The Mystic Falls Corporation

Presents

DAMON SALVATORE: The Owner's Guide and Maintenance Manual

GREETINGS! You are now the proud owner of a DAMON SALVATORE unit! In order to achieve full use of your unit the reading of this manual is essential. You don't want to end up as his main course, do you? Kidding! Of course, you do.

You should also feel pleased to know that the proceeds from your purchase are used toward the goals of the MYSTIC FALLS CORPORATION, which is an establishment seeking to preserve the history of our lovely town and feed, uh, we mean celebrate our most extinguished members of the undead community.

Your DAMON unit should arrive fully assembled and in upright conditions. Please check that you have all his accessories (see list below).

TECHNICAL SPECIFICATIONS

Full Name: Damon Salvatore

AKA: Badass, Sexy Beast, etc

Porn Mantra: Ladies. Look at your vampire. Look at me. Look at … well, we all know that's not me. So, just keep looking at me.

Manufacturer: MYSTIC FALLS CORPORATION

Date of Production: Classified.

Age: Going on more than a century

Height: Taller than an undead hobbit

Weight: Blood don't go to the hips

ACCESSORIES

Your DAMON unit comes with the following accessories. Please check off to make sure you have all the necessary items:

Three BLACK SHIRTS (all cut in different dark & sexy styles)

One PAIR OF DARK BLUE JEANS

One EMPTY BOTTLE OF WINE (fill it with your blood)

One GAUDY HUMUNGOUS MAGIC RING (magical bling)

Replacement and additional items must be purchased through our website: .com. We gladly accept credit, debit and checking account as payment. We also ship worldwide.

REMEMBER! If you remove the magic ring then your DAMON unit cannot walk around in the sun. He will BURN in the sunlight without the magical bling. We will not issue a refund for your carelessness.

ACTIVATION

Your DAMON unit will arrive at your home in an unconscious state. PLEASE follow the correct procedure of activation or your DAMON unit will not function properly. Failure to follow instructions may have negative results. Worst case scenario: You end up with fangs and a thirst for blood.

(1). Remove him from his box (following the unwrapping instructions on box).

(2). Lay your unit flat on the floor.

(3). Bleed or have someone else bleed into your unit's mouth. We recommend a cut from the arm. Not that other place you were thinking about. Please restrain the lust the unit inspires at this time.

(4). Stop the blood drip when your unit's eyes come open.

(5). Provide bottle of blood to your unit RIGHT AWAY. If you hesitate then you will be dinner. Unless, of course, you want to be dinner.

(6). Once satiated, your unit will rise, give you the "sexy, come hither eyes" and politely introduce himself.

Upon successful activation, your DAMON unit will be compelled to circle you like a shark and bait you with killer wit and sarcasm. Please be aware that he is a PREDATOR & give him the appropriate time to acclimate himself to you.

MODES OF OPERATION

DEFAULT

VAMPIRE: Your DAMON unit fully embraces his vampirism. His fangs will be used not lamented like an unwanted disfigurement. They will be bared out proudly during eating and sexual activity. Yes, DAMON unit is quite happy to be in the "I Bit A Girl and I Liked It" camp. No angst about being undead from him.

Also, as a member of the undead, he will employ SUPERNATURAL POWERS. He is unbelievably fast and will rarely make use of a car. Got a flat? Call your DAMON unit for a quick pick up. He can also utilize the POWER OF SUGGESTION on us poor mortals. This will come in handy to mind wipe anyone if DAMON unit creates unfortunate "accidents" of self defense.

Make sure you keep DAMON unit well fed on human blood to perform mind powers. Set boundaries on implementation of mind intrusion, also. You can try spanking him if he gets out of control. Wait. He might enjoy the spanking…ok, just give him a stern talking.

BIG BROTHER: Your DAMON unit will be a dick about it but he does have a protective streak. Your unit's incessant meddling in your life will certainly drive you crazy sometimes. However, he only does it to show he cares in his own way.

ACTIVATED UPON CERTAIN CONDITIONS

LOVER: You will quickly come to realize that fun time for your unit is definitely sexy time. His sexual appetite is very robust and inventive. He will be open to multiple partners in bed. Your unit will also be pleased to simply watch as a voyeur. To actually take these breezy relations to a more meaningful relationship will take more time. You will need to build TRUST between you and your DAMON unit. He will need to have faith in you and come to have faith in himself first. If you consistently RESPECT him, value his opinion and provide friendship then you will be able to forge a relationship more than just sex. He will become a loyal and fun loving boyfriend upon those conditions.

WARNING! Do not attempt to smother or suffocate your unit once you have built a relationship. He will require social stimulation beyond simply you.

COOK: Though his primary source of nourishment is blood, your unit can also consume food. Just situate him in the kitchen and start moving around ingredients and this mode is active. He will make you a nice cup of coffee and will assist you in making meals. In addition, DAMON unit will consume alcohol regularly. If you are not looking to be his drinking buddy then please have someone else accompany your unit. You don't want him to get stolen from the local bar by some wasted cougar.

SPECIAL

SPARKLE MODE: Due to pressure from the higher ups in the company, this feature has been added against the protests from our development department. If you desire for your DAMON unit to SPARKLE in the sun then simply force him to read the entire TWILIGHT series.

BEWARE! Your DAMON unit will be highly annoyed and possibly hostile through this entire procedure. We will not be responsible for any bodily harm caused in activating this feature.

CLEANING AND GENERAL CARE

Your DAMON unit requires little effort to keep it in good condition. To keep him happy, healthy and clean please perform the following on a daily basis:

(1). Daily Grooming. Your unit enjoys bubble baths with you. Without you, a dash in the shower is fine for him.

(2) Food. Your DAMON unit will hunt food for himself. However, he will also expect you to occasionally assist in his meals. By providing the blood, of course.

(3). Exercise. DAMON unit's word for SEX.

(4) Dental Care. It's very important to keep his fangs sharp and shiny. They're his pride & joy.

FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS

Q: How come he doesn't come with any underwear?

A: Good question. Why don't you ask your DAMON unit? I'm sure he's got some ideas about it.

Q: Help! I didn't feed my unit enough upon activation and now I'm a vampire!

A: Yikes! We warned you. Have your DAMON unit assist you with your new lifestyle. If you can't handle human blood then you can drink animal blood. Hope you don't have any pets…

Q: Can DAMON unit drive a car?

A: Yes. He just doesn't regularly use a car.

Q: Will the unit wear any color other than black?

A: You can try. But, unless he's naked…you will fail.

Q: DAMON unit looks a lot like my BOONE unit…?

A: Really? We don't see the resemblance.

Author's Note: Ok, thank you for taking to time read this bit of silliness. If you enjoyed it then go ahead and review it. If you have any questions then feel free to PM me.

Disclaimer: I did not come up with this owner guide/manual idea. I believe that credit goes to an author by the name of Theresa Green, whose idea lead to the creation of owner guides in other categories on this site. And of course, I do not own the VAMPIRE DIARIES.