Never a Bride

A/N: OK, so Anora may be a bit more over-dramatic than described in the game. Whatever. Also, thanks to Arsanyi for the idea!

"Maker, Anora, have you gone mad?" Cauthrien asked.

"I don't think that it's that much to ask," Anora said, her eyes wide and blue as she stared up at Cauthrien. But if she thought that she could get Cauthrien to do her bidding merely by batting her eyes, she was mistaken. "Besides, who else would do it?"

"I don't understand why anyone needs to do it," Cauthrien said, crossing her arms over her chest.

Anora's face crumpled, her lips forming a pout that was nearly as hard to resist as that of a mabari puppy. "But Cailan will have a dozen friends beside him. And all that I want is you. Is it that hard?"

"It's not my fault that you lack a dozen friends."

Anora glanced away from her, towards the window. She was silent for long enough that Cauthrien decided that the argument was won, and began to move towards the door. Just to be stopped by one last glance at the soon-to-be Queen Consort. Her hands were clasped together tightly enough that the knuckles were white, and there was a redness and glossiness to her eyes that made Cauthrien think that Anora was only just restraining tears. Of course, it was hardly Cauthrien's fault that Anora had managed to alienate every noblewoman in Denerim, and all commoners anywhere near her age in Gwaren. It was not her duty to be Anora's lone friend. Cauthrien had not agreed to serve Teyrn Loghain just to pander to the whims of a spoiled princess. Still, it made her pause, just enough so that she rested her hand on the door knob rather than opening it.

"If you won't do it, the least you can do is to leave me alone," Anora said. She continued to stare out the window, her lips pressed together in a thin line.

Cauthrien drew a breath. Walked to stand beside Anora and laid a hand on her shoulder. Perhaps it was not so much to do this small thing for a girl who had never complained about her place at Teyrn Loghain's side. Who had at least attempted to welcome her when she had appeared in Gwaren.

"All that you are asking me to do is to stand beside you at your wedding?"

"Yes," Anora said, still staring out the window at the gardens beneath them. "Just pretend that you're my friend. You don't have to like me. Just pretend to, for a few hours." She drew a shaky breath. "I just don't think that I can stand there, alone, in front of every one in the kingdom."

It would not be so hard, Cauthrien thought, although it was hardly a duty she relished. And she did not dislike Anora, even if she would not consider her to be a friend.

"Please," Anora said, turning to her, and laying a hand on one of Cauthrien's. "I don't have a sister, or even a mother any more. Half my cousins hate me, and even those who like me won't leave Gwaren. You're the closest family I have, other than my father."

Cauthrien took Anora's hands in her own and finally said, "If it means that much, I'll stand beside you."

She watched the expression on Anora's face change.

"Nothing else," Cauthrien warned. She knew that look far too well.

"Don't worry," Anora said. Maker, were her eyes actually sparkling? "We'll have lots of fun. I promise! You'll be so glad you agreed, by the time this is over, that you'll wonder why you weren't the one who suggested it!"

It was with those words that Cauthrien knew she was doomed.

DA:O

If a dozen years ago, Cauthrien had been told that one day she would own a gown that was as luxurious as the one that the future Queen of Ferelden would wear on her wedding day, she would have laughed for hours at the jest. And yet here she was, wearing a gown identical to that of Anora's wedding dress, other than that hers was made in gold, rather than in wedding scarlet.

And it truly was the most opulent, ridiculous, uncomfortable piece of clothing she had worn in her life. The girdle pinched her waist and the skirt made it hard to walk in steps that were not pathetically mincing. Yet Cauthrien had to admit, as she admired herself in the mirror, that she did look rather pretty. Not in the least like herself, but lovely perhaps because of that.

"You're gorgeous!" Anora said, walking over to her in a stride that was far too natural, considering the tightness of the dress. "I can't wait to see what people say when they see you. Dressed up, you're prettier than any lady in Ferelden. Everyone will be so jealous!"

"Yes, I'm sure to inspire envy in all the other cadets," Cauthrien said, wondering how to keep her face fixed in the bright smile that Anora seemed to expect of her. She knew that it was already rumored that she'd earned her last promotion on her back, rather than on the battlefield. And the last thing she needed was to show up at a wedding, dressed like a courtesan. Well, actually, that was the second to last thing she needed. The absolute last was to show up as Anora's bridal attendant, reinforcing in the minds of everyone in the kingdom that her promotions were due to the special place that was reserved for her in the MacTir family.

"It won't hurt to look pretty, just for once," Anora said, giving a bit of a frown. "Think of it as practice, for when you gain another promotion and are expected to attend fancy dinners all the time."

"I'd rather be demoted."

Anora rolled her eyes, "You're worse than Father is, really you are. It's just a party. It's easy. All you have to do is to have a drink. Eat. Talk to people. It'll be great fun if you just relax."

"If it's so much fun," Cauthrien asked, beckoning to a maid to help her unlace her ridiculous outfit. "Why do you need my moral support to survive it?"

"Because it's tradition for a bride to have attendants," Anora said. As though Anora had always been the staunch defender of all that was ancient and venerable. "Besides," Anora said, a smirk on her face. "You can't get out of it now that I've had your dress made."

No, Cauthrien supposed that now there was on escape from serving as Anora's female attendant. Still, she told herself, the wedding could hardly be worse than a battle, and if Teyrn Loghain could survive his daughter's wedding, she could tolerate it as well. And be glad that Anora was an only child.

She stepped out of her gown as soon it was unlaced, and handed it to the maid to deal with. She pulled on her breeches and tunic, then turned towards the door. As she opened it, Anora called after her, "Aren't you going to stay to at least discuss our bridal crowns?"

If Anora thought that she was going to sit around for the entire afternoon just to have flowers woven into her hair, she had another thing coming. "I agreed to serve as your attendant, nothing more," Cauthrien said, slamming the door behind her.

DA:O

"But it's tradition for the bride to spend the evening before her wedding with her attendants," Anora said, tugging on Cauthrien's hand after she had tracked her down in the barracks.

"It's also tradition for soldiers to sleep in their rooms," Cauthrien said. "I'll be with you at your wedding tomorrow. That is all I agreed to do."

"But I need your moral support," Anora said, her lower lip jutting out slightly. The corners of her eyes turned down, as they gazed at Cauthrien with a tortured expression. "Please?"

Cauthrien watched the other soldiers walking by, observing her conversation with Anora with far too much amusement. Nothing short of being caught in bed with Teyrn Loghain could hurt her reputation more than continuing this argument in such a public place.

"Fine," she said. And then, "I'll meet you in your room in an hour. I need to get things taken care of, first."

The less people saw of her and Anora together, the fewer rumors there would be, Cauthrien thought. And it would not be so hard to sneak quietly into Anora's room late tonight.

DA:O

"Oh, good, you're here!" Anora said, as soon as Cauthrien entered her room. Anora handed her a glass of wine, and Cauthrien took a swallow.

"Raiding the cellar?"

"Father allowed me whatever I wanted tonight," Anora said, a smile playing over her features. "It's my last night as a maiden, after all."

"If you wanted someone to give you all the details of what happens between a man and a woman," Cauthrien said, taking yet another gulp of the wine before sinking into the bed. "You picked the wrong person."

Anora laughed. "Oh, do you really think that I'm that innocent?" And then, after giving a smirk to a horrified Cauthrien, continued with, "We've been engaged since Cailan was born. It's hardly surprising."

Cauthrien had wondered what had happened to change Anora's comments about Cailan from those of disdain to delighted amusement. Still, she had not suspected this.

"Does your father know?"

"Of course not!" Anora said, sinking beside her in the bed. From the tone of her voice, it was fairly obvious that Anora had drunk considerably more of the wine than had Cauthrien. "But it hardly matters. We were always careful. And after tomorrow, it's all the same, anyway."

"Until your spotlessly white sheets are displayed before the Bannorn."

Anora shrugged. "I'll cut my hand. I've had worse injuries during sparring."

That was true enough. Cauthrien had given her some of them herself. She let herself relax into the bed, and felt Anora lean against her, the other girl's torso curving neatly into her own.

"Besides," Anora said at last. "It's hardly as though I was his first. And it was that or risk him sleeping with every other maiden that he came across."

"Would that really matter?" Cauthrien asked. Enough men in the barracks bragged about the number of whores they'd had. How different was that from the desires of a prince?

"Maybe," Anora said, her voice slurred with drink. "If he complained enough. Maric never could refuse him anything."

"That might have been just as well for you," Cauthrien said. Perhaps a bit too tartly. She took another swig of the wine, and felt it race to her head.

"He's the only friend I've ever had," Anora said. And then, as she pressed her head against Cauthrien's shoulder, "I didn't want to lose him."

Cauthrien wrapped an arm around the other girl. "And what would have happened did you become with child? Or if he broke things off?"

"Don't say that," Anora said. "If I'd...we could have married sooner. Or found another way of dealing with it. And otherwise...Well, I'm the heir to a Teyrnate. Surely that is a good enough dowry. Even for someone like me."

"You're not that bad," Cauthrien said. Despite her whining. Despite that Anora was making her show up at her wedding and pretend to like being put into frills like an Orlesian doll, Anora really wasn't that bad. She had a hard time believing that there were not dozens of men who would love to rest in the arms of this lovely, intelligent young woman, dowry of a Teyrnate or no.

"You may be the only one who thinks so." Anora said, before she went silent for a long minute, her eyes focused intently on the fire that burned at the hearth.

"You're a lovely young lady."

"Then tell me why you're the only person who will be standing beside me at my wedding."

Cauthrien had no answer for that comment, so instead hugged Anora closer to herself, and took another drink of her wine.

DA:O

Cauthrien had shared a bed with Anora before. In fact, on most campaigns that Anora deigned to attend, the two had shared a bedroll for warmth and the protection of Anora's virtue, if not that of Cauthrien's. (Cauthrien suspected that Teyrn Loghain believed she could defend her virtue well enough, or possibly had none worth losing.) Still, it was unusual to share an actual bed with Anora. Particularly as, despite the size of the bed, Anora insisted on curling up next to Cauthrien like a puppy with its litter mates.

"Thank you again for agreeing to be with me tomorrow," Anora whispered into Cauthrien's ear, as she shifted her body so that it fit against Cauthrien's, her stomach pressed into Cauthrien's back.

"Just go to sleep," Cauthrien said. Although she reached behind her to pat Anora, her hand hitting a soft swell of hip, before she decided to end her attempt at reassurance. There was no need to encourage Anora in her attempts at what was a ridiculous and highly undesirable friendship for both of them.

"Still, thank you," Anora said. Before exhaling and drifting off to sleep.

DA:O

Cauthrien was at the end of her patience. She knew that from the perspective of the maid who was helping her get dressed, she had only just thrown on her gown, and suffered the bare minimum of fussing as her hair was arranged into a proper bridal crown, complete with yellow roses and gold filigree. All the same, she had had enough. She had no idea as to how Anora stood this endless poking and prodding and absolute stillness, just to get ready for a formal event.

But she had agreed. And a show of temper would do her no good. So she sat, waiting for the maid to finish pulling her hair, rubbing rouge on her cheeks, and poking at her eyes with various brushes so that she was made up like a whore.

Still, her appearance in the mirror was pleasant, even if she looked completely unlike herself. And perhaps that was just as well. Cauthrien suddenly seized upon that wild hope. If no one could recognize her as Cauthrien, perhaps she would be able to escape this mess with some of her dignity intact. And she did look so little like herself that it seemed plausible that people would fail to recognize her.

She was just considering the merits of this plan when there was a knock on the door, and Anora rose to answer it.

"Father," Anora said, stepping through the doorway.

"You look lovely," said Loghain, before coming into the room. He glanced at Cauthrien, then turned back to his daughter.

"Not half as lovely as Cauthrien, though," Anora said, gesturing at her. Loghain glanced in her direction, and for a moment, time seemed to stop as he met her eyes and his expression changed into something that Cauthrien could not recognize, despite the many years she had spent with him.

She wondered if he would say anything to her; ask her what she was doing here, or tell her that she looked lovely as well. She waited for a long minute as he assessed her, wondering what his response would be. Instead he turned to his daughter, and his face tightened. He demanded, "What are you thinking?"

Anora crossed her hands in front of her chest. "I needed a bridal attendant. Cauthrien agreed. And she does look lovely."

"You should have informed me of this."

"In two hours, I will be Queen-consort," Anora said, raising her head to look him squarely in the eye. "And even if I were not, I would not need to consult you about who I wished to have standing beside me at my wedding."

"Cauthrien is a soldier. Not one of your lady's maids," Loghain said, although Cauthrien could hear his tone soften with each word. "You should not have asked her to do this."

Anora looked up at him, eyes wide. "But I like Cauthrien. She's like a sister to me." She glanced at Cauthrien, who did her best to remain perfectly still, wishing she had a way to excuse herself politely. Then Anora returned her gaze to Loghain, her eyes still wide and innocent. "Besides, our connection is well enough known no matter what I do. It won't hurt her. And I need a friend beside me."

"She's still a soldier," Loghain told Anora, although Cauthrien noticed that he glanced at her as he said this.

"She can be both," Anora said. "She's no less a solider for being here tonight. And even if she is, there's not much any of us can do now. The wedding's about to start. And I cannot be late." She rose on her toes to kiss Loghain on the cheek, before settling back on her heels. Her eyes softened and in a quiet voice she said, "Please don't be angry with me tonight, father. Please?"

Loghain's expression softened. "Not tonight, no. But we'll discuss this again tomorrow."

Anora smiled. "Thank you, father."

DA:O

Cauthrien only realized that no one was staring at her after she was half way finished with her dinner, and the wedding toasts had begun. It took a quick trip to refresh herself, and a pass by a guard who failed to recognize her, to realize that she was completely safe. Her hair and make up were as effective at disguising her as a helmet. Her gown formed an armor of sorts. This realization relaxed her enough that she was able to enjoy the good food, the wine, and the spectacle of watching the nobility of Ferelden make bigger and bigger asses of themselves as both were consumed in quantity.

Still, she had to wake up the next morning. And never was one for a party, no matter how good the food. Since Anora seemed to have things under control, there was no reason to linger. So she asked, and was granted permission to leave with a smile.

Cauthrien lifted her skirts nearly to her knees, and wove past various revelers towards the guard who had failed to recognize her on her last trip. Then left the room with a sigh of relief before deciding to head to the same wash room she had used when she relieved herself earlier in the evening. It was delightfully empty, so she stepped behind a screen, and began to undo the floral crown in her hair.

It was pretty, she thought to herself. If nothing else, she could appreciate that. Wasteful and foolish, perhaps, but lovely all the same. And provided no one had recognized her, or even if they had, but choose to ignore it, she might be grateful for this experience. After all, it was not every day that a peasant got to play at being a princess.

Just as she finished untangling her hair from the crown and reached behind her to begin unlacing her corset, she heard others enter the room. She paused at her task when she heard the first speak.

"Could you believe Anora up there? All stiff and proper and duller than dirt. I wonder how Cailan will manage tonight," one said.

"That's assuming that he can pry her thighs apart," the other said. "What's the bet that she just sits in the corner all night and reads?"

"She'll do it if she thinks it's her duty. I bet she spreads her legs and lies there like a broken doll," the first one said. "While Cailan will wonder why he agreed to marry that frigid whore, and will have to pretend it's one of us to get a rise."

"Or both of us!" the other twittered.

They began to giggle. "I bet he'd like that, wouldn't he? Two lovely ladies instead of one?"

"Or even a snake, considering what he's going to find in his bed tonight."

Cauthrien found it hard to breathe, and tried to steady her breaths so that they would not know she was there.

Then she heard the splashing of water, and let herself relax for a second. "She really is a snake, isn't she? All cold and nasty. Never up for anything fun. Always reading and studying and thinking she's so much better than everyone just because she's the daughter of a teyrn and is going to be queen. Even though I bet that Cailan would leave her in a minute if he thought he could get away with it."

"She's a total bitch. Do you know what she told me when I told her about how sorry I felt for her?"

"Felt sorry about what?"

"Oh, just in that she only had two gowns for autumn, while I had two dozen made? And didn't she think that she ought to have at least as many dresses as the daughter of a Bann?"

"Oh, this I have to hear!"

"She said that she'd rather see money spent on the library or in repairing the bridge to the alienage, than on another dress, when her two were perfectly serviceable. She's so boring. She might as well have been a scholar for all the fun she is. No wonder she doesn't have any friends."

"Other than that girl who was next to her today. I wonder where she found her?"

"I bet she paid off some merchant girl and dressed her up."

"Like one of those girls who ties ribbons around a puppy."

There was another twitter of giggles. "Just like that. She might as well have put a gown on a hog and pretended that it was her attendant."

"That would have been something," the girl with the higher, more nasal voice said. The other one chimed in with an "oink", before the two laughed. Then the higher voice continued with, "I just can't believe that bitch is going to be our queen. Can you imagine how dull the court will be? All duty this and duty that, and work hard, and persevere, and do your part for the kingdom. I hope she dies in childbirth."

"Assuming Cailan can even get it up often enough to knock her up."

"Hah, we should talk to him tonight. Offer him our services. Just in case he needs them."

"You know he'll love that."

"And I can't wait to see Anora's face if you do."

The two continued laughing, before mercifully, Cauthrien heard the door open, then shut. She peered out from behind the screen just to be sure, before returning to changing. She slipped off her gown, and folded it neatly on a chair behind her, before sliding into the tunic and breeches she had placed in her bag for this very purpose. She gathered the folded cloth, and walked back to her room. Then neatly deposited it, along with the filigree from her bridal crown, in her chest. She sat on her bed and let her mind drift over the events of the evening. Perhaps she ought to visit Anora tomorrow, when she had a chance. Thank her for asking her to be her attendant. Thank her for the lovely gown. Ask about her health and her interests. Talk about their childhood in Gwaren. And maybe, just maybe, try to be her friend.