Title: My truth

Summary: Marcus's reply to Oliver's letter… (Marcus POV)

Warnings: Strong swear words more frequent then the 1st part.

A.N: I wrote this straight after the first part I really enjoyed writing this and I hope you guys enjoyed reading it

Part 2

That was a long letter you sent me, but I still read it I thought about just not replying or sending you a reply telling you to go fuck yourself. Well you were so honest in your letter guess that means I have to be honest in mine.

There's no real point talking about my first year it was pretty average I could have gotten on the Quidditch team but my Captain didn't want to have a first year. By the way I'm only writing my letter like this because you did, thought you'd probably want to know why I did, what I did. So first year, I was there, you weren't, that's all really.

Second year you turned up, sorry to admit it but I didn't really notice. No only joking I did notice you. I caught you flying in your first lesson, I also watched as you tried out for your team. You were good, really good. I already knew you were worthy of being keeper, just your Captain had the same problem mine did; it's a big risk having first years on the field. I caught you watching me a few times but I always assumed it was my imagination. I didn't pick on you because I didn't get you, Weasley I got him sussed but not you. In some ways I always kept an eye on you, I knew you were going to be a pain in my arse once you got on the field, your current keeper was shit, and it was too easy to score against your house. I was excited for when you got on the team; I knew you would be worth my energy.

And low and behold you were worth my energy and you were the biggest pain in my arse. Third year you came and you were on the Gryffindor team, I was not surprised, but I was surprised you stopped my goal. That was unforgivable, I had to get you out of the game, and you were far too quick for a second year so you had to be taken out before you embarrassed me. I didn't feel quilt, I did what I had to do to keep my reputation; the last thing I need was a daft second year Gryffindor to humiliate me in front of the whole school. Then when I was innocently spending time on my own, you came up to me and began yelling at me, no offence but you were some squeaky little boy back then, it was almost hilarious watching you yelp at me, it took me a while to understand what you were going on about. When you finally stopped yapping on I thought you were going to run away, but no, you stood there, staring at me so I decided to punch you. Don't take it too personally it was only to ensure you wouldn't continue talking to me. Then you nose started bleeding, no offence but it was hilarious. You just stood there as it all poured out of you and you seemed so confused, like it had never happened before. I knew that wasn't going to be the end of you and I was happy about it, I always liked a challenge.

Oh my fourth year, you became the biggest pain in my arse. Yes I argued with you and bloody hell it was fantastic everyone else was terrified of me but not you. Yeah you claimed you were but you weren't. You were strong, you were so fucking strong and I became addicted like I had to see you everyday, I had to fight with you every single day because then I knew you were still there you were like an entity in my life didn't matter if I liked you or not I needed you to be there. Yeah that sounds pretty weird but it was kind of true, you were there everyday and so I just began to rely on you to be there so we can scream at each other. I didn't have that need to be part of my house as you were, well maybe I did but I never thought about it. Slytherin was just something I was put into, it's not like Quidditch where I had to work hard to be part of, and something else chose me to be a Slytherin. Not saying I didn't want to be in Slytherin, it's a known fact that we are a lot cooler than you. You are probably wondering if I fancied you, because you definitely fancied me. Maybe I did I never really thought about it. I always thought about you, thought about what to say to piss you off or figure out the best tactic to get a quaffel in without you catching it. I never remembered wanting to have sex with you. You were still a bit of a brat who was still waiting for his growth spurt, thinking back you were not unattractive but you were still a boy.

When I was fifteen, I became Captain; you were so fucking jealous I was all ready to shove it in your face. Laugh as I was now a captain how should I know that Weasley chose you, you were only fourteen for fuck sake but no you became Captain a year younger than me I was furious you bastard. Not saying you didn't deserve it you did deserve to be Captain but not when you were younger than me. I was actually surprised you never mentioned this in your letter, thought you'd be all over the whole "I became a Captain when I was fourteen" but maybe you purposely didn't say it because you knew it would piss me off. No wonder I smacked you about, bloody Captain at fourteen. Oh but its gets worse doesn't it, you started to look good. Sometime in the summer holidays you became fucking attractive I should have killed you for what you did to me. I should have done a lot of things but I ended up shagging some girl, she was older than me and I knew she was a slut but I started to like you, I fancied you and I realised that when I look around I started to fancy other guys in the school. That's why I did it. I'm not proud of it, you lost your virginity to me but I lost mine to some girl in my house that was 2 years older than me. Everyone else on the Quidditch team treated me as some kind of hero I personally thought I acted like a twat. I blamed you for it though, that's why I would beat you up but you always thought back so I never felt guilty about it. Yeah I loved it too you know, having you all over me, pulling me closer so you could hit me I fucking enjoyed it, it was fun. Everything I did with you was fun and also hiccupping pink bubbles is not cool, do you have any idea what grief I got for that. You were like the younger brother I never had, I still saw you everyday didn't matter what we were doing I just saw you everyday; I don't even see my housemates that often. I guess you were special to me but I never thought about this shit at the time, I mean why would I we were just kids, students, Quidditch professional wannabes how was I supposed to know that everything I did then was going to make a difference now.

If I thought you were attractive when I was fifteen, it was nothing compared to how I felt about you when I was sixteen. I knew I was gay in case you were wondering, but being gay is way harder in the lifestyle I lead compared to the one that you do. I'm expected to meet another pureblood and make little pureblood babies. Oh can't believe I nearly forgot about Potter bloody fucking Potter. Oh you were so fucking smug now wonder I head butted you in the corridors. He was never that fantastic we were much better Quidditch players in our first years how come he got to fucking play? Because he was the fucking boy-who-lived who gives a crap. It wasn't like he jumped up out of his cot and kicked you-know-who in the nuts was it? No and you felt the same as I did. Don't forget I know you so well back then I knew even though you acted proud you were secretly pissed off too. Well enough about Potter, I'm more interested in your letter about the fights we had, I always knew you liked a little spanking under the sheets but even I was not aware how much of a masochist you were. You asked if I ever saw how much you wanted me, sometimes I think I would but I wanted you so I didn't know if it was wishful thinking or not. When I went to you after you got out the hospital wing I was still so angry, your seeker caught the snitch before mine, Potter won against Higgs that crushed him. Of course I wanted revenge, but I got to admit I was expecting the way you looked at me. It was like, I don't know I was seeing you differently, yeah I admit it I fancied you but that moment something was different. You mentioned love in your letter quite a lot but I'm not really sure what that means to me. Maybe I did fall in love, just a little though. I guess you want me to explain why I walked away; I walked away because I was scared of what I'd do. Realising you're gay is one thing, acting upon it was another thing. Do you have any idea how I really felt? No you didn't did you. I felt like I could have you in the sense I could just take you, I could kiss you, I could even have sex with you, but for the love of fuck I couldn't. Everything I wanted nay everything I fucking needed was right there in front of me and I couldn't have it! That's why I ignored you; I regret it now, fuck I regret it but what could I have done? Kiss you and tell you that I love you now let's o off shag then eventually marry? No of course I couldn't fucking do that, even though I really wanted to. The reason why I kissed you after ignoring you was because I missed you, there I actually said it I…missed…you. I didn't realise I was your first kiss, knew I was your first shag but not kiss, kind of wished we did it somewhere else, the toilets aren't exactly classy. You were a good kisser, I liked your lips, never thought I would but I soon got a craving for them. I began to care for you. That's why I stopped it. I didn't realise I'd break your heart all I wanted was an outlet for what I wanted and I thought that was the same for you. If I knew I'd hurt you like that I wouldn't have done it, I wouldn't have been such a coward. I'm cool with giving you a few bruises and telling you, you're a prick but never wanted to harm you like that. I'm sorry.

When I was seventeen, I felt less of a man then before you bastard. Sixteen you were and you were edible, gorgeous even, how could I possibly not kiss you again. The summer was long, very long and I needed you. I wasn't thinking of you, I just knew I needed you because it was getting harder and harder to fight what I was…what I am. I think mother had an idea about what was up with me, father doesn't know probably for the best really. I never did tell you what was going on home, I didn't want your pity, but I should have known better. So I guess this was when our affair began, don't like to call it affair though, I don't know what to call it. Mindless fucking has a nice ring to it but I know you won't appreciate it being called that. When I had sex with you it was fantastic, bearing in mind the only other time I had sex was with a dirty slag so I'm not the best judge of quality, but fuck me. You were so open to me; you let me in…in more ways than one might I add. Being above you, watching you cum, there was no experience in the world that matched that it was better than flying, not because it was sex; it was because it was sex with you. Then as you so rightly said, I fucked it up, I was falling for you, I was getting addicted, I was shit scared because one day I was going to have to marry some piece of skirt and there was no point torturing either of us, really was there? You have every right to think I was a coward back then. So yeah I shagged my reserved keeper it wasn't meant as any offence she was just available and apparently she fancied me for ages. I dated her yes but only did it with her once; it wasn't like before she wasn't a bad person, she genuinely liked me so I kept it going longer than I should. Then you got a girlfriend, I admit it I was jealous I eventually dumped Lisa that was her name in case you were wondering I dumped her just in time for you to come running to me and start screaming at me, which now I've realised you did an awful lot of. Course I hugged you, you looked so pathetic and I wanted to make you feel better and I was honestly sorry for what I did. You were right when you spoke about us making love and yes you were right that I loved you by the way I hate admitting you were right so don't expect it to happen again in this letter. You say we were a couple, yeah I'm cool with that, yeah a couple, I like that. The end of the year was pretty sad, didn't really want to leave, because I wanted to stay with you, Merlin I sound proper gay.

Then as luck might have it, I had to repeat a year. I had mixed feelings about this, I was somewhat happy I got to spend another year with you, hey I admitted I loved you, but still though telling my parents the bad news, not great. Though having you in my bed did cheer me up immensely, all I can remember from our last year was all the sex, how we managed to pass was beyond me. Sex and Quidditch fucking bliss in my opinion, your memory must be better than mine because I can't remember a thing about that year, except making a decision about not caring what my parents said, what the fuck does it concern them who I choose to fuck, they want grandchildren we could always use potions. I was happy, shit I really do sound like a proper queer, and I guess the joke being that I really am one. To be honest I can't even remember Sirius Black being in the school, I think I just ignored it, he wasn't in my house and you were with me at the time, why should his presence bother me. There's nothing much to say for this year, I feel like I should write as much as you did but I can't see that happening, you just babble on too much.

Looks like I'll be talking about the three years we were together. What do you want me to say? I had a good time, I enjoy being with you. I loved you, you wanker, I was happy being in a relationship with you, I think the word I'm looking for is content. You shouldn't kick yourself about what was happening, I didn't know it was coming either, why should we, everyone has their own world, it wasn't fair ours had to be crushed because of someone else's problems. I just realised I never told you I loved you did I? I always said "you too" no wonder what happened, happened.

The year of the big war…what can I say? What do you want me to say? I loved you; I loved you, you bastard! You have no idea what I went through, what it was like to have people in our old flat checking up on me, asking me questions like I was a fucking suspect. They assumed I was a death eater I have had nothing to do with you-know-who all I did was play Quidditch and shag you, that's all my life was and then you fucked up. You fucked everything up; you fucked our whole lives up because of fucking peer pressure. What did you think if they suspected you Potter wouldn't be your friend anymore? I lived with you for three years and look what you did! You can sob about it now but that doesn't change what you did. Telling the truth means fuck all after the war, I was still accused of being a killer, they accused my family of being death eaters, my father was killed by them, my 'dad' was killed by the very group that he was accused of being a part of. You have no idea what that was like, me and my dad may not have seen eye to eye on some things but he loved me enough not to tell the death eaters where I was. I couldn't even go to his funeral without someone being there to watch over me. And the worst thing all this time when I was going through so much crap that you more or less helped caused I never hated you. I never hated you I just loved you and I missed you, I needed you and you weren't there! The reason I gave the information that your hero crew wanted was because it would help keep you safe, I fought to make sure you wouldn't be killed. I already lost someone I loved I wasn't prepared to loose another one.

So yeah I'm 28 now. I'm back with the Falcons as you know, they wanted me back a lot sooner but I was still getting checked up on, like risking my life for the good cause wasn't worthy of trust. You know what after all this time I still fucking love you. I know I shouldn't but I do and that's it, doesn't matter what or who I do I still love you, I still want you. When I saw you on the pitch I wanted to break your face I wanted to hurt you for what you put me through but I wanted to hold you more and tell you it's alright. It is alright you know. It is. After everything we are alright, yeah I'll take you back, you fucking knew I would. When I see you I'm going to tell you face to face that I really do love you. Wanker!

Also if you know felt like it we could get married, I haven't bought a ring but I will if you say yes. Plus the upside of getting married to you I will have married my "piece of skirt" well you call it a kilt but we'll talk about it later. So do you fancy it?

Marcus Flint

P/)

Oliver said yes.

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