The Future Is Always Beginning Now: Chapter 11

So... I'm not dead *insert apologetic puppy dog eyes here* I was actually very busy until early June but after that... well I don't really have an excuse (a good one anyway). I was gonna combine 2 chaps again 2 make up for taking so long to update but I went out of "writer's mode" and started playing Civilization 5. Needless to say, world domination is not only hell of a lotta fun, but also very time consuming and distracting. Anyway the chapter was already longer than my usual one by a lot and I didn't know when I'd be able to drag myself away from taking over the world long enough to finish the thing so I thought it would be best to post what I already had. My beta has yet again gone incognito on me (she's a VERY busy person so it's not really that surprising or unusual) so this chapter was edited by my twin, who says you should all bow before her and kiss her boots in worship :)

Special Thanx:

nat. mikan143

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[NatsumeXMikan]

"The heart's memory eliminates the bad and magnifies the good." -Gabriel Garcia Marquez

[NatsumeXMikan]

-Recap-

Suddenly, there was a loud crash that made me look up in surprise. I regretted it as soon as I saw what had caused the noise, as soon as I saw the anger and hurt spiraling in those crimson eyes.

"So you're just giving up? Just like that? You didn't see everything though, did you? You didn't see everything that's happened in the last six years in that short amount of time you were out cold! So you saw a few painful memories and you decide nothing else is worth those memories?" Natsume shouted, his intensity startling me before my own anger rose to the surface.

"YOU DIDN'T SEE! YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND! DON'T ACCUSE ME UNTIL YOU CAN UNDERSTAND WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW!" I shouted back, tears prickling at the back of my eyes but refusing to flow.

"Coward."

His gaze now wasn't angry or hurt, it was cold. So cold. He stepped over the broken bits of chair as he left the room. It felt like he was taking my heart with him, each step he took causing a huge stab of pain in my chest until it was like I couldn't feel it there at all.

Ruka-pyon who had been rooted to the ground, staring wide-eyed during the whole thing, suddenly relaxed. He looked at me, but I was too upset to read whatever emotions lay there. Then he looked at Hotaru for a long time before he bowed his head slightly, breaking eye contact, and followed after Natsume.

-Recap Over-

Ruka's POV:

I didn't even have to look to know what, no, who had caused the loud crash. A splintered wooden object landed near me and slid until it came to a stop at my foot. I instantly recognized it as one of the legs that belonged to Natsume's chair. I frowned, staring at the almost offensive object resting next to my foot. Natsume had been acting strangely ever since Mikan showed up earlier today on our shopping trip. I know that I only have around a month and a half of memories with Natsume in them, so I can't say exactly claim that I know everything about him, but I just know that this new side of Natsume I've been witness to is a side only Mikan can bring out of him. It was another one of the weird certainties I have, that I'm quickly getting used to, that basically have no backing behind them, but I just know they're right, even without the memories taken from me to prove them.

From the moment when Natsume walked into my classroom all those years ago, to my last memory before the blank (which was of me, Natsume, Aoi, Mr. Hyuuga, and the two bodyguards my mother had hired all falling asleep in futons on a wooden floor in Natsume's house), my eight-year-old world was flipped upside down and taken on a roller coaster ride. During that week I'd known Natsume, which was before the blank in my memories started, I thought I'd seen all of the emotions Natsume would allow himself to express. Well at least, that's what I thought before today; before Mikan came.

I'd seen his surprised face when that stupid girl in my class told Natsume about my alice, Natsume's deadly face when a man sent to kidnap me attacked Natsume with a knife, the teasing smirk he's so famous for when he called me 'Ruu-chan', his 'what the hell?' face when the gay sounding man climbed over our school gate, the face that clearly expressed his surprise and shock when Honey tried to scare us, the small smile that graced Natsume's features when he complimented my alice, and the sleeping face Natsume wore as we drifted off to sleep with our hands grasping each other.

Since we both woke up in the hospital room, outside of his normal stoic one, I've only seen two expressions on Natsume's face. There was the one I would almost always catch him wearing when he wasn't doing anything in particular; a slight frown as one of his hands touched the pale orange stone around his neck, his eyes staring blankly without focus. During such moments, it seemed like Natsume was too deep in his own thoughts to notice the outside world and it was almost like he was longing for something. The other expression I'd only ever seen once when I went running over to Natsume's house after I had opened the mysterious package containing the purple stone and cryptic note. A half-asleep Aoi had let me in, and I'd rushed to Natsume's room only to see him sitting on his bed with an empty box resting next to him, and wearing the happiest, most gentle smile I've ever seen on anyone's face before, let alone Natsume's. His crimson eyes had gazed down on the pale orange stone he had lying delicately in the palm of his hand.

Even though, those were all of his expressions I can remember seeing on Natsume's usually stoic face, I'd seen just as many, if not more, new expressions since Mikan and Hotaru showed up earlier today. I've never seen Natsume look confused or puzzled before, until he first met Mikan today. Natsume's a genius so most things don't confuse him to start with, and combined with Natsume's personality, which sees those kind of things as signs of weakness, it was one of the expressions I thought was never going to witness, and yet Mikan had brought it out of him in less than a minute.

It wasn't just expressions either; Natsume was acting like an entirely different person. Ever since Natsume had first laid eyes on Mikan in the street, he hardly ever shifted his gaze anywhere else. It was almost like Natsume was... Fascinated? Entranced? Captivated? Hypnotized? No, none of those seem quite right. Maybe the right description would hit me later, but either way it was very not very Natsume-like. After Mikan had gone to find Aoi for dessert, Natsume hadn't taken his crimson eyes off the door. He even followed after when she didn't return a minute later. When Aoi came running into the room a few minutes later looking panicked and telling us something was wrong with Mikan, I had dashed into the hallway only to hear Natsume shouting Mikan's name in alarm. He sounded... scared. That made me scared; my seemingly invincible best friend was shouting like that. I watched Natsume's expression after he had picked up the unconscious girl bridal style from the floor, and then when he carried her to his bedroom. For once, Natsume's face had been unguarded, an open book for the rest of world to so easily read. There had been worry, anxiety, and something akin to worship when he had gazed at the girl in his arms.

Natsume's instant dislike of both Hotaru and Tsubasa was just plain amusing, though. He practically radiated jealousy and possession when either one spoke or got near Mikan. He had looked like an alpha wolf who growled at anyone he perceived as a rival, even if only a potential one, for his mate. God knows what kind of forgotten history there must be to make Natsume immediately react like that to Tsubasa, who clearly hadn't been interested and already had a girl he loved with him. As for his reaction to Hotaru and Hotaru's to him... well at least that relationship was more or less transparent and straightforward. Hotaru was also like an alpha wolf, whose dominance, permeating the room, battled Natsume's own. They were equals, both of whom refused to turn away until the other bowed before them. Even without Mikan, the dominance battle between them came as natural as breathing, but Mikan's presence made the unspoken war much more personal.

When Mikan woke up and slapped Natsume's hand away, Natsume had made such a hurt face that I wanted nothing more than the ability to take away his pain and to make that expression disappear forever.

It was a different sort of pain that I knew Natsume was experiencing now though. I felt only a flicker of the betrayal and anger at Mikan's outburst compared to the searing white-hot flame I knew Natsume's mind contained. The smashed chair was proof enough.

"So you're just giving up? Just like that? You didn't see everything though, did you? You didn't see everything that's happened in the last six years in that short amount of time you were out cold! So you saw a few painful memories and you decide nothing else is worth those memories?" Natsume shouted at Mikan.

"YOU DIDN'T SEE! YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND! DON'T ACCUSE ME UNTIL YOU CAN UNDERSTAND WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW!" She shouted back at him, so upset that I could see her eyes shine with unshed tears.

"Coward."

I've never seen Natsume act this cold or be this furious with anyone before. The fact that Mikan wasn't willing to find the memories of her forgotten past, to find her memories of him, hurt and infuriated Natsume to the point that he's practically shut himself down emotionally. Something inside of me whimpered at the emotionless and cold look Natsume gave Mikan; it wasn't right; it wasn't natural.

Natsume stepped over the broken bits that used to make up his chair and left, slamming the door behind him. As the sound reverberated through the air, and a deafening silence took over, I felt my body relax. In the midst of all the confusion, panic, and whirlwind of other emotions that made up today, especially in this moment, a sudden clarity moved over my muscles like a wave, relaxing them. Natsume was my best friend and while we may be guys, and therefore not really into the whole 'talking about our feelings' thing, I still needed to show him I'm on his side, no matter what.

My eyes traveled to the bed where Mikan sat, still in shock about what just happened. She was visibly trembling and looked as though she could crumble into pieces at any moment. I felt worry rise up at the very thought; even though this person wasn't important to me in the same way I knew she was to Natsume, she was still important to me. My gaze quickly transferred to the person beside her, who was holding the shaking girl in her arms as her violet orbs met my cerulean ones. I wanted to lose myself in those eyes, wanted to do it more than anything, but I knew now wasn't the time nor the place. I could read my own worry for Mikan reflected ten-fold in Hotaru's eyes, but as she looked at me I knew she was telling me to go and take care of my best friend while she stayed here and looked after hers.

I bowed my head slightly, showing her I understood, before I crossed the room. I made sure to close the door softly behind me as I headed to the one place I knew Natsume would go.

The roof.

I headed down the hallway before entering the living room, and from there I proceeded out of the back door, which led to the garden outside. After closing the door behind me, I turned to face the wall next to it, where a somewhat rusty ladder made a path up the wall. I started to climb, wincing just a little when the ladder made creaking noises under my weight.

I let out a small sigh as I reached the top of the ladder and saw Natsume lying on his back with his eyes closed. His knees were bent so that the bottom of his feet rested on the rough tiles beneath him and his arms went behind him in a way that caused his hands to become a makeshift pillow. Despite his position, Natsume obviously wasn't relaxed; every muscle in his body was tense and a small frown marred his face.

I was glad Natsume's eyes remained shut, even though I knew he was aware of my presence already, as I made a few awkward movements to climb onto the roof from the ladder. I knew Usagi-chan was laughing at me, as he hopped off the top of my head onto the rooftop. His nose and whiskers were twitching wildly and I almost scowled at him. He shouldn't be finding this amusing when he needed my head to even get up onto the roof in the first place.

Deciding to ignore Usagi-chan for the moment, I made my way over to the spot where Natsume was laying and sat down next to him. I pulled my knees into my chest, using my arms to hold them in place while I leaned my head back to look at stars which were starting to populate the darkening sky.

"Natsume, what's wrong? I've never seen you this furious at anyone before, so why did you respond like that to Mikan?" I said softly. Just because I've already realized the reason doesn't mean Natsume had.

"It's nothing, Ruka. That girl just rubs me the wrong way," Natsume grumbled, not even bothering to open his eyes and look at me.

So that was the conclusion Natsume came up with to explain his weird behavior ever since Mikan and Hotaru showed up today...

I made a noncommittal hum in response before we both lapsed into a long, comfortable silence. I watched as the sky slowly turned into a dark navy color. Usagi-chan was sprawled out beside me like some kind of long-eared cat and his legs twitched occasionally as he slept.

Natsume suddenly shifted a little beside me and my eyes focused automatically on the flash of color that tumbled out of his collar. At some point before I got here, Natsume must've taken the time to put the tangerine colored stone back around his neck. I'd only put my purple one into my pocket for safe keeping until I had time to refasten it later.

Tangerine colored... Mikan colored...

I couldn't help but let out a small snort of laughter as I realized fate's bad sense of humor.

Natsume opened his crimson eyes quickly and looked askance at me, before shifting his gaze to the precious item hanging around his neck.

"Sorry, it's just, well, your stone; its color," I told him, unable to stop the smile on my face.

Natsume just cocked an eyebrow at me.

"It just occurred to me that your stone, which, since you first got it, I've only seen you take off once downstairs just now, is the same color as a mikan, which just so happens to be the name of the girl downstairs on your bed, which you carried her to in your arms," I told him. Even if it was kinda a lame joke by whatever power decided a person's alice stone color, it was still kinda sweet. Mikan's precious stone was a crimson color and, with its roundish shape, her stone looked remarkably like a jujube...

Jujube... Natsume...

I had opened my mouth to share this second revelation with Natsume when I finally noticed his expression. His face looked like his brain had been shorted-out and, for a split second, I wondered if I'd broken him.

"Natsume...?"

My voice seemed to fix whatever had broken as his 'does not compute' expression was replaced by irritation and a slight blush.

"Don't be an idiot, Ruka. It's just a coincidence. It doesn't mean anything."

I couldn't help but stare and marvel at the flustered Natsume in front of me. Suddenly Natsume's mouth formed into his infamous smirk.

"You know, since we're on the subject of strange coincidences, how about your stone? I can't help but notice it's the same purple color of that other girl's eyes," He teased, obviously not taking his own observation seriously.

Wha-?

Without even really thinking about it, my hand reached into my pocket and pulled out my treasured violet stone.

Huh. Natsume was right. It's the exact same color as Hotaru's eyes. Those beautiful eyes I could lose myself in...

I glanced from the stone in my palm to Natsume, whose stoic expression had locked back into place again as he watched me. Then everything finally clicked into place as I realized the name for my feelings towards the raven-haired, violet-eyed girl downstairs and Natsume's feelings for Mikan. My heart started racing as the idea floated around inside my head.

"Natsume?" I asked a little shakily.

"Hn."

"Do you think it's possible... that we're in love?"

Love. The word rolled off my tongue like something foreign but a surge of satisfaction rose up within me at how right it sounded.

Natsume sat up quickly, his eyes reflecting the surprise that his face refused to show.

"I mean, the four of us are all sixteen, even though we can't remember the last eight years, well, six years in their case. It wouldn't really be that surprising, would it? According to Tsubasa and Misaki, the four of us were all involved in something pretty big together and from what I've seen, from what I've been experiencing since we met Mikan and Hotaru today, it seems like we were all really close. The only question is how close exactly and if they feel the same way. I mean, think about it, Natsume! It all makes sense now!" I babbled excitedly at him.

"No way."

"Oh, come on, Natsume! Are you really going to deny the connection both of us feel? Besides love, what other reason could there possibly be for how strangely you've been acting today?"

Natsume turned his head to the side and looked away from me, his growing frustration obvious.

"I told you, she just rubs me the wrong way, Ruka. She's just an annoying little girl who's being a coward," Natsume muttered irritatedly.

"But, Natsume, if that's all Mikan really is to you then why were you so worried about her earlier when she collapsed?"

Natsume grimaced a little but otherwise refused to respond.

I sighed. Natsume could be so stubborn sometimes.

"Fine, then at least explain to me how a girl, who only 'rubs you the wrong way,' was able to make you so upset that you smashed your chair into pieces and fled up here."

The only sound I could hear, besides the sound of my own heartbeat, was the soft hooting of an owl in the distance. I looked down to where one of Natsume's hands was resting at his side. The moonlight made Natsume's clenched, white knuckles seem to almost glow in a soft eerie way.

"Natsume, you love her. You love Mikan. That Tsubasa guy made you jealous, even though he had his fiance with him. You were so worried when Mikan collapsed because she's special to you and you care about her immensely. And now you're up here on your roof because she rejected you by rejecting her memories of you. She's so scared of whatever memories she remembered that she's now giving up and trying to push you out of her life without even giving you a chance. You feel so betrayed because you love her so much that, even without any real memories of who she is, you're a mess just because she's around you."

As each word fell off my tongue and resounded into night, I once again felt a sense of rightness and satisfaction wash over me. I'd fulfilled my role in this mess, and given Natsume a shove in the right direction. Now it was up to Natsume whether or not he was willing to take the final step and admit to himself what he'd been trying to deny since Mikan fell in front of him this morning.

Natsume turned his head back towards me. We stared at each other for a moment before Natsume shifted his position into the exact same one I found him in. As his crimson eyes became hidden behind his eyelids, I realized it wasn't the exact same one; there was one small, and yet huge, difference between then and now in his physical state.

"Hn. Maybe you're right," Natsume said, so softly I almost thought I'd imagined it. Almost.

There was no longer any visible tension in his body.

He was relaxed and calm.

I couldn't have stopped the smile my lips formed even if I'd wanted to.

Mikan's POV:

"That perverted jerk! How dare he! What right does he have to call me a coward when he doesn't even remember anything about me! Who needs Natsume, anyway? Right, Hotaru?"

When silence was the only thing that greeted my heated inquiry, my eyes quickly swiveled from the doorway, which both boys had recently exited, and to the stoic face of my best friend. Her violet eyes were steady as she observed me. Her unwavering focus made me feel like I was some kind of puzzle or riddle that she was trying to solve. A memory surfaced of a eight-year-old Hotaru watching her robotic-pet rat run and cower inside its little plastic shelter instead of greeting Hotaru like it normally did. When I'd asked her where it was a week later, Hotaru told me she'd taken it apart to 'fix' it.

"Hotaru? What's wrong?"

She acted like I hadn't said anything and just continued to stare. Now her gaze was starting to make me feel uneasy, like I was a small child who didn't know that her parents had already found the empty cookie-jar and were just trying to see if she would confess before they confronted her. Why was I starting to feel guilty? What did I have to feel guilty about? I hadn't done anything wrong.

Hotaru was planning on going back home with me, right? She was on my side, right? She didn't think I was being a coward... right?