Thinking about you
Rating: T
Pairing: Roy/Ed
Word Count: 450
Warnings: angst, mention of character death, slightly AU (obviously), Roy's POV
Summary: We never realize how much someone means to us until that someone is gone…
Author's Note: This was baroqueangel's first prompt on my drabble prompt post. The prompt was: 'How about Roy/Ed - not realising what you've got till its gone (preferably gone for good as in CoS gone or dead gone)'

Extra Note: While this is short enough to fit in the drabble collection, it also has a kinda sequel which wouldn't fit into Roy/Ed, so I'll post it to stand on its own.

Thinking about you

How stupid of me to think that there was nothing that could ever take you on.

In my mind you always have been indestructible. Sure, there were those times when your automail got all busted up… and that time when Scar actually came pretty close to killing you. But somehow… my head never really took that in. All I ever could see was your strength, be it in character or physically. You always have been so much stronger than me.

As you said goodbye that day I never thought anything of it. We have been barely civil to each other for the days before that. I don't even know anymore what the fight was about, but I regret it now. In a way it's amusing how fighting seemed to have been our favored way of communicating. It's no surprise that no-one ever suspected anything going on between the two of us. If they ever had found out they probably would have thought it to be a joke.

Only… I know it wasn't. Maybe we haven't been the most compatible couple, but what we had going on between the two of us… there is nothing that could compare to it. There were sparks flying whenever our gaze met, an explosion similar to a volcano breaking out whenever we made love. In all the years I've played around I've never met anyone who could complement me so well in such a crazy way.

And now… now I'm standing here, at your grave, agonizing about all the things I never said. About how I never let you know how much I appreciated you challenging me, making me strive to be even better than ever before, no matter if in the bedroom or the office. About how I never told you how much you meant to me, how much I loved you. You always hated this 'mushy shit' as you called it, but still… I should have told you.

They say you never know what you have until it's gone. I guess 'they' are right with that. While you were still alive I was cursing you to hell and back again, wishing for you to grow up or to just go away.
Now… now I just wish you were still here, snarling at me to just snap out of it and to stop with this shit. I know you wouldn't appreciate me coming here to your grave, day in and day out.

Only… you're not here anymore to shout at me. You never will be again.

So… maybe I'll stop one day. But until then I'll just stand here, imagining all the reactions my being here would cause.

And keep on thinking about you.

END