Dear Diary

Today, I decided that I, Alois Trancy-Faustus, had a shining career awaiting me in art. As in, I was going to become an artist. And not just any old artist, I was going to be the very best, like no-one ever was. I was going to become sooooo famous.

Even Claude would be astounded by my skill! He would see my super fabulous amazing paintings and drawings, and then he would say:

"Oh, Alois! These pieces of utterly astounding artworks that you worked soooo hard to create are sooo incredibly amazing and fantastic and ohmyGAWSH I think I'm wet these are sooo amazing I just LUV them sooo much these are soooo cool just like you and will you marry me~!"

And then I shall scold him for using run-on sentences, but will eventually accept his marriage proposal and we shall live happily ever after!

Or something similar to that.

But not quite.

At all.

I digress. What was I talking about before Claude? Oh, being an artist. I'd never actually drawn anything before, but I assume it must be easy. Art doesn't really even take talent, does it? It's just putting lines on paper. Simple. Easy-Peasey.

So thus began my foray into the wonderful world of art. But, err, I didn't actually have any art supplies. Not even a pencil and a scrap of paper.

"~"

Instantly the sexybitch was by my side, all dark and mysterious, oooooo tingles~

"Yes?"

"Oh babe, that's what you'll be screaming tonight." I thought. And then realised that I had accidently said it out loud. To Claude. In quite possibly the creepiest whisper-like tone he's ever heard. Lol, oops. However, to his credit he just ignored it. And raised an eyebrow. And kind of glared at me.

"Um, what I MEANT to say, was that I need to go into town. . ." I declared whilst posing sexily. (Diary, I don't know why I posed like that either. It must of just been a really passionate moment for me. IDK.)

"What for?" he queried, again pointedly ignoring my sexy posing. Is he really that oblivious to my charms! I'm Alois Trancy-Faustus for F's sake! I am fucking FABULOUS! He shouldn't be so immune to my sexaaay-ness! But alas, it appears he is.

"CLAUDE. OH MY GOD. STOP WITH ALL THE QUESTIONS. SERIOUSLY. This is urgent! We must immediately make haste! Quickly Claude!" This was all shouted as I began to race out the door, until Claude stopped me by roughly yanking (mmm) the back of my jacket, effectively stopping me before I even got on boot-clad foot outside.

"We're not going anywhere until you tell me what for, your highness." He admonished, his golden eyes burning into mine with the sparkling ferver of love. Or just the dull gleam all eyes happen to possess. Same thing really.

"NO TIME TO EXPLAIN CLAUDE! WE HAVE TO HURRY!" I yelled into his face, waving my arms around frantically.

"No. Explain why all of a sudden you need to go into town so urgently. The last time that happened it was because you wanted ladies undergarments. I am not going through that again." The last part of his sentence was hissed, as I smiled fondly at the memory, it had indeed been a great day.

"It's not for that reason, silly Claudey, this time it's a different reason!"

"Which would be what, exactly?"

"I need art supplies!" I explained, whilst giving him a look that said : quite clearly this is what this whole thing is about Claude, even though I've never expressed an interest in art before, but gosh, how slow can you be!

"Why?"

"Because, Claude! I'm going to be an artist!"

"No."

. . .

What.

Did Claude just defy me? Did Claude just say 'no' to me?

This. . .

Cannot be happening to me.

He's MY butler, he's supposed to do what I want! He's not supposed to say no!

", whhhhhhhyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy?" I whined, giving him my 'tragic' facial expression. (But still sexy. Sexy-tragic.)

"Do you even know anything about art?"

"Well, yeah, kind of. It's paintings and stuff."

"Do you know how to 'paint and stuff'?"

"Well. . . I haven't tried but I'm sure it should be easy." As I said this he gave me a look like 'are you fucking kidding me?'

So I gave him back a look like 'if only you took the word 'kidding' out of that sentence'

"Do you know the first thing about colour theory, lighting and shadows, textures and things like that? Do you know all the different mediums and the pros and cons of each? Anatomy? The importance of using the right paintbrush for different pieces?-" he began to rant at me, while I just kind of stared at him in shock. How did Claude even know any of that shit? Until I interrupted him with a small "No. . ."

He then calmed down a bit and stopped all his huffing. "Exactly. So therefore, the answer is 'No'."

Well quite clearly he didn't understand just how fantastic I am. Sure, I didn't know what 'colour theory' meant, but I knew that purple was a nice colour. So that's practically the same thing. I think. I'm sure I was going to be a total natural at this whole 'art thing'.

I looked him square in the eyes, and firmly told him that yes, he was in fact going to take me to town, and yes, he was going to purchase me all the art supplies I required. This was all said in a low, threatening tone so he got the message.

Apparently he didn't get the message.

"The answer is still no."

So diary, I did the only thing that was possible.

I followed him around for the afternoon sobbing (sexily) and whining ", ? I itttttttttttttttttttttt."

Four hours later he agreed to buy me art supplies. YES. Alois :1 , Claude:0

But I was sad when he said I couldn't go into town with him, and he would just go by himself 'because it's quicker without having to deal with burdens'. Not quite sure what he meant by that. Hmmmm. . . . Hannah wasn't going to come with us. So it was a mystery as to who he was talking about, because surely he wouldn't call me a burden?

Finally, after waiting for a very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very long time (probably at least an hour) of impatiently sitting in an armchair I had dragged towards the door, anxiously awaiting my darlings return. More importantly my darlings return with my art supplies! Squeeeeeee! I heard the tell-tale signs of the gravel crunching as Claude pulled up.

Diary, it was really happening. In a few minutes I would be an artist!

A disgruntled Claude dumped the bag of supplies in my lap before stalking off somewhere. I don't know where. I'm assuming the kitchen to make me a sandwich.

I eagerly pawed through everything, there was some paper, some pencils and some paint, along with a variety of paintbrushes. Okay, seems simple enough. Now I was off to create art!

Diary, why did I ever think this would be simple? I can't even draw a straight line on the paper, and I definitely can't draw pictures. Well, there is one of Claude and I that looked allrightish. But not really. And my attempts at painting weren't any better, the colours which I had intended to blend beautifully to correctly portray what I wanted to ended up looking like smudgy blobs. And not even the sexy kind. Well, perhaps, just this once, I will concede that Claude might have been right for once.

PS: I tried doing a nude picture of Hannah (as she was the only one willing to pose), but her tits wouldn't fit on the paper.

-Alois the failed artist Trancy.

AN: Tumblr tumblr tumblr tumblr. Link on profile (:. Lmao, I'm thinking of drawing Alois' pictures, and putting them on my deviant art or tumblr :L . ALSO: Guess whose going as the biebs to a "come as your favourite rockstar" party. Trololol. Also I wrote an extra long chapter because I love all of you. I can't beliEB (gettit?) that this is on over 100 favourites lists :L. ILY fabulous bitches. ALSO 2: Summmmmmmmmmer. YES. YES. YES. No school until February (; I want someone to msn with :C I promise not to be a pedophile. Mostly.