Return to Me

Claire POV

Today is January 17 - my twelfth birthday – and all I want is to get some answers from my best friend. Don't get me wrong: I am going to enjoy the cake and party and presents my mom has arranged. My neighborhood friends are going to come over and it will be great. But after that I have some questions for my best friend, Quil, and this time he isn't going to make some excuse to get out of it.

Quil is the older brother I never had, the surrogate father when needed and my best friend all the time. He was the one who picked me up when I scraped my knees, held me when I cried, read me stories at bedtime when my poor parents were passed out from exhaustion, and stood next to me through the funeral I held for my dead guinea pig. He was always helping me and giving everything while asking nothing, but I still wanted to give in return. Just like family I loved him unconditionally and I took for granted that he would always be there because he always had been. He was simply my Quil.

Quil also knows me better than anybody else, even my parents sometimes. But I hardly know anything about him. He is one giant mystery and I want part of that mystery solved today. This time I am better prepared. Instead of asking general questions about him that he can gloss over and avoid, I have specifics that he can't ignore. I even got Aunt Emily's help. Now I know some of his friend's names so I can ask about them. And most important, I have my photo album. That's part of what started all this, and very soon I will know him better like he knows me. It's going to be a good day.

…

"Did you have a good time?" Quil asked as he sat down next to me on the couch after the last guest left.

"Sure." It wasn't very convincing but I feel kind of drained to be honest.

"What's wrong, Claire-Bear?" he asked, full of concern as usual.

I don't want to tell him what's really bothering me because he won't like it any more than I do. During the party he was off watching an action movie with Dad, leaving me with my friends. Well, at least I thought they were my friends. Now I'm not so sure. We were playing games while mom cleaned up the snacks and cake we had at the start of the party. Kevin let it slip that he only came because his mom said he had to and I went to his party last time so it's only fair. Molly then admitted she came because her mom feels bad that I don't spend much time with kids my age. Molly overheard her talking to my mom about it. Tammy said it's weird that my best friend is an 'old guy who should be in college'. Great, so no one wanted to be here and they thought my best friend in the entire world was strange. Just great. But I wasn't going to let it stop me from getting what I want from Quil now. So I gave him the best answer I could.

"I'm just a little tired I guess."

"Oh, well, do you have enough energy for just one more present?" he got a twinkle in his eye and produced a small present from his pocket.

I took it with a smile. Quil could always cheer me up, no matter what happened. "Thanks Quil."

"You haven't even opened it yet. You better make sure you like it before you thank me." He winked and nudged my shoulder with his arm.

"I guess you're right, this could just be a crappy bolt from work or something." I teased. That was one of the few things I actually knew about him: he worked at a garage fixing cars with some of his friends. On the rare occasions he talked about it I learned that while he didn't love it, he didn't hate it either. It was more like it was just there and it was something to do while I was in school or something.

I ripped the paper off the small box and opened it to find a polished oval green stone wrapped into a woven leather bracelet. I immediately put it around my wrist and Quil's large hands swooped in to help me with the clasp.

"This is perfect! Thank you." I wrapped my arms around his neck and gave him a tight hug. "I love it."

"I'm glad." Quil looked very pleased with himself.

The present was perfect. Green was my favorite color and we had been collecting stones like this on the beach for years. It was kind of thing between us.

"I just wish I could take all the credit. I found the stone and got a jeweler in town to cut the hole through it, but Emily did the leather." He admitted.

"That makes it even better. Aunt Emily is so talented."

"Yeah she is. Sam is a lucky guy to have found her." Quil said. He always gets sentimental on birthdays and holidays.

"You'll find someone like that one day. Of course it would probably help if you didn't spend all your weekends with me. When do you date, anyway?"

Quil's smile vanished and he suddenly looked uncomfortable. "I don't date." Ha answered quietly.

"Why not? You're a cute guy, you probably have a line of girls just waiting to go out with you." It was true and I had finally noticed a few weeks ago how handsome he is. It came with growing up; just like how I noticed Matt at school recently. He was so cute!

Quil looked surprised. "Uh, no. I don't, I mean I'm not, really. . . uh, good at the dating thing."

"Oh." We were getting off topic. I needed to ask him now before I missed my chance to get answers. "So, Emily was telling me some funny stories the other day and she mentioned your friends. I know Embry and I kinda remember Jake from when I was little. But what about Paul and Jared? Do you work with them too?"

"No. I don't really see them very much anymore. They are both busy with their families and stuff."

"Aren't they your age?"

"They are older now." Quil still looked uncomfortable. "What's with all the questions all of a sudden?" He usually got this way when I asked about him.

"I just want to know you better." I popped up and grabbed the photo album from the shelf across the room. I sat back down by Quil and opened it. "I was looking at this the other day."

Starting at the beginning we looked at pictures of me and my siblings growing up for a little while in silence. When we reached my fifth birthday I smiled at Quil.

"You sure haven't changed much. Women would kill to not show their age like you. What's your secret?" I grinned at him, trying to keep this light, but really wanting a good answer at the same time.

Quil squirmed and then stood up. "Will you go on a walk with me Claire? There's something I want to tell you." He held out his hand and I took it. He pulled me to my feet and we went outside toward the forest where there was a trail we walked sometimes. I kept hold of Quil's hand which was normal for us and we walked for a little while until Quil cleared his throat.

"Claire, honey, do you remember the stories I used to tell you to get you to go to sleep? The ones about my tribe?"

"Of course. I loved those stories. I felt bad for Taha Aki and how he lost everything. I used to dream he was still out there protecting us whenever I would hear a wolf howl in the forest." I answered.

"Really?"

"Yeah. Is that weird?"
"No, it just surprised me. But it certainly makes things easier for me right now." He took a deep breath. "What would you think if I told you those wolf howls did mean you were protected?"

"He is still out there? Have you seen him?" I was excited now. That would be so awesome to have a mythical protector out there keeping the world safe. Maybe its silly but I have always liked hero stories like Superman, but this would be even better if it were real.

"Kind of. Its not Taha Aki though, its me. I mean, I can change into a wolf to protect my tribe, and well, all people from the Cold Ones and other dangers." Quil finished and watched me nervously. He stopped walking and I turned to face him.

"You're serious. So why didn't you tell me before?"

"You, . . you're not scared? Or worried about my sanity?" He asked.

I laughed. "Quil, do you ever lie to me?"

"Aside from hiding this, no."

"Exactly. So, I believe you. I trust you and I know you'll always take care of me." I reached out and took his hand to prove that everything was okay. I started walking again and he came along.

"Wow." Was all he said.

"Yeah, so is the rest true too then? Is there a pack or are you the only one? Who else knows about this? Do I need to keep it secret too? Does anyone in my tribe change? Have you ever fought a Cold One?"

Quil chuckled and he sat me down on a large flat rock on the side of the trail. "I am part of a pack : the largest in tribal history in fact. Your Uncle Sam was our Alpha for a long time, we briefly split once and when he retired Jake put both packs back together. Now Jake's in Europe with his wife's family and I am Alpha with Embry as my second and two other wolves – Brady and Todd. The rest have all retired, or stopped phasing, to be with those they love. We are really fast, we heal quickly and don't age, and our senses are heightened. Uh, only wolves and their families know about us and yes, you need to keep this to yourself. It's a Quileute thing so no one here changes into anything as far as I know. And yes, I have killed some Cold Ones, but you would call them vampires."

My head was spinning from all the information. Uncle Sam was a wolf? Pretty much all of the people I knew from La Push were in on the big secret and I had never guessed. The Legends I'd been told as a child were all true, and Quil had killed. Wait. "You've really killed someone?" I blurted out in shock.

"Well, vampires aren't exactly alive so I don't know that I'd put it that way. But yeah, I've destroyed a few in my day. Do you remember the story I told you about the Newborn War? That was us. Jake was the wolf who got crushed."

"But he's not crippled or anything." I thought of the last time I saw Jake a few years ago. We were on the beach and he was wrestling with Quil and Embry. There wasn't a scratch on him.

"We heal really fast."

I nodded. "Wow. So that's why you stay young isn't it? Taha Aki lived three men's lives because he didn't age until he gave up his wolf for his soul mate, the Third Wife. That's why you look the same in all of my photos."

"That's right. When I was sixteen I had a crazy growth spurt just before I phased for the first time and I haven't aged since. That happens to all of us."

"What about the Third Wife thing? Will you just stay this way until you find your soul mate or something?" I asked.

"Yeah, we call it Imprinting when a wolf finds his mate. Everything changes in the moment you find her and nothing matters as much as she does. All of the wolves who have retired have found their Imprint."

"You said that Uncle Sam retired, which makes sense cuz he is getting older. So that means that Aunt Emily is his soul mate?" the idea thrilled me. Soul mates – finding that one person who is absolutely perfect for you. I can't imagine anything cooler than that.

"Exactly."

"And that's why you don't date? You are waiting for your imprint?" I guessed. It made sense now.

"Well, there's not really any point dating when there's someone out there you care about like that. So yeah, I'm waiting. . ." Quil's head snapped to the right and he sniffed the air before cussing under his breath. I've never heard him swear before.

"What's wrong?" the look in his eye scared me. He was angry about something and his hands were shaking. It was the first time I was ever frightened of him.

"Here's your crash course in wolves Claire." He pulled off his shirt and moved away from me. "Don't be afraid. Just jump on my back and when we get to your house let go and run inside. Don't come out until you hear from me."

"What's happening?"

"I can smell a vampire we were tracking and lost last week." He cursed again. "Remember what I told you."

Before I could register what he was doing his clothes were in a pile on the forest floor and he exploded into a giant chocolate brown wolf. I gasped and jumped from the rock I was sitting on when he lunged toward me. He crouched next to me, pushing his huge side against me. My brain couldn't handle this. It was one thing to talk about legends and another thing entirely to see one in real life. The wolf turned its giant head toward me and he whimpered. Quil had told me to get on. Okay. I pulled on my trust for Quil, knowing he would take care of me, wolf or human, and I grabbed onto the fur and pulled myself onto his back. The second I was on he started running and in just moments I could see my house from the tree line. Quil crouched down again and I slid off his back on shaky legs. His great head pushed me gently toward the house. I stumbled out of the trees and he watched me with intense eyes. I ran inside as instructed and shivered involuntarily when I heard a howl split the air.

. . .

It was dark when I heard a knock at the door. I waited anxiously for Quil to return and tell me that everything was okay. So when I saw him standing in the open doorway talking to dad I ran straight into his arms and hugged him tight. He hugged me back and left a kiss on top of my head before stepping back.

"I don't want your mom to get mad at me for messing up your clothes." He said with a grin.

I honestly hadn't noticed the dirt streaking his arms or his damp rumpled clothes because I was just so glad to see him.

"Sorry." I muttered.

Dad excused himself but Quil still didn't come in.

"I'm a mess honey and I need to get home. I just wanted to see if you were okay." He explained.

"I'm fine. Are you okay? Did you catch it?" I spoke lowly so no one else heard.

Quil nodded. "We got him cornered and Todd finished him off. He won't bother anyone again."

It was strange to hear him speak so casually about something that to me, had only been scary stories this morning. "I'm glad you are okay."

He shrugged. "It's what we do. Anyway, I need to get home. I just wanted to check in first. So, I'll see you tomorrow. Happy Birthday again Claire." With another quick kiss to the top of my head he was off and I closed the door.

This had been a big day after all, and not at all the way I had expected it to be.

. . .

Monday at school I was greeted with a whole lot of whispering and odd looks. I heard only a few of the things that were said about me. The worst was at the end of lunch when I was walking back to the classroom early and stopped when I heard voices. I peeked around the corner and saw Molly, Tammy, Karen and Beth talking.

". . . he was even there at the party, lurking in the kitchen and stuff." Molly said.

"I thought he was her uncle or something." Karen said.

"Nope. They aren't related at all. He comes up from the La Push reservation just to see her all the time. I think it's weird." Tammy said. "My dad says any grown man spending that much time with a little girl is up to no good. He's probably already molested her and she's just too scared to say anything. I saw a story like it on the news."

Beth nodded sagely. "My grandma lives near Claire and saw him running naked through the woods behind her house once. She's surprised he's not in jail yet."

I closed my eyes and covered my ears. How could they say these things? They didn't know Quil at all! He would never hurt me. He was one of the best people I knew. Was it really wrong for us to be friends? I didn't want him to get in trouble for it. The bell rang and kids flooded out of the cafeteria and spread out to their classrooms. I ducked into a nearby bathroom to calm myself down before going back to class.

. . .

Within a week the rumors had spread not only through my class but the whole grade. A month later and it felt like the whole school was talking about Quil and me. Teachers looked at me with concern and pity, girls whispered when I passed and avoided me as if I had the plague and boys would make suggestive comments either when I passed or a few times to my face. The school counselor even caught me after school one day and said she just wanted to make sure I knew I could talk to her about anything. Somehow I don't think she wants to hear me rave for an hour about how wonderful my best friend is and how everyone else sucks because they can't accept that nothing else is going on. Of course, I'll have to leave out the part about him changing into a giant wolf to protect us all from vampires or she'll think I'm crazy. But even with what some people would call craziness, I wouldn't change a thing.

Ever since Quil told me his big secret he's been really open with me, telling me all sorts of stories and things about his life that he was afraid to share before because he didn't want to scare me. He is so relieved that I didn't freak out about it, and I can feel the difference. If I thought we were close before, we are even closer now because there are no secrets – he has nothing to hide or fear.

I'm really glad I can give Quil that security after all he's done for me in my life. I don't know how I got so lucky to have him pay attention to me at all, but having him in my life makes everything better. He took me to La Push two months after my birthday during my spring break and everyone was so nice and glad that I knew about the pack. I stayed at Aunt Emily's and had a blast hanging out with Quil every day instead of having to wait for weekends. It almost made me forget about all the crap at school since my birthday.

. . .

So I've been kind of a loner since my birthday party almost four months ago. I felt kind of betrayed when I found out that no one really wanted to be there and I avoided them after that. Not that it really mattered since they avoided me too after starting the gossip that lead to the rumors that have made me an outcast. Last weekend Quil kept asking why I never talk about school or my 'friends' anymore. It was hard not to tell him the truth but I knew he would only feel bad and blame himself. There is nothing to blame! Our friendship is the best thing in my life and I don't want him to know that people have twisted it into some messed up pedophile kind of thing behind his back. But he kept asking and this past weekend I overheard him telling mom he was concerned about me.

That led me to make the hardest decision I've made in my entire life. I am not happy about it, but it's the only solution I can see. My life seriously bites right now.

On Saturday morning I only ate a little cereal for breakfast. I was nervous and my stomach was already turning. Quil came at ten just like always and I sat like a stone at the table and listened as he chatted with mom like always. I wondered if she knew what people thought of our friendship. She and dad were fine with it. They wouldn't let me be in danger like that, but somehow the rest of the tribe had decided that Quil was a pedophile and that he was dangerous to me. I may know better, but I hated to think of people saying such terrible things about my Quil.

I finally even asked my teacher about it, staying after school until everyone was gone on Wednesday. "Is it wrong to have a friend that is twice your age?" she had immediately asked if my friend touched my body in inappropriate ways. She even knew I was asking about Quil and she offered to talk to the principle or my parents for me if I needed her help. I defended him but my teacher looked like she didn't believe me. It was all I could do to make her promise not to say anything to anyone and I was still afraid she would get me in trouble for something that never happened. I cried the entire way home that day.

So here I was, waiting for my best friend, drinking in the sound of his laughter one last time. Quil walked into the kitchen with mom and she offered him some food. He grinned and took the doughnut she offered – he was always hungry. I now knew that was a wolf thing. I like all of those wolf traits he's told me about the last few months.

"Hey Claire. How's it going?" He asked as he sat down across from me with a smile and quickly demolished his doughnut.

"Hey." I squeaked out and fidgeted with the bracelet he gave me. I wore it all the time.

"Are you okay honey?" Mom asked and looked at me curiously. Across from me Quil studied me as well.

"What's wrong Clair-bear?" he asked.

I shook my head and didn't even whine about him using my old nickname. "Sorry. I don't feel so great right now."

"Well, make sure you two stay inside today then. I don't want you getting caught in the rain and getting sick." Mom advised. I nodded and she left us alone as usual. See? She trusted Quil.

"Is there anything I can do to help?" Quil offered and my heart broke a little more.

"You should go home Quil." I said quietly.

"What? It can't be that bad. Tell me what's wrong sweetie." He sounded so worried but I still couldn't look at him.

"Its Saturday, don't you have something you'd rather do than entertain a kid?" I asked, letting some of my newfound bitterness into my voice.

"It's one of the few days I get to spend with you – why would I want to do anything else?" He asked.

"But don't you have friends your own age? Cuz I don't." I muttered the last part but of course he heard with his special super hearing.

"What are you talking about? What about all the kids who came to your party – all your school friends?"

"They only came because they had to. I won't make friends my age if I'm hanging out with you all the time." I said.

Quil's face fell. "Oh. Is there a different time you want me to come?"

"No. You don't need to come so far from home when you have friends and your pack at home."

"It's not a problem Claire. I don't mind coming so far to see you. I'd go farther if I had to."

"But you don't have to. I mean if you knew other people here it would make sense and I'm just a kid anyway. You should hang out with people your age." I asserted. This was so hard. He just wasn't getting it and I didn't want to be mean, but couldn't he see the problem here?

"What's going on Claire? Ask anything and you know I'll tell you. If you want me to do anything you know I'll do it. Just tell me what's wrong." He sounded desperate now.

"None of that matters. Besides, don't you have responsibilities on your own res? Just go home Quil and let me be a kid here."

"Claire."

"I want you to leave Quil." My voice caught and I tried not to cry. I am a terrible person.

"Right. So I guess I'll just come back when you are in a better mood." He stood up from the table looking kind of shocked.

"Don't come back Quil." It was a struggle to keep my voice calm as I said this but I had to do it. I somehow knew he wouldn't go if I didn't make it clear. This was the only way I could protect him from people who didn't understand. And deep down I wondered if he wouldn't be better off without me. Maybe now he could find his imprint.

I followed him back to the front door. He opened it and paused. "Claire?" He looked kind of lost and there were tears in his eyes.

"I'm sorry Quil. Goodbye." I closed the door and sank to the floor. I let my tears fall freely and felt the pain wash over me. I felt as if I had cut my own arm off.
. . .

On Monday before school started I very loudly told Tammy that I was no longer friends with Quil, making sure everyone heard me. I saw surprise and relief and pity on the faces around me. The 'get new friends' part of my plan was now going into effect. I hoped it would work because I was miserable. After I sent Quil away I spent the rest of the weekend imitating a zombie. The pain of what I did was unbearable and I stopped myself from calling and apologizing about a hundred times. I felt hollow and numb but I needed to put on a brave face at school and prove to them that things had changed. Maybe I could fill up the emptiness inside me with new friends.

I don't know if it was out of pity or if I was somehow more interesting all of a sudden, but by Friday all of the girls were talking to me like they talked to each other. Beth even invited me to come to her house on Saturday. I guess things were working out after all.

On Saturday afternoon I left my house to walk to Beth's to hang out. Halfway there I skirted the edge of the forest and heard some twigs snap behind me. I paused momentarily and looked around but didn't see anyone so I kept going. When I heard the sound again and still couldn't find the source my heart sank because I knew exactly what was happening.

"Quil, is that you?" I asked softly.

A large chocolate brown wolf stepped from behind a tree, revealing only half of his massive form. His head was lowered and he watched me cautiously. His fur was dirty and matted with mud and twigs stuck in it. He looked terrible – it mirrored how I felt inside.

"What are you doing here?" I asked.

He lay down on the damp ground and crawled toward me a little, whimpering hopefully.

"No Quil. I explained this all last week. You've been like the big brother I never had, and the best friend I could ask for, but I don't need a babysitter anymore. It's time for me to make friends my age, who actually live here on this res. You shouldn't be stuck here with me. Go find your imprint or hang out with the guys or something. You'll have more fun with them."

Quil whimpered again and his eyes were filled with sadness.

"I mean it Quil. Go home." Then I did the thing I wasn't sure I had the strength to do. I turned my back on him. I heard his high pitched whimpering and cries as I walked toward Beth's house. Just before I knocked on her front door I heard a heart-rending howl echo from the nearby forest. But I couldn't show my weakness now, not when I was about to be normal for once. So I put on a brave face and smiled when Beth opened the door. I was determined to make this work.