Never Thought Of This Before?

Notes: As with most things, I claim no ownership. I had the strange thought the other day of what the Second Doctors reaction would be, and simply had to write it down. Hope you enjoy.

Rule one: The Doctor lies.

"Well, Doctor, where are we now?" Jamie McCrimmon asked, his voice heavy with his Scottish accent.

The Doctor checked the TARDIS scanners with the same exaggerated effort that sometimes caused Jamie to doubt that the Doctor actually knew how to operate the advanced time and space machine. The Doctor was in his second incarnation, not so young that he felt the need to act older than he really was, and had no problem pretending to be a bumbling clown when it suited his needs.

"According to the scanner, we are on Planet One; the first inhabitable planet known to exist. Oh, my. This should be exiting!"

"Not another exiting planet. What sort of monsters live here then?"

"No monsters… that I am aware of, but there are giant mushrooms, and cliffs of pure diamond."

"Diamonds?" Jamie exclaimed, with an uncharacteristic sense of greed in his eyes.

The Doctor scowled. "I had been hoping to visit this world because a xenolinguistics seminar I attended said described un-translated writings carved into a cliff face on this world. I know it is cheating a little bit, but I figured if we popped our heads outside, then the TARDIS would translate the message for us, and we could read what the oldest writing in the universe says. The TARDIS can translate anything after all."

It was a lie that the TARDIS could translate anything. In reality the TARDIS could only translate languages that were known and cataloged within the Matrix that contained all Time Lord knowledge. The TARDIS maintained a link or copy of the Matrix, just as it did to the Eye of Harmony that provided the ship with power.

"This isn't going to be like that last message from God you showed me last week is it?"

"Well, that will depend on what the message actually says doesn't it?"

"Oh, Aye," Jamie agreed, sounding less than convinced.

"Well… come on, lets go take a look!" The Doctor jovially exclaimed, ushering Jamie out the TARDIS Door.

The Doctor took a few steps out of the TARDIS, and spotted the cliff face. He paid no attention to the bemused expression on Jamie's face as he took a moment to bask in the wonder and mystery of the universe, of a written message carved into solid diamond millennia before life evolved anywhere in the universe. Then he took the time to actually read the message, as translated by the TARDIS.

"Hello Sweetie," he read. "HELLO SWEETIE! The nerve! Imagine defacing such a wonder of nature! Who would graffiti the oldest cliff face in the universe just to leave a… a… love message!"

"What are those scribbles under the words?"

The Doctor seemed to calm down, distracted by the practical question, "Oh, those are time space coordinates."

"Are we going to go there?"

"Hrm… No. I don't think so. As you know, the TARDIS is not very reliable—"

"Oh. Aye, that's an understatement."

"And besides that, the message is obviously not meant for me! Such a short and cryptic message like that, and obviously the person it is intended for will know who it is for… and who sent it. I'm afraid that if we did go to those coordinates, we would just be crashing someone's romantic rendezvous. Of course I cannot imagine the ego it would take to arrange a date by leaving such a permanent message, I'll bet its of those Time Agency chaps, they have a reputation for not being able to keep their trousers on." The Doctor sighed, and took another glance at the cliff face, "Oh well, come on, Jamie. I'm sure there is someplace else we need to be."

Many centuries, and nine regenerations later, the Doctor's mind raced as he tried to unravel the many mysteries that faced him, and at the same time, he continued to underscore the situation to his companion, Amy Pond. He did not want her to know how worried he was about the Silence he had been warned about, or the cracks in space time, and the impending destruction of the Tardis. He also wondered a lot about River Song and what she had and had not told him about herself and their conjoined future. As a Time Lord he could instantly see the temporal pathways of any given person he looked at, but the impression he got from River was just as muddled and confusing as the ones that inspired him to travel with Ace, Amy or Donna. He knew that in some way River was also tied to the cracks, but did not know how or why. Something about it nagged him, something he needed to remember. How was it she addressed him? "Hello sweetie?" Yes, that was it. There was something else about that phrase… Something important. And then he remembered…

"Va-voom!" The Doctor shouted as it finally occurred to him, "I cant believe I've never thought of this before…