II.
A/N: If you read the previous chapter when this story was a one-shot, you may want to reread the ending, as I added Balthazar after Season 6. Here, he's a bit more serious than in the show because he hasn't been to Earth yet and God is still around, but I definitely tried to preserve as much as I could from the Balthazar we see later.
"Why don't we head over to my place? It's so gloomy out here; I don't know how you put up with it."
With a small smile, Castiel nodded, and followed Balthazar without another word.
The road was strangely empty of other angels. Castiel realized that it must be the seventh hour, when most angels traveled to the High Temple to worship together. For years, now, he had hardly ventured outside of his home even to visit the Temple, and he had only been tending to the garden in his courtyard when Balthazar approached him because he felt the need to do something productive. Although Castiel knew in the back of his mind that his Father missed him worshipping at the Temple, Castiel reassured himself that he could still worship from his home, without facing other angels.
"You know, word on the street is that Lucifer's been seeking audience with our Father. Why He puts up with it is beyond me, really. I'd have thrown him back in Hell ages ago. But I suppose that's why I'll never join the upper ranks, isn't it? And speaking of which, did you know that Gabriel's been found at last?"
When Balthazar didn't continue, Castiel thought that he was probably supposed to reply. "I…didn't know he was missing."
"My, you have been out of the loop. Turns out he's been on Earth all along, masquerading as one of the animals. A peacock, was it? I can't remember what Adam's calling them these days."
As they passed Raphael's mansion, Castiel noticed that Balthazar's wings stretched far above Castiel's, and Castiel wondered how old Balthazar was. But instead, he asked, "Angels can go to Earth?"
Balthazar stopped walking and tilted his head to one side. "Sorry, uh…what did you say your name was, darling?"
He hadn't. "Castiel."
"Castiel, what have you been doing this past year? It's only the sport of all Heaven to watch the archangels prancing around down there. One of the only reasons to bother being one, if you ask me. We could probably go ourselves, but as far as I know, no one's dared. Wouldn't want to step on Raphael's toes."
They started walking again, and Castiel frowned. "What do you mean?"
"Oh, he's quite strict about who comes and goes. Doesn't want the likes of us screwing it up." They stopped at the foot of Balthazar's house, a mansion like all the others, but beneath the shadow of Raphael's. "A shame, isn't it?" he commented, as Castiel observed the sight. "Every day, at the seventh hour, for as long as I can remember."
Unlike Castiel's, which held little more than a table and a bed, Balthazar's home resembled Suriel's with its extravagance. But while Suriel had simply amassed jewels and furniture with little care for arranging or keeping it up, Balthazar had clearly spent time placing each object in its proper place. Each room had been painted differently, some with solid colors and others with sprawling murals. "These are beautiful. Did you paint them?" One depicted the hands of their Lord stretched out over Earth, with another illustrating the gates of Heaven.
"Ah, flattery will get you everywhere. I admit that I've dabbled a bit in the arts, but it's difficult to find clientele after Heaven remembers your prior association with Lucifer."
In one room, Balthazar had collected over a dozen instruments, and bookshelves filled with sheet music lined the walls. Unable to resist, Castiel flipped through one called Sanctus, almost shivered as he recalled the glorious resonation of the choirs performing his favorite hymn. "How did you come by this music?"
"You might say I…procured it," Balthazar said, sliding onto one of the cedar chairs. "Those high notes at the end were a bitch." When Castiel grimaced at him, Balthazar sighed. "You know what I mean. So, if you don't mind my asking, for how long did you study with our fallen Morning Star?"
No one had ever asked Castiel about his time with Lucifer, and his wings tensed as he remembered. "Only a few weeks. Actually, it was a miracle he took me at all. Suriel auditioned and nearly ordered him to hear me…."
Balthazar threw back his head and laughed. "Lucifer never was very fond of orders, was he? Frankly, I'm surprised he didn't bring your friend to Raphael for discipline."
"It wouldn't be the first time. Suriel…wasn't interested in discipline. He fell." When he spoke the last words, Castiel bowed his head, unable to meet Balthazar's eyes. Although the other angel had identified with him as another of Lucifer's former students, Castiel expected Balthazar's disgust upon learning that Castiel had befriended a fallen.
"I don't blame him. I nearly did, myself."
Raising his head, Castiel opened his mouth to ask why, or how, or something, but no words came to mind.
As if he wasn't telling Castiel about a time when he had almost fallen from Heaven, Balthazar propped his legs up on the table in front of them and laid his head back against the back of his chair. "If you'd known me a little longer, you wouldn't look so surprised. I still don't get along with most of the archangels; if you ask me, Gabriel's the only one who knows how to loosen up a bit. And I'll never understand the whole mess over the humans—they're just an experiment, nothing worthy of our concern, except to amuse ourselves with on a slow day. But at the time, Lucifer did seem to have a point. I was one of his first students. For as long as I can remember, he taught me everything I knew."
Castiel wasn't sure how to reply, or if it was normal for angels to discuss their reasons for nearly falling. Most likely, he thought, no one ever spoke of it. But Balthazar was obviously not like them, although he didn't completely resemble Suriel either. While Suriel hated the other angels, perhaps not unjustly, Balthazar acted as if they were beneath his notice altogether. "So then, why…."
"Surely you recall the day Lucifer agreed to teach you and your friend?" Castiel nodded; that day was forever etched into his memory. "By my estimates, you're considerably younger than I, and I don't doubt that Suriel was as well. Lucifer made bloody well sure of that."
When Castiel could only stare, Balthazar continued, "In the months before he fell, he accepted many younger students, angels with less experience. At the Mount of Assembly, when he announced his departure, I was ready to join him—that is, until I saw all of those newly-recruited students doing the same. Regardless of his argument, he was essentially manipulating children. God knows if they even understand what they've done."
All Castiel could think of was the look of utter rapture on Suriel's face when he called down, This is it! We have to go now! And how prideful it had been for he and Suriel to think that Lucifer had actually been impressed by their talents. Obviously, they had been tricked like the children they were, and Castiel felt red creeping us his cheeks in humiliation."But enough of the past," said Balthazar, standing up abruptly. "You could use some cheering up. Why don't you come with me to Eden?"
"Eden?" The name struck Castiel's memory, but he couldn't quite place it.
"As in, the garden of? Adam and Eve like it well enough, and I could use a change of scenery."
He offered his right hand, but Castiel didn't move. "You said non-archangels aren't allowed."
"Did I? We won't touch anything, I promise. Imagine, being one of the first of our rank to see the Garden of Eden. Raphael might be pissed, but what else is new? More importantly, God has yet to forbid it."
The awe in Balthazar's voice was certainly persuasive, though Castiel still had his doubts. "How would we reach Earth?"
"There's a doorway in the High Temple."
In the Temple. There was no leaving without having to face Michael and, probably, Raphael. Castiel's lips parted slightly in concern, and Balthazar added, "Our Father will allow it, you'll see."
With a sigh, Castiel stood to his feet. In the back of his mind, the wanted to thank Balthazar for even talking to him, much less trying to show him Earth, whether they made it there in the end or not.
Still, Castiel wasn't entirely sure of why he'd followed Balthazar to the Throne, directly in the center of the High Temple. They waited until the eighth hour, when most of the angels had left the Temple, to fly there. Even as he flew beside Balthazar, he dreaded the moment when they would land in the Great City, where the Temple could be found.
For years, Castiel avoided the Great City altogether by living on the fringes of Heaven, and he had almost forgotten its beauty. Great white golden towers, pillars as high and wide as the sun, forums and gardens and long stately streets, veritable skyscrapers of translucent platinum, crimson and maroon turrets, cathedrals with bulwarks and buttresses like illuminated swans at sea, all of it shimmered before his eyes like a fountain. Unable to remember the way, he glided behind Balthazar, who soared with deliberate slowness because Castiel's wings were weak from disuse.
His heart leapt in his chest when he heard the first strains of song as they entered. Angels sang throughout the Great City, their voices carrying to the sky to join in such incomparable harmony that Castiel could have wept. Created for music and for companionship with his brethren, he'd missed both for so many years that it felt to him like becoming an angel again.
Balthazar glanced back at him and laughed as Castiel narrowly avoided slamming straight into a steeple, distracted by the Great City's beauty. "You really must get out more," he said, and the corner of Castiel's lips turned up in a smile. He thought to himself that it had been a very long time since he had last smiled. "Almost there."
They landed at the foot of the Temple, and Castiel trailed behind Balthazar, careful not to meet the eyes of the archangels when they entered. "Balthazar," said Raphael, as Castiel suppressed a shiver. "You dare show your face in here with this one? Especially after you missed at the time of worship today, yet again."
With a shrug, Balthazar said, "I was just trying to convince my friend here that he should come next time—"
"I have no time for excuses. Had you been there," Raphael continued, "you would have heard the announcement from our Lord. Eden is now free for all angels to explore."
Shocked, Castiel lifted his head, and Raphael narrowed his eyes. "If you think it does not come at a price, you are mistaken. Lucifer and his monsters roam the Earth as well, and we cannot guarantee protection from them. Also, God has not made it possible for us to interact with the man and the women. They will not hear or see you, or be aware of your presence in any way."
"Oh, spare them the lecture," said Gabriel. "There's no fun in ruining the surprises." He winked, and Balthazar grinned in response as Castiel watched in bewilderment.
"As you wish," growled Raphael, and he flung his arm out towards the portal behind him.
Light streamed from the doorway, and Balthazar strode up without a second's hesitation. "After you, my dear," he said as Castiel approached with the intention of walking through, but he froze at the threshold.
"Don't look so scared," said Gabriel. "Lucifer and his gang are dicks, sure, but they're too scared to lay a hand on any of us."
Castiel couldn't force himself forward, and he suddenly felt hands pressing against his back. Before he could react, Balthazar shoved him tumbling through the portal.
When Castiel stumbled through, Balthazar caught him before Castiel could fall on his face. He could not help but gasp, and Balthazar might have laughed if he had not been so stunned himself. Where white light bathed the golden streets of Heaven, Earth was lush and green, carpeted with flowers and brushes that resembled those of Heaven with slight variations. "These colors," Castiel breathed, "I've never seen them before."
They heard the trickle of rushing water, a noise familiar to them, but also the calls of what Castiel realized must be the creatures of Earth. One of them soared in front of Castiel with a piercing cry, and another slid through him—as Raphael had said, they did not perceive Castiel. A few feet from them stood the plant that Castiel remembered as the Tree of Life, as their Father called it on the day of its creation. In the distance, the sphere that lit the sky had begun to descend, and the sky had broken into an array of color that Castiel recognized from the jewels that had adorned Lucifer's palace. "In Heaven, there is only light, and outside there is only darkness. Here, it is…different."
"Astounding, isn't it?" said Balthazar. "Were you alive when He made it?"
"I'm not that young," Castiel chuckled. He remembered those days of creation as the happiest in his existence. Let there be light, God had said, as Castiel and Suriel gazed in awe. Immediately, far off in the spectacle of darkness beyond the Outer Reaches, a light source wobbled into being, starting first with the slightest point of light and growing. The light was sheer white, but it contained a warmth, a steady blissful shining. God had stepped out into the darkness and took the dancing orb in His hands, batting it back and forth between them as it grew.
As he tossed the light in the expanse of nothing, another orb appeared, but it was black. Then with a massive swipe, He had separated the black and the light. The white light and the black darkness circled, fused, became one and then resolved. For a moment, the light was diminished by the black, and then the black hidden by the light.
Their Father sent them spinning into space, and then blew on them with His breath. There, they grew until the black spaces beyond the Outer Reaches shone with the mixture of light and darkness, something no angel had witnessed before. Day and night, God had said. It is good. The building and forming continued for the rest of the day, until the golden light and cool dark spread from the deepest crevice to the height of the clouds. The light had shimmered and dance and flew like water, a river of light, while the darkness rested with a smooth and velvety silence that calmed those who looked upon it.
The next five days had contained more miracles than Castiel could have imagined. Water spilled into the Earth, God carved mountains from rock with the tips of his fingers and scattered stars across the sky, vegetation sprung from bare land, and creatures broke forth from the air. Sparrows, bluebirds, eagles, vultures, hawks, falcons, and others that Castiel could not recall the names of chirped and called out, winging their way through the sky. The sea surged with its own beasts, sharks and dolphins and whales, swirling through the sea with their untamed shrieks and shrills and cries.
But on the sixth day, God had knelt in the dirt and touched the surface with His gentle hands. He spoke softly, and the earth glowed with a sentient light as He shaped it, kneaded it, breathed into it. After a few moments, He stood over the form, and Castiel's wings trembled with anticipation. Slowly, the form rose, took their Father's hand, and was pulled to his feet. Every angel in Heaven scrutinized the being God called "man," with a form similar to their own, but wingless, and wearing nothing but light.
For all the wonders Castiel observed, he never anticipated that he might one day see that being face to face or walk the new land, even if he couldn't interact with it.
As they explored the garden, Castiel saw the other tree that had been named, that of the Knowledge of Good and Evil. "Quite a mouthful, isn't it?" muttered Balthazar.
"Hmm?" Castiel had been studying the tree so intently that he'd almost forgotten Balthazar's presence. Like the Tree of Life, it bore luscious, golden red fruit, and from each tree emanated a welcoming, extravagant aroma like that of the apple in blossom. But somehow, according to their Father, the two trees were nothing alike, and it was of the utmost importance for the man and the woman to beware this one.
"The name, I mean. What do you think it means?"
Pressing a finger to his lips, Castiel mulled over the question for a long moment. "Do the humans know the difference between good and evil?"
At first, Balthazar scoffed, "How could they not?" But as he thought about it, he added, "Then again, they do seem rather naïve. Don't seem entirely fair, if you ask me."
A noise broke Castiel's thoughts, and he whirled around to see the woman coming towards them from the distance, singing. She was running her hands along the bushes, flicking back branches, and Castiel frowned. "Lucifer was right in one respect." When Balthazar glanced up at him, he added, "Their music is very different from ours."
Balthazar laughed. "I find it quite charming, don't you? They do try so very hard."
As the woman walked, one of the beasts was crawling behind her. "What is that?" asked Castiel, pointing.
"Adam calls it a serpent. Ugly little brute, isn't it?" The creature had caught up with Eve and she stopped as it wrapped around her ankle to bend down and stroke its head. It coiled around her arm, sliding up, eyes wide with curiosity. Castiel knelt beside them, reaching towards the animal even though he knew he couldn't feel it, and Balthazar sighed with disinterest. "Wait here, I'll look for Adam. You won't believe the size of his pets."
While Balthazar was gone, Castiel listened to the woman singing and tried to understand the words. She repeated many of them, and when she stopped singing to speak to the serpent, he heard the same syllables several times before he realized that their language must not be as developed as Enochian. Compared to her soft sounds, the angels' tongue seemed a thunderous roar.
Suddenly Castiel heard, in a familiar voice, "You're the last one I expected to see here."
Every feather stood on edge as he turned to face the other angel, if Suriel could even be called that anymore. "And watching the woman, no less," he continued. "I gotta admit, you've surprised me."
Suriel still appeared as an angel, but then, he must have fled Hell at some point in order to access Eden, and perhaps before his features had twisted like some of the others that Michael had warned of. But he stood taller than Castiel had ever seen him, his wings stretched to their full extent, and Castiel felt unnervingly small in comparison. "I am not watching her," said Castiel, a little more loudly than he intended.
"Hey, don't worry; I'm hardly here to judge you. But alright, whatever you say."
"You should not be here," Castiel said, through gritted teeth.
Although Suriel had been smiling before, it was more of a sneer when he had teased Castiel about Eve. It softened into a genuine smile as he said, "You know, I always missed you, but I'd forgotten how much I actually enjoyed having someone who was so determined to follow the rules just for the sake of it."
Under pressure, Castiel's first instinct was to look away, but he forced himself to meet Suriel's eyes. They were hard-set and narrow, with no trace of the mischievous glint, which meant he was probably just as distraught as Castiel at the sight of his old friend. "It's more than that. I am loyal to our Father."
"What'd you get for all that loyalty?" demanded Suriel, crossing his arms. "I'm loyal to my master, and he's rewarded me with one of the highest positions in Hell. We would never climb the ranks under your Father."
"No, Suriel, ourFather—He's our Father. Lucifer has only—he's divided us, brother against brother. God never wanted that for us."
Suriel shook his head, the expression on his face more grave than Castiel had ever seen from him. "Is that why we were ignored, cast out like we were worth less than our brothers? And maybe I deserved it; I hadn't so much as stepped foot in the Temple in years, but you were the best soldier in Heaven."
When Castiel started to turn, Suriel spoke faster, more urgently. "You didn't just keep every law or spend hours on your knees or sing until you could hardly speak. You actually treated me like a brother when they just wanted God to smite me and be done with it, and they'll never accept you for that. You deserve better than this. My new family would accept you, no questions asked."
Despair clutched Castiel's soul as it had on the day of the rebellion, and his hands trembled at his sides. Long ago, he'd resolved to never think of Suriel again, and now he wanted nothing more than to leave with him. It frightened Castiel even more than when Lucifer had tried to tempt him. Lord, he thought, if my prayers can reach Heaven from here, please help me. Even though Raphael had already cautioned them that there was no protection on Earth, Castiel had to hope that God still heard him from Heaven.
A hand grasped Castiel's shoulder, and he was too shocked to shove it off. "I'm sorry, is there a problem?" said Balthazar, as Suriel backed away.
"Not at all," Suriel replied, as Balthazar closed the gap between them. "We were just talking."
"I hate to interrupt," said Balthazar, "but we're on a tight schedule. Perhaps another time?"
"Sure," Suriel replied, clearly aware that a fight against the older angel would be unwise. "Remember Castiel…you deserve better."
As Suriel vanished in a flutter of wings, and Castiel glanced at Balthazar helplessly. "That was your old friend, I take it?" Castiel nodded, and Balthazar seemed to understand that Castiel didn't want to answer any more questions. "We can go back, if you'd like. We have all eternity for sight-seeing."
All eternity, at that moment, was longer than Castiel wanted to contemplate. Again, he nodded, and Balthazar led him back to the gateway to Heaven. In an effort to distract himself, Castiel pondered as to whether God had hidden the portal from Lucifer's angels, or if they could see it but simply not pass through.
They returned to Heaven without another word, and Castiel belatedly wondered if Balthazar had ever found Adam. He thanked God silently for sending Balthazar when Suriel was trying to win him over; otherwise, Castiel admitted to himself, he might not have been able to resist for much longer.
"I trust your visit went uneventfully?" asked Raphael, in a dry voice that indicated that had better be the case.
"Of course," Balthazar lied smoothly, as Castiel worked his mouth without quite managing to get anything out.
Together, they flew out of the Great City, and Balthazar didn't leave Castiel until they were back at Castiel's time. "Just say the word if you want to go back," said Balthazar, but Castiel suspected that Balthazar knew just as well as he did that Castiel wouldn't be asking about a return trip anytime soon.