After almost six months, True Loss is officially FINISHED! I've gone back through and reproofread all the chapters and added a few new things and changed some canon so it made more sense. I hope I can get my blog udated to start talking about my whole process writing the story in my Beyond the Keyboard section.

I hope you enjoy it, and it you do, please review! ;)

Oh yeah, I don't own gos se, otherwise River Song would have been Romana, and I'd be a very RICH bitch.

"It's hard to deal with the pain of losing you everywhere I go
But I'm doin' It
It's hard to force that smile when I see our old friends and I'm alone
Still Harder
Getting up, getting dressed, livin' with this regret
But I know if I could do it over
I would trade give away all the words that I saved in my heart
That I left unspoken"

WHAT HURTS THE MOST- RASCAL FLATTS

The Doctor and Rose were laughing at their soon to be victory over the Daleks and the Cyberman. They smiled at each other in triumph as they watched the creatures flying past them at unbelievable speed to their "deaths". It seemed like they were in the home stretch, and the battle was about to be won.

And then the unthinkable happened.

He was focused on the enormous grin on Rose's face, even with the prospect of never seeing her mother again, she was beyond elation to be fighting here with him, to be here with him period- and he was glad to be here fighting with her. Just as he was about to give her thumbs up and a wink, his attention suddenly turned to a screaming Dalek.

In the mass of Daleks and Cybermen being sucked through the breech, many were flying in all directions, spinning and soaring almost every which way but straight, and as he watched the path this Dalek was taking, he began frantically praying, "No, no, no, oh please no…." If his calculations of the flight patter and speed of the Dalek were correct, it was going to hit-

The breech systems lever sparked and smoked the instant the eyestalk of the flying Dalek collided with it. The lever unlocked and bounced back as a female voice called "SYSTEMS OFFLINE".

As the speed of the air bourn monsters began to slow alarmingly, Rose and the Doctor looked each other in panic. The Doctor tried to swing his balance on the weight so that he could reach his sonic screwdriver, but before he could get to it, Rose had sprung into action, and was swinging from her own weight grabbing hold of the lever.

"Be carful!" he yelled over the roar of the breech.

"I have to get it back online!" she shouted as she struggled to force the lever back upright.

It felt like an eternity that the Doctor held his breath before Rose finally managed to reposition the lever and the female voice announced "SYSTENS ONLINE AND LOCKED". Maybe, just maybe, they had a chance of finishing this safely…

He had thought too soon.

As the momentum of the Daleks and Cybermen began to pick up again, so did the amount of force pulling Rose backward. She began to panic and struggle to keep her feet on the floor, but it was pointless. Her body soon stretched straight outward, feet pointed to the breech, waiting to be pulled in any second. She cried out helplessly, looking to the Doctor in fear, hoping for some kind, ANY kind of help, her grip loosening until she was clinging to the lever with only one hand.

"HOLD ON!" he yelled, stretching out a useless hand towards her...

Rose screamed as her fingers finally slipped from the handle.

"ROSE!" the Doctor screamed as he watched his companion, the girl he had grown to love, soar toward her eternity in hell…

And for an instant, he found another life flashing before his eyes, not Rose's, but his own, a past life. And while Rose was falling to certain death, The Doctor was almost surprised he didn't call out the name of another lost companion-

Romana…

It was over two hundred years ago, during the last Great Time War. He hated the fact that legends called it the last "great" Time War. There had been nothing about great about it. He had lost everything, his home, his heritage, his family, his best friend- and the woman he loved.

Night had fallen on Gallifrey, the clouds of smoke from the destruction of most of the structures of the capitol and homes of Time Lords no longer allowed the skies to be filled with the wondrous stars of the galaxies the ancient civilization had watched over for a billion years. The only lights visible were those from the Dalek battle saucers and the battle TARDISes of the Time Lords attempting to overtake them. Fires burned thought the night so brightly, that the flaming ground could be mistaken for the orange skies that graced the planet during the day, It was almost Ironic in a way, while the sky shown burnt orange during the day, the ground below your feet could mimic the dark grey and balk mass that hung above you head doing the seemingly endless nights.

The Doctor had come to terms about what he must do come morning light, and he had come to the outlands to say one final goodbye to old friends before he carried out his final act of war.

Leela had been buried next to her husband Andred a hundred years ago. She had fought valiantly during the first few hundred years of the war. The Sevateem warrior never ran away in fear from the ancient enemy of the people she had lived with for decades. While other species felt the implications of the war, Leela was the only alien in the thick of the fighting, and she vowed never to betray the people of Gallifrey, even if many of them often thought her a stupid savage. Gallifrey had been her home, and she would die fighting for it if she had to. Sadly, she had paid the ultimate price for her dedication.

"I think she would have loved to have the chance for another go at Rassilon", a soft voice mused from behind him.

The Doctor turned, Romana was making her way up the hill, her expression was just as tired as his was. It seemed like so long ago when she once looked so beautiful in her presidential regalia. Her rose scarlet and amber orange robes accentuating her small slender body, and the large elaborate Gallifrey collar framing her gentle, sweet face and long silky blonde hair. Now her amour was dented, and her clothing was blackened, and torn, her hair that she had cut to just above her shoulders was disheveled, and the hand she carried her helmet in was bandaged. But even while she was obviously as worn and weary from war as he was, her dark eyes still sparkled with girlish adventure and womanlike fire. Yet, in her tousled tired state, she was still every bit as beautiful to him as she had been so many years ago when he first laid eyes on her current form.

The Doctor had to smile. "I don't doubt it. She always loved a good challenge, and she would have been infuriated to know we didn't finish the job last time around," he said recalling the last time he, Charley, Leela, and Romana encountered Rassilon, when the Doctor had become Rassilon's monster Zagreus. Now looking back, he might have preferred to stay in the anti-time universe with Charley and C'rizz, than have returned to Gallifrey many years later to participate in the Time Lord's ultimate undoing. His face returned to a sullen expression. "I think you and Leela eventually grew closer than she and I ever had. You had more time together."

"You had twice the impact on her life that I did Doctor. She wouldn't have even stayed here after Andred died if wasn't for her dedication to you and what you stood for", Romana said with upmost sincerity. She gave him a firm look for a long moment, and then glanced down at Leela's grave. She sighed and then peered around at the fiery hell that had once been the beautiful Gallifrey both and she and the Doctor knew and loved. "What is time anyway? It's something I think far too many of us took for granted."

He focused his gaze across the horizon at the shattered glass dome of the citadel. "Maybe without time we wouldn't be in this mess", he said coldly,

Her eyes were fixed on him again, holding the same stern expression. "How can you say that? Are you saying you would trade in all the adventures you and your companions shared? That you and Leela shared?" She paused, "That you and I shared?"

She had left him speechless, yet again; it was a quality he always admired, even in the midst of his darkest hours. He knew she was right, even though the emotional side of him might not want admit it, his common sense that had always served him just as wisely, knowing that he must proceed with his plans, or else the lives and trials of all those he had encountered over the years, like Leela, would be in vain.

He finally met Romana's eyes, his own gray-blue searching for strength in the soft brown of his closest friend. She softened her glare and gave him the tender look that always calmed his nerves. "You're right Romana, I apologize." The Doctor looked away from Romana, hanging his head out of his own discontent with himself. "I'm just on edge. After everything, it still has to come to this. The hundreds of years we've spent fighting this damned war, all that effort in trying to finally defeat the Daleks once and for all, and all that came of it was bloodshed. A billion years of Time Lord History, all to be destroyed." He was almost to the point of tears now, out of tiredness and frustration, he slumped down on top of Leela's grave.

Romana sat down on her knees next to him and placed her warm palm against his cheek, pushing his dark blonde curls aside. "Leela would understand" she reassured him. "As do I ".

He wanted so badly to trust her, to embrace her and understand that no matter the outcome, she wouldn't stand in his way, and she would ultimately be grateful for the gruesome task he had to perform, but the stress and anger and guilt writhing through him was his emotional fight. He placed his hand on top of hers, and guided it away from his face.

"How can you Romana? No one could ever imagine the burden I am forced to bare for the rest of my life, and those hereafter if by some miracle I survive this ordeal." He sighed looking up at the starless night. "How could anyone understand what it's like to be the destroyer of two almighty civilizations, one being my own? I've seen worlds destroyed before. Fire and death explode across the stars, reaching out and out and out, hopelessly reaching for salvation from the deadly inferno blazing across the cosmos. Brilliant colors of light streaming in all directions, forcing the eye to never look away from the gruesome scene; that light begging to die away like that of the lives that have been taken, fading faster and faster until the gaping blackness eats away at your soul. I would never wish that fate on anyone Romana, ever. And now, here I am, the man they call the Oncoming storm and Time's Champion, on the eve of watching that happen to my own planet, my own people."

His voice began to grow hot with anger, "And of course some would ask 'why does it have to be you?' I have to do it, because I am the savior of the universe, because I am the one destiny calls upon, just because in the last hours of their lives So many Time Lords still fail to see what a billion years of all pomp and no action has gotten them. So many on the High Council like Valyes are so convinced of the doctrine of Rassilon, They believe that he really was a bloody saint. And here he is, raised from the dead to save us! So many are absolutely petrified of the Daleks, they put all their faith in the man who they practically believe to be God!" The Doctor gestured out towards to devastation that lay before him. "All hail Rassilon, the fucking founder of our civilization! Forget the fact that he's a psychopathic egomaniac on his own mission to destroy not only Gallifrey, but the whole dammed universe with it, he can make the Daleks go away!"

He looked to Romana in hopes she would comfort him after he finally choked out his last sentence. "How can you understand what it's like to be alone to go against everything you've ever been taught, to do the unthinkable because you know have to save lives? And to be alone at that very moment?"

Romana only smiled, leaned in close to the Doctor and took his hand in hers.

"You won't be alone. "