The Zelda games for the CD-i were the worst ever. Phillips butchered a perfectly good series. And it wasn't just Zelda they did it to. They butchered the Mario series as well. No wonder people make fun of them on YouTube. These days, they barely get a mention. The videos of YouTube Poop and a game magazine article have inspired me to write this parody. I hope you like it.

I don't own Nintendo or Phillips or the characters. I give credit to the creative minds of the contributors to YouTube Poop and YouTube itself. I also dedicate this fiction to the Zelda and Mario fans and to Shigeru Miyamoto, the brilliant mind behind the games we enjoy today. And also to all readers who share my sense of humour.

Stuck with THEM

It was unknown as to how and why, but the characters from the best Zelda and Mario games were transported to another world, and shared it with characters from the Phillips world. And the Nintendo characters were in for a horrifying shock. The world was plain, with grass and a few flowers. The sea was far away. And Miyamoto's creations were anxious to get back to their own worlds, and if you spent a day with the CD-i creations, you'd understand why.

CD-i Link wandered around, his presence just irritating everyone around him.

"Gee, it sure is boring around here," he drivelled, his features swimming all over his face, his eyes rolling unnaturally as he spoke.

The real Link went red with embarrassment. This was why he never said a word. The real Zelda patted his arm with understanding.

"Mah boi," said King Harkinian. This fellow was dressed in orange and yellow. "This peace is what all true warriors strive for! ...I wonder what's for dinner?"

"What a terrible colour combination," muttered King Daphnes Nohansen. His red robe was far more superior.

CD-i Link looked up as if he was staring the real Link in the eyes, which made the latter feel a little threatened.

"Oh boy!" he said. "You look just like me!" His eyes dazzled with excitement. The real Link looked back in horror and wandered off. CD-i Link, with his stupid face, didn't think anything of it. Instead, thinking of his stomach, he said, "I'm so hungry, I could eat an octorok!"

"An octorok?" the real Zelda questioned. "Goddesses... Get us out of here..."

"Hmmm," the King uttered.

CD-i Mario and Luigi were also there.

"Nice of the princess to invite us over for a picnic, ay Luigi?" said the fake Mario.

"I hope she made lotsa spaghetti," said 'Luigi' hopefully. The real Mario brothers did not look pleased, and Luigi put his head in his hands and said, "I don't even like spaghetti..."

"Mmmmm."

Everyone turned to see the source of the sound, to find Morshu the Shopkeeper.

"Lamp oil, rope, bombs," he said. "You want it? It's yours, my friend, as long as you have enough rubies."

"Rubies?" questioned Ganondorf. "RUBIES? It's RUPEES, you idiot!"

"Mmmmm," Morshu replied.

"Grrrrrrr!" Ganondorf growled.

"I just wonder what Ganon's up to," said CD-i Link.

"I'm here, growling at that buffoon," said Ganondorf.

"No, he means me," said CD-i Ganon.

"You're Ganon?" Ganondorf questioned. "You look like a bulldog that swims in the air! You look nothing like me!"

"YOU MUST DIE!" roared Ganon.

"Mmmmm," said Morshu.

"How 'bout a kiss?" CD-i Link asked the real Zelda, who hid behind the real Link.

"You've got to be kidding," said CD-i Zelda. CD-i Link turned around to face her, hiding his mouth behind his hand in a very obvious smirk.

"Mmmmm." Morshu again.

"SHUT UP!" Everyone yelled.

"Mmmmm."

"YOU MUST DIE!"

"Shit! It's Weegee!" said the King.

Weegee stood rigid, staring straight at the group. Luigi hid behind Mario. The mysterious monstrosity disappeared before their eyes, sure to appear again later. CD-i Bowser was hiding behind a rock, peering over it, and chuckled evilly. The real Bowser's eye twitched in annoyance.

"What a mockery," he growled. "I am King of the Koopas, I won't accept this mockery!"

"Look, Luigi!" CD-i Mario pointed at the Nintendo characters. "Toasters!"

"You dunce," said Ganondorf, rolling his eyes.

"He sounds like a sex offender," remarked Zelda. "Especially with the way he says 'princess'."

Princess Peach gasped, her hand over her mouth.

"I'm not like-a that," said the real Mario.

Suddenly, Gwonam, the man who rides around on a flying carpet, came swooping in, addressing King Harkinian cried, "Your Majesty! Ganon and his minions are..."

He was interrupted by Ganondorf shooting a ball of spit that landed on his nose, and he stopped immediately, shocked, his facial expression never changing. Ganondorf smirked in satisfaction.

"That's disgusting," said Zelda.

"What is Ganon up to?" asked CD-i Link, only to be greeted with Ganondorf's spit ball on the end of his hair. He stopped short, his face stiff with that silly grin. Peach giggled.

Gwonam's face turned serious, facing away from the mixed crowd. CD-i Mario laughed out loud, until Ganondorf spat on him too.

"YOU MUST DIE!" roared Ganon, and was met with yet another spit ball.

"I'm so hungry," said CD-i Link, with that annoying tone of his.

"What's for dinner?" asked King Harkinian. Suddenly, Orson Welles appeared, with a box of frozen green peas. Sent by Weegee, of course.

"Rosebud frozen peas," said Orson. "Full of country goodness and green pea-ness. Wait, that's terrible! I quit! Oh, maybe a handful for the road..." He took a handful and walked away, and when he was out of sight, he was heard saying, "Oh, what luck! There's a French fry stuck in my beard!"

"Mmmmm," said Morshu, eating some peas.

"I thought he said it was full of green penis?" questioned Peach. Morshu spat out the peas.

"I'm sure that's not what he meant," said Zelda. "Mind you... The peas look rather unusual..." When she looked up, all of the CD-i characters were munching on the frozen peas.

"I'm not eating that!" said Bowser. "I want meat! Lots of meat!"

Suddenly, CD-i Link was right next to him, smiling suggestively.

"Not that kind of meat!" roared Bowser, sending the little weirdo flying. "Sicko! Not that you'd have a lot to offer, anyway..."

The real Link blushed.

"It's alright, Link," said Zelda. "We don't think you're gay... Perhaps these people are our opposites? Maybe that's why we're here."

"I don't care why we're here!" snapped Bowser. "I've got Koopas to rule, kingdoms to conquer, and princesses to kidnap! I want out!"

"I have a feeling that we were meant to know that these buffoons were made to try and discredit us," said Ganondorf, thoughtfully. "By making inferior versions of ourselves, whoever made them was obviously hoping to destroy our reputation. Perhaps if we destroyed them..."

"As tempting as it is, it's not a good idea," said Zelda. "If you destroy these characters from another universe, it could mean disaster for our own universe."

"Damn you and your Wisdom!" cursed Ganondorf.

"Impa!" said CD-i Zelda. "Impa, wake up! We're in trouble!"

The sleepy old lady woke up reluctantly.

"Alright," she said, "I'll get the Triforce of Wisdom..."

The real Zelda gazed at the mark on her hand and hid it behind her back.

"That old woman talks about the Triforce of Wisdom like it's detergent under a sink," remarked King Daphnes.

"Strange, the Triforce of Wisdom isn't telling me anything," said old Impa. Gwonam was still there.

"You! Old man," said Ganondorf. "You look wise. How do we get out of here?"

"It is written," began Gwonam, holding out a scroll with writing that didn't even resemble Hyrulean. "Only Weegee can send us home."

Everyone went "Awwwwwww!" in annoyance.

"WEEGEE!" roared Ganon. "COME BACK HERE OR YOU MUST DIE!"

"And bring dinner," said King Harkinian.

Some time had passed, and Weegee had not returned. A thought came to Zelda, which she discussed with her fellow Nintendo characters.

"While we're here, we might as well talk to our doubles and teach them how to really be in character," she suggested. "They've got it all wrong, so we've got to show them how to do it right. For instance, Link, you could show your double that he has to be quiet all the time in order to be taken seriously. I will teach my double not to be a bratty daddy's girl, and Ganondorf... You know what to do."

"Yes," he said. "I will teach him..."

After a week of coaching, CD-i Link learnt to shut the hell up, CD-i Zelda was much more independent, Ganon stopped yelling "YOU MUST DIE", the CD-i Mario brothers sounded like the Nintendo Mario brothers, and the CD-i king stopped worrying about dinner. Nothing could be done about Gwonam or Morshu, however. They were beyond help.

A day later, Weegee appeared. When he disappeared, so did everyone else, and they went back to their own worlds, and they had all learnt something. Except Gwonam and Morshu.

THE END! xD