She Creates Herself

By: doctorrosetyler

Summary: Rose was prepared to love the Doctor for the rest of her life. The Doctor was prepared to lose her. Bad Wolf had other ideas. 10/Rose

Disclaimer: Really People? If I owned Doctor Who, you think I'd be writing on this website? Heck no! I'd be writing fluffy 10/Rose crap for the series.

It was all a bit sudden. And quite a bit amazing.

One minute she was sitting in the console room, bleeding onto the grating. The next, she was just a bit older, and quite a bit ginger. And the Doctor was definitely ok with that.

But, perhaps she should start from the beginning?

It began after the void. She had almost slipped from that lever. Her fingers were weak and the pull was so strong, and she looked to the Doctor for one last time. The look in his eyes made her fingers turn to granite on that lever. His eyes were so sad, so afraid. For the first time in the years she had known him- the years she had loved him, she knew that he loved her too. She felt something at that moment- it seemed that time stopped, she heard his voice in her head- he was screaming at her not to let go. His voice was in her mind, telling her that she couldn't leave him, not when he needed her so much- not when he loved her. She held on so hard that when the void closed, she couldn't make her fingers let go of the lever. She merely slumped to the floor, her hands stuck. The Doctor ran to her and pulled her up to her feet. Her hands finally loosened as he pulled her so hard to his chest that she thought they would become one person.

He had kissed her then, on the forehead. Slightly disappointed, she let it go, knowing that was all she would get out of him at the moment. She leaned her head against his chest and wrapped her arms around his back. She heard the beating of his hearts and knew that everything was going to be ok again. The universe had granted them one more chance at forever, and she wasn't going to waste it. His warm pinstripes rubbed against her cheek as he breathed her in, she could feel the air rush against her head to his nose. He didn't say much, only "Thank God". His breaths were slightly labored, but that could have been the adrenaline of the previous moments.

From then on she began to notice things. Strange things.

There was the music in the TARDIS. It was faint at first, as if she were imagining it. It grew in volume the more she thought about it until it became part of the background of her home. When they visited Jackie's, she couldn't sleep without the sound. Though she could barely sleep anyhow. For some reason, she didn't seem to need it much anymore.

The Doctor noticed the subtle changes in her, but he didn't say much. He looked at her strangely one day, when he caught her humming along with the music in the TARDIS. He seemed to shake it off before asking her if she was ready to go on their next adventure.

She and the Doctor were growing closer by the minute as well. His hand seemed to hold hers more often. Before, it was just on adventures that he would grasp her hand. Now, it was all the time. She took this as a good sign. He would always reach for her hand, even when they were merely floating in the vortex. They were much more physically comfortable with one another. When she did sleep, it was more often in the Doctor's bedroom, and sometimes he joined her. Every once in a while she would wake up with his arm wrapped around her waist, and she could imagine that they were really together. They weren't, not in the way that she (and the Doctor, but she didn't know that, did she?) wanted. Their new sleeping arrangements had happened immediately after their encounter with the cybermen. The feeling that they could have lost each other was still so strong that they couldn't bear to be apart, even though they were so exhausted they could barely stand. He had invited her into his bed, and she had gladly accepted.

Sometimes she would look at him and feel that she could simply love him from afar and that knowing he cared for her was enough. Most of the time, she burned for him. She wanted everything. She wanted the friendship with him, but more than anything she wanted to really be with him. She wanted the kissing, making love, and more than anything she wanted to be his. She wanted to give him forever, so that she would never have to see that heartbreaking look in his eyes again. She wanted to take that lonely god and make him into the happy man that she knew he could be.

After the music came the light. She began to notice small trails of light around the ship. It was golden, and shone faintly. At first she had thought her eyes were fooling her, as she hadn't had any sleep for several days. She didn't feel tired, and when she touched it, it seemed to glow brighter.

The day after she began to see the light, she was sitting in the captain's chair, watching the Doctor tinker under the console. That was when she noticed a trail of light that seemed to come from her chest to the Doctor's chest. Out of curiosity, she reached her hand out and touched it. The Doctor gasped and banged his head under the console. Quickly, she put her hands in her lap as he sat up and looked at her in disbelief.

"What?" she asked, with an innocent expression carefully placed on her face. He looked at her skeptically, before shaking his head and muttering to himself. When he went under the console again, she could tell that he was paying much more attention to what she was doing now, and not as much to what he was sonicking. She decided that she had better not touch that light again, as it seemed to cause him a bit of distress.

She adjusted quickly to the light, and soon learned to ignore it as well. She had yet to see another person that had golden lines connecting them like she and the Doctor did. She wondered what it meant but didn't want to ask. Soon, though, she knew she would have to tell the Doctor. She was starting to get smarter, and he was noticing.

They were rewiring a bomb on the planet Napoln Karu (well, he was rewiring the bomb and she was holding the flashlight) when his mutterings started to make sense. She had sat there for hours before, listening to the things he said and trying to make sense of them. She loved science, but she was never very good at it. Eventually she had given up trying to understand what he was saying. All of a sudden, she could understand it. Before she could stop herself, she blurted "Why don't you reroute the ignition sequence through the thermal coupler on the sonic? That should direct it through the…" she stopped when she realized what she was saying. The Doctor was staring at her, his mouth hanging open and amazement in his eyes. "Rose…that's brilliant! But how did you…what…huh?"

Luckily the alarms in the building began to go off and he was thoroughly distracted. Her spurt of brilliance didn't end, though. She was hungry for knowledge, much like the Doctor was. She soon found herself sneaking books from the library to read when he thought she was sleeping. The TARDIS was most helpful- the old girl would turn the lights on and off for her to alert her of the Doctor's approach. Rose couldn't help but think that the ship had something to do with what was happening to her. She still hadn't figured out what was going on.

For some reason she felt that her new discoveries should be kept to herself. She knew that the things she was experiencing were not normal, but something inside of her told her that it wasn't anything bad. She knew that the Doctor would worry, though. That was the last thing she wanted. She noted all of these things in her head, and went about as normal as she could (if pretending to sleep every night was normal).

It was bound to happen sometime. She couldn't hide the changes from the Doctor forever. She just really didn't expect that those changes would evolve to this.

It was a beautiful afternoon in the vortex. The TARDIS was cruising lightly, and Rose and the Doctor were eating lunch at the table in the kitchen. Sitting side to side, they ate their grilled cheese sandwiches and laughed over old times.

"And then, remember? Remember the Glucanovocian? He was BLUE!" the Doctor said, through a mouthful of sandwich.

Rose laughed heartily, slightly frustrated with her inability to get a drink of her milk, as she had been laughing for half an hour and she really was rather thirsty. The Doctor wouldn't allow it, as he was quite funny, and she really didn't fancy having milk spurting out of her nose.

The TARDIS, set on random, landed lightly as they finished their meal.

"Well, Rose! Let's see where the old girl landed us this time! Allons-y!" He said, leaping off of his chair and reaching for her hand. She took it and gladly followed him through the console room and out the doors.

They stepped out onto a beautiful beach. The oceans swept up against the shores, the water a beautiful deep purple color.

"Oh, wow". Said Rose, taking off her shoes to slip her toes into the warm sand. The Doctor left his shoes on, grabbing her hand and pulling her along, muttering about which planet they could be on. Judging by what she had read, Rose thought that perhaps they were on Ralnon 4. She laughed to herself when he came to the same conclusion about three seconds later.

"You know," the Doctor said, "the people that used to live here were rather vicious people. Used to kill all the intruders on the planet with arrows. They were rather good shots, too. Good thing they all died out about a hundred years ago."

He had no sooner finished his sentence when a tall purple man came out of the bushes armed with a bow and arrows.

"You were saying?"

"RUN!"

So they ran. Normally, they would manage to dodge the various arrows and projectiles and make it safely back into the TARDIS. Unfortunately, that was not what happened this time.

As she made her way through the doors, right behind the Doctor, she felt a pressure on her back. Then she felt immense pain. The doors closed behind her and she collapsed onto the grating, the Doctor turning with a look of horror on his face.

He fell down beside her, stilling her struggles to get up.

"Rose! No, no no no no no this can't be happening now! I can't lose you now, Rose! Stay with me, please!"

She could feel her lungs filling; she struggled to form words as he pulled the arrow from her back and tried to get her up so that he could take her to the med bay. Both of them knew that they wouldn't make it.

He lay her back down on the ground, trying to stop the bleeding with his hands, his eyes frantic. She looked to him, and in that moment she noticed something. The light that connected her to the Doctor was red, and she had a rather desperate feeling that it shouldn't be. Before she could stop herself, she reached out and touched it.

His eyes widened, and he looked down at her hand. The light glowed brighter, and began to move around her. "It's red." She said.

The Doctor's eyes gleamed with hope in that moment. He put his hands to her face, pulling her hazy eyes to meet his. "Listen Rose, this is very important! Focus on the light. Think about it, just the light. Make it brighter!"

She frowned, the world going black and his face beginning to blur. "I don't know how." She said, the fog becoming heavier.

He shook her frantically, trying to keep her with him just a bit longer. It was all he needed. "Rose! Just think about it getting brighter. Do it, please! Rose, don't leave me alone! I need you with me!"

She heard his pleas through the darkness, and concentrated on the light. She saw the light begin to build behind her eyes, before it became bright and hot. It was intense, but she knew it wouldn't hurt her. She welcomed it and encouraged it, the Doctor's voice being drowned out in the buzzing it was making.

And then everything went black.

The Doctor laid Rose back on the grating, staring in astonishment at her new body. Her face was the same, if not a bit older. Her hair, though, was ginger. He shivered. He had forgotten how much he loved ginger hair- and now the woman he loved was ginger. He couldn't believe it. He had noticed that she had begun to show some Time Lord qualities, but he had never dreamed that they were due to anything but living with him. It all made sense now. His Rose had somehow regenerated. He carefully placed his hands on her chest, feeling a double heart beat. It was the most beautiful thing he had ever felt in his life.

He lay down beside her on the grating, pulling her to his chest. The metal bit into his shoulder through his jacket, but he didn't care. He held her close, still reeling from the adrenaline of nearly losing her. He couldn't bear to think about how close they had been to that actually happening. The smell of her hair, slightly infused now with the smell of time seemed to lull him into a sense of calm. She was still here with him, and now she would always be.

When she had seen the time lines around her, he knew that there was a chance to save her. He could tell her how to regenerate, and she wouldn't leave him. And now her two hearts were beating strongly against his hands that were pressed against her back. He knew that he didn't have to fear her death anymore. And now they could be together. He didn't have to fear getting her pregnant and killing her. He didn't have to fear her life would be over in one reckless moment. Now, he could embrace her fully and show her how much he loved her. He was relieved not to have to hide it anymore.

She began to stir, and his hearts beat in anticipation of speaking to his new Rose. He sat up, pulling her upright with him. He winced at the stickiness of the blood on his hands, but all was forgotten when she opened her eyes. They glowed with the gold of the time vortex and his throat constricted. Her mouth opened.

"Bad Wolf" she whispered, and the gold left her eyes. She exhaled time, and with a breath she lightened the darkest corners of his mind and claimed both of his hearts as her own. She looked up into his eyes and smiled.

His hearts surely stopped in his chest as his breath left him. Rose was alive, and she held all of time in her gaze.

Rose came back to the world slowly. The first thing she was aware of was that she was no longer hurt. She next noticed that she was being held, and rather closely. She felt the thrum of two hearts against her chest and, though she had never thought otherwise, knew it was the Doctor that was holding her so closely. She felt warm- he felt warm, which she noticed was not something the Doctor usually felt. His body temperature was lower than hers was. His hands at her back were firm; as if he were afraid she would slip away. She opened her eyes.

Feeling, for the moment, a bit out of sorts, she watched his eyes for a minute. She could feel her mouth moving, but couldn't hear anything. Then her world came back. She could smell, hear, feel, taste, far better than she ever could before. She saw the time lines more distinctly now, the gold swirling about while the Doctor was surrounded in blue. She felt his mind against hers and knew instinctually what she was supposed to do. She looked into his eyes, feeling his sharp intake of breath down to her bones, and entered his mind with her own.

She didn't know what she was looking for, but before her eyes she could see the light of time, and everywhere were red threads. She felt those reds shouldn't be there. With no idea what she was doing, she soothed those threads until they turned blue, and soon the Doctor was cradling her and wet tears were dripping onto her skin through her shirt. She felt his years of anguish fade, and serenity flood his mind. She continued for what must have been hours, going through and healing his mind of all the pain, before retreating and wrapping her arms around him. He continued to sob into her stomach, now lying on the grating with his head in her lap. Soon, his tears were dry, and he looked up at her with wonder in his eyes. His eyes were still ancient, and there was still pain in them. But there was no longer that soul-shattering anguish that she had always seen in them.

She pressed kisses to his forehead, not quite understanding what she had just done. It must have been amazing, for him to open himself to her the way he had. Closing his eyes, he smiled. When he opened them again, she felt his firm hands behind her head. Rose allowed the Doctor to pull her lips to his for their first real kiss.

He had never imagined that this day would end up as well as it had. It had gone from good to horrible to the best day of his life in about ten minutes flat.

Part of the reason Time Lords were so strong was because their minds were strong. They were united, and when a wound was inflicted on the mind, the others would soothe the wound and heal it. Their strength was also their weakness. A Time Lord could not heal their mind alone. They needed another, or they would experience deep emotional pain just from loneliness. The Doctor had been so alone for so long, that the wounds had built up in his mind. He tried not to think about it, tried to deny the fact that his body continued while his mind slowly died. He knew it wouldn't be long before he went completely mad.

Rose, having not only just regenerated, but also newly born as a Time Lady, had just gone through centuries of wounds and healed them. She had gone on nothing but love and instinct and saved his mind. It made him love her even more, which he didn't think was possible.

Now he was kissing her, something he had wanted to do for years, and he was having a difficult time remembering why he had never done it before. It was passionate and wet, and a bit awkward. The kiss was all teeth clashing and tongues meeting and lip smacking, and it was absolutely perfect. She tasted like he always imagined she would, she smelled like warm honey and the time vortex. He was having a hard time not pushing her to the grating and making love to her right there. He knew that would happen soon, but there were things to be said. And he didn't fancy their first time being on the hard grating in a pool of her blood. With great difficulty, he pulled away.

Looking at her now was still shocking. He understood what she meant now when she said that his regeneration was jarring. And he had completely changed his body, not just his hair color. Her face was the same, but her eye and hair color were different. It was difficult to see her as his pink and yellow human when she was much less…yellow, and not at all human.

She was looking at him with a worried expression. Oh, right…he should speak now. Say something. Yes, yes that would be a good idea. Ease her worries. She probably thought he regretted that kiss. He certainly regretted the not doing it sooner part.

"Rose." Yes, that was good…her name. That was a wonderful start. Now, let's make other words…but all that was in his head was her name, over and over. So he caressed her cheek with his hand and said it again. This time, she smiled.

She spoke this time. "Well, looks like we have a mess here. Perhaps we should clean up?" He could only nod and help her up. She stretched a bit, testing out her new body. Her hand went to her chest, looking at him with surprise.

"Doctor…why do I have two hearts?" she asked, with cautious hope inching into her tone.

He grinned…no, he absolutely beamed. "Because you are a Time Lady. I don't know how, or why. But the universe has decided to be kind to a lonely old man."

Rose smiled, laughing in disbelief as she jumped forward to hug him. It wasn't just a hug either, it was one of those "we just saved the world" hugs combined with an ecstatic celebration. He spun around with her in his arms, not remembering the last time that he had felt so alive. His old scars didn't hurt him in his happiness, and her laughter twinkled through his mind as he was sure his did in hers. For the first time in so long, his mind wasn't lonely.

He put her down, and she stroked his sideburns with her hand. "It was kind to a lovesick shopgirl, too."

Still smiling, she pulled away. "I'm gonna go shower, yeah? I'll be back in a bit."

He nodded, following her into the hallway. "Me too. Don't be too long. We have some things to discuss. Like you hiding those changes from me."

She blushed and turned down the hall to her room. He turned the other way for his. He hoped that this would be the last time they parted to go to their rooms. He hoped to share one with her soon. He entered his room and peeled off his bloody shirt, tossing it in the bin.

Rose stepped out of the shower and dried herself off. She was still a bit afraid to look in the mirror, but her curiosity was quickly winning over her fear. She knew she had regenerated, and she was afraid that her new body wasn't someone the Doctor could be with. What if she was old? What if she was young? Yes, he had kissed her. But perhaps that was heat of the moment? She wiped the fog off the mirror and forced herself to look into it. She sighed in relief, seeing that her face was the same, but a bit older looking. Perhaps she was 30? Her new face looked much the same age as the Doctor's current face. Thank goodness. She noticed that she was ginger, which made her laugh to herself a bit. She blinked, noticing that her eyes were no longer brown, but green. She turned away and went to her room to change, relieved that she was still somewhat herself. What was strange was that she didn't quite find the jeans and shirt on her bed interesting in the least. That was odd. She looked in her closet and saw a purple dress. This suited her, and she slipped it on. Looking in the mirror, she smiled. This seemed more like her now. Yes.

She dried and combed her shoulder-length red hair and fixed the sleeves on the dress. They were loose and went down to her wrists. They hung around her shoulders at the top, exposing her collarbone and neckline, but providing a modest cut. She nodded, putting on some yellow trainers (strange, she thought, that she would want to wear that. Now she understood a bit more of the Doctor's nutty fashion sense), and ran to the console room. She felt a sense of urgency to be back with him.

He was already waiting for her when she got there, catching her in his arms and kissing her softly. They sat on the captain's chair and simply stared at each other a moment. She giggled softly, reaching up to tousle his still-wet hair. He had clearly been in just as big of a hurry to get back as she had.

She met his eyes, and he smiled.

"Rose. I- I can't believe this. When did this happen?"

She scooted closer to him. "I don't really know. I guess I started noticing weird stuff after the Void. I started hearing music in the TARDIS."

He reached over for her hand, and she gladly gave it to him. Their clasped hands settled in his lap. "That music is the TARDIS herself. It's Gallifreyan, Rose. You shouldn't have even been able to hear it. It's a completely telepathic language."

She continued, not sure exactly how to take the information he was giving her. "Then I started to see lights. They're all around us. And they're gold, except this one." She touched the blue line connecting them and felt an immediate surge of pleasure. He gasped and his grip tightened on her hand.

"Be careful with that, Rose!" he said, still clenching his jaws.

She looked at him, somewhat alarmed. It had felt good for her, but had it hurt him? "Did it hurt you?" she asked, pulling their clasped hands to her chest and cradling them with her other hand.

He shook his head vigorously, "Quite the contrary. But you can't go around touching that! It provokes a very intense response. A response we're not quite ready for."

She laughed outright at that. He looked at her, offended. "That day- under the console! You jumped up like someone had poked you in the bum! Now I know exactly what happened! I was scared to do it again because it seemed to cause quite the reaction!"

He laughed with her, his body calming from the sudden stimulation. "And now I know why the TARDIS has been shielding your thoughts at night. You weren't asleep at all, were you? You were pretending!"

She nodded guiltily. "I couldn't sleep, but I didn't want you to worry."

He nodded, turning toward her a bit more. "So what were you doing that whole time you were pretending to sleep?"

She smiled shyly. "I was reading. I started getting smarter and I thought maybe physics might be interesting. So I nicked some books from the library."

He looked at her proudly. "Rose Tyler! You've gone and gotten all smart on me!"

She blushed under his gaze. "Well Doctor, I thought you might like another brain around here. Besides, I noticed that you need some help when rewiring bombs. You know, I do love the chapter of your transdimensional physics book about the after effects of vortex stimulation on the integral jumps of the TARDIS's inner amp circuits."

His eyes rolled back in his head and he groaned deep in his throat. "Best be careful of that, too. There are still things to discuss and mothers to be asked before we take the next step."

Rose sighed deeply, frustrated but somewhat satisfied by her words' effect on the Doctor. "You seriously mean to ask my mum? Doctor, I'm twenty two. She probably assumes we've been doing it for years."

He shook his head. "That doesn't matter, Rose. What matters is that we do this right. Your mum already thinks that I'm some madman that has kidnapped her daughter. This Time Lady business means forever. Are you ready for that?"

Rose nodded. "Of course. I promised you forever; you think I would back out on that now that forever actually is forever? I love you, Doctor. This is the best thing that could have happened to me."

He pulled her to his chest for a long hug. "I love you, Rose. I was so afraid to say it. But now I can, with no fear."

She inhaled his scent- time and tea. She basked in his declaration, the happiness swelling in her chest with the words that she had waited so long to hear. She was disappointed when he drew away. Not for long, though, when he pulled her in for a quick kiss.

"Rose, will you be my wife?" he asked. She felt the smile spread across her face before moving in to kiss him again, this time longer than the others and just as passionate. When they pulled away, he chuckled, saying "I guess that's a yes?" She laughed.

"Of course it's a yes! What, you thought I would say no? Honestly."

"Good" he said, pulling her in for another kiss.

They still had things to do before they could start their forever, but the journey was half the fun. His hands ran through her ginger hair.

The TARDIS flew through the vortex, singing a long love song for her Doctor and his Rose. Bad Wolf returned to the heart of the TARDIS, her job finished.

A/N: So, what did you think?

I feel rather accomplished at finishing this story. It's been floating about in my head for a while. I'm thinking about doing a sequel to this…a racy one? I've never written smut before and I'm a bit nervous. So, yes or no?

Reviews do so help my self esteem!

Thanks,

doctorrosetyler