A/N: "He's a cold hearted snake, look into his eyes. Uh oh, he's been tellin' lies. He's a lover boy at play, oh ho, c-c-c-cold hearted s-s-snake" -shot- Yeah I'm lame...the plot for this fic is actually kind of based on a true story! My relative is in a similar situation and I pray the best for her...but at the same time I couldn't pass the chance to write a fic on it OTL. So sorry to those who thought or were expecting the sequel to my other fic...I'm working on it I swear!

I want to say right now that smart!Alfred and lovesickfool!Arthur will be in this fic, and so they will behave accordingly. But hopefully I was able to retain some of their orginal personalities.

Full Summary: When Matthew notices that Arthur, his landlord who keeps raising the rent like nobody's business and was about to kick him out, has the hots for his older brother, Alfred, a devious idea comes to mind: get the two to date so that the landlord will lower his rent. The only problem is that Alfred is not so willing to be an "escort", and in return for his service, wants Matthew to do something for him.

Warnings: Alfred is smart, sly, and conniving is this fic (this is a warning on its own), swearing, OOCness...obviously, AU, and human names used.

Disclaimer: I do not own Hetalia nor the song Cold Hearted by Paula Abdul

And no, this isn't a song fic, I'm only borrowing the title.

Matthew really needed a hero right about now.

"Honestly, Matthew, didn't I remind you beforehand that your rent was due today?" Arthur Kirkland, Matthew's new landlord chided.

"I…I know Mr. Kirkland, but I just don't have the money to pay it all right now. Can't I pay a portion of it at a time? I promise I'll find another job so that the rest won't turn into debt…"

The poor (in both sense of the word) blond wished he had the old landlord back…at least he cut the boy some slack. He knew that Matthew only worked as a photographer for a magazine company nobody really reads. But because he moved back to France, the Brit came in and didn't even bat an eyelid at Matthew's sad story. Hell, he made it even worse by increasing the rent every month, explaining that he was only "cleaning up the mess the previous landlord made" and that it was for "renovation purposes". Seriously, everything about Matthew's humble apartment was fine! Other than the occasional breaking of the air conditioner or stove, these quirks were what made the place charming…occasionally. But Mr. Kirkland did not share the same sentiments. Upon his arrival, he inspected every apartment and made any "necessary" changes, taxing it on the poor tenants' rent.

"I'm afraid you can't do that, Matthew." Arthur pinched the bridge of his nose, clearly exasperated from the other blond's attempt to skip the rent this month. "Either you pay your rent, or I will have no choice but to kick you out."

What a stiff…

"…I guess I-"

"Mattie! There you are! How long has it been since I last saw you?" Alfred barged right past the Englishman standing at the doorframe to bear hug his younger brother.

"About two years eh," Matthew answered while letting his brother swing him around like a rag doll. But based on the smile he had on him, it was clear that the younger was just as happy with the reunion.

"Wow, where have the times gone?" the new blond beamed, ruffling Matthew's hair.

Normally, no matter who it was, Arthur would lash out at the person being rude. But not this time. He remained quiet and watched the two brothers converse.

"Well, now that I found you, lemme get my luggage from the taxi waiting downstairs,"

"…You forgot my apartment number didn't you?"

"What? No, of course not!" Alfred saluted before brushing past Arthur, still lingering near the doorway.

Once the blond's footsteps receded down the hall, the landlord asked "Who…who was that?" his voice softer than it was before.

"Oh, that was my older brother," Matthew deadpanned, gloom once again hanging over him when he realized that he still hadn't given the evil landlord his money yet.

"Ah…I see," the man sounded a bit dazed, staring in the direction Alfred left.

"Yeah…"

Hey wait a minute, is something wrong with him?

Arthur's eyebrows were no longer furrowed, his mouth slightly agape…and was he blushing? Or maybe he had a kink for makeup…Matthew will just take the first guess.

Just then a light bulb went off in his head, and a devious smile spread across his lips. In an ever-so polite tone Matthew offered "Would you like to meet him?"

"I beg your pardon?" the landlord snapped out of his trancelike state.

"If you are willing, I can have you speak with him; I really would like for you to get acquainted with my family,"

"Y-yes…that would be delightful," something like glee shone in the Englishman's eyes. "Does he mind if we went to a tea parlor?"

"He loves tea, I'm sure he won't mind at all. Would tomorrow in the afternoon be alright? He is quite exhausted from having to fly over here,"

"Wonderful, then if you'll excuse me, I'll get ready." The landlord turned around, completely forgetting the reason why he knocked on the blond tenant's door in the first place.

As Arthur walked away from his apartment, again in that dazed state, Matthew quietly closed the front door.

Looks like I dodged another bullet

X.X.X.X

"So Alfred, what do you think of the new manager?" Matthew tried his best to ease into the topic as much as possible.

"You have a new one? Since when?" Alfred was hogging the whole sofa, stuffing his face with a hamburger he got for dinner.

The younger blond tried keeping up the smile he had on. "Yes, you passed by him just this afternoon."

"Really? Never noticed," he shrugged and was about to reach for the remote when a hand stopped him midway.

"Wouldn't you like to meet him?"

"Nah…he's probably a stiff," Alfred brushed off the offer.

"How can you say that when you never even met the guy?" Although Matthew had to admit, Alfred got it right on the money with that one.

"Uh, because most business people or managers are like that?" Alfred continued to munch on his dinner. "Besides, why the hell do I want to meet up with your landlord? To sweet-talk him into something?" He had no idea how right he was.

"Oh my god Alfred, you read my mind!" Matthew exclaimed enthusiastically. "So does that mean you'll go out with him for tea tomorrow? Specifically during the afternoon?"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa…what? Go out? You lost me there Matt,"

"Please Al, you need to go out with him. Just this once," Matthew was now clinging onto the sleeve of Alfred's t-shirt.

"Go out? As on a date?" There was a dumbfounded look on his face.

"It's the only way I can stay in this apartment,"

"What are you talking about? How is going out with your landlord related to you staying here?" By now, Alfred placed the half-eaten burger down on the table in front of him and made room for Matthew to sit next to him on the sofa.

The younger brother sighed before revealing his master plan. "My new landlord, Arthur, likes you." He looked into Alfred's blue eyes to make sure he was still with him.

"How do you know?"

"I just do. Now back to the explanation…I…don't have enough money to pay the rent…" Matthew said bashfully. "The reason why he was even at my door was to collect the money, and he's going to kick me out soon if I don't pay up,"

Alfred was tapping his chin with his index finger, putting the pieces together.

"So when I figured out that he liked you, maybe if you go out with him and persuade him to lower the rent, I get to keep this apartment."

"I'm no whore Mattie…" Alfred pouted.

"No you're not. You're an escort."

"That's not the point! I mean, can't you just go out with him? We look almost the same,"

"Then how do you explain why he only blushed when you were around and was yelling at me for his money when he was only with me?"

"You're right, not everyone can pull off my looks," Alfred added smugly, running his hand through his short blond hair for emphasis.

"Right. You're so charming," Matthew complimented sarcastically. "But seriously, please Alfred, it's the only way…"

It was Alfred's turn to sigh before answering. "Look Mattie, I may not be the smartest person around, but I have a good moral compass. I don't think I should be playing with his heart like that…I mean, what happens if he's serious?"

"…Do you have something against homosexuals?"

"No, it's not like that," Alfred glanced away from inquisitive violet eyes. "But it's not like I ever dated one either."

"Then this is a new experience for you," Matthew tried sounding optimistic.

"You're missing the point, it's not right to use him like that to keep this apartment. What's in it for me anyway?"

Matthew didn't know what to say.

"I thought so, and besides, in case you're forgetting, I'm only visiting in between semesters; I have to go back to Harvard sooner or later and then this whole thing will fall apart. Plus, I want to see my friends again, not spend my time with a stranger." The only way the blond got into such a prestigious school was through scholarship money; if he was that rich, Alfred would have been helping his brother pay the bills.

"You'll get to see Kiku and Toris again, but just have a drink with Arthur tomorrow before you do. Please Alfred," Matthew began begging. "You're the hero aren't you? Heroes don't let their own siblings rot in the streets,"

"But it's your fault you can't pay the rent…"

"I was able to before! But because he keeps raising it, I can't keep up…" Matthew bowed his head in defeat.

An iron curtain fell on them before the older spoke up. "…How old is your landlord?"

"Eh? I think around maybe 24…"

"Good lord, Mattie!" Alfred sighed dramatically, placing the back of his hand on his forehead. "Not only do I have to date your landlord, but an old landlord?"

"Save that acting for when you're on the date, drama queen. He's only a couple of years older than you, if you haven't figured it out yet." Matthew crossed his arms in front of his chest defensively.

"Yeah…but he's your old landlord," Alfred couldn't help but snicker. "How messed up is that?"

"So are you going to help me out or not? Because if not then I'm going to have to find an apartment catalogue and move out,"

Alfred's expression turned serious for a moment, but then it was replaced with a smirk. "Okay, I'll help my dear younger brother out. I am a hero after all…but in return for my splendid service, you'll have to let me stay here while I'm in town and do whatever I tell you to."

"What?"

"Hey, hotels and room service don't come cheap ya know." Alfred retorted. "I think it'd be smarter if I just stayed here!" he explained while propping his feet up on the table next to the hamburger.

"Okay…but when you go out with Arthur tomorrow, make sure to pretend that you're interested in him and persuade him to lower my rent! Or both of us won't be staying here for long…"

"You got it," Alfred gave him a thumbs-up.

"It's a deal then."

Endnotes: Escort - the best way I can define one is a "higher quality prostitute". Kind of like literally buying a date, you can hire them just for their company and nothing more...but that's not usually the case...You normally have to contact their agencies to contact them, and they normally charge higher fees (don't ask me how I know all this)

So then, does this make Matthew Alfred's pimp? o_O -shot- And yes, Alfred goes to Harvard University...you can so tell I have a kink for him being smart...OTL

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