Obsessed, Chapter Five: Broken Princess
'I can't believe he would do this to himself. I can't believe someone I feel so deeply for, someone I respect so much, would do that. I won't allow it. He can't take the easy road. I won't allow it! He can bear it, damn it! Just like I have all my life. He's strong. I'm strong. He can do it, because I can. I can't do it if he's gone.' Mello stood in his room, pacing back and forth in front of his computer. Matt had just been telling him about the Kira case, but he couldn't get his mind off Near. Taking a chocolate bar off the desk in front of him, he stopped to take a bite, hoping it would help him focus his thoughts a little. Just behind his desk was a window out into the black night. It was raining out, only enough to make noises against the glass. He looked out, oddly drawn to the sight. The blond felt the oddest urge to go out into the storm. He trusted his instincts, as he knew that his mind knew what he needed, whether it seemed right or not. So, trusting himself, he made for the front doors. Breaking through the double doors, he ran out into the cold pour of the rain. Water soaked his lithe form as he ran, heading for some unknown destination. He kept running until he saw a small figure in the grass, resting under a large tree out on the edge of the field. He pushed harder towards the form, trying to identify it. As he got closer, he could tell it was a person. Then closer, he could see they were dressed in white. It was...
" Near! " Mello screamed out as he ran, forcing himself to go as fast as his body would allow. " NEAR!" He could tell the boy was unconscious, as he was on his side, a toy resting in the wet grass not too far from an unclenched hand laying limp in that same grass. He finally reached the boy's location, kneeling on one knee, and bending down to lift the boy's face from the cold, wet ground. He ran his other hand across Near's cheek affectionately before pulling him up by his shoulders into a sitting position. He began gently shaking him, trying to wake him to no avail. He then began slapping his face lightly. Still nothing.
" Near? Are you okay? Come on, Near, wake up! " He was pleading to the unconcious boy. Sighing, he lifted the small form into his arms, carrying him bridal style back to the building's warmth. He ran throught the field, into the building, and up to his room where he put the frail albino on his bed and closed the door. Kneeling by his side, he began again trying to awaken the boy. Shaking, pleading, slapping, all to no avail. ' He needs to be warm. ' The blond thought. ' He needs to be out of those clothes..' He realized, blushing. Deciding it must be done, he stood and began to disrobe Near, starting with his shirt, then his pants and lastly his underwear and socks. He then redressed the boy in some of his older clothes, finding them still slightly baggy on the tiny boy. " Okay Near, come on. You've embarrassed me to hell, now wake up." He said to the sleeping teen. " Why were you even out there? Why were you asleep? Why don't you let me help you, dammit? I just...I just want you to.." He was babbling. Knowing the other was asleep, he leaned in slowly. " Maybe you need...true love's first kiss? Are you a princess Near? You'd be...Snow White...not Sleeping Beauty.." He said quietly as he closed the distance between their faces slowly. He pressed his lips to the others tenderly, in a featherlight kiss. He then pulled away quickly, berating himself for his stupidity. ' You can't kiss him, you idiot! He doesn't like you! ' He hit his forehead in frustration. " I'm an idiot. " He muttered, then noticed the younger boy shifting. Slowly, he was met with large questioning eyes.
" Me-llo?" Near said his name questioningly. " Where...am I?" He slowly sat up, looking to the blond confusedly.
" You've gotta be kidding me.." Mello mumbled to himself, eyes wide in shock. ' Okay...he just woke up...RIGHT after I kissed him...Awkward coincidence? I think not! ' Mello tilted his head to the side in confusion, then looked at Near. His gaze went from shocked to concerned to angry.
" Near, WHY were you passed out in the rain? Were you trying to hurt yourself again? I told you not to do that anymore! If you hurt, inside, come to me! I can help you, dammit, you don't have to do that shit anymore!" Near looked guilty, then sad. " WHY won't you let me help you? I look up to you, I envy you, I lo-" He shut his mouth, then snarled. " I JUST WANT TO HELP, DAMMIT! AM I NOT GOOD ENOUGH? IS THAT IT NEAR? " He was standing, his voice echoing in the small room. All his emotions, all of his pent up frustrations were exploding into words. " Mello, I...You don't understand! " Near tried to defend himself weakly. looking pleadingly into flaming eyes. " I can't tell you why it hurts... I can't let you know, because you're more than good enough, Mello. You're more than enough, I'm not...I don't want you to hate me...even more than you do. I don't want you to pity me, or be disgusted...because, Mello...you're so much more than enough." The albino was obviously hurt. He looked up at the blond, having averted his gaze in the midst of his speech, to find the blue eyes filled with concern and an unreadable emotion.
" Near, I don't hate you. I just...I'm not good with emotions, or wording my feelings...I don't know how to express admiration, or envy, without anger..." He looked away guiltily at the thought of hurting Near." I just don't know how to react to you. But I want to be here for you. I want you to talk to me, because even when I seem like I hate you, I never want you to die, or hurt yourself. I never want you to resort to that, okay? " He put his hand on Near's shoulder comfortingly.
" O-okay Mello." Near nodded weakly. Mello then remembered the boy's state of being and pulled away.
" Near you should lay back down, you probably have a cold, at least, if not worse. How long were you out in the rain? When did you fall asleep? Why were you even out there? Are you okay? Are you cold? Do you need another blan-" Near cut the other off.
" Please, relax Mello. My state of being is not badly impaired. I am slightly tired, that is all. As for how long I was in the rain, I fell unconcious before the rain began. I was outside enjoying the afternoon as Roger instructed me to, when two larger boys, I believe it was Grint and Quin, took away Optimus. One of them held me down while the other took it and threw it into the tree I was under. Once they left, I tried to get it down, fell out of the tree and unconcious. The rain started after that, as it was quite sunny out at the time." Near responded calmly. " You were out there that long? No one noticed and tried to help you?" The blond was outraged. That was absurd! Why wouldn't anyone try to help him?
" I suppose not, Mello. Most of the others dislike me anyhow. I do not find their lack of compassion for me at all shocking. On many occasions my peers have proven themselves less than caring." The albino muttered, hinting at their knowledge of his self abuse.
" Just...remember that someone cares, and someone will always help you when you need it, okay? " Mello looked at the younger boy seriously. " Whenever you want to hurt yourself, talk to me instead, and remember that people would be very sad if you weren't here. "
" I...I will, Mello. Thankyou for your kindness." He looked up at the older boy with a small smile.
" You are always welcome, Near."