Chapter I: Denial
(This can't be happening, not to me)

Marta was standing at the Otherwordly Gate, clutching a small bottle in her hands. It was worth a shot, right? If he didn't get it, then no one but her would ever know, and if he did... well, there was a reason she wrote that letter in the first place, right?

Taking a deep breath, she stepped forward and threw the bottle into the sea. "Aqua?", she whispered, "I know you don't really like me, but if you can hear me... please take this to him. Take this to Ratatosk." Here I am, she thought, talking to no one in particular. But if there was a chance for the letter to reach him, it would be for Aqua to deliver it. Centurions could, after all, go wherever they wanted to, closed door or not.

Please reach him...

Dear Ratatosk,

It's me- Marta. I know, I know. I'm doing something completely stupid and useless again. But I can't help it, can I? I miss you. I miss you so much! And if this is what it takes for me to feel like I can be a bit closer to you- even if just a tiny bit... well, I'll do it. You probably wouldn't read this letter, anyway. Heck, you might not even ever get it. But I just need to feel like I'm still able to talk to you. I think I might go crazy, otherwise. I mean... Why me? What did I do to deserve this? I thought I'd finally... well... gotten my Happy-Ending. But I guess they're more suited for Fairytales and Storybooks. I doesn't work that way, not in real life.

I miss you.

Stop it. Don't just roll your eyes or scowl at this letter. I know you're doing that, right now. It's not this letter's fault.

Just don't dismiss it, okay?

The world's just not the same without you. I just... I just wish you were here with me. I'd take your indifference or your anger any day, I told you I loved both sides of you. Anything's better than not having you around.

Look, I...I've been wondering about something. When I left, you said something to me. Except, it wasn't you. Well, not really. It was your other self. It was Emil. I know it was. You let him take control so that he could tell me, right?

Thank you.

He told me he'd always love me, too. It made me so happy, and yet, it made me want to cry. Because your "forever" is a lot longer than mine.

I was so overwhelmed by my feelings, that I didn't think about it, at the time. But I started wondering a while ago.

...What am I to you?

I know what Emil feels for me, now. Thanks to you. But even if you're the same person, I don't think you share the same feelings. I've seen that with Richter. So I won't make the mistake of thinking you care for me in the same way. I don't want to believe that I'm nothing to you after all the time we've shared. Because I care about you, too. A lot. You know that, right?

I just want to know what I am to you.

I know that you probably think it's stupid. Maybe to you, it is. And I'll even admit that knowing is not my top-priority. (Mostly because I have no way of findng out, now.) I also like to believe that I've grown up a bit since the beginning of our journey. You helped me with that, too. So you should be able to admit that I'm better than that, as well. I'm better than the little girl I used to be when I started out.

There, I said it.

I'm not her. Maybe I don't even know her, anymore. There's no longer as much room for pink hearts, unicorns and rainbows in my life. I can fight, too. I always thought that you were at least okay with having me by your side. In battle, that is.

Well, I just had to get that out. But this probably won't be the last time you heard from me. If you do get this letter anyway. Knowing me, I'm probably back here by tomorrow with another letter.

Take care of yourself for me, okay?

I love you,

Marta