The Wizard of Ozford

A HariPo ficlet

by mew-tsubaki

Note: These characters belong to J.K. Rowling, not me. The original The Wizard of Ozstoryline belongs to L. Frank Baum (though this parodies more the movie than the book), not me either. These pairings (Scorlor, Scorander, and Scred) were discovered by me and are therefore mine; please gimme a little mention if you write them! Thanks! They are three of many of Mew and Mor's Weird Pairings, which you can find via the link of the same name in my profile. And yes, this is a parody and has plenty of slash; the rating is subject to change at any time, fyi.

This is my 100th FANFICTION! Sooo…read, review, and enjoy! (Just a little review. Pleezy? Since it's 100? X3 Thanks!)

- ^-^3

Chapter Two: Committing Murder—Hooray!

As if landing in a strange place wasn't bad enough, Scorpius got to meet the locals.

Scorpius had already made the decision that it was a bad idea stepping out of the house. I mean, anyone would make that decision. He had no clue where he was, no idea if he was alone, and no idea if he'd ever get back home. To (maybe) answer those questions, a giant Golden Snitch appeared.

"You've got to be kidding me," he grumbled to himself.

The giant Golden Snitch alighted on the ground before Scorpius and Jojo and unfurled its wispy wings. The middle section of the sphere cracked open, providing for a walkway for the Snitch's inhabitant. And yes, there was someone inside.

Out stepped a girl. She wore a lacy white dress and matching ivory heels. Her long, dark red hair flowed loosely and freely behind her back, and her teal blue eyes were big and round. Her wand sparkled with magic unknown to Scorpius.

"Hello, there. Welcome to the land of Ozford."

"Oh my Merlin… Lily? Lily Luna Potter?" Scorpius' eyes bugged out at whom he was sure was none other than Rose's cousin.

"No, no, I'm the Good Gryffindor Witch of the South."

"Sure you are."

She glared at him. "That's who I am!"

"Stop fooling around! You're Lily!"

The witch rolled her eyes. "Call me 'Lily' if you must. That's not why I'm here."

Scorpius crossed his arms. "Then why are you here, Lils?"

Lily continued to glare at him, but she smiled nevertheless. "I want to inform you that you've done Ozford a great good. You've killed the Wicked Hufflepuff Witch of the East." She gestured behind him.

His face drained of all color. "I killed someone? HOW?"

Disgruntled, she gestured behind him again. "Take a look, you big oaf."

He glanced behind him and wanted to freak out. There was a pair of legs sticking out from under the foundation of the moved Malfoy Keep. The feet stuck out on either side and were covered in a very comfy-looking pair of reddish-brown loafers. He gaped at Lily. "Who the bloody hell is that?"

"Mind you, please don't curse. The locals take offense to such speech. And the Wicked Hufflepuff Witch of the East was none other than Dominique. She was an evil and self-righteous witch." Lily grinned and clapped her hands. "Good job, mate!"

"But-But Dominique's your cousin!"

Lily looked at him like he was the strange one. "Cousin? Why, whatever do you mean? I'm from the South where the brave Gryffindors are. She came from the East, where all the Hufflepuffs dwell. Nasty little critters. They work too hard and are waaay to loyal, especially to their leader, the now dead Dominique. She worked too much, too. She was trying to take over Mugglekinland."

"What?"

"You know, Mugglekinland. Where all the Mugglekins live." Lily swept her arm behind her.

On cue, a large group of people all dressed in blue (they looked like Ravenclaws to Scor) came out of hiding from their tiny blue houses. Actually, they were tiny themselves.

Suddenly, "Mugglekin" made sense.

"Ding-Dong! The Bitch is dead!" rang out through the crowd of Mugglekins. Their voices grew louder and louder until Scorpius had to cover his ears.

"Oi, you lot!" Lily yelled. "Shut it!"

They quieted, and Scorpius stifled a snicker. Lily was as much like her mother in this universe as she was in the other.

Lily turned back to Scorpius. "Now, er…"

"I'm Scorpius," he offered.

"Right, Scorpius. Well, you have—"

A haughty cackle above their heads interrupted her.

"Oh, bugger."

Scorpius looked up and blushed. Surely his eyes weren't deceiving him again? Because that looked a helluva lot like Victoire riding on a black-lacquered broom. In a veeery tight lacy black dress. He could only think that her parents would die of embarrassment to see their oldest daughter dressed like that. Not that Victoire ever let her parents have a non-embarrassment-inducing moment at any other time.

Lily glowered at the newcomer as the person landed on the ground near Scorpius. "What do you want, Victoire?"

"Ha!" Scorpius exclaimed. "She is Victoire! Making you Lily."

Lily rolled her eyes.

"I've come to claim my sister's body," Victoire stated, looking out over the Mugglekins, as well. They cowered in her presence. "I've also come to gather her Portkey Slippers."

"You can't have them. Nor can you handle their power."

"Please." Victoire snorted. "And Dom could? That kind of power should only be handled by older, more experienced," she said with a sultry look towards Scorpius, "witches." She marched over to Dominique's feet.

Lily flicked her wand. "Oh, no, you don't!" Her spell caused the loafers to vanish from the dead witch's feet. "You have no power in Mugglekinland and you know that, Victoire! That means you can't get them off or have them, spell or not!"

Victoire cursed. "Give them back, Lily, or I will drag you by your hair into territory where I may bespell you!"

The witch from the South snarled. "Oh, yeah? Try it!"

"Ladies, ladies!" Scorpius interjected. "Calm down! There's no need to argue right now!"

Victoire sneered. "Oh, take a look at the toy-boy. He's—" Her face twisted in one of pure fury. "Why is he wearing my sister's shoes?"

Scorpius gulped and looked down at his feet. The shoes were, in fact, on his tootsies, though on him they looked more like dress shoes than loafers. "Um, I'm sorry?"

Victoire glared at Lily and jumped back onto her broom. "You should curse the day you were born, you damned Gryffindor! And you!" she screamed at Scor. "I'll get you, love! I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good! And I'll bloody well get you!" With that final promise, Victoire flew away and the Mugglekins released one collective breath of relief.

Lily groaned. "God, she's awful."

Scorpius raised his eyebrows. "And she…"

"That's Victoire, the Wicked Ravenclaw Witch of the West. Ha, and Hufflepuffs are bad. Ravenclaws are the worst. They're so clever and they love to rub others' noses in it. They're very conceited," she supplied with a dismissive wave of her hand. "Anyway, as I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted… You have a bit of a journey ahead of you. You won't be able to leave with Vic vowing revenge on you, so I suggest you go visit the Wizard in Slytherin City."

"Wizard? You… Never mind. I'm a Wizard." He pulled out his wand. "See? I can do magic, too."

"Oh yeah? Then save yourself," Lily provoked.

Scorpius turned on the spot, thinking he'd Apparate home. No such luck. Apparently Victoire's powers weren't the only ones not working here, though the Malfoy son had a feeling that his Apparation wasn't going to work anywhere in Ozford. "Shit."

"Hey! Watch your damn language!"

"But—Ah, never mind."

"Good. You can reach the Wizard by travelling the Road of Golden Bricks. Oh, yeah: Don't remove the shoes, otherwise you'll die."

"WHAT?"

"Oh, hush up. Victoire will get you if you're defenseless because you removed them. Well, good luck with the Wizard. See ya!" Lily walked back into the giant Golden Snitch, which promptly closed and flew away with her.

Scorpius took a step back and looked at the expectant Mugglekins. "Er, hello, there."

"Thank you for saving us, kind Scorpius," said a little Mugglekin. She came forward from the rest and tipped her cap to him, her glasses sliding down her nose."

He groaned. "Let me guess, your name's 'Molly,' isn't it?"

She gasped, looking completely like Percy's daughter. "Why, kind Scorpius! You're a seer, too!" she squeaked in her tiny voice. "Yes, I'm the mayor of Mugglekinland, Molly." Her brown bob bounced as she looked back up at him. "So? Will you take on the quest?"

"I will. Lily's of no bloody use here and I doubt you lot are of any good either."

"Not true, not true!" Molly gestured to several more Mugglekins. "Roxanne!"

Sure enough, a Mugglekin who "looked" like Roxanne Weasley stepped up. "Here!"

"Bring out your latest wares!"

Roxanne motioned to three more Mugglekins, Lucy, Hugo, and Louis Weasley. Why Louis was a Mugglekin while his sisters were evil witches, Scorpius didn't bother trying to find out. Roxanne dug through a bag the other three held and withdrew a box with a very familiar "W" logo on it. "Here you go! I call them 'Wheezes'! They're really meant for playing tricks, but the latest ones should aide you in defeating the Ravenclaw Witch."

"I never said anything about defeating her! I accidentally killed her sister!"

"But you nonetheless saved us," Molly pointed out. The other Mugglekins behind her looked like former fellow Hogwarts classmates to Scor… "And I doubt you'll escape here without besting her. We wish you the best of luck, hero!"

"The best of luck!" "w00t!" "Victoire be pwned!" Amongst other things, the Mugglekins cheered.

"So please defeat her for us!" Molly pleaded. "With the Hufflepuff Witch gone, the Ravenclaw Witch will try and take us over! Please save us!" They all stared at him with rather doe-like eyes.

Scorpius backed away, but he realized he had no choice. "…Fine. But only if it helps me get home!" he added with a wag of his finger.

"Good luck, proud warrior! Now BEAT IT!" The Mugglekins shoved him off and away toward the direction of the Road of Golden Bricks. Scorpius had no time to try and go back into his house to even test if he could get home that way (which he wouldn't, but, hey, he didn't know that).

The Malfoy son began his journey and waved over his shoulder at the kind (WTF?) Mugglekins. Jojo soared lowly at his side. He turned to the owl, who flicked his head towards his master. "You know, we haven't seen everyone yet. The blokes couldn't possibly be here, right…? I mean, sure, Roxanne's here, but…well, maybe Freddie was a Mugglekin and I missed him. And the others… Maybe they were Mugglekins, too, if they're here."

Then the Road of Golden Bricks came into view.

- ^-^3

8D I'm loving this. This is probably the most fun thing I've ever written. It's awesome to do! I have the whole cast planned out and I'm really getting into the little plotlines and etc. that I'm figuring out as I'm going along. I sincerely hope you stick this out with me (even in the slashy moments!), because this is just gonna be a fun-frickin'-fantabulous time!

Don't forget to review! Thanks! :D

-mew! :3

Thanks to Morghen for betaing! No, really! Wif basement cat on top! XD Can haz cheezburger? *LOL!*