STARTing All Over Again

Summary: "It seems you are not doing so well lately, da?" Russia asked, smiling sweetly. America leaned back in his chair, the marks of two years of ineptitude etched on his face. "Shut up, Commie." In which the START nuclear treaty with Russia is passed, and Alfred just wants it all to go away.

Rating: T

Genre: General/Current Events

[A/N:] The START treaty was ratified. Good grief, has everyone in the capital lost their effin minds?

[Additional A/N:] This story has been carefully reviewed to ensure that it does not violate any of FFN's guidelines. Also, the summary had to be dubbed so that it would in the summary box.

Disclaimer: I can't believe how stupid some people are.

Other warnings: Democrat bashing. In my author's note at the bottom of the page. You've been warned.

"Mr. President, I really think you need to reconsider this. I mean, in light of SALT I, SALT II, and START I, we really have no reason to believe a word Russia says." Alfred F. Jones, personification of the United States of America, told his boss. "I really think you need to withdraw this treaty and throw it away. It's almost a guarantee that Russia will violate it."

For what it was worth, POTUS almost seemed to consider it. Almost. Less than ten seconds later he shook his head.

"No, we can't do that. I've already signed it. And besides, I promised to reset things with Russia."

Thinking about the reset button the Secretary of State had given the Russian prime minister, with the ruined Cyrillic text on it (That the Secretary of State's people insisted was not wrecked) would make Alfred's face burn red, so he pushed the thought out of his mind. "Mr. President, this is a bad idea."

"We need to give people second chances, Alfred."

"Yes, but this is the fourth chance, and sir, I don't want to see any of my people in danger!"

"I don't want to see anyone in danger, whether they're from here or not." The president said, frowning. "Thank you Alfred, uh, show yourself out, will you?"

Doing his best to keep his … frustration? Sorrow? Anger?... off his face, Alfred picked up the papers and left the Oval Office.

He waited until he was back outside, heading down Pennsylvania Avenue before he pulled out his cell phone and began scrolling through the list of numbers. Then he gave up and slid the phone back into his jacket pocket. There wasn't anyone he wanted to talk to right now.

Well, there was POTUS, but he wasn't listening. Alfred turned and corner and began heading back to his D.C. apartment.

He would stay there overnight and fly back to his house in Virginia first thing in the morning.

C-SPAN was very boring. C-SPAN 2 was more so. But he would be able what was happening with vote on the new START treaty.

So Alfred sat in his darkened living room (with the thermostat turned down; after all, he would only be here for one night and the president had lectured him about 'sacrifice') with the TV on, watching C-SPAN waiting to see what would happen next.

As he sat there watching the proceedings, there came a knock at the door.

He didn't feel like getting up. "Just come in! It's open." He called, then watched…

… and wished he hadn't allowed the person to come in.

"It is a lovely day, da? So much warmer here than in Moscow." Alfred recognized the voice and swore under his breath.

"What do you want Ivan?"

Ivan Braginski, personification of Russia, smiled at America. "I just thought I would come by and see how the treaty was coming along. You won't mind, da?"

"Actually, Ivan, I do mind." Alfred said.

"Surely not. We are working for a better future now. We can all get along." Russia said, taking a seat across from America. "It seems you are not doing so well lately, da?" Russia asked, smiling sweetly.

America leaned back in his chair, the marks of two years of ineptitude etched on his face. "Shut up, Commie."

"Soon we will be the same, you and I. Same nuclear capabilities, same trapped serfs… but, my boss actually cares about me. Unlike yours."

"Shut up, Commie." Alfred repeated.

A notice of a completed vote flashed at the bottom of the TV screen and Alfred quickly turned up the volume.

"… the new START treaty has been ratified with a vote of 71-26." The announcer was saying.

Ivan turned to America and smiled again. "I guess we have areached a new agreement, da?"

"You're going to break it."

Russia looked hurt. "You don't trust me.'

"Of course I don't! You only violated SALT I, SALT II, and START I. Why should I trust you now?"

"I thought we reset everything."

"Don't give me that either. You laughed yourself to tears when you saw the screwed up Russian on that reset button."

Russia stood up. "Da. It's true. I will see you tomorrow to pick up the treaty, da?"

"Get out of my house."

"It's an apartment."

"Just get out!"

Russia complied and Alfred sank back into his chair.

How could everything have come to this?

T.A.R.N.S.: I was so stressed out when I started this, but now that I'm done, I'm not. Wow, writing is good therapy. I'll remember this next time something comes up on the news that makes me very angry.

Now, today the U.S. Senate lost thier collective minds and voted to ratify a new nuclear treaty with Russia, despite the fact that Rusiia violated SALT I, SALT II, and START I, all treaties designed to slow nuclear arms proliferation. It's like, how stupid can people honestly get?

And yes, I don't know if anyone else remembers, but the text on the dumb reset button the Sec of State took over to some Russian dignitary had "Reset" on it -in Russian- and reset was spelled wrong. So when we right-wingers were done beating our heads against walls, we had to ask: Isn't there anyone at the State Department who can speak Russian?

So I wrote a story, vented my anger, and I'm gonna leave feeling a lot more mellow. Man that's weird. You all are more than welcome to give your own opinion in your reviews, but keep it civil.

Author Addendum 1-4-11

This story has sat in my documents manager for exactly two weeks now, waiting for me to decide what to do about it. (The story itself was written Dec 22, 2010.) As I previously mentioned, this story was a good way for me to blow off some stress, but the treaty mentioned in this story is true, and now it has come to my attention that Russia wants the START treaty to limit U.S. missile defenses too. WELL THAT TOTALLY EFFIN SUCKS. We are in serious trouble here, people. Thank you for nothing, Democrats. Nothing except trying to destroy America, because you don't like it.

Read all about it. Remove spaces, etc.: http (:/) (/) gatewaypundit (.) rightnetwork (.) com /2011/01/ america-gets-punked-russians-say-start-treaty-covers-antimissile-defense-systems/

In the meantime, please review. Honest opinions are welcome. And thank you for your time.