Linda and I have once again gotten bored while hanging out and decided to write another story. Please don't expect a plot this is purely humorous. It is made so that Linda and I can giggle at it. If you giggle too that is fine. If you are a manly man then you can manly chuckle instead of giggle I won't tell.

Fake British Accents

Chapter 1: People Crushing Time

One day Linda and I were speaking in our fake British accents when we were suddenly transported into the Harry Potter World. Not the one in Universal, been there, but the real one with the magic; Where if you say, 'you die' someone might actually die.

So, we...as usual, were transported completely elegantly. Meaning we fell down. On top of some people, but they were invisible so...it wasn't our fault. We couldn't see them, okay.

"Ow." the people under us muttered.

"Linda we should get off them." I decided.

"I don't know, I am feeling kind of comfortable."

"Linda." I scolded.

"I don't wanna." Linda whined.

"Get off." one of the people under us said, before shoving Linda off him. I had already gotten off.

"Oh look Harry Potter." Linda said pointing at him.

"And Ron." I pointed out while gesturing at the one who shoved Linda off of them.

"I forgot he even existed. You're just that unimportant, Mr. Broken stick." Linda teased.

"How do you know who I am?" Ron questioned.

"Well if you excuse us we are just going to go in that corner and stay away from you." I said walking calmly away.

"Bad things happen around you guys, so bye." Linda agreed nodding sagely.

"How did you get here?" Harry questioned following us. He apparently didn't get the whole staying away from him thing.

"That should have been your first question." I remarked.

"Well?" Harry questioned.

"We don't know." I answered.

"We should take them to Dumbledore." Ron suggested.

"Yes take us to Dumbledore. And do it by, via, magic so we don't have to walk." Linda suggested.

"I agree, let's do that."

"We can't." Ron stated.

"Why not?" Linda and I questioned at once.

"We just can't. You will have to walk."

"What kind of magic school is this? Making people walk." I questioned.

"Hogwarts is a great school." Harry argued.

"This is a school?" Linda questioned.

"Yes." I answered simply while rolling my eyes at Linda.

"We're here." Harry announced pointing to the gargoyle.

"That was fast." Linda remarked.

"It wasn't because the author was lazy or anything." I said whistling innocently.

"So...do you know the password?" Linda questioned.

"Lemon drops?" Harry questioned and nothing happened.

"Jolly ranchers!" Linda added.

"Butterscotch!" I tried.

"Now or Laters!"

"Lolly pops!"

"Tootsie Roll Pops!"

"Tootsie Rolls!"

"Those are all interesting candies, but why are you all trying to get into my office?" Dumbledore questioned.

"I don't know." Linda said.

"They appeared out of nowhere." Harry explained.

"We did?" I questioned.

"I don't think we appeared out of nowhere. We were somewhere. We just weren't where you were." Linda stated.

"Yes we are all somewhere until we are somewhere else." Dumbledore mused.

"Exactly." Linda agreed nodding, glad that someone agreed with her. "A person that understands me."

"People would understand you more if you made sense." I pointed out.

"Obviously I make sense to Dumbledore, maybe it is you that doesn't make any sense."

"I never claimed to make sense."

"You implied."

"We should discuss where you are from." Dumbledore decided.

"Not here." I offered looking suspiciously at the hallway.

"I came from my mamma, how I got there I don't want to talk about." Linda answered.

"See, they are not cooperative." Ron explained.

"There are kids here..." Linda noted.

"Anyway." I got everyone's attention and then stopped talking.

"You don't look dangerous..." Dumbledore trailed off.

"Looks can be deceiving." Linda remarked.

"Whose side are you on Linda?" I questioned trying to raise one eyebrow but failing, failure.

"I don't choose sides." Linda said. "We play neutral. Play being the keyword."

"But you need to be watched." Dumbledore amended.

"Please not Snape." I muttered.

"So I will assign several of my teachers to watch you. You will stay with different ones throughout the day so that you will not interfere with their teaching." Dumbledore said his eyes twinkling when he heard my not Snape comment.

"Okay, that seems fair. Which teachers?" I decided.

"Minerva McGonagall, Gilderoy Lockhart, Sybill Trelawney, and Severus Snape." Dumbledore said smiling.

"Dang it." I muttered.

"I will call Minerva up here to get you and take you to an empty dormitory." Dumbledore said while sending Fawkes with a message.

"Thanks." I said realizing that it could have been worse. We could have been kicked out of Hogwarts and then Voldemort would somehow find us. Somehow. Not quite sure how considering he doesn't have a solid form at the moment. He would find a way, just to be creepy and evil.

"Now, you two should also head back to your dormitory I will have Minerva escort you back also." Dumbledore said.

"Alright." Harry and Ron said trading looks probably trying to telepathically figure out a way to get out of trouble.

"You called?" Minerva said entering the hallway where we were still all standing.

"Yes. Please escort Mr. Potter and Weasley back to their dorm and these two young ladies to an empty room near yours."

"Yes, sir." Minerva said scrutinizing us probably wondering who we were and how we got there.

"Welcome ladies to my office." Lockhart announced putting his arms around both of us and guiding us in.

"I think that picture just winked at me." I whispered loudly to Linda.

"Knowing you it did. Gah! It winked at me too!"

"Linda I think that was a different picture."

"Oh."

"Finally someone hits on you." I said happily clapping my hands. If you're happy and you know it…

"No! I don't want creepy people after me." Linda whined.

"At least it's only a picture."

"Ladies, what shall we do during this time we have together." Lockhart questioned grinning at us as if we didn't just have a conversation about being creep-ed out by his pictures.

"I am going to be over here." I said pointing to a corner of the room where there were no pictures of him.

"No! That's my spot!" Linda said knocking me over and into Lockhart. Lockhart smiled and placed his hands on my shoulders so that I wouldn't fall down. Then he didn't let go. Dang it.

"I hate you." I glared.

"Love you too." Linda responded sitting in my corner.

"Have you read my book?" Lockhart asked with a smile.

"No." I said simply trying to escape from his hand. It's harder than it looks, plus I didn't want him to realize what I was doing.

"Heard of me in papers?"

"No."

"You know my name?"

"Yes."

"Everyone knows me."

"Minerva told me your name." I pointed out.

"Did you know I fought a vampire?"

"A vampire?" I questioned suddenly going sparkley eyed about vampires.

"Yes and a werewolf."

"Vampires." I sighed dreamily.

"I defeated him."

"Was he pretty?" I questioned imagining the gorgeous vampire that could have appeared.

"No, he was dangerous." Lockhart said realizing that the subject was steering away from him.

"Poor Vampire." I sighed.

"Never saw it coming." Linda said shaking her head from her Lockhart free corner.

"Well, um..." Lockhart muttered trying to figure out a way to steer the conversation back towards himself.

"Oh look a book!" I said looking at a spell book that was left on Lockhart's desk.

"Ah yes I had confiscated it from a first year earlier. They were reading it instead of listening to my lecture." he explained.

"Smart kid." Linda muttered.

"I will just dispose of this for you." I offered picking up the book and sitting in Lockhart's chair. Then I started reading it as Lockhart began talking about himself again. Linda merely zoned off in her happy corner of happiness aka a place where there is no Lockhart.

Lockhart continued to talk at me while I continued to completely ignore him and read about spells I can't do because I don't have a wand. Why am I reading this again? Oh yeah, it is more interesting to read about something that you will never be able to do than listen to Lockhart. I pity the poor children in his class. Poor souls, never saw it coming.

"Are you here to save us from the staring?" I asked as Trelawney knocked on Lockhart's door.

"Please say yes." Linda pleaded officially creep-ed out by all the Gildory pictures.

"The tea leaves have told me that you need to come with me." Trelawney said mysteriously.

"They did?" I questioned.

"I want talking tea!" Linda said excitedly jumping out of her corner.

"Oh no." Trelawney said as I walked by her.

"What?" I questioned.

"You are going to die." She said dramatically as we strolled through the hallways.

"Thank you, but I knew that already. Well, unless some hot vampire dude came and turned me...but Lockhart killed him apparently." I pouted.

"How is she going to die?" Linda questioned happily.

"I hope spontaneous combustion." I said happily.

"If you know about it then it is spontaneous?" Linda mused.

"I have asked myself that so many times." I pondered.

"No." Trelawney answered.

"Oh. Will I be hit by something?" I questioned.

"Maybe you will fall off a cliff." Linda added.

"No, I sense it will have to do with magic." she explained.

"Crap." I muttered.

"That means?" Linda mused.

"He-whose-name-is-too-long, and no one likes saying it, is probably going to be involved." I answered sagely.

"You know what that means?" Linda questioned.

"Cloaks?" I offered.

"Creepy staring and stalking." Linda said.

"Crap." I muttered.

"And cloaks." Linda agreed.

"Cloaks!" I said happily.

"I sense doom in the air." Trelawney said dramatically.

"Doom!" Linda shouted.

"Nothing like some Doom at noon." I said calmly as we continued walking up to the tower. We ignored the random students that were looking at us like we were crazy. Especially because they probably only heard the word doom.

Preview from next Chapter: Lockhart Time

"Hello Mr. Pretty Wand." Linda greeted Snape.

"Get out." Snape said glaring at Linda and pushing me down into a seat.

"Okay, Bye Candice." Linda said with a wave as she went back towards the door where a very amused McGonagall was still standing.

"Don't leave me Linda." I called ignoring the glare that Snape was giving me.

"Every man for himself." Linda called back.

"What about the buddy system?" I questioned.

"It died yesterday." Linda said before she was out the door.