Title: Cycle

By: Ceris Malfoy

Summary: Skyfire was not surprised to learn that Starscream had been accused of his murder.

Inspiration: Eminem's "Love the Way You Lie." I'm still planning on doing a Megatron/Starscream fic like that, but for right now, Skyfire demanded his fair share of attention. Lolz. This is kinda short, and kinda vague, as I wasn't planning on it being a Skyfire/Starscream fic, so please bare with me.

Continuity: G1

Status: Finished

Disclaimer: Not mine.

It was a never-ending cycle of pain that Skyfire couldn't figure out how to break.

Things between him and Starscream had started out well. They were two scientists of above-average intelligence attending the same classes. They had similar goals and dreams, issues and frustrations. Their friendship had developed quickly, and the progression from friends to lovers had seemed only logical. When they had graduated, they had both applied to become explorers, believing that even if they weren't allowed to be on the same off-world team, then at least they could both do something they loved and spend their on-world time together. When they found out their applications had been accepted, they rejoiced; when they learned they were allowed to be on the same team, they celebrated.

How could he have known that the night before their very first expedition would be the last truly happy moment he would ever have with Starscream? How could he have predicted that the constant exposure to each other without the buffer of another living being would breed disregard, frustration, and contempt? How could he have foreseen Starscream's rising bitterness and need to hurt because Starscream was hurting and he had never even bothered to notice?

How could he have known that he would become so involved in his job and the fascination of the alien worlds they studied that he would actually forget Starscream even existed until the seeker did something to provoke a reaction? How could he have known that he would only come to understand the way the seeker had felt several million years too late?

Deliberately falsified reports, sabotaged experiments, affairs, arguments… how could he not have seen the blatantly obvious cries for attention?

Looking back, he was not surprised to learn that Starscream had been accused of his murder. Although he rarely showed it, given enough provocation, he had quite the temper. There was no being in the universe that was capable of provoking him into unreasonable fits of anger the way Starscream could. Their arguments had been fierce, angry, and bitter, and often disintegrated to wordless shrieking and savage beatings. He couldn't count the number of times he had sent Starscream in pieces to the med-bay – the seeker was a tenaciously fierce being, but he was so small and fragile in comparison that it was all too easy to hurt him.

There was nothing he regretted more – he still remembered the look Starscream had given him the first time he had struck the seeker. He still remembered those crimson optics and how they were dulled by bitter anger, grief, and resignation. Guilt after each fight had kept him promising both himself and Starscream that he could change, that things would get better, but even the first time he had had known it was a lie.

He always forgot to pay his lover attention; always ignored the seeker in favor of his research; always exploded when Starscream retaliated in ways guaranteed to hurt him.

And now….

Now, they were right back at it, weren't they? Oh, sure, it was for different reasons (Autobot vs. Decepticon), and their rolls in this tragedy had changed (Starscream had learned how to make his smaller size deadly), but at the base of it all was the same thing: a vicious cycle of love, hatred, and lies. He was surprised at how much it hurt to watch the one he loved try so hard to destroy him; was surprised at the ache in his spark when he had to watch that elegant face twist into anger and promise him pain. What hurt the most was the realization that this pain was exactly what he had put Starscream through, was still putting Starscream through, because there was no being capable at rousing his temper quite like Starscream.

So, yeah.

A lot of fanfics have Skyfire as either a complete pacifist or a raging nut-bar. I wanted to go for a sorta in-between feel. As foe Starscream, I imagine that part of his twisted relationship with Megatron is born from the need to have something familiar in his life, even if it brings him nothing but pain. Make of that what you will.