FRIEND, LOVER, DOCTOR, CAPTAIN AND DIPLOMAT

Chief Medical Officer's Log stardate 44823, I am preparing to surgically implant the Trill symbiont Odan into Captain Picard. I have strenuously advised against this; however, Captain Picard feels that the risk of war between the two moons of Peliar Zel outweighs any personal risk. Over the objections of his senior staff, he has turned command of the Enterprise over to First Officer William Riker and elected to undergo the implantation himself. I have been in communication with the Trill government and their experts for guidance although they themselves are unsure of the outcome. They are desperate to save the Odan symbiont and are aware that a new Trill host cannot arrive in time so they have given their consent on behalf of Odan.

She paused the recording. There were so many things to dislike about this situation. The past week with Odan had been a dream that was quickly turning into a nightmare. She was about to implant her lover into the body of a friend who would then know everything, every intimate detail of her body and her heart. The risk to Jean-Luc was the most important concern. She had already lost a lover today, she couldn't bear to lose her best friend as well. If she was truly honest with herself, she was glad that Jean-Luc would be the one to experience those memories. It would be awkward, but not nearly as much as if one of the other crew members experienced it.

"Doctor," Riker stood in the doorway of her office. "You have to talk him out of this."

"He's the captain, Will. He's made his decision. I don't like it any more than you do."

"Then put Odan into me now," Riker suggested, "before he gets here."

Crusher sighed. She got up and walked over to him, resting her hand on his arm. "He does have a point about mentally being better equipped than anyone. After having the entire Borg collective in his head, one symbiont won't pose a threat to his sense of self. He's healthy and strong; if the Borg couldn't break him . . . Odan's a gentle soul, Will. He'll do everything he can to help Captain Picard through this experience."

"Good to know, Doctor." Picard's voice from behind Riker startled both of them. "Let's get to it."

She watched Jean-Luc strip off his uniform jacket and shirt to bare his chest. Nurse Ogawa helped him onto the surgical bed and activated the scanner. Taking a deep breath to steady herself, she got to work. There were a few tense moments during the initial stages of the implantation. Jean-Luc had to be conscious for the procedure and there was only so much she could do to temper the discomfort. Typical of Jean-Luc Picard, he bore it stoically. Finally she was able to close the incision. The rest was up to Odan. She mopped Picard's forehead while she watched the bio-bed readings for signs of distress from either of them.

"Captain Picard," she noticed him beginning to stir and hoped to get a response telling her that she hadn't just made a huge mistake. "It's Doctor Crusher, can you hear me?"

He blinked several times, looking around the room as if disoriented. When his gaze landed on her, he smiled and weakly reached for her hand. He drew her wrist up to brush a soft kiss across the inside of it. "You look tired, Doctor Beverly."

"Odan?"

"Yes." Slowly sitting up, he shifted so that his legs were dangling off the side of the bed where Crusher was standing.

"What about Captain Picard?" She took the tricorder that Ogawa offered and began scanning.

"He is here as well; I am just a guest," Picard-Odan said. "I must admit to being quite shocked at how little he knows of the woman you are beneath that uniform. There is so much of yourself that you share with no one. He is your closest friend and had no idea of the passion-"

"Odan," Crusher interrupted with an embarrassed glace at Ogawa.

"Nurse Ogawa," Picard-Odan said. "Your captain says that you are dismissed. Thank you for your service."

Crusher nodded in accordance. Handling both Odan and Jean-Luc was probably best done without an audience. "We should get you to your quarters to rest."

He reached for her, his lips already parting for a kiss only to have her pull away. "What's wrong, Doctor Beverly?"

"Please, this is all a lot to deal with."

He kept a grip on her, preventing her from moving out of his reach. "I know. We need to talk about it.

"Are you or Captain Picard feeling any ill effects?" she asked, desperate to stop this conversation before it started. "The readings are fluctuating slightly more than the Trill physicians told me to expect but-"

"Don't shut me out," Picard-Odan begged. "I don't want cold, icy Doctor Crusher. I need fiery, passionate Doctor Beverly, the woman I fell in love with and who I thought loved me. Captain Picard needs his friend right now as well."

"That's unfair," she exclaimed. "You spring this symbiosis thing on me as you lay dying except you didn't die and now you're in the body of my captain and my friend. I'm seeing his face and hearing his voice but they're your words, Odan, and your emotions. How can you expect me to just carry on as if nothing's changed? Everything has changed!"

Drawing her wrist back up to his face, he nuzzled it tenderly. "I understand. I still love you, my feelings haven't changed. If those feelings cause you pain, I will suppress it. I would never hurt you, I hope you know that much. Regardless, Captain Picard will ensure that we keep our distance from you if that is what you wish. His self-control is quite impressive."

She watched Picard-Odan calmly walk out of Sickbay carrying his uniform jacket and shirt.

...

Crusher stood outside of Odan's quarters. There was no medical reason for her to be here, Captain Picard's body was adapting quite well to the presence of Odan. Some of his levels were still a little off, but not enough to pose a concern. Picard-Odan had convinced the representatives of Alpha and Beta moons to accept him as their negotiator. That wasn't too surprising given the combined diplomacy skills now residing in one body. In Ten-Forward Deanna had encouraged her to follow her heart. Well, her heart was just beyond that door. She rang the chime.

"Come," Picard-Odan called out.

She had to force herself to enter the room, the threshold of the door represented a forboding line in the sand. Once she crossed that line, she didn't think she would have the strength to walk away.

"Doctor Beverly, I'm glad you're here. We were just discussing you."

For a moment she was startled, looking around to see who else was there before realizing that he meant himself. This must be strange for Jean-Luc, they would certainly have a lot to talk about over breakfast for quite awhile. Thankfully, she was sure Jean-Luc's sense of decorum would preclude discussions of her sex life. "I'm not really sure why I'm here. You probably need to concentrate on tomorrow."

He stayed where he was. "I've been preparing; I'm as ready as I can be."

"That's good." She was glad that he hadn't moved. If he came toward her, she was half-afraid that she'd bolt right out of the quarters.

"I have received a message from my people," Picard-Odan said. "My new host will arrive in another eighteen hours. You will have Captain Picard back safe and sound. I must admit, he is a fascinating man and I am thoroughly enjoying my discourse with him; although the mechanical heart took some getting used to."

Now she wished that he would move. As it was, she would have to take the first step. Suddenly she realized that was exactly what he was waiting for her to do. It was comforting to know that Jean-Luc had the ability to wield so much control over his body even with Odan in there. Not that Odan would force himself on her, he was wild and passionate but tender and gentle as well. He brought out a side of her that she thought she'd buried a long time ago. She took a step toward him. "I did love you, Odan. You got past all of my doubts, all of my fears and made me love you-and myself again."

"The icy shell," Picard-Odan acknowledged. He took a step toward her.

She took two steps, rubbing her hands nervously down the sides of her uniform. "With you I felt more alive than I have since my late husband Jack was alive. I've missed being looked at like a woman. I didn't realize how much I missed being treated like a woman until you came along. I will always be grateful to you for that. I don't know . . . I just wanted you to know . . . "

"If you are going to leave, you must go now."

She shouldn't be here, it was wrong on so many levels. It had just been so long since she had felt truly alive, the past week with Odan had been amazing. Then for it to be so oddly and abruptly ripped away only to have it dangled in front of her like the torment of Tantalus was just too much. She could live with the consequences. If it meant one more night of the passion and fire that Odan made her feel, it would be worth it. "I'm not leaving."

Rushing into his arms, there was a second of awkwardness when their lips met. Those weren't Odan's lips, the chiseled features beneath her fingers were sterner and more angular than Odan's. The gray eyes she met with her gaze were those of a long-time friend and yet they were looking back at her exactly the way Odan had looked at her, with deep love and desire. She closed her eyes and her mind to the ways that he wasn't the Odan whom she had fallen in love with and just felt all of the ways in which he was. It was a little easier for this being Jean-Luc. They had never gone in this direction with each other before, but they were comfortable enough with each other than the strangeness of this intimacy quickly fled. Somehow they had ended up on the bed, she vaguely recalled ripping off his shirt to feel the warmth of his skin against hers. His hands seemed to be everywhere at once, touching and caressing her with the certainty of a lover who knew every inch of her body intimately.

"Doctor Beverly," Picard-Odan rasped hoarsely. "My Doctor Beverly."

Time froze when he spoke those words, the intensity of his feelings evident even in their simplicity. Odan had a way with words, he was a diplomat, yet he didn't need to use flowery language to express the depth of his love for her. She felt their bodies join, Jean-Luc's more sinewy, muscled body claiming her with all of the passion and virility that Odan had brought to her life. Arching into his thrusts, she stopped thinking entirely and just focused on the pleasure he was giving her. The hair on his chest created a friction against her breasts, an indescribably delicious tingling sensation and she rubbed harder against his torso to increase the pressure. Her legs shifted to wrap around his waist, urging him to thrust into her harder and faster. If only this moment could last forever; this pleasure would have to last her the rest of her life. Their passion reached a crescendo, her body convulsing with the spasms of orgasm.

Picard-Odan thrust into her several more times and then stiffened before dropping onto her heavily. When several minutes passed silently, she realized that he hadn't stirred at all. "Odan?"

Silence was the only response. She shoved hard, managing to push him off of her and onto the bed beside her. "Odan? Jean-Luc?"

Mindless of her nudity, she rushed to retrieve her medical tricorder from the pocket of her lab coat. Returning to the bed, she was relieved to see Picard-Odan stirring and struggling to sit up.

"Merde," he swore softly.

The French profanity startled her. Scanning him, she inquired hesitantly. "Captain Picard?"

"Yes, Doctor," he said. "I think we should go to Sickbay; although perhaps you should get dressed first."

She flushed, realizing that she was standing in front of him completely nude. Turning to find her clothes, he caught her by the wrist and drew it to his mouth for a tender, lingering kiss.

"Not that the view isn't completely ravishing, Doctor Beverly," he added. "I just don't think you want anyone else to see it."

"Odan?" This was confusing. One second he acted and sounded like Jean-Luc and the next he was Odan.

Retrieving his own clothes, he nodded with an expression of disgust. "Yes, but I believe there may be a situation. I will need you to run a scan to be certain."

...

"It is as I feared," Picard-Odan sighed.

At his urging, Crusher had called Riker to join them in her office to discuss the results of her scans. Hopefully they could get through this without Riker needing to be told the circumstances that had preceded this. She compared the latest readings to her previous scans. Some of the neurochemical and hormone levels were off even further than before, but still not to a dangerous degree. "What's wrong?"

"When a Trill symbiont and host are first joined," Picard-Odan began to explain. "There are several days during which the two become one. After the joining is complete, the removal of the symbiont results in the death of the host."

Riker sat forward intently, alarm in his voice. "What does that have to do with Captain Picard? You've been in his body barely a day and half."

Crusher suddenly realized what Picard-Odan was trying not to say and felt nauseous. "Captain Picard isn't Trill, he's human. The Trill physicians I spoke with didn't know how that would affect the implantation. They didn't think it would be successful but it was the only chance at keeping the symbiont alive long enough for a replacement host to arrive."

"It seems the joining was more successful than anyone could have anticipated," Picard-Odan sighed. "The joining is complete. If I . . . Odan is removed at this point, Jean-Luc will die."

Riker stood, running his hand through his hair in obvious frustration. "What about Captain Picard? What does he want?"

"I'm right here, Will," Picard-Odan said. "I am Jean-Luc Picard. I am also Odan and everybody he has ever been. It's a bit confusing, not nearly as unpleasant as my experience as Locutus, it will just take some time to sort out all of the memories in my head. I will need you to remain in command for a time longer, Number One. I am still very much me, there's just a bit more to me than there was before. Starfleet and the Trill government should both be notified of the situation and I'm sure there will be extensive testing at some point. Right now our priority is resolving the Peliar Zel situation."

"Aye, Cap-" Riker's automatic response to his captain broke off abruptly. For a second he appeared to be struggling for words. Finally he just spun and strode out of Crusher's office.

Picard-Odan studied Crusher's face silently for a moment and then stood, walking around her desk. He leaned against her desk standing in front of her and reached for her hand. "My poor Doctor Beverly, this has been so hard on you."

"Odan . . . Jean-Luc . . . What am I supposed to call you?" She was shaking all over, the roaring in her ears and the pounding of her heart making her just want to run-to her quarters, to Deanna's quarters, anywhere that wasn't here with them. Her world was crashing in around her and ripping her to pieces in the process.

He didn't release her hand, instead cradling it in his. "Traditionally the host keeps their given name and adopts the symbiont's identity as a surname. I'm not sure how this is going to work myself. This is about as unexplored territory as either of us have ever encountered. I do know that I need you now more than ever."

She tried to pull away from him only to be pulled up into his arms. "Please," she hissed, nodding toward the windows overlooking Sickbay.

"As Jean-Luc I have known you for a long time, yet through Odan's eyes I'm seeing a woman I've never really known. I, Jean-Luc, need my friend and doctor to help me through this the same way you were there after Locutus. Odan needs the woman he loves to hold him and be there for him. As old as I-he-is, being in a human . . . this is a new experience for him and just being in the same room with you is a comfort to . . . both of us."

She almost wished she was the type of woman to faint. "I . . ."

"Need time," he finished for her with a smile. "I know. You should know that the joining between Odan and myself became complete when your body and mine-"

"Please," she begged him as she fought back tears.

"We should take this slow," he said. He reached out to lightly caress her face almost as if to wipe away the tears that she was trying not to shed. "Have dinner with me. Have breakfast with me. Have lunch with me. Just spend time with me. God knows I need to get to know myself; I also need for you to get to know the new me. If nothing else, Odan will never let me hear the end of it if I let you walk away from us out of fear. You know me, Beverly, Jean-Luc. I have valued your place in my life and I would dearly miss you if you weren't there. Odan would be heart-broken to lose you. We will both accept your decision, just give us-this-a chance, that's all we ask."

She forgot about the windows, the people in Sickbay, everything. In his arms she felt wanted, needed, cherished and alive. The man holding her had been her friend and now her lover. In a surreal way, this felt right and even though she knew there were a thousand reasons that she shouldn't agree to this . . . "Where do we start?"

Breathing a sigh of relief, he leaned forward to kiss her long and hard. "First I need to handle these peace talks. Have dinner with me tonight."

"All right."

Before he released her, he had one more request. "Promise me one thing, my dear Doctor Beverly."

"What?"

"No second thoughts or third thoughts or fourth thoughts," Picard-Odan's face had a knowing grin and he shook his head 'no' teasingly as he spoke.

Both of the individuals in the body holding her knew her too well. Three was most definitely not a crowd in this instance. She gave a chuckle. "Promise."