Originally, this was started in response to the appearance of Josh, Beckett's new boyfriend. But then, Josh disappeared and hasn't been in the last couple of episodes, so it's been harder to write this from that angle. So I've tried to do what I did with the first couple of chapters and touch on Beckett's uncertain feelings for Castle.

I'd love reviews so I know if you like it. I love writing these, but I'd rather write stuff that people like. So if you like it, please let me know; if not, I guess I'll know by bad reviews or lack of reviews.

I am trying to keep these true to the timeline of the show (with the exception of chapter 2). So obviously, I can only update about once per week, unless there's a really good episode with a lot of Castle/Beckett stuff in it where I just can't finish it all in one chapter.

Caution: contains many spoilers for 3X06.

Disclaimer: I do not own Castle; I just like to write stuff about an awesome show.

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The Triple Killer was back. And of course, Beckett thought, within literally moments after seeing the body, Castle had it pegged as him. Sure, she saw the body, the way it was posed and the ugly marks on the victim's neck, and she made the fleeting connection in her mind before dismissing it as an overactive imagination. But when the the original overactive imagination personified-Castle-walked up and immediately made the same connection she did, she began to rethink her quick dismissal. She even asked Lanie to look into a possible connection. Of course, she wasn't going to tell Castle that, but she got a good internal chuckle at the look on his face when Lanie revealed that she had indeed ran with his idea about a connection.

So often, their ideas were in sync. It was weird how easily they worked together now, especially after his four month hiatus. It was weird how she could count on him to provide the missing pieces to make the puzzle fit together. It was even more weird how she DID count on him. Sure, she got short with him and gave him a hard time, but that was just what she did. It was how they interacted...he was the funny one who got out of line and she was the serious one who kept him in line. He was just goofy; it was as much a part of him as his brown hair. Like when they searched a murder victim's couch for clues and he exclaimed excitedly when he found...a penny? Really, Castle.

But to give credit where credit is due, they never would have searched the couch unless Castle hadn't noticed the pillow disarray and made the connection that it wasn't normal. Castle strikes again. Sometimes she hated to admit it, but when it comes to noticing the really strange clues, or making the really far mental reaches, there was just something about Castle and his methods. She didn't know what it was, exactly, but she knew that whatever it was, it certainly worked. And she didn't want to lose that. She had come to count on it. She had come to count on him.

For several agonizing minutes tonight, she thought she had lost him. Lost him before she even knew what that "thing" was between them. Her heart was lodged in her throat after she and Esposito flew out of the precinct after getting the call from Martha and putting everything together. After the call from Martha, she looked at Esposito and saw her own worry reflected in his face. All at once, the pieces made sense. All during the drive to the motel, she had that feeling of dread in the pit of her stomach...she didn't know what she would find in that hotel room. She even sent up a few silent prayers that he...uh, that they would be OK. Esposito was worried too...he even told her, trying to sound convincing, 'they'll be fine, just keep that thought in your head. They'll be fine."

She took the steps to the room two at a time, and she put all of her worry, fear and dread into her leg when she kicked in the door. "Castle!", she screamed. She didn't even wait to make sure Esposito was ready. She had to get in that room. After the door slammed open, she saw Castle sitting there, seemingly fine although incapacitated by being bound to the chair. Despite Castle saying that Ryan was hurt, she still instinctively went to Castle to untie his restraints. She just HAD to get to him, it was a need, like the need for air. She had to see if he was OK. Ryan was one of her fellow officers...even though she knew Esposito was there, why did she go to Castle first? Why did she work quickly to free Castle from his restraints, but didn't even check on Ryan?

As she untied him, she whispered to him "I'm so glad that you're OK." It was the understatement of the year, but she just didn't know how else to put into words what she was thinking, how immensely relieved she was that she didn't have another murder case on her hands, one with a personal connection. For all of the times when they had come close to getting hurt and had still joked about it, she just couldn't do that same thing now. It was too close, she was too worried. Something had changed.

While they wrapped up the scene, she noticed that Castle had slipped out and was sitting by the pool, just staring into space. It was so uncharacteristic of him, when she had finished what she needed to she grabbed a cup of coffee from the office to take to him. It was a nice gesture, it was a reason to go see him, and it was something to keep her hands occupied so she didn't fidget. She sat down next to him and offered him the coffee.

She couldn't stand it any longer...she had to ask him. The thought had been haunting her, worrying her since she and Esposito had figured out it was Jerry and had subsequently found both Castle and Ryan alive. "Why did he let you live?" It made her wince a little bit inside to ask, because the flip side would be that he was dead and she couldn't stop it.

Kate saw Castle's realization that Jerry would take other innocent lives, as a punishment to Castle for not stopping him or figuring out soon enough that he, Jerry, was the real Triple Killer. She knew he blamed himself. She saw the tortured look on his face. Gone was the cocky, self-assured, fun-loving 9 year old on a sugar rush. She looked at the somber man beside her, insisting that a killer would kill again, and the blame would fall on his own shoulders. There was something about Castle where he could act like a little kid or a court jester trying to make people laugh, but then flip the switch and be deadly serious. And he was deadly serious now, insisting that he hadn't done enough, that he was at fault. Beckett knew that wasn't true, but to convince him...well that wasn't going to be easy.

Once again, they were on the same wavelength; she had, unfortunately "been there, done that" many times. And her heart went out to him, because although she wouldn't wish that feeling of guilt on anyone, she knew how it felt because she had experienced those feelings so many times herself. And she said as much to Castle.

Anyone else would have been looking toward the future, saying "we'll get him next time" and other feel-good, rah-rah platitudes like that. Or they would have offered consoling words, trying to make them feel better. But not Castle and Beckett. Castle didn't say much, but he didn't need to. Beckett knew his guilt, felt it personally. The way she saw it, most of this was on her anyway. SHE was the trained police detective. But there was no sense in arguing about it. She knew that he felt responsible. She offered him what small form of comfort she could give, and tried to find the common ground..."I know the feeling", she told him softly. And with that, he put his hand on hers and held on tightly, giving both them the bond over their common guilt. And they sat like that, in silence, staring into the peaceful water of the pool, until well after the last official vehicle was gone from the scene.

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Reviews, please? I'd really like to know what you think.