"Ah," I hummed. If I were not a Primarch and a Fal'Cie I would most likely be imprisoned for causing heart failure in the general public. "Summon him, immediately. I have some very important matters to discuss with him."

...

Even I'm creeped out.

Who can tell I uploaded this mainly because I'm too lazy to type up the two new, super-long chapters of Let's Get Groyndin'?

Well, I did. Sorreh.

I just felt an extremely strong urge to type after reading the legendary My Immortal.

Fangz (haha, Fang, geddit?) to all who will review, alert, favorite, or masticate to this gem of a fic.