I once wondered why people said they had nothing to lose, I always thought that everybody had something to lose. People, possessions, titles, these were the things that everybody's scared of losing. So my question is, 'is there actually a person who had none of these things to lose?' and now I've got my answer.

Yes.

Yes there is someone who has nothing to lose. That someone is me.

I've lost everyone whom I cared about, Jack, Tom, Ian and now Sabina. Now that I've lost all of them, possessions and titles mean nothing to me.

I once was the best spy of the world. Now? Now I'm the world's deadliest weapon against criminals. I'm armed. I'm ready. I'm lethal. Most importantly, I've got nothing to lose.

That's why I accept every mission thrown my way. I accept suicide missions, missions no one is willing to go on, because for me, there's nothing to lose.

So what if I die? No one's going to care, because all those who've cared are dead. Why did they die? Because of me. All those I've cared about died because of me.

I've been tortured many times. It's a work hazard, but nothing hurts more than seeing the ones you love die because of you.

But although they're dead, they are the ones keeping me alive. I've got nothing to lose, but I don't want to die worthless. If I die, no, when I die, I want it to be because I was trying to save the world, not because I wanted to kill myself.

That's why when I get tortured, I never give up the info they want. Because I know that Ian would be disappointed that I gave in to the pain.

That's why when I get captured, I never give up. I keep going until I find a way out. Because I know that Jack would be disappointed that I never made it home.

That's why when Blunt and Jones give me a mission that I know would be suicidal. I still take it. Because Tom and Sabina would be disappointed that I gave in to the fear.

They may be dead, but they keep me alive. I keep going through the hell on earth because I know they would be disappointed if I killed myself. If I just stood there and let death take me. They would be disappointed I didn't fight.

They died for me. I have to make them proud.

Please review, this is my first fanfic and I would really appreciate it if you could give some comments.

Ally