Warnings: Language, curtesy of Romano and Netherlands. Slight violence, because of them too. But mostly Romano (no surprises there).

"But I don't want to! Don't make me-"

"Just do it Spanje; broer won't hurt you too badly."

"Too badly-?"

"Go! Before I sic Romano on you."

"H-hey! I'm not a damn dog you can boss around!"

Belgium cooed slightly, patting Romano's head in apology, "Of course not Romano! I'm sorry. But you'd help me convince Boss Spain to have a talk with Netherlands, wouldn't you? It's really, really important to me."

Romano, cheeks reddening a bit, huffed, "W-well, whatever. I guess I'll help you out."

Belgium beamed, and Spain wailed dramatically, "You're so me~an to me, Lovi!"

"Don't call me that, bastard!"

A few (many) headbutts later, a rather battered Spain stumbled off to Netherland's room. Romano had been ordered to clean up all the furniture and glass he broke, but Belgium did it in his place as a 'thank you'. Instead, the Italian had been gifted with a tomato, and was now eating it.

"Erm, Holanda? Are you there?" Spain stood nervously outside Netherland's room, hand half-raised in a knocking motion.

There was a muffled thump.

Swallowing, Spain knocked again, harder this time, "Ahh~ Can I come in por favour?"

"No."

Spain now contemplated turning around, and lying to Belgium that he'd tried, 'but Holanda just wouldn't listen!' Of course, knowing his luck, Belgium would see right through it, and order Romano to attack him again.

With a resigned sigh, Spain twisted the doorknob, wishing that he'd thought to install locks in the bedrooms so he'd have an excuse not to talk to Netherlands. Hindsight was a bitch.

The scene that greeted him made him freeze.

The only normal thing that Spain could see was Netherlands' glaring at him. The effect of the glare was rather lessened, however, by the tulips. Dear God, the tulips.

Every flat surface in the room, including the desk, the queen-sized bed, the floor, was covered in either bunches, vases, or bouquets. Of tulips. Brightly coloured, sweet-smelling, perfectly formed tulips. There could easily be thousands of them.

Spain had to admit that Belgium was right. Netherlands had a problem.

"Didn't I tell you not to come in, Spanje?"

He winced, "Sorry Holanda. But Belg-I needed to talk to you."

Spain was met with another glare.

"Well, you see-that is-I mean-"

"Hurry up. I don't have all day."

Spain rather wanted to say that he did, as the other nation was just sitting among his tulips on the floor. And- did he just- stroke a petal? 'The faster I speak to him the better.'

"Seriously Spanje. Out-"

"Holanda," Spain grimaced at having to interrupt Netherlands, who was looking rather pissed, "I think-Belgium thinks- Holanda, you have a problem."

There was silence.

"Problem?" Netherlands murmured darkly, head lowered so Spain couldn't see his eyes, "You think I. Have. A. Problem?"

He was a conqueror, dammit, Spain wasn't going to be scared of a little province. Even though Netherlands was rather tall.

"I don't think you have a problem. I know!" Netherlands head whipped up, a murderous glint in his eyes, but Spain continued, "Can't you see yourself, Holanda? Look at all these tulips. Your whole room's covered in them. Covered in a-a flower! You're obsessed! And your economy-"

"Shut up. I am my own nation, Spanje. I can do whatever the hell I like!"

"I'm just trying to help. Wouldn't it be better to, erm, like something that isn't a flower? Like tomatoes~!"

Netherlands grabbed the neck of a rather large vase, "Don't call my tulips damn flowers."

"What's with the vase, Holanda? Are you- you're giving me a present~?"

"Get out."

Netherlands raised the, probably heavy, vase menacingly. Spain's eyes widened in realization, "You're not gonna- Put that down! Por favour, have mercy!"

"No."

Crash!

"I'm guessing that your conversation with broer didn't go very well?"

Belgium raised an eyebrow curiously as she dabbed cream onto Spain's bruises.

"You could say that-ow!"

"Don't be such a wimp, Boss."

"I-I can't believe that the bastard got beaten up by a province!" Romano fell out of his seat, and was clutching his stomach as he rolled on the floor.

"It's not funny, Lovi!"

Romano was so hysterical that he didn't even yell at Spain for using his nickname. Belgium, who'd finished bandaging Spain's injuries, clamped both hands over her mouth in a half-hearted attempt to stifle her giggles.

As Spain whined about their meanness, Romano banged his head on a table leg and Belgium burst out into a fit of laughter, Netherlands smirked to himself in his room.

Nobody insulted his tulips and got away with it.

Translations

Spanje: Dutch for Spain

Broer: Dutch for brother

Holanda: Spanish for Netherlands

Por favour: Spanish for please

A/N: Thank God for Google Translate. Sorry if any of this is wrong, I give you permission to abuse me until I change it.

Now time for a history lesson; Netherlands (as in the country) was actually obsessed with tulips in the mid-16th Century. It was introduced by the Ottoman Empire and became insanely popular for unknown reasons. Seriously. As in Belarus loves Russia insane (well-not quite). But still, the most expensive type of tulip, called the Viceroy, was worth 4200 florins. A good craftsman back then usually earnt 300 florins a year. So basically, people would pay 14 or so years worth of money for a single flower. If that isn't obsessive, I don't know what is. And that isn't even the best part.

It pretty much went like this, in Netherlands, tulips were popular and expensive as hell for about a year, and all was flowers and rainbows. Then, in February peeeeuuuuuu; their worth pretty much committed suicide, and tulips weren't worth crap. Honestly, it was like, "I'd like to sell my sister/land/give you my life savings for this tulip!" then a week later, "God, let's burn these useless pieces of !*&$(." Yeah. Wished that you'd listened to Spain then, ay Netherlands?

Then, less than a century later, the Ottoman Empire went through a 'Tulip Period'. Guess what that was about. -Sigh- Nations never learn, do they?